Category: comedy

Mortal Kombat 2

The Tournament has begun! Picking up shortly after Mortal Kombat 2021 left off, the champions of Earthrealm gather under Raiden to face the tyrannical Shao Khan’s forces. The earth champions are short 1 contestant however. Enter Johnny Cage, washed up actor and martial artist struggling with the times. Can Johnny rise up the occasion and defend the Earth from a seemingly unbeatable foe, or is the world doomed?

So I can’t lie, the trailers got my hopes up a bit. Fan service, Karl Urban, fights out the ass- what more can you ask for? Well, that’s what we got for better or worse. Urban was a damn fine addition as Johnny Cage. I liked the actors all around, though admittedly no one really has shit to work with. The plot and story of this movie is paper thin. It’s fight scenes and clunky dialog held togther with quips and movie tropes. The fights are good and there’s some nice fan service, including he end credits which sadly was my favorite part (seriously the end credits got me more hyped than the actual movie). It may seem like I don’t have much to say and that’s basically true- Cage and Kano are entertaining, there’s a lot of fights with characters you know but aren’t treated with much weight except maybe Cage and Kitana. In the end, it’s a average movie, the epitome of 5/10 but might entertain you on a rainy day if you’re bored and don’t have anything else to do. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Spiderman: Brand New Day

Its been 4 years since Peter Parker made the ultimate sacrifice for not only the people he loves but essentially existence itself at the end of Spider-man: No Way Home. Peter has fully given himself to being a full time Friendly Neighborhood superhero, watching his friends thrive from afar. When his body begins erratic changes and a deadly new foe emerges that can seemingly hop body to body, Peter may have to final learn he’s not alone and accept the brand new day ahead.

Arragas the Druid and I went through a lot to see this opening weekend for the love of our favorite wall crawler and honestly…this could be my favorite Spidey film, if not tied with classic spider man 2. This movie raises the emotional stakes and it was really refreshing to see an adult Peter. As someone who deals with isolation and depression, the movie hit me pretty hard. The superhero stuff was beautifully done with possibly my favorite climax to a Spidey movie. The actors did an amazing job; I love Sadie Sink as the villain of this movie and I can’t wait to see more of her in the MCU. Punisher was a great contrast to Peter and I loved their interactions throughout the movie. The pacing was good, never feeling too slow or crammed. In the end, I’m happy to say Brand New Day breaks the curse of MCU 4s started with Thor: Love and Thunder and Captain America: Brave New World . I absolutely recommend it, especially in theaters. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening

There’s 3 things I knew tryin to get into the DMC series: the chronology is all over the place, the reboot missed the whole point, and people opinion on the best and worst are pretty damn unanimous. 3 is the best by a popular majority. After my lukewarm experience with the original Devil May Cry , I skipped 2 (unanimously cited as the worst) and went to see what the series really had. Was I disappointed?

We join a very young, brash, cocky, arrogant Dante on his first foray into demon hunting. When a mysterious tower emerges from the ground near his unnamed business and demons start pouring into the streets, the half human son of legendary demon king Sparda jumps into action with his trusty sword and pistols. However, behind this outpouring of hellish forces is a familiar face- his twin brother, Vergil. Vergil craves his father’s power and wants to smash the barrier between worlds, leading to utter chaos. Can Dante defeat the only one who can match his supernatural skills?

Seriously, I wish I heeded the advice everyone gave me to just stat with 3. These games aren’t really my kind of game but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I didn’t have a blast with the game. Everything is improved dramatically from the first game. Combat is more fluid with plenty of variety. The story is both more engaging with better developed characters and is more fun and over the top in the best ways. Dante has more personality and I love his interactions with Vergil, who’s his total opposite. The cut scenes are impressive as hell, especially given the time period. The camera, which killed the first game for me, was rarely a problem. The game itself has a lot more quality of life improvements that I greatly appreciated like unlimited continues and the ability to quick change weapons without pausing to go to the inventory menu. The highlight howver was the boss battles which were epic, challenging, and rewarding; the fights against Vergil were truly the best of the whole game.

