Captain America: the First Avenger

Capfa2  What else says hi-ho-America besides me drunk in a alley on Superbowl Sunday, good old Captain America! Besides being the field commander of the Avengers as well as one of Marvel’s very first superheroes, he’s also a symbol of the American spirit. First Avenger is the story of Steve Rogers, a scrawny young man with a heart of gold who dreams of serving his country during WW2. His weak physical condition keeps him out so he keeps hopping from recruitment center to recruitment center with fake papers trying to enlist. Finally he’s spotted by a Dr. Erkliner who believes Rogers is the perfect candidate for a super soldier experiment called “Project Rebirth”. He’s further convinced seeing Rogers kind and selfless heart in action, revealing that another scientist in germany had tried a similar experiment and failed because of his dark heart- Johann Schmitt, the Red Skull. Rebirth is a success, transforming Rogers into the pinnacle of physical human peak. He’s stronger, faster, more agile, with a heightened metabolism and keen reflexes. Armed with his vibranium shield that is essentially energy proof, Cap takes on Hydra, Hitler’s rogue science division lead by the Red Skull.

Chris Evans redeems himself for the Fantastic 4 movies as his portrayal of Steve Rogers; I’m a huge fan of his World War 2 suit and the realistic approach that was taken in the design. The supporting cast is good, and the !940’s aesthetic is truthful for most of the movie and the ending does well to connect it to the MCU as set up the Avengers movie. I do believe the first Cap movie is the weak link in Phase One however. Hugo Weaving is a corny Red Skull with a lame German accent you’d expect to hear in a 50’s cartoon. While Evans does Cap’s character justice, the action scenes don’t so much. He can’t shoot a gun to save his ass, which leads me into my biggest problem: it’s a WW2 movie that doesn’t have much WW2 in it. I just wanted some hardcore battle scenes with Cap taking on hordes of Nazis, not Cap fighting guys in armed suits with fictional laser weapons at the same time WW2 was going on. Overall, this ain’t a bad movie but still the weakest link of Phase One next to Iron Man 2, but hey, it’s the fourth of July.

Capfa1  GO TEAM CAP!!!! (in the book anyway).

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Independence Day

id4 So funny story, my dad took me to the opening weekend of Independence Day back in 96, and well to this day it’s the only movie to ever scare me so much we had to leave the theater. I was six.

Anyway,  Independence Day is the story of aliens invading Earth over the course of a few days leading up into a battle for Earth on Independence Day. What much more can I  say? It was Will Smith’s breakthrough role into movies; Jeff Goldblum is quirky and likable; Bill Pullman deliveries one of cinema’s greatest speeches of all time. Watching the destruction pieces blew my mind as a kid, and may I say a lot of the effects hold up well to this day. What scared the shit out of me was the alien autopsy scene, the slow tension of the doctors peeling back the layers of skin, revealing the fetal, glassy eyed creature under it’s leathery, tough exterior. Overall, Independence Day is a fun movie that while cheesy, isn’t ridiculous. Check it out this fourth of July before the aliens come for us all.

All Cheerleders Die

all cheer. die

Directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson All Cheerleaders Die is a movie about, well cheerleaders. Look i won’t lie to you people, basically i hop o Netflix or Hulu, pick a random movie in the horror genre and watch it. Sometimes I sit down with my laptop, get some writing done or work on my game and enjoy a movie. Other times I end up watching shit like All cheerleaders die. I didn’t pay for this but i still want my money back. The first 30 minutes or so is bitchy but hot cheerleaders going about their lives of back stabbing and being a dick to the less popular kids. The only bright sides or the chicks are pretty odd and at least a few of them are lesbians together. There isn’t a lot of nudity but it would be inappropriate for minors. Shortly after the 30 minute mark  a football player has enough of  a cheerleader berating him in front of everyone and punches her which results in a car chase and a car full of cheerleaders seemingly dead. After some accidental witch craft with some magical rocks the girls are back and that is around the time all sorts of weird shit happens. 2 girls switch bodies,people start dieng and i’m not sure if they are zombies or what the hell is going on,they definitely eat a  dude, well steal his life force or maybe both? Movie is weird. Seriously don’t watch it, or at least be drunk. As always thanks for coming and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Lego Batman Movie

lbm  I gotta say this was a weird turnaround, watching the grim and bloody Logan to popping in fun and campy Lego Batman in the same night. Essentially Lego Batman is the story of asshole Batman who has to learn it’s ok to need people, even his villains, and it’s ok to open your heart and accept people care about you. First, I gotta give a huge round of applause to the animators of this movie because holy shit it was cool to watch. It was epic how fluid Legos could actually be. Alot of this movie”s humor wasn’t for me per say but I loved how many jokes there were regarding all of the pre-existing Batman films, and the awesome password to the Batcave. Zach Galifinakis is indeed a better Joker than Jared Leto; sorry bro. The climax is pretty sweet where Joker unleashes a army of our most well known, dastardly bad guys from the Phantom Zone Like Voldemort, Sauron, King Kong, The Krakken from the original Clash of the Titans, and even the damn raptors from Jurassic Park. My favorite laugh involved Adam West’s shark repel-ant and Jaws. The cameos are impressive. It’s a fun, energetic movie that’s a fun way to keep you and your kids entertained for a couple hours.

