The Dark Tower

dark tower movie

I finally got to sit down not long ago and watch it finally. I was cautious Sony was going to crap on it. I was mostly right…

Separate from the books, the movie is a new tale. Walter, a inter-dimensional wizard is kidnapping people from our world with the gift of the “Shine” to power a device to destroy the Dark Tower at the center of the universe and is basically existence itself. He is being ruthlessly hunted by Roland, the last Gunslinger, who is out for revenge for the deaths of his father and friends. Walter’s experiments are effective but not to the magnitude he desires, until his Taheen forces (creepy ass animal people that wear human skin) track down a kid named Jake Chambers that has a huge “Shine”. Jake, having visions of crazy shit like a Gunslinger and a Man in Black and a long Dark Tower, tries to find it before Walter can shatter the last beam…

As a writer, I get how adapting this would be like trying to play Dark Souls with your dong. There is a epic ass load of exposition which makes the movie feel longer than it really is, and kind of slow. I think the actors did the best with what they were give; I believe Matthew Mcconaughey would have been spot on if given a R rated script. Seriously, who’s bright idea was it to make this movie PG-13? As for action, there isn’t much but I can definitely say the finale is pretty badass. A huge peeve I had was you can tell this was the first movie of a cinematic universe, but a lot of the Easter eggs were pretty cool all the same. Overall, my feelings on the movie are kinda meh. Wasn’t great, wasn’t shit. I’d say it’s worth a Red Box trip or stream but I can’t really recommend owning it at full price, maybe Wal-mart crap bin price at max. Long days and pleasant nights.

Author: torstenvblog

Writer of the strange and everything; lover of horror, literature, comics, and the alien is my spirit animal

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