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The Last Exorcism

last exorcism

I don’t want to be that guy, I really don’t but doesn’t the fact there is a Last Exorcism 2 kind of negate the title altogether? I know, I know, but what we needed that out of our system before we proceed. So I’ve heard many a mixed reviews for this particular found footage film and I went in to this without much expectations of it being good but it was expiring on Hulu so why the hell not.

So this is the account of the Rev. Cotton Marcus who is a Louisianan preacher who doesn’t believe in god, but is damn good at preaching anyway. He believes posessions are a mental thing and the devil doesn’t exist so he provides “exorcisms” in exchange for money in return for the victim and there loved ones safe peace of mind; he finds the accidental deaths that have come of them in the past vile and unnecessary. So him a couple others go out to a small farm in the rural outskirts of the state to visit a 16 year old girl named Nell, who is believed to be possessed after a string of grisly animal mutilations. Her brother Caleb throws rocks at Marcus after warning him to turn around. The Father, Louis is deeply religious and strict, especially with sweet hearted Nell. Marcus performs a bogus Exorcism after believing it would put an end to all the commotion. Suddenly Nell appears in his motel bedroom, miles and miles away from her home. Nell becomes increasingly more malevolent and violent as we begin to see the madness lurking within the family…

Overall it’s a fair horror film. I’ve heard complaints the acting ain’t great but I have to say where I’m from and what I do for a living, the people in this movie seem like people I would meet in my day to day life. There is a good plot that does keep you guessing if the possession is legit or not and there are pretty creepy moments and some good imagery. A big fault I have is that while I understand why this movie is made to be found footage, I believe in the end it would have been better as a regular movie.It begins to lose it’s potency when a piece of footage we are supposed to believe is real has a faint score and jump scare noises in it…sure, which leads me to the biggest downfall. The ending sucks. The last ten minutes of if say screw this and become Paranormal Activity 3 and 4, which hey, least we know where they got there inspiration from.

In the end, see it if found footage or possession stories are your thing. It’s worth a good once over. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Top 6 Resident Evil Bosses

So a few days ago we got word that Resident Evil: Revelations is coming to PS4 and XBox One and so I decided to talk about some of my favorite RE bosses to get in the mood. Yes, we will be counting up, starting from 6. So lets begin:

neptune 6. Neptune (Resident Evil remake)- what’s scary than a giant ass fish with rows of massive teeth and black soulless eyes? How bout if that was undead too. In the remake of the classic we are caught in a flooded lab,restricted to a broken circular catwalk. Neptune and the other sharks swim menacingly alongside of you; the smaller sharks can be blown away by a shotgun but Neptune is far bigger and can easily kill you in one hit; while solving the lab’s puzzle you can hear him slamming into the reinforced glass.It’s pretty fulfilling to fry his giant ass and know Jaws ain’t got shit on you.

birkin 5. William Birkin (Resident Evil 2)- The creator of the G Virus and final boss of the classic sequel, Birkin is almost a tragic villain in that he sold his soul for his creation. When gunned down by Umbrella’s containment forces, he injected himself with his virus and became what you see before you. But this is just the beginning. He mutates several times, each more disgusting until he pretty muck is a womb of teeth and tentacles that could swallow a Buick. Be sure to save beforehand.

wesker 4. Albert Wesker (Resident Evil, Code Veronica X, and Resident Evil 5)- the original snake in the grass, Wesker was the head of the S.T.A.R.S team in the first game, until we find out he was secretly a researcher for Umbrella the whole time. At first it looks like the Tyrannt kills him in the end, he saves himself by injecting himself with a serum that gives him super speed, strength, reflexes, and durability. Never really a favorite of mine I give him credit for his dastardly machinations and rivalry with series protagonist Chris Redfield.