Logan

logan It took 17 years but we finally got our R-rated Wolverine movie and they did save the best for last. Logan, adapted from the popular story Old Man Logan, is the story of an ancient, weathered Wolverine in a world where the x-men are no more and mutant-kind is on the brink of complete extinction. He lives in the Mexican desert, caring for a diseased Professor X who is suffering from erratic seizures that can be deadly not just for him but everyone around him. Logan is no longer the spry killing machine we’ve come to known him as the past 17 years but a angry drunk whose incredible regenerative ability is now almost nonexistent as we see him with unhealed scars all over his body, puss bubbling over his knuckles- a chore to even draw the claws we’ve all come to know and love, and even his sight is beginning to fade when we see him wearing glasses to read. One day a woman finds him, offering him a huge sum of money to take her and her “daughter” across the US to a place referred to as Eden. He refused and is immediately questioned by the Reavers, a group of cyberneticly enhanced men tasked with hunting down the last mutants. Wolverine goes to confront the woman only to find her dead, with just her daughter left. Professor X urges Logan to take her with them, that she was the mutant he’d been communicating with. Her name is Laura, at first mute and peculiar. Soon Logan discovers how when she shows her own metal claws, two protruding from each hand and two from each foot, along with a very similar regenerative capability; she is clone born to be a Reaver weapon in there dark plot to have the ultimate mutant weapon. So it’s up to Logan and Prof X to deliver her to Eden where she can be safe.

I’ve seen many reviews praising the hell out of Logan as a masterpiece; I wouldn’t go that far. It’s no way a bad movie. Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart deliver great, complex performances as a fitting finale to their iconic roles; the supporting cast is great but for me, the winner here was the R-rating. X-Men films in particular have been hindered if not damn near murdered by the obligatory Pg-13 superhero rating it took 2016’s Deadpool movie to break by showing not every movie with supers in it has to be for kids and can be succesful. Movies like The Wolverine, X-Men: Days of Future’s Past, and X-Men: Apocalypse  would have benefited much more from a R-rating, dealing with violent characters and dark themes; it was a pleasure to see the Wolverine I’ve always read about cleaving through people as a growling bad ass. <y problems with this movie is that it’s a 2 and a half hour movie that feels like 3. Also a question about what timeline is this story supposed to be taking place in comes to mind, is it the original timeline or the timeline from the very end of Days of Future Past or perhaps a new one considering the meta element of the X-men comics not only existing but playing a key role in the story? Also, I don’t hate the final boss of Logan as I HATED it at the end of the origins movie, but I couldn’t help but have that taste in my mouth resurface briefly, but thank god it was done much better than the movie no one should ever speak of. Overall, If you love Wolverine or like dark movies in general, I suggest it. Just please don’t think it’s a kids movie; if Logan’s a kids movie than Deadpool’s guest starring on Barney next week.

Hellraiser Movie review

hellraiser

Hellrsaiser is a classic Clive Barker movie, filled with gruesome deaths, the obligatory sex scene and of course, pinhead. Released in 1987, back when horror movies were the standard family movies into a house and all hell break loose and this is no exception.  The father is pretty much immune to common sense and the outcasted family member is the one that brings the evil into the house while the assumed virgin daughter is trying to find her way in the world. Once again the evil cheating wife is pretty much just there to push the story along. All that isn’t to say the movie is bad, its Clive barker, however it is very basic and cliche on every level imaginable. The visuals for their time are rather nice and the sound is pretty much on par with everything else in that time frame. Pinhead himself look pretty creepy and to this day isn’t the type you would want to run into even in broad daylight. When all is said and done, it is definitely a worthwhile horror flick if you like the 80’s movie genre or horror movies in general. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil Review

tcuker and dale

This movie is directed by Eli Craig and was written by him and Morgan Jurgenson. Now I try not to swear to much because I have no idea who reads this, but what the fuck were these two smoking when they wrote this? And I don’t mean that in a good way or bad way. it was a fun movie. The story goes like this, a group of college kids goes camping and happens to run into Tucker and Dale whom they find a bit creepy seeing as how they are pretty much hillbillys  and these are rich college kids. This is where a series of misunderstandings will result in a group of college kids attempting to rescue their friend that doesn’t need to be rescued resulting in even more coincidental and misunderstood deaths. Without giving to much away at one point a guy running from bees after accidentally hitting their nest with a chain saw will result in another guy running away and killing himself on a tree branch because he thinks he i being chased by a guy with a chainsaw. Now i know all of this sounds weird and convoluted, because it is. It somehow manages to come  are together as a pretty solid movie. I probably would be upset if i paid real money for this movie, but if you have Netflix i would check it out. Thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.