Steel

steel

Hey everyone, remember the 90’s when no one had an idea what makes a good superhero movie? Because of this, we got such majestic gems as Batman and Robin and Spawn/ Spawn: origins so why the hell should it come as a shock that anyone thought of giving Shaq the role of a DC superhero? Well…here’s Steel…

Shaq plays John Henry Irons, a weapons maker for the military with his best friend Sparks. Together with a dick named Nathaniel they made a whole new line of laser weapons to help the government get a leg up on shit. Well, Nathaniel rigs one of the weapons for maximum power, it backfires and people end up dead, Sparks ends up in a wheelchair, and John Henry says F U to the army and leaves to go back home to his grandma while he works in a steel mill to get his head together. Well his old friend comes back with a gang and those weapons and intends to sell them. So its up to John Henry, his uncle Joe, and Sparks to stop them, but first he’ll need his own armor and weapons to become Steel…

Oh boy…so when I was a kid, this movie wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great, but wasn’t bad. As an adult, this movie is ass. The acting is meh at best but what really kills this movie are the effects. The suit looks fake as hell and damn right gaudy. There’s a lot of unintentionally funny stuff in this movie like the fact grandma making a souffle is an actual side plot, Shaq free throws a grenade, and the awkward dialogue choices throughout. I can’t sadly say it’s hilarious enough to be a total WTF movie, its just bland and by the numbers moment by moment. Its really forgettable and I can’t say its worth watching. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

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Author: torstenvblog

Writer of the strange and everything; lover of horror, literature, comics, and the alien is my spirit animal

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