The only real complaint was the the path finding at times. There were a few times the game has you backtrack quite a ways back through a layout that can be super easy to get lost in, especially when you start twisting parts of the tower. The boss gauntlet at the end did feel a bit excessive and felt like padding. Of course too there are few times the platforming annoyed me but thankfully it’s never life or death kinda of platforming.

In the end, I’m on board with the masses. Start with 3, it’s the first game in the series story wise anyway. It’s a fun, fast, over the top hack and slash that was plenty of fun and has has a hell of a lot of value I’d gladly recommend. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Avengers: Doomsday Trailer 1

It’s finally here! After months combing through leaks and being fairly underwhelmed by the mini trailers Disney released, we have our first taste at Doomsday. First, gotta say, I love RDJ’s voice as Doom. One of my biggest issues with every live iteration of Doom was that he never had the right voice- Dr. Doom isn’t a damn American. As for the look, I love it too. As a lifelong super nerd, I did get all fuzzy seeing the X men (rocking the actual comic accurate suits) fighting the Avengers.

Unfortunately, I’m also scared as hell for this movie. Doom had no build up and the sheer scope of the cast and characters alone could easily crush this movie. I love a lot of what I saw and I’m glad Dr. Doom is getting the gravity and nuisance he deserves but I feel like Disney’s desperation might’ve bit them in the ass. Either way, Savior and I will be there to watch it burn. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Long Walk

So I haven’t done one of these in awhile. Today I’m doing a double review much like i did with other King adaptations such as Pet Sematary , Misery , Cujo , Carrie and The Shining in the past. The Long Walk, is of course by Stephen King during his famous/ infamous Bachman era. It was the first book he ever wrote, but didn’t publish until much later in his career.

The premise is simple but intense: 100 young men (in the book) compete in the Long Walk each year for a huge cash prize as well as a special wish granted by the Major, a tyrannical figure who oversees the walk and possibly America’s dystopian regime. Walking is the name of the game. Walk. No stops, no sleep, no exceptions until the last man stands. Death awaits those that buckle under exhaustion and strain via the military’s cruel hand.

So let me talk about the book first. Honestly, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. King masterfully builds tension and dread throughout while rarely falling into the monotonous pitfalls you’d expect. I was invested with most of the characters, especially Pete McVries who becames a friend to Ray Garatty, the story’s overall main character. I’m no stranger to King’s writing, and I can say it was kinda cool getting a glimpse of him in his earliest years before hitting legendary status and mastering the craft. Thankfully, it’s a quick read at 310 pages roughly, just starting to wear out its welcome once it finally ends. I do have to say I never got invested in Ray much as a main character and even started finding him annoying after a bit when I should’ve found sympathy for him. His whole motivation for competing in the walk is flimsy compared to many of the other walkers. My other biggest complaint is the end: it feels abrupt as hell. There’s no satisfying conclusion to some characters I really cared about. No real climax. No catharsis really. Just ends. I get the choice, the futility and hopelessness of it all but I was left feeling let down instead of chilled. In the end, The Long Walk is a solid book. Not great but a good read, especially if you’re new to King and are weary of the sheer size of many of his popular books. I’d recommend checking it out.

The movie has the same basic premise so I won’t recap but I will say their are A lot of small changes I loved as well as fixing 2 of the biggest problems I had with the book. Ray has a new, more relatable motivation and a character arc that hit me like a brick at the end. The ending, by the way, is much different and so much more fulfilling. The actors do an incredible job of carrying the movie. David Jonsson and Mark Hamil especially steal the show but Jonsson comes out on top and is becoming one of my favorite modern day actors. The movie cuts the number of walkers in half which was wise, giving characters more time to flush out. The movie, like the book, is brutal and palpable- as someone who spent nearly a decade pushing carts for the real life Umbrella Corp, this movie and book had me relive some scary shit. In the end, I actually enjoyed the movie more the the book. The book was good, the movie is great and I’m willing to say it’s the best adaptation of King I have seen since IT (2017). May the gaming gods bring you glory, and keep walking.

