Movie Review – Page 125

Team America: World Police

team america

Well friends, when life brings you down, just remember AMERICA, F#$K YEAH… I was asked to keep this Pg-13, when the theme song for Team America is involved that becomes harder than any Dark Souls boss.

So Team America is another messed up satire by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone about an elite group of American specialists who have to save the world from Kim Jung Il and Alec Baldwin and the whole Screen Actors Guild…in puppets. I’m not shitting you one bit. This movie is made by marionette puppetry and models. So basically we follow famous actor, Gary, as he is recruited by Spotswood to aid Team America in there mission to infiltrate Alqueda. When the responsibilty gets too much Gary abandons the team, and goes on a soul search while the team gets there asses kicked so Gary has to man up and become a bad ass to save his friends…AND AMERICA! I promise that won’t get old.

I have seen some crazy ass things on screen. I’ve watched infamous exploitation pictures like Cannibal Holocaust and Salo: the 120 days of Sodam, so you know I’ve seen some shit. Team America hit me in that strange pit inside. I should be horrified at some of the places this movie goes, and downright offended but I’m not. On the contrary, I’ve nearly pissed myself laughing during this movie. It’s insane, it’s clever, it has a bitchin theme song and somehow in 2017 feels more at home than 2004. If you can get past the puppets, controversal topics and the way Parker and Stone address them, you’ll find a epic cult classic that will having you sing with Kim Jung Il, waving your arms in the air, and asking questions about yourself when you and your friends roar in laughter and amazement at the puppet sex scene…don’t judge me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

South park movie

Do you guys remember the 90’s? So as a kid South Park was all the rage in my elementary school because of the foul language, crude humor, adult subtexts,but beyond all else it pissed our parents off. As a matter of fact, my school had PTA meetings devoted to discouraging kids from South Park and oddly enough, the same parents that crusaded against the cartoon secretly laughed at it in the privacy of there homes. So it only fit we got a 100 minute full length feature film, fully uncut.

Our favorite strangely animated youngsters of South Park are off to see the latest big screen movie staring there flatulent heroes Terrence and Philip. Problem- it’s R rated. They pay a homeless guy to get them in. The Film is titled Asses of Fire and features the wonderful “children’s song” “Uncle Fucker” (the quotations were meant to be sarcastic, nothing in this movie is for children). Asses of fire is a hit with the children of South Park, who use and abuse the shit out of it’s colorful vocabulary. Kyle’s mom goes on a tirade as per usual that escalates when Kenny dies (for the hundredth so time) imitating a stunt from the movie and before we know it Kenny’s in hell with Satan and his gay lover Saddam Hussein, Stan is fighting for Wendy’s affection from a rebellious, intellect named Gregory with a terrific singing voice, and America and Canada have begun WW3 over a R rated kids movie and its up to Stan, Kyle, and Cartman to stop WW3 and Saddam and save Terrence and Phillip from execution.

First, I must say I’m not usually a fan of musicals unless they’re of the screwed up variety. This qualifies. The musical numbers are vulgar but also deep and well choreographed. The story is South Park at it’s best, deranged, crass, damn right bizarre with a rich plume of wisdom under it’s layers. As a kid this movie blew my mind, and my dad Duke’s I think too, and as an adult, well I sing the songs out loud in public and if you don’t like it you…I can’t quote that here lol. Overall, I highly recommend this movie, young or old, because life’s short and good laughs are in short supply.

It trailer review

We got our third trailer for the much anticipated It remake coming September 8th. So far a lot of the reaction has been all over the place, ranging from it looks scary as hell to Pennywise looks like a Hot Topic Ronald McDonald. I personally was on the fence myself. I like the cinematography and the darker, polished atmosphere the trailers create (mostly); the actors all around have potential. Many of the visuals are frightening like Pennywise hiding under the water like a crocodile, to lunge out, eyes black and teeth monstrous teeth extended or his first reveal from the rain gutter. In this third trailer we finally get to here him speak which disappointed me a little bit. It was fine but intentionally menacing, which a problem I personally have with this iteration of Pennywise the dancing clown. He is meant to look unsettling and creepy, whereas part of Tim Curry’s look and performance (which was close to the source material by the way) was that of a normal clown. Curry came off as a party clown that accidentally found his way down the sewer and could be in any kids birthday party without raising an eyebrow, Bill Skarsgard comes off as something no kid in his right mind would go anywhere near, although I can see that approach being effective in it’s own right. Besides the voice reveal we got more complete setups instead of little bites and the scares look promising. I will say two things for Skarsgard, he is a menacing presence and his appearance films much better than in stills which is rare but happens. All the same, I’m looking foreward to It, I’m not expecting greatness but I’m expecting it to be a solid horror flick.