rere2 3. Lisa Trevors (Resident Evil remake)- this bitch gives me the willies if you couldn’t tell by my Resident Evil review. She was taken from her parents at a young age and subjected to horrible experiments. The mask she wears could possibly be made from the carcus of her own mother, which she pathetically moan and weeps for as she slumps after you. She can be stunned by gunfire but not killed by it; at the end she commits suicide holding her mother’s skull, weeping all the way down…poor thing.

krauser 2. Jack Krauser (Resident Evil 4)- Krauser is a bad ass. Once an alley of Leon Kennedy during his early days as a government agent, he was believed to have died in a plane crash. Now imbued with the Las Plagus, he has increased durability, strength, and agility, oh and has such control over the parasite he can use it to warp his arm into a deadly wing that is both dangerous weapon and effective shield. And the final battle takes place under a time limit. If only this amazing games finale was this epic.

nemesis 1. Nemesis (Resident Evil 3)- how could he not be? He’s ridiculously strong, can take an obscene amount of damage without flinching, and has a damn rocket launcher for when he gets bored of his tentacles and bare hands. And of course all that’s just the first time you face off against him; he mutates into an nightmare by the end. He feels omnipresent, hearing him bang against the reinforced walls of the police station, hearing him groan. The movie version does him no justice because once you fight this bastard, you never forget.

I hope you all enjoyed my countdown; if you have any Resident Evil bosses you think I forgot let me know down below and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

( second opinion) Suicide Squad

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So here we go friends, a second opinion on the follow up to Batman vs Superman- Suicide Squad. So if one didn’t piss you off, the other probably did. After a epic ass-load of negative criticism for the previous installments overly dark tone, we get Suicide Squad trying to do Hot Topic Guardians of the Galaxy ( they played Spirit in the Sky for damn sake). So I do find it more enjoyable and entertaining than BvS, but I agree with Savior, don’t think about the plot of this movie too hard or your nose might bleed. Waller bases this whole idea of putting our villains and anti-heroes together for the sole purpose of defending us against a Meta-human or someone of Superman level threat, well truth be told Batman kicked the asses of 80% of your crew, a rich dude without powers. The Captain Boomerang scene with the Flash scene illustrates most of there chances against a Meta-human; what chances do a sniper, a chick with a bat and gun, a guy with boomerangs, a crocodile man, and a army dude do against someone like Superman? If they were going to grind in that point so hard they should have considered rogues like Captain Cold, Deathstroke, Poison Ivy, Bane, Cheetah, Black Manta, or Killer Frost just to name a few- characters that have caused more devastation to the Heroes that would form the JLA. As a positive, I think the movie’s biggest strength was that all the main villains of the Squad were played terrifically- especially Will Smith as Deadshot, Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, and Jai Courtney as Captain Boomerang. What killed the Film was a wooden Rick Flag, ridiculous hula magical hula girl (I mean Enchantress), and Jared Leto’s obnoxious and annoying Joker. In the Extended cut Joker has some better scenes and I do enjoy the scene where he convinces Harley to jump but that’s where it ends for me. The Batman cameos were welcome and Flash’s made me grin. My biggest problem besides those three characters was that I felt a huge GOTG vibe from it as I stated above, which works for the film but came off as trying too hard to be cool a couple times; the tone is jarring if you watch all the DCEU films in secession. But, at the end of the day, it’s a fun, dark action comedy with good music and some cool characters. I do recommend the extended version much more than the theatrical because it flushes our main characters out more and we get more interactions between them, and a lot more, alot better Joker material- not great but better. Thank you for checking out our split opinion reviews for this and BVS, and may the gaming gods bring you glory

(2nd opinion) Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

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When we think of how bad ass it would be to see our favorite superheroes clash, what’s usually the first pair we come to think of? What two are so conflicting both in ideology but to an extent we can can sense the turbulence between man and god, night and day, a cold scowl against a kind smile? None other than Batman and Superman come to most minds: The Dark Knight and The Man Of Steel. In several comics they’ve clashed verbally over several issues, come to blows most famously in Frank Millar’s legendary graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns (for which must of this movie either references or tries to loosely replicate) as well as several others. And for better or worse, we got our silver screen version last year. So my good friend, partner, and brother from another mother Savior covered his thoughts on this and the follow up in the DCEU Suicide Squad, so I’m just gonna talk about some nerd shit with it and give my final thoughts on it.

