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5 fun horror sequels

jason

Jason maybe a heartless killer and hockey fan but his movies knew how to have fun a bit. Sometimes there’s just a crappy sequel that makes us laugh and makes us appreciate the scary shit a bit more. Here’s 5 of my picks in no particular order of fun horror sequels good for a laugh.

friday6 1. Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives- The first movie that flipped off continuity and whatever realistic pretenses the series had by having Jason resurrected from the dead. The dark comedy moments are funny as hell and we get a decent end to the Tommy Jarvis arc. It was a hard pick between 6, 8, and 10 but 6 wins in my heart.

alienr1 2. Alien: Resurrection- “Resurrection” may have a curse when it comes to deeply terrifying horror franchises. The fourth Alien movie has a good concept but sooooo many WTF moments tossed in there and some pretty great moments of overacting. It can be a fun WTF movie if in the right mindset.

3. Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows- I actually will defend this as a decent movie with some good heavy 90’s music in it and some creepy imagery. Sometimes the acting ain’t great in some places and one o two of the scares backfire which can be kinda funny. Me and my oldest friend had plenty of fun either laughing or decoding this sequel.

leprachaun 5 4. Leprechaun: In the Hood- I hope this says it all, and if it doesn’t, allow me- WHY THE FUCK IS THE LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD?…one scene says it all, a bunch of dudes hittin a bong with the Leprechaun. Yep.

halloween 8 5. Halloween: Resurrection- 2 words. All I need. Busta Rhymes. I’ve never laughed more at a horror movie than Busta’s crazy ass using kung fu on Michael Myers and cursing him out. You have to watch it for yourself to gather the absurdity of this movie.

Misery

misery film

Ya know how there’s a drawback to every career choice, no job is completely great and wonderful. I know being famous ain’t all it’s cracked up to be but this made me not want to be a writer, director, or any kind of artist. Misery is the rare kind of story that believably real and so much more terrifying because of it. Much like Pet Sematary, which I covered earlier, both movie and book are great but this time I can say I prefer the book, though the movie is still an amazing adaptation.

Paul Sheldon is a famous author of a series of books named after the main character Misery, which he has gotten fed up with over the years. He has a tradition to go to a cabin he has in the mountains when he’s about to finish a book. He finishes the last book in Misery’s series to his relief. On his way back down to go to his publishers, he gets caught in a storm storm and crashes his car. His car totaled, his body unconscious and wrecked, it looks bad for the author. But he is saved by a large, heavy woman named Annie Wilkes that brings him home and nurses him back to health. Annie loves the Misery books with all her heart. Looking through his bag, she finds Paul’s manuscript for a new Misery; Paul lets her read it, after all she did save his grumpy ass and nothing could possibly go wrong, right? Annie is full of girlish glee…until she reads the ending. She snaps, screaming at Paul, slamming him and his bed up and down in a violent rage. She forces him to burn the new book he has been working on and begin a new book to revive Misery, dedicated to her of course. Paul is in living hell, immobile, isolated from a world that thinks he’s dead except for a sheriff in the mountain town. But can Paul hold out until then while Annie grows more intensely mad and her true colors reveal themselves…

A main difference I get between the book and movie is that the two main characters are much more flushed out. In the book we learn a lot about Paul as he struggles to finish the book he never wanted to make and how by the end he almost loves the series again because of how much it challenged him. Annie’s portrayal either way amazingly lifelike but there were touches in the book that strangely made me relate her to Blaine the Mono from the third Dark Tower book. The movie does an amazing job with the acting, especially Kathy Bates as Annie Wilkes, and never ceases to loose tension in it’s confined space. I highly recommend it if you enjoy good old fashion suspense over gore and body counts, though who can forget the hobbling?

Pet Sematary Two

pet sematary two

Of course of course there had to be a sequel. It’s almost absolute certainty in the film industry, especially the horror genre, because good things just can’t get left alone. Pet Sematary Two isn’t horrible, especially by horror sequel standards, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the the original.

The sequel follows two teens, primarily Jeff played by Edward Furlong, a boy saddened by the tragic on-set death of his movie star mother. Him and his father, a veterinarian, movie into Ludlow, Maine, years after the Creed’s fate, becoming a ghost story we hear years later. He becomes friends with a fat kid named Drew, whose stepdad Gus is the town sheriff and a total dick bag. Gus kills Drew’s dog and of course they have to take it up to the pet cemetery. The dog comes back. Jeff asks the question Louis asked before him. Before that happens though, Drew’s returned dog kills Gus while defending him from Gus’s abusive ass. Gus comes back and more deadly shenanigans ensue and Jeff’s mom comes back…yeah

Seriously this ain’t a terrible movie just sure as shit not great. The main leads are pretty good for 90’s teenagers. My biggest issue is that it tries too damn hard to be trendy, like the 90’s is bitch slapping you in the face whereas the original didn’t feel like a 80’s movie but that feels almost timeless. I never felt scared or remotely alarmed by the undead in this movie, in fact I laughed a few times. Overall, it’s a sequel that’s there. It ain’t great or shit, just a floater in the gray in between. May the gaming gods bring you glory my friends.

