Remember Scary Movie folks? In the age of legacy sequels, reboots, se-boots, and remakes galore, of course Scary Movie came back. I was so glad to Have Cindy, Brenda, Shorty, Ray, and a lot of the original cast back. But doe it pay off? Sadly, not really.
Scary Movie 6 loosely follows Scream 2022 (Scream 5) and Scream 6 with a little bit of Halloween (2018) for good measure. Ghostface is back and again is killing the old survivors of the original movies as well as their insufferable offspring.
So for the positive, the original cast is still great. You can tell they were still into it and the meta commentary moments were the best parts to me. Besides that I barely laughed. The movie is basically lazy skits woven together that are very similar to the format of the dreaded 5th film. There’s a lot of throw away gags from the from the first 2 movies that are painfully forced. Gone is the original magic. Savior asked a valid question whilst I ranted about this movie: were the originals funny to begin with? Did we just grow up? For some, honestly, yes. For me, I watched the first 2 movies pretty recently and still laughed my ass off for the most part Sure, not every joke stood the test of time but a damn good majority did.
In the end, I can’t recommend this movie at all. I remember thinking that Sinners was genuinely funnier than the parodies in this movie. Highly recommend watching the first few original Scary Movies but after Scary Movie 3 just stop. May the gaming gods bring you glory.
The Cannon’s are a happy family on a business trip in Egypt. Things go horribly wrong when their daughter Katie gets snatched out of their yard by a mysterious woman. For eight years, there’s no word, no updates. Katie is gone and the family moves on with their other daughter. Until miraculously Katie is found alive inside of a sealed sarcophagus. She’s virtually catatonic, malformed, malnourished and…ok, there’s no feasible way this kid is alive. But they take her home…
I’ll be honest, I’m having a hard time just getting through the recap of this damn movie. This isn’t The Mummy (2017) which wanted to to desperately wanted to be a MCU movie and kick off its own. Cronin instead wanted to make another Evil Dead movie; so much so I’ve seen this film included in way too many Evil Dead series countdowns. Katie is basically a Deadite. There’s a evil book that sounds awfully similar to the Necronomicon and she’s possessing people, there’s gross scenes of bodily harm and general possession movie tropes. I can’t say I was invested in any of the characters and for pretty good reason. The parents are pretty crappy. Not bad people, just dammit they are stupid from how Katie gets kidnapped to the level of ignorance on display when the full on horror movie shit starts kicking up. The kids are fine actors but I never found them scary. The effects are fine, mostly, but the gore is clearly trying to gross you out. I think the best way I can describe this movie in a nutshell is it’s trying to be modern Evil Dead without anything that makes Evil Dead special. Lastly, I’m going to say this movie is over 2 hours and it absolutely feels longer; Oppenheimer felt quicker by comparison.
In the end, watch the classic Mummy movies. Karloff, the Hammer movies with Christopher Lee, the classic 90’s Mummy movies with Brendan Fraser- you can’t got wrong. Friends don’t let friends watch Mummy 2026. May the gaming gods bring you glory.
The Tournament has begun! Picking up shortly after Mortal Kombat 2021 left off, the champions of Earthrealm gather under Raiden to face the tyrannical Shao Khan’s forces. The earth champions are short 1 contestant however. Enter Johnny Cage, washed up actor and martial artist struggling with the times. Can Johnny rise up the occasion and defend the Earth from a seemingly unbeatable foe, or is the world doomed?
So I can’t lie, the trailers got my hopes up a bit. Fan service, Karl Urban, fights out the ass- what more can you ask for? Well, that’s what we got for better or worse. Urban was a damn fine addition as Johnny Cage. I liked the actors all around, though admittedly no one really has shit to work with. The plot and story of this movie is paper thin. It’s fight scenes and clunky dialog held togther with quips and movie tropes. The fights are good and there’s some nice fan service, including he end credits which sadly was my favorite part (seriously the end credits got me more hyped than the actual movie). It may seem like I don’t have much to say and that’s basically true- Cage and Kano are entertaining, there’s a lot of fights with characters you know but aren’t treated with much weight except maybe Cage and Kitana. In the end, it’s a average movie, the epitome of 5/10 but might entertain you on a rainy day if you’re bored and don’t have anything else to do. May the gaming gods bring you glory.
