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Shark Attack 2

shark attack 2

Oh boy. Just…ugh. Ok, so in 2002 I was a kid and still riding the high of Deep Blue Sea, I wanted more. So Duke told me about a movie on Sci-fi channel that was pretty much the same thing. And he was right…but a crappier version.

So a aquarium in sunny California acquires a new Great White shark. Something is off about it. Turns out it’s the offspring of a genetically altered enlarged shark from the first film. Oh and there’s like 6 of these things. The shark gets out, meets up with the others and kills a beach of people. So a Nick Cage look alike, a woman out for revenge against the sharks that murdered her sister, and a douchy Steve Irwin wannabe have to ban together and kill these damn dirty sharks.

Ok, so if you ever saw a shark movie, there’s nothing really groundbreaking. If you thought Jaws needed lame characters and more gore and Deep Blue Sea needed to be more hokey and have lame practical effects, well here you go. At least it isn’t boring because of all of the shark kills. In the end, it’s forgettable but Ok if you want some decent gore. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes.

Deep Blue Sea

deep blue sea

It’s winter in Scranton and I’m freaking cold. Savior had the idea of talking about Jaws, nice sunny summer movies, so I figured, “ah shit, if there were sharks in Scranton It’d feel warmer out I bet.” And since I randomly have heard of a phantom sequel to this coming out over the years, I though why not talk about it.

Deep Blue Sea is the story of a scientist trying to find a cure for Alzheimers by testing on sharks she illegally genetically modified in a research lab in the middle of the ocean. The three mako sharks that were used for testing are now smarter and have trapped the people in the facility that is breaking apart, and it’s up to them to kill the sharks before they break the final layers of containment and find there way into the deep blue sea…

I know the plot sounds like some B movie bullshit but I can assure you it comes together quite well. The characters are solid and there is alot of effort put into suspense, tension, score and the scenery. At the time, for 1999, the shark effects were pretty damn good and much of it still is. There are some questionable moments of early CGI and the notorious Samuel L. Jackson scene that is pretty hilarious and WTF. I have to be honest, Deep Blue Sea is my favorite shark movie and I think it’s pretty underrated, though not a boneified classic like Jaws (1975) but definitely deserves a cult classic status. May the gaming gods bring you glory and beware of sharks.

Some things I’m pumped for in 2018

2018

So we all have that one form of beloved entertainment we have, whether it’s book, movie, game, music, or madness fueled clog dancing while singing Shirley Temple tunes (don’t judge me man). So I wanted to share some of what I’m pumped for in 2018. In no particular order, let’s begin with…

aquaman 1. Aquaman- if you caught our reviews on Justice League (2017) , you’ll know our favorite part was Aquaman. On top of that, I love Black Manta and I can’t wait to see these two badasses duke it out on the big screen.

2.We happy few- ever since I first saw the trailer for this trippy, unsettling game that looks like a much more survival oriented Bioshock, I was hooked. Like maddeningly so.

3. Halloween 2018- I miss Michael Myers and I was thrilled Jamie Lee Curtis is returning but even more exited original Michael Myers Nick Castle is reprising his role. Is it weird this film redcons every other Halloween film but the original, yeah, but I’m willing to see what’s to come.

4. Code Vein- a game styled like Dark Souls with a beautiful anime art style and vampires. Just hell yeah.

5. Black Panther- Granted, I’m pretty hyped for all of the Marvel movies of the year but I have a soft spot for Panther. He was one of my favorite parts of Civil War and best of all, the movie comes out right next to my Birthday so even better.

These were just a few quick things but I’m sure more will come up through the year. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes all around.