Resident Evil (movie 2002)

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So I’m going to piss a lot of people off possibly because as a Resident Evil fan, I actually enjoyed the movie. It’s not a masterpiece and yes, it’s not really a faithful adaptation but its got spirit. Paul W.S. Anderson gave us this first installment to the movie series with an intention of sort of a prequel to the game, using stylistic directions from the classic game and familiar locales from the game. In interviews he discussed how he knew of all of the dedicated fans of Resident Evil 1 and 2 their were and how he didn’t want to retell a half ass version of either game on screen. That I can believe and respect.

The film starts with an outbreak of the T-Virus in the underground laboratory facility called the Hive, miles under a remote mansion miles from Raccoon City. Once loose, the Hive’s security A.I, the Red Queen, acts and kills everyone in the Hive to stop any chance of a containment breach. Inside the mansion, a woman we only know as Alice wakes up foggy and disoriented with no memory why she’s there. Suddenly she’s found by commandos who crash through the windows, apprehending another man in the mansion. The mystery unfolds as the head commando reveals to Alice the Red Queen released a gas above that caused her memory loss. They venture into the depths of the Hive to reprogram the Red Queen, finding the poor corpses, until soon they come to life and a dire experiment is on the loose…

So this movie is not perfect by any means but it ain’t garbage like the other films would become. The acting is so so but the creature and zombie effects are sweet for the time. The Red Queen is creepy and kind of a dick but delivers a truly great “your fucked” speech. The score is a cool fusion of Marco Beltrami and Marilyn Manson which comes off as unique, eerie, or just plain bad ass. The ending is bleak but satisfying. There are some hoky moments and the characters can be kind of wooden but has the texture of a decent horror movie in it. Definitely check it out for cheap and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cujo

cujo book

So with Stephen King movies returning to the spotlight of the silver screen after way too long with the long anticipated Dark Tower movie in August and the equally anticipated remake of It in September, I’ll cover some King on the way. I’ve heard it confirmed that Cujo will have a cameo in the Dark Tower film (before his turn I imagine, I’d like to think a rabid St. Bernard wouldn’t get too far in New York City.) so I figured why not not start with this underrated King classic.

Cujo is a simple, confined story of a mother and son trapped in there busted down car in the middle of a empty farmhouse at the mercy of the blazing summer and a massive, diseased St. Bernard gone insane after getting bitten on the nose by a rabid bat. The Trenton family, mom-Donna, dad-Vic, and young son Tad are a reasonably happy young family living in the small burg of Castle Rock, Maine, at least at first. Donna had an affair with tennis player, furniture fixer uper, and total douchebag Steve Kemp. On top of dealing with Donna’s infidelity and his Ford Pinto breaking down all the time, Vic’s small advertising business is caught up in a scare involving defective breakfast cereal and the backlash of legal weight accompanying it, putting everything Vic worked so hard for and his family’s lively hood at stake. Vic has to go away to try to save his business, leaving Donna to go to the town mechanic’s house in a last ditch effort to save that dying Pinto with her son. Joe Cambers is the town mechanic, and a abusive alcholic; Charity, Joe’s wife, wins a small lotto pool and tries to use the money to take herself and there son Brett up to her well to do sister’s place and disappear from Joe’s assholery. He agrees to let her go, planning on going into town with his buddy and scoring some hookers and booze while the wife and kid’s away. This just leaves us to the most tragic character, the lovable St. Bernard Cujo. He’s kind and loves his family but sadly chased the wrong rabbit, ramming his head into the wrong hole where the fateful bats lurked. Cujo slowly loses his mind, his slow, loving nature deteriorates into relentless crimson hate and a lust for blood. When Donna and Tad venture up to the Cambers house on the outskirts of town, Cujo has already slaughtered Joe Chambers and his buddy and will not stop until he kills the Trentons.

