The Empire Strikes Back

empire strikes back

Hands down in my opinion Empire is my favorite sequel of all time, and thankfully the damn remaster didn’t really touch it. So after the awesome first entry, how can you really top it?

Picking up after not long after Star Wars ended, the rebels are getting there asses kicked by the Empire, bad and are laying low on the ice planet Hoth. Leia is trying to run too much by herself, Han broke her heart because shit’s getting too real for him and he wants to bail- again- and Luke is about to freeze to death or get eaten alive by a space yeti while getting cryptic messages from the ghost of Obi wan to find something on Dagobah called Yoda. Also, Vader is pissed and comes back with a vengeance. After a really epic battle on Hoth, the rebels flee and our heroes split. Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and C3PO have the Empire on there ass as they flee to Han’s friend Lando who runs Cloud City while Luke searches out Yoda, a Jedi master who once trained Obi wan to finish his training. Vader commissions a group of bounty hunters to track down Solo, but Solo isn’t his true target. He plans to try and bring Luke to the dark side with him. Luke has visions of his friends and while his training is far from complete he rushes to go save them, falling into a trap set by Vader, luring Luke into a fight and the truth of what really happened to his father…

Wow, everything pretty much improved in this. The characters not only progressed since the first, but also we learned more about them. The dialogue is great, combined with great music, great effects, and a amazing sense of tense, eerie, nuance at the very end with the Luke and Vader fight. I’m glad to say there isn’t major changes, the effects they used blend right in. Either way I give this movie a A+ easy and absolutely check it out. May the force be with you, always.

 

 

 

Dreamcatcher (2003)

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Before we get started, I know, the Stephen King book was better. I have not read it, but someone always shows up and says it. I could say this movie was garbage, someone will say it. If I say the movie was amazing someone will still say it. Save us the time, lets assume the book was better and move on. And yes I am talking to one person specifically. My mother. I know you read these mom, I know you think the book was better and yes you will see me at Christmas. Also mom, you can click here  to buy a Savior Gaming coffee cup.

Now, moving on. Dreamcatcher as you may have noticed, is based on a Stephen King book. I am also convinced he was on drugs when he wrote this. Here is the story.

A group of kids help a mentally challenged kid being attacked by bullies. They become friends and it turns out he has special powers that he then gives to his new friends. As time goes on they all grow up, keep in touch and eventually have to save the world from an infection, or aliens. or something, I am trying not to ruin it. Also that sounds a lot like Power Rangers.

That is a pretty bare bones explanation, but we all know my love of avoiding spoilers. The story is pretty damn great tho, as is the acting. You will never be confused by it and what is going on will be pretty clear, but the true weight of it all is just out of reach. King has always been a master at this, and the movie does a good job at translating that. By all means check this one out, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Star Wars

star wars

Let’s talk about a film trilogy that shaped 9 out of 10 childhoods, changed the way people look at fantasy and sci fi forever, and that came from left field and kicked major ass. It will always be Star Wars to me, such as the sequels will always be Empire, Jedi, and Awakens to me because Star Wars meant a grand epic story full of intrigue, great characters, cool settings and hope for punk ass nobodies like myself that maybe we aren’t nothing in the grand scheme of things, that everybody, no matter how small can make a difference.

I’m sure most of us know the story but for those who don’t, I’m truly sorry because I’ll get to that at the end but I’m going to rectify that a bit. Luke Skywalker is a bored teen living on the desert planet of Tatooine, farming moisture with his aunt and uncle, wishing he was off fighting the far off rebellion against the Galactic Empire. One day he finds two droids, C3PO and R2D2, who are secretly carrying a message from Princess Leia for a old Jedi master named Obi wan Kenobi to help her. Luke knows a mysterious old hermit named Ben Kenobi that is indeed Obi Wan, and tells Luke about the Jedi Knights of old days and hands Luke his father’s old lightsaber. Obi wan offers to train Luke in the ways of the force, to become a Jedi like his father, but Luke is bound to his aunt and uncle- until the Empire came looking for the droids and murdered his family. Alone with old Obi wan, it’s up to Lukeand two scoundrels, Han Solo and Chewbacca, to save Leia from the clutches of the Empire and their dark, menacing enforcer Darth Vader and destroy there humongous moon sized super weapon called the Death Star that blows up planets…

So, obviously I love the shit out of this movie but now for the original trilogy I have to do things a little differently. I’m going to give the original and “remasters” a rating from A to F to show you an idea how much it kills the experience and tarnishes these masterpieces.

Pre 97: A

Post 97: B+

So why did I drop it a grade between versions? True some of the effects are touched up, the lightsabers look better and the Death Star run at the end looks better BUT other things they added were invasive as hell to say the least. Like they add a scene wwith Jabba the Hut that adds nothing but fluff and looks off with the CGI. You can tell it was added way later. And speaking of Solo, his encounter with bounty hunter Greedo in the Cantina was altered so Greedo shot first instead of Han. This is stupid for two reasons. First, it looks half assed how they added Greedo’s first shot. And more importantly,  originally it shows Han to be more of a cool lonely badass who finds a heart through the trilogy and a cause to fight for than a already good guy that want him to be. Honestly, you can easily fast forward the Jabba scene with a click but the stuff makes you groan a little bit but doesn’t destroy the movie’s immersion. In the end, I highly recommend Star Wars if you never saw or did, it’s a great time. May the force be with you, always, my friends.