Its been 4 years since Peter Parker made the ultimate sacrifice for not only the people he loves but essentially existence itself at the end of Spider-man: No Way Home. Peter has fully given himself to being a full time Friendly Neighborhood superhero, watching his friends thrive from afar. When his body begins erratic changes and a deadly new foe emerges that can seemingly hop body to body, Peter may have to final learn he’s not alone and accept the brand new day ahead.
Arragas the Druid and I went through a lot to see this opening weekend for the love of our favorite wall crawler and honestly…this could be my favorite Spidey film, if not tied with classic spider man 2. This movie raises the emotional stakes and it was really refreshing to see an adult Peter. As someone who deals with isolation and depression, the movie hit me pretty hard. The superhero stuff was beautifully done with possibly my favorite climax to a Spidey movie. The actors did an amazing job; I love Sadie Sink as the villain of this movie and I can’t wait to see more of her in the MCU. Punisher was a great contrast to Peter and I loved their interactions throughout the movie. The pacing was good, never feeling too slow or crammed. In the end, I’m happy to say Brand New Day breaks the curse of MCU 4s started with Thor: Love and Thunder and Captain America: Brave New World . I absolutely recommend it, especially in theaters. May the gaming gods bring you glory.
So I haven’t done one of these in awhile. Today I’m doing a double review much like i did with other King adaptations such as Pet Sematary , Misery , Cujo , Carrie and The Shining in the past. The Long Walk, is of course by Stephen King during his famous/ infamous Bachman era. It was the first book he ever wrote, but didn’t publish until much later in his career.
The premise is simple but intense: 100 young men (in the book) compete in the Long Walk each year for a huge cash prize as well as a special wish granted by the Major, a tyrannical figure who oversees the walk and possibly America’s dystopian regime. Walking is the name of the game. Walk. No stops, no sleep, no exceptions until the last man stands. Death awaits those that buckle under exhaustion and strain via the military’s cruel hand.
So let me talk about the book first. Honestly, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. King masterfully builds tension and dread throughout while rarely falling into the monotonous pitfalls you’d expect. I was invested with most of the characters, especially Pete McVries who becames a friend to Ray Garatty, the story’s overall main character. I’m no stranger to King’s writing, and I can say it was kinda cool getting a glimpse of him in his earliest years before hitting legendary status and mastering the craft. Thankfully, it’s a quick read at 310 pages roughly, just starting to wear out its welcome once it finally ends. I do have to say I never got invested in Ray much as a main character and even started finding him annoying after a bit when I should’ve found sympathy for him. His whole motivation for competing in the walk is flimsy compared to many of the other walkers. My other biggest complaint is the end: it feels abrupt as hell. There’s no satisfying conclusion to some characters I really cared about. No real climax. No catharsis really. Just ends. I get the choice, the futility and hopelessness of it all but I was left feeling let down instead of chilled. In the end, The Long Walk is a solid book. Not great but a good read, especially if you’re new to King and are weary of the sheer size of many of his popular books. I’d recommend checking it out.
The movie has the same basic premise so I won’t recap but I will say their are A lot of small changes I loved as well as fixing 2 of the biggest problems I had with the book. Ray has a new, more relatable motivation and a character arc that hit me like a brick at the end. The ending, by the way, is much different and so much more fulfilling. The actors do an incredible job of carrying the movie. David Jonsson and Mark Hamil especially steal the show but Jonsson comes out on top and is becoming one of my favorite modern day actors. The movie cuts the number of walkers in half which was wise, giving characters more time to flush out. The movie, like the book, is brutal and palpable- as someone who spent nearly a decade pushing carts for the real life Umbrella Corp, this movie and book had me relive some scary shit. In the end, I actually enjoyed the movie more the the book. The book was good, the movie is great and I’m willing to say it’s the best adaptation of King I have seen since IT (2017). May the gaming gods bring you glory, and keep walking.