Torsten’s game of 2017

$fractured 2$

Happy new year one and all. To wrap up the year, since I saw Savior gave his favorite game a shout out, I thought I would too. It was a really hard tie between Injustice 2 and South Park: Fractured but whole but I have to say South Park farted its way through my heart. The game made me laugh myself to where I feared my pants were wet but besides that, like much of South Park, there was a clever satire involved around the Superhero film craze and honestly, it’s the best superhero story I’ve heard all year. As we venture into 2018, let’s remember while video games give us trophies, a way to prove our skills against the world, and test or brains and reflexes, but at the end of the day, it how we have fun. Let’s have fun in 2018 and may the gaming gods bring you glory this year.

The Devil’s Rejects

devils reject

There is very few times in film where the sequel is absolutely better than the original. This is one of those times. With a better characters, story, music, and a darker, more intense situations elevate this to a pretty memorable, and disturbing western horror movie.

Rejects begins with the Firefly family’s homestead getting raided by the police in a violent shootout, lead by Sheriff Wydell whose brother was killed in the last movie. With there mama captured, Otis and Baby are on the run and trying to find Captain Spaulding, while getting there kicks off by terrorizing and torturing a traveling country group. Wydell, filling with rage begins losing himself as he starts going down his own dark path as he tries to kill the rest of the family.

As I said in the intro, pretty much everything got a lot better this time time around. While Otis, Baby, and Spaulding are horrible, unlikable people you do see the humanity in them by the end, while Wydell is a decent lawman who loses his by the end. The 70’s music and gritty cinematography add an extra layer to the movie. Bill Mosely stole the show for me as Otis, who reminded me of the late Charles Manson in his malevolent, satanic nature. Yes, this movie is vulgar as hell and incredibly disturbing and intense but damn it is a great movie that will leave you breathless by the conclusion by far it’s the best film I’ve seen from Zombie. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes to all.

House of 1000 Corpses

house of 1000 corpses

I grew up a 90’s numetal kid that I still love to this day, one of my favorites being Rob Zombie. As well as being a numetal fan, I also love horror so when I saw the trailers for Rob Zombie’s first horror film I was full of bright, cheery, optimism. What came of it?

House of 1000 Corpses is essentially Rob Zombie’s grungier, more vulgar take on Texas Chainsaw Massacre. People break down on the road in the middle of nowhere and are at the mercy of a family of madmen known as the Firefly Family. The most famous character of this family is Captain Spalding, a clown who runs a strange sideshow attraction.

I have to be honest, though it has become a cult classic over the years, I can’t say I like House of 1000 Corpses. Some of the imagery is cool and I do appreciate the throwback to old school horror exploitation, I felt there wasn’t much to differentiate it from movies like TCM, except the vulgarity which there is a shitload of. I can’t really recommend it unless you like Rob Zombie as a artist, other than that, skip to the sequel. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Zombeavers

zombeavers

The title says it all. The poster says it more. This is a movie about friggin zombie beavers. 3 sorority sisters go to a cabin in the woods for a weekend getaway but it just so happens the local beavers ran afoul with some toxic waste and became zombies.

I don’t care what anyone says, this was a fun B movie. There’s plenty of one liners, blood, boobs, and bad language to get a few good laughs. Once you see a zombie beaver jump out of a wooden floor and chew a guy’s nuts off, you can officially say you probably saw everything. Of course the acting ain’t great but it gets the job done and the effects alone are funny with obviously fake beavers and blood that looks like cherry Kool Aid. It’s a fun movie for the horror fan that needs a laugh. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Sausage Party

sausage party

This was a weird ass way to start a night. It looks like a children’s movie and even sounds like one at first with upbeat song and dance number but then I realized it was so much more than that. Sausage Party is the story of food at grocery store awaiting to be taken away to the “great beyond” over the 4th of July weekend. For them its heaven, or is it once they realize the “gods” aren’t kind and in fact slaughter and eat them because, you know, food…