Bedeviled (2016)

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With the reliance on technology today what would happen if there was an app that was also your companion? It talked to you, it knew you, it used the information on your phone to help you with things? You would probably call it Siri or Cortana. Lets take it a step further tho, what if that thing could say, play music for you? How about turn your lights on or record a television show? Actually we have the technology to do that as well.

This movie however isn’t about that. No this movie is about an evil force using our knowledge that technology exist to appear on your cell phone as an app that a friend sent you, gain your trust, then kill you. It then sends an invite for the app to your friends, and the process starts all over again. It is almost like a modern day boogie man or Freddie Kruger in a sense, angry that humans have convinced themselves they are gods and have nothing left to fear it has taken it upon itself to create that fear,

The story is pretty well done as is the acting, it manages to be modern and brings to light many of the things of the modern world, but it doesn’t do it in a belittling or arrogant way. It doesn’t try to convince you the good old days were better. It simply tries to tell you times have changed and some thing is angry. This one is worth a watch people, best wishes and may the gamin gods bring you glory.

South Park Xmas specials

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Do I enjoy Christmas- No. If you saw how Torsten makes a living, you’d understand why I hate holidays of pretty much any kind but me and the legendary Duke would get warm and snug and watch some true family friendly Xmas programming: South Park. I shit you not, pun intended, we did eat a assload of fiber one Xmas eve so we’d get visited by Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. So I’d like to recommend a few episodes for you and you’re loved ones this holiday season, in no particular order, here we go…

5. Red Sleigh Down (s6, ep17)- Santa gets kidnapped by terrorists in the middle east and it’s Cartman’s bright idea to save him so he can win a spot on the nice list. So wrong, but so damn funny.

4. Merry Christmas Charlie Manson (s2, ep16)-  The gang travels to Nebraska to visit Cartman’s family and while there his uncle busts out of jail with none other than Charles Manson, who slowly learns the value of Christmas.

3. Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics (s3, ep 15)- a various collection of of our favorite characters singing songs for the holiday. May I recommend “Christmas time in hell” by Satan and Hitler?

2. Woodland Critter Christmas (s8, ep14)- ok, in high school this episode scared the shit out of me. Stan finds a lovable group of talking critters that are friggin Devil worshippers and want to birth the Antichrist. I recommend for the dark humored at heart like myself or Savior.

1. Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo (s1, ep9)- the one and only talking piece of poop that brings you presents if you’re good and have a lot of fiber in your diet. There is a lot of heart as the center of it revolves around Kyle feeling isolated because he’s Jewish on Xmas and relevance on the political correct war on Xmas. Definately my top pick of the group and a must see this holiday. Best wishes and may you all get a visit from Mr. Hankey this holiday season.

All American Christmas Carol (2013)

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I appreciate what this movie was attempting to do. A modern, trailer park version of the classic Christmas story, a Christmas Carol. Actually expected this to be hilarious. It is basically the three expected ghost visiting a white trash mom that thinks work is for suckers to show her the error of her ways and save her family and Christmas. Honestly it starts off pretty well on its way. One of her kids dads (there are many) is a semi professional paint ball player that dies when he gets shot in the eye playing and not wearing his safety glasses. While this in itself isn’t funny, his funeral is at the paintball range and there is beer in the coffin, but only sixer.

Sadly the movie pretty much fails to ever take off. The humor is all about stereotypes but is never actually funny about it, for example one character is a redneck named rat tail that has, you guessed it, a rat tail. He owns a motorcycle and is a professional wrestler. That is it. Outside of being a semi love interest he serves no actual purpose.

The ghost themselves consist of a girl from high school that died during an accident with a donkey, draw your own conclusion, a dead rock star and the main characters mom, none of which are all that memorable. This movie is best avoided. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Star wars: The Clone Wars (game)

clone war game

Too many things named after Clone Wars. Not saying it was a bad game, not at all, but damn so many damn Clone Wars.

Clone wars, in this instance, is a follow up game to Attack of the Clones. It primarily focuses on Obi-wan, Anakin, and Mace Windu as they try taking down a doomsday weapon. Besides a couple of instances, the game deals around vehicular combat, being able to command tanks, gunships, and speeder bikes and wreck some droids.

This is a really underappreciated Star Wars game I wish got more credit than it did. The vehicles handled solid and never really felt cumbersome except for the droid skiff at times. My favorite was the clone gunships, those things were death machines that were fun as hell to fly. The jedi parts weren’t anything special  but were just fun little bits added in for flavor. I can’t say the game brought a really memorable story, especially given the advantage of the time span to work with. In the end, this Clone Wars experience is a real fun time if you enjoy vehicle combat and blowing stuff up. Best wishes and may the force be with you.