Children of the Corn 5: Fields of Terror

children corn 5

So, wanna talk about a movie Eva Mendes doesn’t want to. In fact I gotta say there’s been a few famous starlets in the series before they were famous. Naomi Watts starred in Children of the Corn 4: The Gathering and Charlize Theron had a small bit part in Children of the Corn 3: Urban Harvest That being said, this review kinda sums up why I left the series with 7: these movies become stale real quick. Some friends who are supposed to be college age but we know are pushing 30 break down in a town, they go for help, come back and car is destroyed, kids lead them to weird cult leader played the late David Carradine and yadda yadda. I can’t lie folks, this movie bored the shit out of me. It’s not offensively terrible but it just couldn’t hold my attention, and that was at the height of my fandom. It’s the least WTF of the series, it’s not particularly gory or outlandish as others which kind of hurts the movie and I really can’t remember any new kind of piece to the lore. Carradine gives the best performance of the movie but isn’t there much and Eva Mendes is laughably bored but when these are the best features of your film, is it really worth remembering? In the end, it’s worth skipping, you aren’t missing much. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the beginning

tcm the beginning

Lat year I talked about Texas Chainsaw Massacre when Tobe Hooper passed away; Tobe Hooper, R.I.P . This year I revisit the series after the passing of R Lee Ermey, Sheriff Hoyt, R.I.P R Lee Ermey

As the title suggests, the movie is devoted to showing how the diabolical Hewitt family of the remake came to power as well as the birth of Thomas Hewitt, the man who would become Leatherface. Tommy suffers from several birth defects, cast away and thrown into a dumpster after his mother dies during birth, in a slaughterhouse nonetheless. He is found and brought to the Hewitt family and raised as his own, deformed and mute, growing up to return to the slaughterhouse. But hard times have come to Travis County and the house closes, and after years of taking shit, Tommy snaps and the madness begins. Tommy’s uncle Charlie kills the town sheriff and takes his authority and identity out on the ghost town while coming across four teens on there way to enlist in Vietnam. In this encounter we see how things came to be, as well as the pivotal moment Tommy took his first face and picked up the chainsaw, his only real friend.

2006 was a bloody time in horror with Saw, Hostel, and the Hills Have Eyes being all the rage and this movie fits the trend. As far as A-B prequels go, it’s pretty solid. It’s very much a movie where you are invested in the family more than the heroes and I found myself much more attached to them then the people you should have been, although the Hewitts are the straight up bad guys here. Ermey as Hoyt and Andrew Brynairski as Leatherface were the highlights for me. It’s a VERY bloody and brutal movie so don’t watch it if guts make you sick. Overall, I thought it was a underrated slasher film that deserves a second look. To finish this review I want to quote R Lee Ermey as Hoyt, my favorite line from the movie and one that’s come to me a few times in real life, when all is said and done..

” Nobody will remember what we say here today, but they are sure as shit remember what we do,” – Sheriff Hoyt.

Rampage 64: World Tour

rampage 64

With the new Rampage film coming out in theaters, it’s only fitting we get to talk about an oldie but a goodie. We play one of three experiments gone wrong: George the Ape, Lizzie the Lizard, and Ralph the Wolf as they tear through the world wreaking buildings, fighting the army, and eating people and food. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. It’s a simple game that’s fun as hell. Climbing buildings like King Kong and breaking them down with your bare fists or scooping up the denizens of the world. I freaked out as a kid being being able to kick a car like a football. There are funny things too like if you eat toxins, the monster comically barfs. The game does have classic couch co-op and looks pretty good for the time. The only royal flaw is how repetitive the game is to the core. As I said, the game is simple but fun and worth a fun, especially with friends. May the gaming gods bring you glory as you wreck the world your own way.

Children of the Corn 4: The Gathering

children corn 4

Fun fact for all those out there, I watched this directly after the first Children of the Corn much like Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows and Alien Resurrection this is a WTF kind of movie.

