Tag: Movie Review

New Shark Side of The Moon Review, Tubi Original

When I first heard about this movie from a friend, I did not believe it was real. A quick google search ends up at imdb and discover hey Dark Side of the Moon is very real. The reviews are horrible, and rightfully so, but we will get to that in a bit.

I love the sharks

The story for Shark Side of the Moon is simple, and completely bonkers. The movie starts a long time ago in the USSR, right after America landed on the moon. After winning the space race, the USSR decided it would claim the moon for itself. It would do this by creating a human/shark hybrid that could survive pretty much anywhere and just ship them to the moon.

This ends about how you would expect, a scientist scares another as a joke, a bucket flies into a pool and hits a laser which leads to their escape. Two scientist eventually board a conveniently placed rocket and take these things to the moon, you know the moon the USSR couldn’t get to in the first place?

I wish I could say this is was the most ridiculous part of the movie but truthfully its not even close. I didn’t even mention any of the stuff on the moon and that is where all the real what the fuck happens.

Visually this is some Grade A high quality B movie stuff going on. Straight out of the 80’s here, and the sound was basically there to match. The acting was actually pretty well done, you can tell the people in this movie weren’t just phoning it in for a pay check.

This movie truthfully got some horrible reviews, and rightfully so. From a technical sense visually and such it wasn’t a good movie. However I was movies to be entertained , and this movie did that better than most AAA titles out there, It was just fun. If you can go into a movie expecting a fun movie, this is worth watching. It is sort of like Sharknado in that regard. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Hellraiser (2022)

This movie gets a lot of hell (pun intended) and honestly I don’t think it deserves it. I will go on the record and say it is probably the 2nd,if not 3rd best of the series. First off,it’s one of the few movies that still did practical effects in this day and age,so huge shout out to that. Jamie Clayton did a great job playing a difficult role, and unlike the most recent movies in the series this one had a plot and script that actually made some sense.

This time around we basically got to see what would happen if a very rich man got bored and collected the puzzle, had someone solve it and watched them die. Yes he was a very sick man, but at the same time who wouldn’t want to know what that thing did?

Obviously the story builds from there as we meet our main character Riley who’s brother has disappeared and she believes this insane puzzle is responsible,one that she now thinks may be after her (spoiler alert,it is) I truly wish I could get more into the story without absolutely destroying the movie for you all,but it completely would.

What I can say is the practical effects in this movie show why more movies need to go back to using them. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Free Guy (Review)

Free guy is of course a Ryan Reynolds movie, and I am a sucker for his movies. Shawn Levy as a director was great and with co-stars Jodie Comer and Joe Keery this was bound to be a great movie. Add to that a simple yet intriguing concept of what would happen if the NPC’s in the games we love could just go and decide to do whatever they wanted, and you get a recipe for, well something.

Free Guy Sees Molotov Girl (Jodie Comer) attempts to find the code her and Keys (Joe Keery) made and later sold to Antwan (Taika Waititi) and prove he illegally used it to create his game. At the same time, Guy (Ryan Reynolds) a simple Bank teller decides there has to be more to his life than getting robbed and saying his catchphrase “don’t have a good day, have a great day” One day after seeing the in-game avatar of Molotov girl he decides he wants to be the hero and confronts the bank robber, who also happens to be a real-life player of this open world game.

This will set off a chain reaction that leads to self-discovery and love for Guy, who people don’t realize isn’t a player character that has hacked an NPC skin. He is also the person that levels up the fastest in the history of this game, and he does so by being the good guy. In a world filled with crime he attempts to prevent it but stopping bank robberies, wanton murders, and destruction, and the gaming gods know what else.

Added to this the movie is full of great cameos I won’t spoil for you, just keep an eye out for not only people you know, listen to voices. There was at least one I wasn’t sure of until I wrote this and looked it up. The movie is far from perfect, but it’s the perfect amount of fun. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Troll (Netflix 2022)

Troll from Netflix is one of those movies you watch and leaves you wanting more and at the same time asking yourself what the person who made this thing was drinking. I mean that as a compliment by the way.

This thing starts off with a father and daughter climbing a mountain, a daughter that probably shouldn’t be doing this by the way. Once they get to the top they sit there having a discussion about myths and poems etc and she sees the faces of the trolls that drank too much and turned to stone with the sunlight.

We fast forward about 20 years and this girl is now on a dinosaur dig desperately trying to find some bones before their funding is gone and during a speech about having to have faith and deliver she finds a T-Rex skull. While all this is going on there is some digging and blasting elsewhere and a troll is awakened and gets a bit pissed and kills some people.