So, for the most part the book and movie are similar, though I will recommend the book over the movie for two critical reasons. The first being Cujo’s change which King hauntingly narrates through the big dog’s perspective, being both tragic but also more frightening as the dog almost comes to symbolize the devil coming to make Donna pay for her lustful sins. The second reason is the ending to the book is more heartbreaking but more harrowing than the movie’s. In the movie, Donna pulls a unconscious, dehydrated, and overexposed Tad into the house, giving him CPR desperately until Cujo appears where she finds Joe’s shotgun and blows Cujo’s filthy, bloody ass away, Tad wakes up, happy ending. Well, the book says F you happy ending. Donna has had several severe infected wounds from the mutt; Tad never wakes up and dies scared wanting his daddy; Donna beats Cujo to death in the hot sun until Vic and the police pull her off of him. By no means is the movie bad, it’s actually a solid movie and the imagery of the dog is terrifying as hell.

cujo movie

There is a flaw either way: it drags a bit either in book or film. The book handles it a little better. I’d suggest shortening it but it’s already a little over 350 pages which is short as hell for any Stephen King story. I have to say, I hope the rumors of a remake are false because a lot of this story would be null in void if told in our modern day (one cell phone call- end of story in twenty minutes.) Definately pick up the book or catch the movie on netflix and may the gaming gods bring you glory and don’t send Cujo on your asses.

JLA trailer review

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So its the weekend of San Diego Comic Con and the trailers are all aflutter, including a huge Justice League trailer. First I have to say, it’s no surprise Wonder Woman was the forefront of the trailer after the success of her solo film this past summer. She was flat out my favorite part of what I saw. Gal Gadot is a gorgeous bad ass that in my opinion stole the show in her brief appearance in BvS. I was also thrilled at a lot of what we got to see of Cyborg and Aquaman. I’m not really feeling the film’s version of Flash so far; I feel having two separate actors playing the same exact chacter confuses the shit out of a lot of lesser informed fans. How many times have I been asked since trailer 1 for this thing : is TV Flash going to starting hinting at JLA soon, why does Flash have a different costume in the movie than the show, is Flash still Barry Allen, why is his lightening blue in the movie but orange/ gold in the show- is it all a different universe? This are just the questions I’ve been asked on this one thing (I’m not not even going to start how many people scratched there heads when Henry Cavill didn’t pop in SuperGirl as Superman or how many times I have to explain Stephen Amell won’t be making a cameo appearance as Green Arrow in the movie or Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern…ugh). TV Flash comes off with a look that feels realistic but also practical while his film counterpart looks more he came out of the game Injustice: Gods among Us rather than something suiting someone of Flash’s traits. As for Batman, I enjoyed Ben Affleck as the Dark Knight in BvS but I fear the HUGE tonal shift between BvS and JLA may hurt his character a bit. When we were reintroduced to Batman, he was cold, cynical, and grim; he was a weary older man almost lost with anger and fear. I loved that take on him instead of from an origin point, as a comic fan soaking in all the little nuggets to piece why he started cracking ( RED HOOD MOVIE DAMMIT!). But suddenly now we have a Batman that cracks some jokes and seriously, nothing against Affleck at all, but the tonal shift screws with the overall flow. Still, the cast of heroes has a lot of potential. We got a first glimpse of Steppenwulf and I couldn’t help but get a major Thanos vibe from him. My two biggest problems with what I’m seeing from the trailers come down to tone and style. I feel DC is trying to sway into Marvel’s flavor a bit more but it doesn’t fit what they established and we can tell. As for style, you can tell this movie was made by the guy that gave us Watchmen and 300. Especially 300. The slo-mo gets irritating after a few trailers, it makes me nervous what a 3 hour movie will be like. Anyway, this is what I took from it but but what did you all think? leave a comment below and until next time may the gaming gods bring you glory.