So first thing I’d like to say is structurally this movie is a grade A clusterfuck. It is a sequel to Man of Steel, a solo Batman flick, a Justice League prequel, an adaptation of Dark Knight Returns and Death of Superman, with 20 minutes of Wonder Woman, Easter Eggs relating to Steppenwulf, Darkseid, some random Batman villains and Red Hood (we can only dream). This movie is stuffed like a turkey’s ass on Thanksgiving. If you are a hardcore DC fan you may enjoy some of this but it does come out bloated. On a positive, the movie is visually sweet, using a lot of dark imagery from the comics to paint one hell of a dark picture. Ben Affleck thrives as both a weathered but composed Bruce Wayne and a cruel, angry Batman. As Batman he has a truly threatening presence that would make me think twice before jaywalking in Gotham City. Gal Gadot is also great as Diana Prince and Wonder Woman; she plays Diana as very poised and ladylike while infusing a raw rage into her fighting as Wonder Woman, either way her segment was much welcomed and loved. Henry Cavill was fine as Superman but he was too brooding for my taste, losing a bit of the relatability I had gotten from his previous go in the iconic role. Though how they are presented was kind of lame, I enjoyed the files debuting Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg. Jeremy Irons was a interesting Alfred while Amy Adams felt mostly tacked on as Lois Lane. Jessie Eisenburg played a good character in this movie but hot damn was that character not Lex Luthor; I feel Eisenburg would have been a great Riddler or Mad Hatter or, dare I say, a fair Joker, but not Lex Luthor. Finally, what kills the movie for me as well as I’m sure many others, was Doomsday. Dammit All, what the hell did they do to him? He looks like a Putty from Power Rangers on steroids. I understand Doomsday is a fan favorite but so poorly done it defeated the purpose. There is a lot of cool moments, great acting from Affleck and Gadot, and dark imagery but there are flaws. Apart, these characters are great; mashed together, well…clusterf#$k . Overall, it’s fair but you won’t watch it everyday, but hey it ain’t Batman & Robin so that’s a plus.

Fallout 4

fo4

2015 was a year of hype beyond many: we got the pretty sweet Avengers sequel, Star Wars came back with the awesome return to formula that was the Force Awakens, and Fallout 4. It’s a weird topic for me because I was so hyped for this game, it was the final straw for me getting a PS4, and yet I didn’t have nowhere near the infatuation with it as Fallout 3.

We begin at a time when all seemed well in Boston, a future when technology was at its peak and conflict was a murmur through radio and TV. We play as a young veteran living with his lovely wife Nora and baby son Shaun. A robot comes to the door and sells you a special kind of insurance, a spot for you and your family in a new vault nearby. You agree just as the broadcast comes out warheads were just launched, and in the distance you can see the the mushroom cloud appear. You all rush into the vault, tricked into going into cryo sleep. You wake up, seeing men the chamber, unfreeze Nora and killing her to take your son and flee. It’s up to you to search the wastes of Boston and find him.

For the positives, Fallout 4 is a beautiful game. The graphics have stepped up three times over. The shooting mechanics have vastly improved; there is a new level of weapon and gear customization; the game is far more cinematic and takes ques from Mass Effect on the dialogue options. The coolest thing is how the Power Armor works much like a Iron Man suit, making a kick ass new addition and extra hardship of having to find power cores to stay a little more afloat. Now for the negatives, the game may be more beautiful but besides the main quest I wasn’t much invested in the side quests. Also there is less variety in the combat options; there is a huge dependency on FPS mechanics and gameplay, making the game feel more like a massive shooter than a RPG. Still, it’s a solid game and worth a trek through but I recommend 3 more.