I know I’m labeling this review a comedy. In fact, if you enjoy Seth Rogan’s other comedies, you will love this, but I enjoy the movie strictly for it’s brilliant satire and some deep questions. Being a fat weirdo from Scranton, I eat quite a bit but I can’t say I ever thought of the pain and suffering of food. Some of the scenes have a gruesome, and heinous feel to them, even though it’s just a potato getting peeled or a hot dog getting boiled. Because of it taking place in a grocery store, we get to see how all the food interacts with each other, a cleaver metaphor for the different races we have and at the end it all blows up into a argument over god and heaven. I applaud it for making me think rather than laugh, which sadly I didn’t do much of except for some outrageous scenes halfway through and up. All in all, it was a cool movie with damn good animation that dared to be different and I say give it a shot. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Dead Space 3

dead space 3

This hurt. A lot. Not as much as Aliens: Colonial Marines but this was the other turd in my 22nd birthday bucket as well as being something of a accidental precursor to the horror trash fire that was Resident Evil 6 .

So Issac’s life sucks, I think anyone who played the last 2 games can agree, but he is wallowing in it as the Unitologists unleash a new attack. Issac must venture to remote ice planet Tau Volantis to find answers to the origin of this Necromorph crap while fighting the armed Unitologists and see your love of Issac Clarke die in this final installment.

So before I shit on most of this game, there are some cool things about it. I like now having to actually build weapons of your own design or previous game’s weapons. That was neat. Despite the new emphasis on third person cover shooting, the mechanics do work reasonable well and aren’t just tossed in there carelessly. Well, that sums up the good. Besides that, I hated the shit out of this game. Issac Clarke becomes whiny and annoying like Chris Redfield in RE6, hell he looks like discount bagain bin Chris in this game if I’m gonna be honest. In fact, I checked out of this game pretty early when it comes to caring about plot. Also, I get this happens on a snow planet but why the hell does Issac look like a Power Rangers reject for almost a third of the game? The horror aspect is GONE, replaced by not scary Necromorphs and gun fodder for you and your AI buddy Carver to mow down because hey, Resident Evil did it so why not. As for the new crafting mechanics, real help those are when they cut your carrying capacity in half and now you can only carry two guns at a time. At times the game was fun but damn was it a terrible end to a great series and from some research, I found out much of this bullshit was the devs fault. I heard what Dead Space 3 was supposed to be compared to this and I screamed in outrage. If you loved the other 2, end it with 2. Leave this to die in bargain bin hell where it belongs. May the gaming gods bring you glory and friends don’t let friends play Dead Space 3.

Dead Space 2

dead space 2

How can you possibly amp up all of the madness of classic Dead Space? A massive new environment, crazier space exploits, and new characters help.

Issac Clarke has been found adrift in space and brought aboard The Sprawl, a massive space station. But he is not truly alone, being constantly haunted by Nicole and Issac tries to keep his sanity, until the unthinkable happens: Necromorphs are running loose on the Sprawl. Issac discovers he brought there to create a new marker for the Unitologists, the religious zealots that believe the marker is the key to bringing ll life together in perfect harmony. On the run, Issac meets feisty Ellie and fellow marker-victim Stross as they have to join together and stop the head of the station Tideman from unleashing the new marker.

Dead Space 2 could have been a superior sequel. In many ways it is. Much of the combat mechanics are either just as fluid or improved and small things have been added that I really enjoyed and appreciated like your objective tracker now being able to display the way to stores, benches, and save points too or your stasis module now having a nifty recharge capability built in. Space plays a much bigger part this time. You can blast windows and jettison yours foes into space, but watch out because if you don’t hit the shutter switches in time your ass is grass. Instead of jumping from point to point and magnetically walking around in vacuums like before, we now have have a personal flight system I found much easier, enjoyable, and damn epic than before. So what’s the catch? The story starts incredibly strong. In fact, its quite ballsy. But the horror dwindles about half way through and Nicole goes from being menacing to just plain damn annoying. The end boss is a lame ass gimme that brings you down a bit. I highly recommend Dead Space 2 but I doubt you will like it as much as the first. May the gaming gods bring you glory.