Troll (Netflix 2022)

Troll from Netflix is one of those movies you watch and leaves you wanting more and at the same time asking yourself what the person who made this thing was drinking. I mean that as a compliment by the way.

This thing starts off with a father and daughter climbing a mountain, a daughter that probably shouldn’t be doing this by the way. Once they get to the top they sit there having a discussion about myths and poems etc and she sees the faces of the trolls that drank too much and turned to stone with the sunlight.

We fast forward about 20 years and this girl is now on a dinosaur dig desperately trying to find some bones before their funding is gone and during a speech about having to have faith and deliver she finds a T-Rex skull. While all this is going on there is some digging and blasting elsewhere and a troll is awakened and gets a bit pissed and kills some people.

Of course in the small country of Norway the government tracks down a bunch of doctors,hacks a cellphone from one of those crushed people and manages to find footage and still nobody believes it’s a troll.

Like most monster movies it takes awhile before anyone will believe this thing is real, and when the big reveal comes the troll actually doesn’t look too bad. It’s about 130 feet tall for some reason and while not as fancy as the newer Godzilla vs Kong movie it looks better than many monsters we have been treated too.

This is one of the closest movies I have seen in a long time to a classic Kaiju film. It’s got a solid story,a giant monster destroying stuff and it looks good while doing it. The movie isn’t by any means fantastic,but damn if it isn’t fun. Check it out,and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jeremy Renner in Critical but Stable condition

Starting the year off badly, Jeremy Renner. According to his spokesperson and local papers Mr. Renner has a home near Mount Rose that was recently hit with a winter storm that left thousands without power. The accident involved a weather related accident while plowing snow. Not much is being released beyond he is with family and receiving excellent care. Best wishes to him and his family,and may the gaming gods bring him glory

Candyman 2021

If you never saw the original Candyman, it isn’t essential to understand or enjoy this one. Jordan Peele is a master of his craft. If you do however this movie is so much more than meets the eye initially. From how small parts of the original story are told wrong to0 misunderstood because of the time that has passed all the way to the realization to the people in the story that certain myths aren’t actually myths.

That isn’t to say the movie is perfect, many times it tries a little too hard to be deep than does silly things like the main character doesn’t bother going to the hospital for a bug bite that is engulfing his entire hand over the course of days and his obsessive girlfriend that dotes on him doesn’t seem to even notice he needs medical help. She does keep bringing up his obsessive behavior over his artwork. I found it hard to take it seriously with that going on. It would also make comments about things like gentrification, and have another character comment that the black main character complaining about gentrification is now living in the very buildings that gentrification built making those same characters uncomfortable. Small things like this are nice to see in a movie even though they aren’t put in there for me.

This is where the movie is strongest, Jordan Peele manages to make a horror movie that appeals to everyone without alienating anyone. It manages to have an impressive kill count while making you think about what is going on. It doesn’t insult your intelligence, but it isn’t trying to be an art film. It also has possibly the best cameo I have ever seen, and I won’t spoil it. So definitely enjoy Candyman as much as I did. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory and tell everyone.

Live Action Little Mermaid Trailer

The first image and trailer for the live action Little Mermaid (2023) is here. Like many people my age,I really wish they would just stop. They aren’t made for me though. It looks beautiful and while Halle Bailey has a singing voice that just pierces my head like a nail gun for some reason, she makes an absolutely beautiful Ariel. Definitely something the kids will enjoy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Black Christmas (2019 Review)

I don’t often do this, but lately, I was hanging out with @torstenvblog watching movies and we decided to check out Black Christmas. It is a Blumhouse movie ( I know first red flag) by Sophia Takal. Sophia has made other movies like Always Shine and V/H/S, movies I’ve heard are solid and respectable movies on their in their own right. Based on this movie, however, I have no intention of ever fucking watching them.

Yes, I am about to trash this movie from here on after I say this. The actors did everything they could to save what was basically a dumpster fire that had no real chance of ever being good. The movie starts with poor Linsday leaving the library and being followed by some guy on his cell phone made out to be a total creep that magically has her phone number. It is a horror movie I get it. Get used to this though. If you see a guy in this movie, he is an evil rapist. This isn’t a joke. On some level, he is the bad guy unless he is an extra in the background. Lindy girl is now dead when the real killer turns her into a snow angel.

Get used to this too, every woman in this movie is basically a total moron except the main character. Nobody is going to believe her to listen to her about almost anything.

This is basically the last we will discuss on Linsday. This isn’t my choice, go talk to Sophia about that shit, she wrote and directed this. They will mention her towards the end but basically, everyone is happy to accept that she called her friends right before being murdered, never made it home to her family and nobody was found. She is just gone. This happens more than once.

The movie is full of weird plot holes like this, but they are not even the worst part. Every guy in the movie is made out to be a rapist (one actually is and his death is the most satisfying part of the movie) and every girl (I say this to point out when called girls one always shouts out woman) is a huge stereotype. For example, the “SUPER woke” black woman running around having statues torn down of white slave owner racist and trying to get the teacher fired for teaching English literature but not having enough women or people of color on the class syllabus. That is however basically all she does, besides badger the chick that got raped that it’s been like two years and she needs to rebuild herself already.

The ending is even more insulting because it turns out the killings were all a cult. Basically a cult of “alpha” men controlled by a statue that brings out the real tendency of men. A weak and submissive woman that knows her place would steal items so these men would know which women were causing problems and kill them. And even the two men in the movie decent guys suddenly became violent abusers that attacked women as inferior.

