Resident Evil 6

re6

Like another blood boiling crapper I covered in my list of disappointing games, this had an assload of potential and hype surrounding it and what we got was this. Originally I called this game the product of what happens when you try pleasing everyone and that is ultimately what slaughters the game. The game ultimately has 4 separate campaigns with 7 total playable characters totaling 21 chapters if you count the pointless prologue that you eventually have to replay anyway later in Leon’s campaign…actually, the prologue is the lead up to his final boss as a matter of fact. The story of Resident Evil 6 is a royal clusterfuck if I ever saw one, only matching BvS by comparison, but I’ll do my best. Leon Kennedy kills the President of the US because he became a zombie, which became a thing again because of some government dickhead named Derrick or whatever- oh trust me, he’s a laugh at the end. Chris Refield is a ptsd driven alcoholic that is going after a cartel called the Jarvo that are drug peddling cricket-men with his bitchy sidekick Piers that keeps reminding you how much of a sad sorry sack of shit you became. Jake Mueller is a douchy super merc who happens to be Wesker’s son teaming up with Sherry Birkin- the annoying little girl from Resident Evil 2 who  grew up hot and has Wolverine level healing powers in cutscenes only as they are being chased by diet Nemesis/ Abomination/ metal armed Hellboy 2 troll guy wannabe. Ada Wong is trying to kill a evil clone of herself that set a lot of this shit in motion. Wow, writing this I can fully comprehend how batshit this all sounds.

Ok, the only real positive I give this game is graphically it is beauty. I give it that. After that it is steaming ostrich diarrhea. The new upgrading mechanic blows; you don’t get many slots and you’re aim jitters like a bitch when you fire in an attempt to be more realistic. In a game where one of your final bosses is a fucking zombie dinosaur man you worry about realistic shooting and getting tired in physical combat? Oh that’s great too, adding a ridiculous stamina system so you can get tired after 3 punches and resort to laughably over-exaggerated exhausted hits which cripples Jake’s campaign a bit. Leon’s is supposed to be old school horror- it ain’t. Chris is supposed to cater to the COD crowd- it doesn’t. Ada’s is supposed to be the stealth game- her stealth kills are sloppy as shit. The game isn’t really built for that kind of gameplay and oh can you tell. Instead of clever puzzles, everything is made insanely clear with bright indicators oh but don’t worry we got truck loads of damn QTEs because you love them as much as going to the dentist who hates Novocaine. The chapters are long and because the stories sometimes intersect you will play the same part over again and watch the same damn cut scene again. I forced myself through his deep fried ass cheese to get to some of the crapiest final bosses of recent gaming.

re6 dinosaur  This says volumes.

Overall, this game is crap. Resident Evil died in the hearts of many the day this came out and for good reason. This is a hemorrhoid on the series and modern gaming; this game is every rock in your trick or treat bag; this game is every bad bikini wax, every nasty toilet seat and every bowl of your grandma’s stale ass cereal she forgot was in her cupboard since disco was a thing. If your drunk you may like this but in the end, friends won’t let friends play Resident Evil 6.

Author: torstenvblog

Writer of the strange and everything; lover of horror, literature, comics, and the alien is my spirit animal

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