I have returned dear readers with glorious purpose and such horrors to speak of. Let me begin with a movie I was actually pretty interested in back in 2017, so much so I ran out and bought the book and was genuinely perplexed when the movie’s reviews came back as scathingly bad. But how? Michael Fassbender as a gritty detective searching for a sadistic killer who buries his victims in snowmen, how could this possibly go wrong?
Harry Hole is a broken man. While a talented detective, he struggles with alcoholism, depression, and his estranged wife and son. When a series of people mysteriously vanish and their bodies turn up strangely, it’s up to Hole to dive into a strange world of corruption and broken hearts to discover the truth behind the Snowman killer.
Ok, so they wanted to make Seven but instead they made an absolute mess. I truly regret complaining about the editing in X-Men: Dark Phoenix because this movie is a dumpster fire turned nuclear by the editing. It’s a jumbled mess of things happening, characters appearing with plot threads that go nowhere and I feel like there is a megacut somewhere that’s probably like 4 hours long but this movie isn’t worth saving. Poor Fassbender tries his ass off to save this movie but Harry Hole is such a trainwreck I can’t really take the guy seriously (his name sure as hell doesn’t help either.). I pegged the killer super early and when the mess of a story comes together, it’s meh. This movie isn’t gory or disturbing, it’s a not really a good noir, and holy shit drags. The only really redeeming feature I can really say is some of the cinematography is nice, not great but nice. The only other thing I can say is I laughed my ass off alot because of how unintentionally hilarious the movie is- so there is that. In the end, unless you are like Savior and I and enjoy super bad movies, I can’t recommend this movie at all. May the gaming gods bring you glory.