Devil May Cry

Just so we’re all clear, I’m talking about cool Dante’s first outing. Emo, Hot Topic, proto Jared Leto Joker Dante won’t hurt you here.

We follow monster hunter/ paranormal PI Dante at his agency named Devil May Cry. A lady named Trish pops in, asking him to kill the dark lord Mundus on the demon infested Mallet island. Dante is no ordinary man: born for a legendary demon and human mother, Dante possess super strength, speed, reflexes, regeneration, with a host of mythical weapons. Can the demon hunter survive the legion of demons and beasts on a island that busts reality and the world beyond?

So many, many friends have pleaded with me to give this series a chance. If I can beat Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice and System Shock (2023) I can beat anything dammit. Many, including our mutual friend and cohert, Arragas the Druid, begged me to start with the 3rd game (which is actually the first.) I didn’t because I’m stubborn as hell but I wish I did.

The original Devil May Cry isn’t a terrible game, it just aged like milk in many aspects and small but vital quality of life additions make a tremendous difference. The combat is solid enough. The bosses look cool. Mundus was a pretty good final boss that wasn’t a pushover. The world, settings, and lore are pretty cool. Dante is a fun likeable badass.

Two things murder the game for me. The camera killed me more times than not. The enemies hit hard, platforming can be a pain in the ass, and it can be hard knowing where the hell to go- the tank camera amplifies these issues almost a dozen fold. Their were plenty of times I lost it because the camera obscured a boss attack or I fumbled a jump because I couldn’t see. The other thin is those quality of life additions the game desperately needed. I’m talking simple things like quick weapon selection, attack instructions (why spend the orbs on new attacks when the game doesn’t tell you how to perform them), and the ability to lock onto enemies. Nothing huge on there own but rolled togther with the camera, it becomes aggravating.

In the end, I can’t recommend the first Devil May Cry as your first go into the series. It’s tough at imes for mostly the wrong reasons, the gameplay takes some getting used to, and the story feels mostly like an after thought. I’d say after going through some of the modern entries, check it out, but I can’t really recommend it off the bat. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman (sn1)

Leading up to the latest Spiderman movie, I needed to join the hype train again. Friendly Neighborhood takes place in a universe adjacent to the MCU, referencing many key events like the Battle of New York, The Sokovia Accords, and the battle of the airport. The key difference is Peter Parker isn’t mentored by Tony Stark but Norman Osborn as he learns what it means to be a hero.

In the year since it debuted, I’ve heard so many mixed reactions and reviews to this series so I tried extra hard to go in neutral. Overall I had a damn good time. The voice cast does a damn good job, especially Coleman Domingo as Norman Osborn, balancing the warmth of a fatherly mentor, cold hearted business tycoon, while foreshadowing the villain he’ll become. I also love the series’s take on Lonnie Lincoln’s turn to Tombstone. Scorpion was a complete psychotic badass and one of my favorite interpretations. Peter’s overall story is really well done.

One of the best flaws I saw was it’s pseudo ties to the MCU. Most of the characters look and sound like their MCU counterparts while dropping easter eggs left and right but it doesn’t sync. Peter doesn’t participate in Civil War but the outcome is still the same. There is time travel and dimension play in the beginning and end circa Dr. Strange. I’m mixed on the origin reveal for the season finale, but it leads into my biggest problem with the first season overall. There’s a lot of giant plot threads left hanging, major ones that lead to major story arcs that could take multiple seasons to fill if done right. That got me peeved admittedly.

I hate to have to include this section, but its sadly the world we live in. I’ve heard so many reviews bash this show because of the diversity on display. It’s super apparent but feels natural. I come across different people each and every day and seeing all kinds of folks made the show feel more real, because Spiderman is there for everyone. Thats how it should be. So if it bothers you, maybe you need to learn what Spiderman was about in the first place.