Fallout 3

fallout 4

“War. War never changes.” Nothing was ever more epic than Ron Pearlman’s amazing narration. Fallout 3 was a break away from the old school turn based game play for a RPG with some first person shooting. The simple plot is you grow up in Vault 101 after a huge scale nuclear war, being raised by a loving scientist father voiced by Liam Neeson. You grow up in your bland enclosed little world of the vault until one day your dad leaves and it is up to you to break free of the vaults grasp and find him in the wastelands of Washington D.C. Along the way you get meet a group of religious wackos worshiping an atomic bomb the town was built around, another burg overrun with giant ants that can even breath fire, a rivalry between two superheroes “a very fun Marvel Easter egg in that” , and a old lady who just wants her violin back, all while getting pulled into a conflict by the Brotherhood of Steel and the Enclave that will decide the fate of the wastelands.

So the game is amazing, despite it’s flaws. The game play is solid if you rely on the VATS targeting system, but the shooting otherwise feels off. The plot and side missions are engaging and even creepy in some cases like the mission about the kid who gets kidnapped and goes on a small killing spree thinking he’s a vampire (and don’t get me started on Tranquility Lane. Oh that was fucked up.) Fallout 3 has some of the best DLC to a game I’ve ever played with Operation Anchorage- which teleports you back in time to the conflict that lead to the nuclear war, Mothership Zeta- you get abducted by aliens, as well as three other packs and a level cap increase. Besides some occasional glitches and the occasional pain in the ass location to maneuver through, I highly recommend this game as one of the best games of last generation.

Videodrome

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So I go to say from age 18 to 20 I was utterly obsessed with this movie after buying the old VHS at my local horror video store. I actually shouted “DEATH TO VIDEODROME, LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH” not once, but twice during two graduation ceremonies and had a epic freak out when my friends thought it’d funny to hide the tape. It’s my favorite David Cronenburg film and probably in my top 10 favorite horror movies ever.

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It’s the story of a raunchy TV executive named Max Wren played by James Woods who’s looking for the next big thing to push the boundaries of entertainment. His channel plays soft core porn and violent exploitation films from the seventies. One of his contacts tells him about a new thing called Videodrome, which is more than Max can handle. Ratings hike and Max can’t get enough of it, until at the end he becomes it and the battle for Max Wren is being fought by The Videodrome and freedom of the New Flesh…so, as you can see, the imagery sells this movie. I mean when you see cable wires ripping through a man’s flesh and locking his fist around a gun, going to first base with a TV to have it begin to moan and it’s wood panels become flesh, a VCR slot grow in a man’s stomach, or shooting a man and watching the grisly scene of his body get torn apart by cancer tumors from the inside out. There’s tons of unforgettable imagery. The acting is solid and the score compliments the eerie tone of losing your mind by a technological force. The plot feels like a much more grounded precursor to the Matrix with a similar theme of mechanical mind control and freedom from it only it’s a way to talk about our over obsession with TV and stimulation which is all brilliant woven together with blood and some disturbing bodily scenes. Pick this up if you are looking for a smart horror film that has some weird, over the top crazy shit in it as well. So may the gaming gods bring you glory and

vd3

DEATH TO VIDEODROME, LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!