Of course in the small country of Norway the government tracks down a bunch of doctors,hacks a cellphone from one of those crushed people and manages to find footage and still nobody believes it’s a troll.

Like most monster movies it takes awhile before anyone will believe this thing is real, and when the big reveal comes the troll actually doesn’t look too bad. It’s about 130 feet tall for some reason and while not as fancy as the newer Godzilla vs Kong movie it looks better than many monsters we have been treated too.

This is one of the closest movies I have seen in a long time to a classic Kaiju film. It’s got a solid story,a giant monster destroying stuff and it looks good while doing it. The movie isn’t by any means fantastic,but damn if it isn’t fun. Check it out,and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Candyman 2021

If you never saw the original Candyman, it isn’t essential to understand or enjoy this one. Jordan Peele is a master of his craft. If you do however this movie is so much more than meets the eye initially. From how small parts of the original story are told wrong to0 misunderstood because of the time that has passed all the way to the realization to the people in the story that certain myths aren’t actually myths.

That isn’t to say the movie is perfect, many times it tries a little too hard to be deep than does silly things like the main character doesn’t bother going to the hospital for a bug bite that is engulfing his entire hand over the course of days and his obsessive girlfriend that dotes on him doesn’t seem to even notice he needs medical help. She does keep bringing up his obsessive behavior over his artwork. I found it hard to take it seriously with that going on. It would also make comments about things like gentrification, and have another character comment that the black main character complaining about gentrification is now living in the very buildings that gentrification built making those same characters uncomfortable. Small things like this are nice to see in a movie even though they aren’t put in there for me.

This is where the movie is strongest, Jordan Peele manages to make a horror movie that appeals to everyone without alienating anyone. It manages to have an impressive kill count while making you think about what is going on. It doesn’t insult your intelligence, but it isn’t trying to be an art film. It also has possibly the best cameo I have ever seen, and I won’t spoil it. So definitely enjoy Candyman as much as I did. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory and tell everyone.

X movie review (2022)

I don’t know what to say about this movie Mia Goth killed it. This movie is actually the perfect example of what would happen if you made an 80’s slasher movie except you convinced everyone in the movie actually care about the movie. Seriously everything about this movie, should not work.

The basic idea is a group of people, led by Wayne Gilroy ( Martin Henderson) all say screw it, we are making porn. Except it’s 1979 so there is no internet so they find a tech nerd named RJ (Owen Cambell) and his camera so get can make high-class smut. His girlfriend, Lorraine (Jenny Ortega) agrees to help film and be the boom operator.

Added to that we get our actual people in the porn movie, Bobby-Lynn (Brittney Snow) and the guy with the best porn name in the movie Jackson Hole (Kid Cudi) The last person character I haven’t mentioned is played by Mia Goth, because she absolutely kills it playing both the 3rd person in the movies porn, Maxine and Pearl, another lady in the movie. She does a fabulous job playing both.

Now truthfully I can’t say a ton about the story without spoiling it, but I will do what I can. See they leave their strip club that Wayne seems to own or manage so they can shoot their movie on-site. A farm Wayne rented in the middle of nowhere. The farm is legitimately beautiful. Whoever did the scouting for this movie did fantastic. The camera work is also great, they truly managed to capture the feeling of the 1970s without making it look like it is actually the 1970s.

After they get to the farm we meet this old man named Howard (Stephen Ure) that isn’t happy all these extra people are here. Howard is creepy as hell to be completely honest here and warns them to keep the noise down because his wife is right in the house.

Our porno party doesn’t listen and starts, well shooting porn. It isn’t long before the homeowners discover what is going on.

I will leave the story here because truthfully any more and I risk getting too far into the story for one and for another I would basically have to start describing either sex scenes or murder scenes, and really wouldn’t you rather watch them? I thought this movie would be some horrible B movie but instead, I was treated to one of the best movies I have seen in a very long time. I am actually excited to see both the prequel Pearl and the Sequel. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Black Christmas (2019 Review)

I don’t often do this, but lately, I was hanging out with @torstenvblog watching movies and we decided to check out Black Christmas. It is a Blumhouse movie ( I know first red flag) by Sophia Takal. Sophia has made other movies like Always Shine and V/H/S, movies I’ve heard are solid and respectable movies on their in their own right. Based on this movie, however, I have no intention of ever fucking watching them.