This movie insulted basically all of humankind, and the worst part is the movie SHOULD have been really good. The pieces were there, the concept of a cult that can make horrible men become their true selves was good, and that it could be used to help control already weak-willed women to help scum like that could have been great. Instead, we ended up with a movie that damn near offended me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been offended by anything in my life. Not only was this movie not good, but it also shouldn’t be watched by anyone with class or taste. Best wishes and may the gaming gods have mercy on our souls.

Adventureland (2009)

I think the weirdest part of this movie for me is seeing a young Ryan Reynolds. Seriously nthe dude hasn’t really aged in the last like 12 years. Did Betty White check out and toss the keys to the fountain if youth to that guy?

Anyway, back to the movie. Adventureland is about a kid that was supposed to go to Europe for the summer and when his dad gets demoted can no longer pony up the money as a graduation gift as promised.

So our college grad James (Jessie Eisenberg) decided to get a summer job to save some money and go off to college in New York to further his education, but before than he falls in love with our cute Emily (or Em as she is called played by Kristen Stewart) that has a horrible relationship with her step mom and works at adventure land to piss off her parents. Coincidentally this is also the only job James can get.

These two hit it off but we soon discover our married local handyman/musician/cool guy Mike Connell (Ryan Reynolds) kind of has this thing with cheating on his wife. By that I mean he does it a lot. This summer with Em.

Connell isn’t exactly a bad guy so much as he is a um…ok so he is a bad guy but he is friendly, but he also never exactly gives James bad advice even when he discovered he had a thing for Em despite the fact he wasn’t exactly happy with it.

Honestly while I would like to say that whole thing is a side part of the plot it really is just the plot. It isn’t a love story however, this is simply used as a focal point to explain how one summer and a change of perspective can change what you see as important and that when things change that doesn’t mean they are over.

James for example loses all the money he saves up for New York and the friend he was supposed to stay with decided to go to a different school. He soon realizes however that doesn’t mean he can’t still go to New York and work his way through school.

Each character has a sort of summer that either changes them or at least makes them examine what they are doing, and it is good for a laugh along the way and that honestly is all I ask for. I can happily recommend this movie. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Justice League, Snyder’s Cut (Savior)

As many of you know, I had a few problems with the theatrical release of this one. I truthfully went into this thinking this would be four hours of more of the same.

Honestly  there were some things absolutely loved, for example Cyborg having a much bigger and more important role really made me smile. The same can be said for Flash. Steppinwolf also looked far better. That is pretty much where my praise will end for this new version.

The new story elements really served new purpose and had a lot of plot holes, for example how did he forget something was on a planet he had literally been too? Also, why why did he bother fighting an army in the past if he could have landed literally anywhere else on Earth to succeed in what he was doing?

A lot of my issues with the original movie not only still exist, they are now worse. The pacing of the movie that was already bad now stretches out for four hours. Worse, they changed scenes entirely and dragged them out to reach that length. If you want to make a four hour movies that shouldn’t be needed.

Don’t get me wrong the movie was fun, but so was the original. This really was more of the same and unnecessary. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Mortal Kombat 2021

  What is there to say about this new Mortal Kombat? We all went into this expecting the same thing right? Some beautiful effects, awesome fight scenes and at best some decent story, but did we get that?
 
    Well for starters, the effects were in fact beautiful. The ice coming off Sub-Zero’s hands in the very start of the movie were magnificent and seeing the blood splatters through out the movie, it almost looked like people really getting busted open.
  
   The right scenes were also great, the it was almost like watching a dance at a time but none of it seemed overdone. There was a nice mix of flashy moves and brutal combat.

   The story however falls flat, and honestly that’s no surprise. Really it was just a reason to get people fighting. The whole thing really takes place prior to the 10th win in a row for Outworld and of course Shang Tsung would like nothing more than to cheat his way to victory. He sends his assassin’s to kill Earth’s heroes Liu Kang, Kung Lao and Jax just to name a few.
  
   This brings me to the new original character Cole Young. Truthfully I hate this character. He is totally unlikable and his entire story is straight out of some 80’s acting movie cliche. Don’t get me wrong,Lewis Tan does an amazing job with what he is given. The character itself is just bad.
 
   All in all tho I enjoyed the movie, just watch it for what it is. An action movie where you are meant to enjoy the fighting and the story is just a means to get to those fights. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Godzilla Vs Kong

I have waited a long time for this movie, and to be perfectly clear I have been a life long Godzilla fan. I watched them growing up with my dad, and loved the original Godzilla vs Kong. I even watched the original King Kong and it’s lesser known cousin of sorts Mighty Joe Young. (Different gorilla made by some of the same people)

That being said, I went into this movie with small expectations because all I wanted was to watch the monkey punch the lizard and the lizard set the monkey on fire. Oh and I really would have been upset if Kong didn’t Shove a tree or something down Godzillas throat.

Truthfully, I more or less got all of that. The action scenes were amazing with special effects that are probably second to none. If you are simply looking for a monster movie,where stuff gets destroyed and monsters beat the holy hell out of each other, this movie is absolutely amazing.

That being said, if you are looking for an amazing story, keep looking. The story here is passable at best with much of it clearly being tossed together to make there be a reason for them to fight with a surprise ending. I don’t say this as a bad thing, that is all these movies have ever needed and all they ever will need.

I loved this movie, and I will watch it again. There were things that bothered me but I won’t place them here to avoid spoilers, just know if you go into this wanting more than a passable story and giant monsters beating on each other, you will be disappointed. But if like me, if thats all you want, you will be more than happy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.