Terminator

Our best ideas come from the strangest places and sometimes are fears are the things right in front of our face the entire time. James Cameron’s Terminator is a prime example. Cameron had once had a fever dream about a metal skeleton crawling out of a hellish fire almost like a phoenix and the rest became history brought to horrific life by legendary special fx master the late and great Stan Winston. Terminator is the story of a war in the future where Skynet has brought man to the brink of extinction with their horde of advanced machines, the worst of which are the T-800 Terminators, flesh covered androids made for inflitration and damn near unstoppable. The resistance against Skynet is lead by John Conner. To stop John Conner, Skynet sends a Terminator back through time to 1984 to assassinate Conner’s mother before he is even conceived. So in response, Conner manages to send back his soldier Kyle Reese to protect Sarah Conner from the machine that doesn’t feel pain or remorse or fear and will not stop until Sarah is dead. Schwarzenegger is suburb as the Terminator, cold and emotionless as he hunts down Sarah Conner by killing his way through to find her. He tracked her to a tech club where Reese intervenes by blasting him down with a shotgun, only for him to get back up again. They loose the machine in a car chase, causing him to crash in a accident that would have certainly killed a normal man. Reese and Sarah are taken by the police who realistic start explaining away the events of the night, convincing her it was a normal man on drugs in a Kevlar vest and Reese is crazy. We cut away to the Terminator alone in his shitty apartment, face mutilated by a ruptured eyeball he cuts out of his own head, revealing part of a steel skeleton and a cold red camera. He arms himself and goes to slaughter the whole police station to get his target. While on the run, Sarah and Reese get intimate and begin falling in love. The movie pushes to a thrilling climax where we see the Cameron’s nightmare realized in the form of the red eyed robot skeleton revealing itself, and at the end it’s up to only Sarah to defeat it and protect the future.

So I won’t lie, I consider Terminator 1 and 2 almost perfect, timeless classics without a doubt. The plot is still solid full of great performances by our main cast and effects that hold up fairly strong today with downright bleak glimpses of the future that I feel are especially relevant today in our technology obsessed society. Pick it up and I will be back

t1 skeleton

Mortal Kombat 4

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I’m going to go on a limb and say this was my first M rated video game and damn it was funny. I didn’t know all the moves or even how to do a fatality, because dammit it used to take like eight buttons to melt a face off. So why did I decide to review this beside the fact it was my first M rated game; well it was hugely inspired plotwise for the tenth entry, which was badass as hell. We got many our classic characters like Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Raiden, Lu Kang, and Johnny Cage to name a few but with four we also got Fujin, Tanya, and main antagonist Shinnok. I played it on the N64 so the character graphics are understandably crispy but the backgrounds are pretty well done for the time. For this game, every fighter is able to pull out weapons which added a new level of awesomeness if you could bring it out or a new level of dick-it-try if you can’t. What’s harder than fighting a spry acid spitting reptile man? How about fighting the same bastard who’s packing a giant double sided battle ax. Also there were throwable items left around certain levels and a titanic fan that can be used for my favorite fatality of all time. The game is fun but damn if the combos aren’t easy and the 3 dimensional moving can be kind of annoying but so much blood and Wilhelm screams, who gives a shit, put on the bitchin dance track, grab a friend, and get ready for MORTAL KOMBAT!!!

Body Harvest

body harvest

No clue why I felt like reviewing this but hey, we all have those days. I remember the cover to this game grabbed me as a kid because of the cover and I thought you played as Samus (the dude you play as looks like Samus and Stallone’s Judge Dredd had a boring ass baby.) I can’t tell you much about the plot because I found this game hard as shit to play. Even picking it up again as a twenty something, I still couldn’t fully get the hang out of it. It involves a space soldier who is on the run from giant bugs that shoot lasers and poop murderous gloobs of green jello looking shit- watch a play through and tell me I’m wrong. So I’m going to say this game wasn’t as fail for me because of crap controls but more like over ambition. It was the first open world game I can recall playing where you walk through towns, jump into vehicles and generally explore with shooting mechanics that looking back remind me of a primative Resident Evil 4. I feel like if this game came out on the Nintendo GameCube instead of the N64 I think time would have been there to flatten out and smooth the mechanics. I’m not saying it wold have been a good game but slightly less of a dump. There’s a funny as hell animation where you glitter and do a series of aerial rolls to enter a vehicle through its roof which is funny as hell. If, like my friend and supporter Hatter, enjoy old school games for the better or worse but I personally don’t recommend playing it as much as watching a Youtube video of it or something. As always may the gaming gods bring you glory and beware the green jello everyone.