Handsome A Netflix Mystery Movie (2017)

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Handsome, a Netflix Mystery Movie is just what the name implies,a mystery movie on Netflix. Detective Handsome ( yes that is his name) is about to retire, and he has new neighbors. After dropping off some cookies and meeting the baby sitter, the next day he gets a call for a murder. Sadly the victim happens to be the before mentioned babysitter.

The movie does a solid job at pushing the mystery aspect of the movie with little clues here and there throughout the entire thing, and at no part did I feel like the movie was off track.  That being said for a guy like me that isn’t into mysteries it managed to keep my interest well enough. The comedy aspect was pretty nice as well, it had its fair share of humorous moments but nothing to write home about.

The movie isn’t great, and it absolutely isn’t for everyone. I wouldn’t recommend it to a guy like me for example that mostly watches horror movies or comedies, but fans of police shows will probably enjoy it more. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Emoji Movie (2017)

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So the other day I am sitting at home the other day and @torstenvblog shoots me a message and says “Hey the worst movie of 2017 hit Netflix you want to cover it or should I?” So I asked him which one he meant and he replies “Emoji movie” The problem is this was about 3 hours after I had already watched the movie. He also seemed very upset when I said I didn’t think the movie was as bad as people said. In his words, “I wanted a real fucking dumpster fire” anyway on to the review.

This movie got OBLITERATED in many reviews. A lot of people hated this movie, hell you can look up many reviews and read them. But if you go to Rotten Tomatoes or even metacritc you can see an underlining thread to many many MANY of the reviews. A lot of the reviews seem to be quite pissed off that this is a movie made to be watched by a child with its parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying the movie is great or even perfect or even great.

The story is about a meh emoji that lives inside of a smart phone that has many emotions and because of this the original emoji, smiley, decides to have the anti virus erase it to save them all from being deleted when Alex factory resets his phone. Gene, the meh emji then goes on a trip to get into the cloud so he can be hacked to get rid of his other emotions. The story is just a kind of cute story about being true to yourself and simply being who you are.

As I said the movie and story aren’t perfect, in fact most adults will in fact hate the movie. However it actually isn’t badly done, it is just meant for kids. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Extract (2009)

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Extract is a rather odd movie. First it takes place mostly in a factory dedicated to making extract flavoring. Not exactly your usual movie setting. Joel our main character is trying to sell his business, but a freak accident is about to make that damn near impossible. By freak accident I mean extract gets spilled, a forklift spills stuff thigns get knocked off an oxygen tank gets shot like a torpedo and a guys balls get blown off. Yes as in his testicles.

Enter Mila Kunis, a less than moral money hungry woman trying to get a piece of the pie in this lawsuit. The movie has a few funny moments and the story is interesting enough, but to be honest I normally expect more from this cast. The movie isn’t bad but there are better movies out there. By all means check it out, but don’t expect a 5 star event. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Slither

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Happy Valentines Day everyone. So to celebrate the day, let’s talk about an amazingly underrated horror comedy from James Gunn, future directer of Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) . Also, it’s pretty much Savior and I’s bromance movie.

Slither is the story of a small town being invaded by alien worms from a alien planet. Grant Grant, about to cheat on his hot wife, found a meteor crashed in the woods and like every drunk ass dude with raging whiskey dick decides “hey, I gotta poke this thing”. A needle pops out and stabs Grant as something passes into him. Grant suddenly has an obscene craving for raw meat and has tentacles coming out of belly buttons. His poor hot southern wife Starla, thinks Grant is having an affair only to get dragged into the terrible truth- Grant is mutating into a squid monster thing. She teams up with her old beau, the town sheriff and his posse who find Grant’s enlarged, impregnated mistress who explodes into thousands of worms that take over the town…

Slither is a strange but wonderfully awesome. I love the characters, especially the mayor. The monsters are cool but reminiscent of older horror films which is a cool throwback. I get why many wouldn’t like this movie and I’d definitely would say it’s a cult classic; no joke, the only reason I happen to have it is it’s on a $10 four pack I got from Wal-Mart. I hope more people look into this movie and it has a reemergence in the future and more people discover it. So to end my review, I recommend it, and I’m ending this with my favorite end credit song, and the song I literally listened to moments after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Be safe and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Planet Terror

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Robert Rodriguez is the only man I know who can write a scene where a badass guns down pus riddled zombies while popping a wheelie on a pocket bike. Seriously, this movie is hardcore WTF but it is one of my all time favorites.

Cherry Darling is a spunky, sarcastic stripper- I mean go-go dancer- who wants out of her crappy life. After encountering her lost love El Rey at a truck stop and on a ride with him on a dark. misty night, they crash and Cherry is yanked from the car. And her leg is bitten clean off. El Rey shoots the sickos with a gun he ain’t supposed to have and they take off. This small Texas town is having small problems when these sicko zombies are running amok and the infected soldiers are quarantining the town, and the hope for a eclectic survivors is a stripper with a machine gun leg…

I love this movie with all my heart from the mock “Machete” trailer in the beginning that years later would become real, to the final reels of the film. The characters are all great and memorable, whether it’s Cherry and her sour sarcasm, the Josh Brolin as a vengeful doctor catching his wife in a lesbian affair, or a chemical engineer/ druglord that has a unhealthy obsession with collecting testicles (no that is not a typo, I did mean this dude collects testicles) as well as great and WTF cameos like Fergie, Bruce Willis, and even Quentin Tarantino. The score is a lively jazz inspired that brings a welcome Cowboy Bebop flavor I really enjoyed. Don’t watch this if you can’t handle pretty extreme gore and disembodied testicles (it’s my Birthday today so pardon the frequent use of the word testicles). If you want a really cool WTF kind of movie with a lot of heart and gore, absolutely check this out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

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After watching the Super Bowl and recovering from celebrating the Eagles winning I decided to check this movie out. I will say this, its a fun watch. Don’t think about it. At all. Don’t think about the science involved, because the writers did not. Don’t think overly much about the plot to much either, it won’t be hard to find holes. Just accept it for what it is. Also do not expect this to be some scary horror movie, its pretty much a comedy with a couple semi creepy bits.

With all that out of the way, the movie is still pretty fun to watch. After being sent up on a space station to fire a sort of high powered particle accelerator into space in order to get an unlimited supply of energy ( don’t think about this) they end up in an alternate dimension and discover an Earth during a massive war ( again don’t think about this).

The movie is a fun little Netflix exclusive, but if it were released in theaters I am pretty sure it would have bombed to be honest. As it is, grab a snack and enjoy it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)

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Lethal Weapon 4, the last of the Lethal Weapon movies. It is also in my opinion the worst of the Lethal Weapon movies. Thats not to say the movie was bad, because it really wasn’t. It was just very average in every way. This time around Riggs is trying to settle down with his now pregnant girlfriend while Murtaugh also attempts to deal with the fact that his daughter is pregnant and not married. Tho we soon find out she is married, to a cop played by Chris Rock. The story also involves the Chinese mob and their attempt at sneaking in what are essentially slaves labor from China.

Eventually it boils down to Riggs and Murtaugh attempting to dismantle their operation to protect their family much like the other movies which I think is what brings the movie down a bit, we have seen much of it already as it is. The movie is still good, it just happens to be the worst in a great franchise. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.