Yes, I am about to trash this movie from here on after I say this. The actors did everything they could to save what was basically a dumpster fire that had no real chance of ever being good. The movie starts with poor Linsday leaving the library and being followed by some guy on his cell phone made out to be a total creep that magically has her phone number. It is a horror movie I get it. Get used to this though. If you see a guy in this movie, he is an evil rapist. This isn’t a joke. On some level, he is the bad guy unless he is an extra in the background. Lindy girl is now dead when the real killer turns her into a snow angel.

Get used to this too, every woman in this movie is basically a total moron except the main character. Nobody is going to believe her to listen to her about almost anything.

This is basically the last we will discuss on Linsday. This isn’t my choice, go talk to Sophia about that shit, she wrote and directed this. They will mention her towards the end but basically, everyone is happy to accept that she called her friends right before being murdered, never made it home to her family and nobody was found. She is just gone. This happens more than once.

The movie is full of weird plot holes like this, but they are not even the worst part. Every guy in the movie is made out to be a rapist (one actually is and his death is the most satisfying part of the movie) and every girl (I say this to point out when called girls one always shouts out woman) is a huge stereotype. For example, the “SUPER woke” black woman running around having statues torn down of white slave owner racist and trying to get the teacher fired for teaching English literature but not having enough women or people of color on the class syllabus. That is however basically all she does, besides badger the chick that got raped that it’s been like two years and she needs to rebuild herself already.

The ending is even more insulting because it turns out the killings were all a cult. Basically a cult of “alpha” men controlled by a statue that brings out the real tendency of men. A weak and submissive woman that knows her place would steal items so these men would know which women were causing problems and kill them. And even the two men in the movie decent guys suddenly became violent abusers that attacked women as inferior.

This movie insulted basically all of humankind, and the worst part is the movie SHOULD have been really good. The pieces were there, the concept of a cult that can make horrible men become their true selves was good, and that it could be used to help control already weak-willed women to help scum like that could have been great. Instead, we ended up with a movie that damn near offended me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been offended by anything in my life. Not only was this movie not good, but it also shouldn’t be watched by anyone with class or taste. Best wishes and may the gaming gods have mercy on our souls.

Adventureland (2009)

I think the weirdest part of this movie for me is seeing a young Ryan Reynolds. Seriously nthe dude hasn’t really aged in the last like 12 years. Did Betty White check out and toss the keys to the fountain if youth to that guy?

Anyway, back to the movie. Adventureland is about a kid that was supposed to go to Europe for the summer and when his dad gets demoted can no longer pony up the money as a graduation gift as promised.

So our college grad James (Jessie Eisenberg) decided to get a summer job to save some money and go off to college in New York to further his education, but before than he falls in love with our cute Emily (or Em as she is called played by Kristen Stewart) that has a horrible relationship with her step mom and works at adventure land to piss off her parents. Coincidentally this is also the only job James can get.

These two hit it off but we soon discover our married local handyman/musician/cool guy Mike Connell (Ryan Reynolds) kind of has this thing with cheating on his wife. By that I mean he does it a lot. This summer with Em.

Connell isn’t exactly a bad guy so much as he is a um…ok so he is a bad guy but he is friendly, but he also never exactly gives James bad advice even when he discovered he had a thing for Em despite the fact he wasn’t exactly happy with it.

Honestly while I would like to say that whole thing is a side part of the plot it really is just the plot. It isn’t a love story however, this is simply used as a focal point to explain how one summer and a change of perspective can change what you see as important and that when things change that doesn’t mean they are over.

James for example loses all the money he saves up for New York and the friend he was supposed to stay with decided to go to a different school. He soon realizes however that doesn’t mean he can’t still go to New York and work his way through school.

Each character has a sort of summer that either changes them or at least makes them examine what they are doing, and it is good for a laugh along the way and that honestly is all I ask for. I can happily recommend this movie. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Justice League, Snyder’s Cut (Savior)

As many of you know, I had a few problems with the theatrical release of this one. I truthfully went into this thinking this would be four hours of more of the same.

Honestly  there were some things absolutely loved, for example Cyborg having a much bigger and more important role really made me smile. The same can be said for Flash. Steppinwolf also looked far better. That is pretty much where my praise will end for this new version.

The new story elements really served new purpose and had a lot of plot holes, for example how did he forget something was on a planet he had literally been too? Also, why why did he bother fighting an army in the past if he could have landed literally anywhere else on Earth to succeed in what he was doing?

A lot of my issues with the original movie not only still exist, they are now worse. The pacing of the movie that was already bad now stretches out for four hours. Worse, they changed scenes entirely and dragged them out to reach that length. If you want to make a four hour movies that shouldn’t be needed.

Don’t get me wrong the movie was fun, but so was the original. This really was more of the same and unnecessary. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.