Every family has its demons. After Will dies in a freak car accident, his wealthy family gathers to mourn him. Alice, his ex wife, dreads the isolation, multiplied by the grief, guilt, and secrets haunting her. Or at least she wishes that’s all that was haunting her. The patriarch of the family was obsessed with the fabled Necronomicon, driving himself to insanity to put an end to it’s horrors. Could the unholy text have anything to do with Alice’s father in law’s violent mood swings and the grisly mayhem about to ensue?
I love the versatility and creativity of this series. So first, if you wanted something closer to Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn , you are pretty shit out of luck. There is some comedic moments but long gone are the slapstick bits, lovable clay effects and one liners. Burn maybe the grimmest of the series, leaning into some pretty heavy subject matter involving spousal abuse and generational abuse. It handles these topics pretty well. The chaos of the Deadites is relentless and once this movie starts going, it doesn’t stop- for better or worse. I think a little pause here and there would’ve helped build tension and made the movie feel smoother. It doesn’t help I wasn’t really invested in any of the characters except Alice but that took a long time. Don’t get me wrong, the actors were great, I just hated their characters for the most part. The highlight of the movie is the gore and cinematography. There are some insanely cool, creative shots in this movie we haven’t since the likes of the original 2.
So before my final thoughts, I got to put my two cents on something I’ve picked up on in a lot of reviews that trashed this movie for being “too mean” and cruel and how the Evil Dead series has lost itself. I respectfully disagree with all the above. I adore Evil Dead for reinventing itself while keeping the underlying themes of a average hero facing against an impossible threat. As for the mean spiritedness- they are called the Evil Dead for a reason, man. Who wants to watch the Friendly Dead?
So in the end, Evil Dead Burn maybe my least favorite of the series but its still a pretty good movie. The themes are dark, the Deadites are always awesome with plenty of gore, and the 2 after credits scenes are pretty fulfilling. Stay groovy everyone.
So much has crossed into public domain in the few years. Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, Popeye the sailor…and Betty Boop. Yep, we got a Betty Boop horror movie on our hands. How? Why? Well, let’s find out (you might need a beer or hard drink of choice for this one.)
Three history majors have come to a mansion in the middle of nowhere for a project. The house was formerly a cabaret in the 1920’s called Dizzy Dishes that burned down under mysterious circumstances. Living in this house is a bizzarre young woman dressed in all black with a high pitched voice that rarely talks. This unnamed lady (though we damn well know who she is) is giving off some really menacing vibes. Trapped because of a storm, the three are left with this crazy lady in a giant house in the middle of nowhere. What could go wrong?
I shouldn’t need to state the obvious but Betty’s Revenge was not a good movie. But was it a fun bad movie? Honestly, no. The movie is barely 80 minutes and you can tell it’s stretching to hit that mark. The first victim takes about 4 minutes just to die, which was one of the only funny parts of the movie. The actress playing Betty (never referred to as Betty by name but damnit we know) tries unlike everyone else is flat month old soda. Their isn’t any outlandish death scenes and you really don’t see any of the killing but the laughable aftermath. The movie keeps showing clips of old Betty Boop cartoons but refuses to mention her by name. I was sorta confused what Betty actually was in this movie- ghost, some kind of immortal being, maybe a possessed victim. The movie never explains. It gives a vague but weirdly well written diary of a girl who sounds like a 20’s Joaquin Phoenix Joker in the making. In the end, I can’t recommend this movie, even with booze. There’s better slop than this. May th gaming gods bring you glory.