A mother has some harsh mental problems, as she keeps getting terrorized by a nightmare of rotting children. Her oldest daughter Grace is forced to come back to Gaitlin to take care of her mother, little brother, and baby sister (who is secretly her daughter) and be a nurse for the town Doctor. One night a sickness overtakes the children- many lose there teeth, many go comatose, some exhibit violent mood swings, and delusions but alas it’s a dead, zombie preacher kid that raises out of the grave. Secrets come out as Grace must save her daughter from reviving the horror of a young, demonic priest.

For the fourth movie in the series, it’s not too bad all considering. There is some genuinely creepy imagery and some decent creepy dialogue and make up. The acting is ok, and the goofy WTF nature is mainly stripped away which works well but is kind of a bummer. In the end it ain’t a bad movie, just mostly there. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Spider-man: Homecoming

spiderman homecoming

This movie brought millions of nerd’s dreams come true, Spider-man’s first true film inside the MCU and we finally got the Spidey movie we’ve been asking for. Set after Captain America: Civil War, Peter Parker returns to high school with big dreams of being an Avenger as well as asking the cute captain of his high school quiz team out. With the suit given to him by Iron Man, Peter goes around just trying to be the best friendly neighborhood Spider-man he could be, but suddenly a real threat comes his way when a gang of disgruntled workers emerges with experimental alien hybrid weapons led by Adrian Toomes, The Vulture. Suddenly Parker’s world suddenly find themselves crashed together and only he can stop it, a teenage kid…

First, special thanks go to my friend Hatter for awesome movie night. Tom Holland is the perfect Spider-man in my opinion, being witty but not mean spirited, heartfelt but not sappy and just the right amount of badass. The supporting cast is surprisingly strong, especially Michael Keaton as Vulture which is one of the better villains of the MCU. Something I give the movie credit for is being very simple, not diving into mountains of foreshadowing like The Amazing Spider-man 2 meant to set up other movies. Spider-man was fit into the scheme of things just fine. In the end, its a fun superhero movie and it’s well worth a watch. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Hits (2014)

hits

Every so often I watch a movie that leaves me wondering what the hell did I just watch. This is one of those movies. The movie wasn’t bad, it was just weird as hell. Katelyn wants to be on The Voice and be a music star. She loves to sing and practices and even borrows money off her dad to get a guy to record a demo to send in, and does some less than lady like things in the process.

Speaking of her dad, he just wants the damn pot holes in the roads around town fixed. One of them is about to become a YouTube star, and it isn’t Katelyn. The movie has its ups and downs, with some fun moments and some serious moments. It also isn’t a great movie and is far from terrible. It simply exist. Dad has some less than memorable rants about the government where he sounds paranoid and Katelyn sounds like the usual stuck up brat. It is however entertaining at times. Realistically tho, there isn’t much incentive to watch this movie unless you are curious, there is simply better comedies out there. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Matilda

matida

There are times in life we have to go back to go forward. While writing I keep this in mind. As a kid Matilda was one of my favorite movies as a kid and twenty plus years later this movie holds up pretty well.

Matilda WormWood is an incredibly smart little girl living in a family that doesn’t really care, appreciate, or understand her. She finds knowledge and solace within the pages of books, becoming smarter than most adults around her; a gift emerges in the little girl. Matilda can move things with her mind. She finally gets her dream come true when she’s finally enrolled in school, bu that dream becomes a nightmare. Enter the maniacal, cruel, monstrous TrunchBull that runs the school. Her teacher Miss Honey however is the exact opposite, a sweet, kind lady that actually understands her and grows to love her as she does all children. It becomes clear to Matilda after finding out TrunchBull’s dark story that it’s up to her and power to stop her and free the school and Miss Honey from her tyranny…

In many ways, Matilda is the kid’s version of Carrie by Stephen King and it was written by Roald Dahl, writer of such WTF dark kid’s classics as James and The Giant Peach, The Witches, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There’s a lot of charm and while bleak as hell, there is always a ray of light. I was genuinely glad it had a happy ending. Mara Wilson was especially good as Matilda, being incredibly smart but lovable. I seriously recommend this to pretty much anyone, kids or adults alike. May the gaming gods bring you glory.