In the end, I had a blast with this show and I can’t wait for more in season 2. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Betty’s Revenge

So much has crossed into public domain in the few years. Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, Popeye the sailor…and Betty Boop. Yep, we got a Betty Boop horror movie on our hands. How? Why? Well, let’s find out (you might need a beer or hard drink of choice for this one.)

Three history majors have come to a mansion in the middle of nowhere for a project. The house was formerly a cabaret in the 1920’s called Dizzy Dishes that burned down under mysterious circumstances. Living in this house is a bizzarre young woman dressed in all black with a high pitched voice that rarely talks. This unnamed lady (though we damn well know who she is) is giving off some really menacing vibes. Trapped because of a storm, the three are left with this crazy lady in a giant house in the middle of nowhere. What could go wrong?

I shouldn’t need to state the obvious but Betty’s Revenge was not a good movie. But was it a fun bad movie? Honestly, no. The movie is barely 80 minutes and you can tell it’s stretching to hit that mark. The first victim takes about 4 minutes just to die, which was one of the only funny parts of the movie. The actress playing Betty (never referred to as Betty by name but damnit we know) tries unlike everyone else is flat month old soda. Their isn’t any outlandish death scenes and you really don’t see any of the killing but the laughable aftermath. The movie keeps showing clips of old Betty Boop cartoons but refuses to mention her by name. I was sorta confused what Betty actually was in this movie- ghost, some kind of immortal being, maybe a possessed victim. The movie never explains. It gives a vague but weirdly well written diary of a girl who sounds like a 20’s Joaquin Phoenix Joker in the making. In the end, I can’t recommend this movie, even with booze. There’s better slop than this. May th gaming gods bring you glory.

Dungeon Crawler Carl

The Apocalypse is here and it’s being televised. Carl just broke up with his girlfriend Beatrice while she was on vacation. Bummed, still babysitting her apartment and her fluffy show cat, Princess Donut, Carl is in a bad spot. When Donut attempts to runaway in the middle of the night, Carl runs into the night in just his jacket and boxers. All hell breaks loose. Millions dead instantly, leaving the baffled survivors with an announcement: they’re now contestants in a intergalactic game show. Thrown into the Dungeon, now dubbed Crawlers, the survivors most traverse hellscapses full of monsters, looting for gear, and facing bosses before the level collapses. 18 floors, each harder than the rest. And Carl’s only companion is Princess Donut…

The hype around this book was pretty nuts. Every author tuber I follow has this book somewhere on their bookshelves, I’ve seen it posted all over Instagram and Tiktok, and recently it was greenlit for a series on Peacock. I went inn totally blind, weary of literary Blockbusters. This is one of the rare times I think it was warranted.

Dungeon Crawler Carl is a really fun book with great characters, humor, heart, lore and some really cool action. As a gamer, I enjoyed the gaming tropes and found the setup really relatable. Carl and Doughout are great characters that play well off each other, though Doughnut does steal the show more than not. Matt Dinnaman’s writing is down to earth and easygoing, making for a smooth read. My only real complaint is I feel like the book doesn’t come to a real climax. It just ends. No main antagonist per say. There’s alot of threads to be followed up on and their are plenty more books so I’m not too mad. In the end, I loved this book and I highly recommend checking on it. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Spiderman: Brand New Day trailer 2

The latest Spiderman movie has me more than curious. The character list is pretty eclectic and we have a wide variety of story arcs going on. I’m glad me get to see Spidey beat down Scorpion. I’m extremely confident Sadie Sink is playing Jean Grey after this trailer. I’m super pumped classic Hulk is returning but I’m a little disappointed we haven’t gotten any glimpse of Tombstone yet. In the end, this trailer actually got me pretty hyped and I can’t wait to catch it this summer. May the gaming gods bring you glory.