jla

Jigsaw first trailer review

jigsaw Ugggggggggh. Dammit I cheered in 2010 when I thought Saw was over. I actually stood up and cheered in a theater in downtown Scranton ( by the way, it was the first week it was in theaters and I was one of four people there so I’m pretty sure no one really gave a flying crap a fat guy up and cheered at the screen.) Well, sorry Torsten 2010, Saw has returned….with bucket-helmets this time apparently. Ok, I’m not going to lie, I am going shit on this trailer not because Saw returned with a fresh new plan. If I saw any kind of originality or even an inkling of anything I didn’t already see in the last 7 films, I’d gladly give it the benefit of the doubt. Alas, no go little doodle. A lot of the scenes reminded me of scenes I’ve seen in the others, just with a different actor, different lighting, or a slight variance to the trap. Example 1: broad daylight in a fairly populated area, people stop slowly and stare at what I’m sure is the sight of a Jigsaw trap going off for all to see (Saw 7). Example 2: five people strapped onto leashes against the wall, getting pulled to there deaths; granted, in Saw 8 they are being pulled forward into a wall of buzz-saw blades instead of a what the hell ever happened in Saw 5 ( I try to forget Saw 5 happened.) Ok, so in 7 we saw the end of Hoffman, but who knows if he’s really dead or perhaps now we’re into Gordan’s line of carnage since we know him and a group of Jigsaw survivors have taken up the mantle. What does this mean? No damn clue. So I will wait to until trailer 2 before making up my mind on even if I want to see it at all. When I was 12- 14, Saw was the shit. It was every middle/ high school kids favorite blood and gore slasher flick; hell, I’d go as to call it the Scream of the 2000’s decade. I think it is a fairly solid trilogy, or would have been if Loinsgate didn’t get greedy and people didn’t keep askin for more. So what do you think of Saw’s return? leave me a comment below or hit me up on twitter @TorstenV and may the gaming gods bring you glory and pizza!

We Are Still Here

I’m not going to lie to you, I watched this movie with a friend and we spent the first 40 minutes mocking it to keep ourselves entertained. The story involved a family that just lost their college aged son moving to a remote town to get away from it all. The house they bought they are told used to be a funeral home. What they weren’t told were the owners were selling the bodies and burying empty coffins. This is explained quite early by some neighbors that come to visit. After about the half way point things will finally start to pick up and it actually gets pretty exciting. Some solid death scenes as well as a town conspiracy, or cover up may be a better word. Every 30 years a “darkness” under the house reappears and needs a family. Last time they didn’t get one and the fear now is the darkness will infect the entire town if they don’t get a family this time.

While not the best movie I have seen recently it is far from the worst, and if you can get through the first 40 minutes or so you may really enjoy it. As always thanks for visiting, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

John Carpenters Vampires

JC vampires

John Carpenter is a legend in the horror industry. Starring James wood the story revolves around a vampire hunter that works for the Catholic church. As the story goes a long time ago a member of the church turned against the church and too over a few cities. Eventually he was caught and burned at the stake and quickly stories spread of him still walking at night. And this man was the first and most powerful vampire. Well one day on a routine hunt a master vampire is missing. Later that night what turns out to be the first vampire murders almost the whole crew with ease. After all that, the real story begins but i won’t ruin that for you. I highly suggest you check it out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Diary of the dead

ddead First, I have to say we at Saviorgaming.blog are saddened by the recent passing of one of horror’s greatest director’s, George A. Romero. Zombies were never the same after the first three films in his legendary Dead series: Night of the living dead, Dawn of the dead, and day of the dead. The fourth installment, Land of the Dead, was met with much wide recognition. The fifth installment, diary, I consider a underrated gem. Diary of the dead features a group of college film students in the woods with their sullen Professor, filming a movie when strange reports come in of the dead coming to life. The film chronicles first- hand there experiences through first person film surviving a zombie outbreak, commenting on how the rational world melts away around them. Romero cleverly uses our main character (who we rarely see at all, because he’s behind the camera 95% of the time) to demonstrate our society’s over-dependence on the internet and our obsession with recording and reporting every second of our lives to validate our lives. I can believe the main actors are college kids living in northeast PA (two-thirds of the movie they are trying to get to Scranton, our hometown). The zombies are Romero’s classics but work for what the movie’s point is. There is enough strange moments to make the movie memorable and the narration is bleak but profoundly thought provoking. Though not as well know as the other entries in the series, Diary of the dead deserves a watch if you want to remember Romero as a man who used the living dead to say something about us and the times we live.

georgeromero Rest in Peace George A. Romero, the godfather of zombies.