Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets


Ambitious is 1 way to describe this movie. Bloated and off are others. This wasn’t easy but (sigh) let’s do this.

Valerian is a sci-fi epic about agents Valerian and Laureline that are trying to uncover a mystery involving mass alien genocide and military cover up. There’s a place called Alpha where thousands of species converge and prosper for the benefit of all. Well I just summed up all the important shit in two sentences and this movie is over 2 hours, but feels like 3.

Best thing Valerian has going for it is how beautifully detailed the worlds are and how much there is to see. Other than that, this movie is a mess. The casting of Valerian and Laureline, Dane Dehaan and Cara Delevingne, ain’t right and they have shit to no chemistry to pull off the romantic tension. Dehaan a lot of times kinda feels like bargain bin Chris Pine Capt. Kirk and Delevingne seems like a pretty droid at times with flat deliveries. Clive Owen plays military bad guy 101, enough said. Rhianna gives the movie’s best performance but she ain’t really in this for long. As I said, this thing feels longer than it is and it shouldn’t because something is always happening. Seriously with the pair getting thrown into predicaments and all the side plots, I forgot what the hell the movie was about twice- I’m not exaggerating. Honestly, I felt like was watching someone trying to cram a whole RPG into a 2 and a half hour movie and wasn’t taking no on trimming it down. I can’t recommend this unless you are a HUGE science fiction buff. May the gaming gods bring you glory.


Author: torstenvblog

Writer of the strange and everything; lover of horror, literature, comics, and the alien is my spirit animal

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