Greenland (2020), starring Gerard Butler and Morena Baccarin,is one of those movies I meant to see years ago and never got around to. It starts out with John Garrity (Butler) leaving work to move back in with his estranged wife, Allison. (Baccarin)
While planning a party for the following day, their son, Nathan ( Roger Dale Floyd), told them about the comet Clarke he learned about in school. This was a big deal because it is supposed to be the closest one has ever come in history. Of course, most people aren’t bothered by it because if this were dangerous, someone would mention it, right?
Nah, this is the government we are talking about. Because John is a structural engineer, his family is chosen to be placed in Greenlan in a secret bunker to hide because this thing is going to hit and cause an extinction-level event. They unfortunately get this information at the worst possible moment, mid-party. This causes some issues with the neighbors, who want them to save their kids as well.
I won’t go into details and spoil the entire movie, but what should have been a quick trip and a flight turns into an adventure of a lifetime that is anything but easy. From start to finish, I enjoyed this movie, with the world feeling like they put real thought into how things would unfold rather than just what would be entertaining. So if you haven’t already, check this one out. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.
John Wick is a movie I somehow failed to sit down and watch all the way through for over a decade. I had always heard it was about a guy going on a killing spree because some dude killed his dog, and I assumed it was hyperbole and that there was more to it than that. Suffice it to say, I am now fully aware that this is just an hour and forty-one minutes of Keanu Reeves killing people because some dude broke into his house to steal his car and killed his dog in the process.
So I enjoyed the movie, it was fun, I won’t go on and on about it, but I do have some questions that maybe the other movies answer, but I don’t know, I haven’t watched them yet. For example, Wick kills a bunch of people in his house and a cop shows up and sees the dead bodies and just says he didn’t know John was back to work. Is killing people just legal for assassins, and did he assume John would file the proper paperwork for these?
Does he receive some sort of pay per person he kills when they get sent after him, or is his payment that he gets to live longer? I only ask because there seems to be some sort of economic system based around assassins in this world. So it seems like killing one might also get you paid.
My final question, the cleaners he pays aren’t also killers, do they have a special place they take these bodies, or are they just dumping them in rivers and unmarked graves? Because it seems like the cops don’t care about what he is doing he could just call the usual coroner. Or is this more of a professional courtesy to not bother the cops? This world seems to have some weird stuff going on. Either way, best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.
The Conjuring: Last Rights is basically the perfect example of how to not make a AAA horror movie. As I do every year around my birthday, I crashed at @torstenvblog house, ordered pizza, and we watched movies. Nine this year to be exact, and I am sure you will be reading about the rest soon enough from him. This one, however, I insisted on writing about myself.
The movie itself mostly revolves around the Warren family and how Ed and Lorrain had a daughter, Judy. They had stopped their investigations for years by the time the Smurl family haunting had taken place, and they were focusing on Judy’s upcoming wedding.
This obviously has nothing to do with the Smurl house, but they did shoehorn Judy having visions and whatnot into this about the Smurl house and the demon that is haunting the family; they came from a mirror shown earlier in the movie connecting the Warrens and Smurls. This never happened in real life, by the way.
In fact, the entire movie never even bothers to make you care about the Smurl family. You spend very little time with them. The little kids are mostly shown running around, playing. The older kids scream a bit about how they can’t keep living like this, but outside of a few scenes, they never really show what this even is. We do get a couple of great scenes towards the end where one daughter finds a video from her birthday and is chased by a crazy ghost with an axe, and this is the same night we see the father molested by one. This, however, is after she screams about living like this; what was going on before then is very little that is even mentioned.
Even ignoring that I come from the same area as this Smurl house (I’ve literally driven past it more than once in my travels) and shared emails with people who lived there while working on a book and helping a friend with a podcast (decades of people who lived there have denied anything happening there, going all the way back to the 1980s) and even ignoring the fact I personally think the Warrens are probably frauds, the potental for this to be a good movie exist. The first two Conjuring movies are good. This movie, however, does everything wrong, and nobody should ever watch this pile of garbage. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.
Savior Gaming 