Pet Sematary

“Sometimes Louis, dead is better.” Pet Sematary by legendary writer Stephen King was my introduction to his insanity and brilliance when I was three or four, not much older than poor Gage Creed. To this day the movie still has an impressive talent for creeping the shit out of me and tugging at my heartstrings a bit. The book is equally as good and pretty damn close comparison wise, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

Louis and Rachael Creed move into a new house in rural Maine with daughter Ellie, cat Church and baby son Gage. Its a wide, picturesque place; a long road of speeding trucks separates them from there old, kindly neighbors Judd and Norma Crandall. The Crandalls and Creeds hit it off, especially Judd and Louis. Louis is a doctor, and first day at his new job, a young man named Pascow dies on his table after getting hit by a car while jogging. Louis has dreams of Pascow’s ruined body warning him about something Judd once told the family, beyond the old Pet Sematary out back. While the rest of his family is away, Louis finds Church dead. Judd sees the pain on Louis’s face of having to break the news to Ellie. Judd reluctantly takes Louis to a very special place far beyond the ruins of the cemetery to bury Church. Judd tells him it used to be a special place for the Native Americans that used to live there; after a long trek, Judd tells him to bury his own. Days later, Church returns. Not the sweet lovable cat he knew, Church exists with a horrible stench and a lonesome, sometimes hostile temper. Louis asks Judd how the hell church came back. Judd tells him the legend of the land but stops short when Louis asks the obvious question, have ever buried a person up there. Pascow returns to Louis again, warning him away from the ground again. Time goes by and on a fateful summer’s day Louis finds himself with a broken heart and a breaking family when Gage perishes tragically. Against everything, Louis bring Gage to the burial ground and waits for his son to come home with horrific and tragic results…

A story this simple, genuinely genius in how frightening and sad it is proves why King is a legend at the craft. Whether you watch the unforgettable movie or took the extra initiative and read the book, they sync up really well. The characters feel realistic and flushed out well. A lot of the imagery sticks with you; the most memorable image from the movie to me is Zelda, Rachael’s dying sister. That shit stays with you man. Definitely locked in my top 3 favorite Stephen King stories of all time, perhaps even my favorite considering how much it influenced me, I can’t recommend it enough. Thank you as always and just remember, “some lines aren’t meant to be crossed, doc.”

5 horror movies for non horror fans

Horror is in my blood, it’s grafted onto my soul since birth. Whether you get off on the tension of a good psychological scare, enjoy gallons of blood, or a cheap laugh and some boobs, horror has something for everyone. Most of all, it makes us look at ourselves, our friends and family, and the world around us all differently. But some people insist horror is stupid, tasteless, or exploitative and sometimes yes it is but I wanted to prove there are some great horror movies the haters can enjoy. In no particular order, here we go:

1. IT (2017)- The most recent movie on this list, It not only is a great horror movie but also a wonderful coming of age story. The children have a heart warming chemistry that gives us some great story thread outside the constant threat of Pennywise and some funny moments. Either way, I highly recommend it.

2. Cabin in the Woods- Just as creative as it is funny and badass, Cabin in the Woods took most of us by storm in 2012 as a totally unique and original movie about the ultimate cabin in the Woods horror film…seriously if you never saw it, you’re in for a huge treat as the plot is full of fun characters and monsters from all walks of horror- and a unicorn too.

alien 3. Alien- If you read my review for this sci-fi horror classic, you’ll know how much I loved it but now I’m going to focus on the tension this movie builds. Some beautiful, claustrophobic settings and a terrifying as hell creature hunting relate able characters in space. If you’re a sci fi nerd, definitely should go on your must watch list.

4. Poltergeist- As much of a great horror movie this classic is, there is equally a sense of wonder to it you don’t find in many horror movies. It’s a heartfelt family and a cast of likable characters that doesn’t take itself too seriously but when it’s scary, is scary as hell. Always worth a view.

seven 5. Seven- After Alien 3, David Fincher came back with a vengeance with this freaky crime thriller staring a young Brad Pitt and the always amazing Morgan Freeman. So much creepy imagery as they track down a killer basing his murders on the 7 deadly sins; fans of cop dramas will enjoy the dark, grim atmosphere and the twists and turns.

I hope you all enjoyed the countdown and check these movies out and may the gaming gods be with you.

5 great horror games to scare the crap out of you.

October is practically Christmas for us at Saviorgaming so I thought I’d help kick shit off with a list of some of my favorite horror games. In no particular order, I can tell you these games gave me a good scare or at least spiked my blood pressure a bit. So let’s begin…

rere1 1. Resident Evil (remake) – Resident Evil was a tricky pick for which I’d pick. 0, 1, 2, 3, or 4 were all acceptable really but the remake is somehow timeless. With a creepy as hell atmosphere, lack of ammo, interesting plot and two ways to play through it all, it’s a fun classic to bring out this Halloween that holds up pretty damn well and brings up a harsh challenge.

2 Bloodborne- call me whatever you want but this game got me a few times. And no, it wasn’t because of how hard the bosses are. I’m a fan of H.P Lovecraft and good bloody body horror and fucked up disturbing creatures, so Bloodborne filled my appetite quite nicely. Yharnam has an aesthetic close to the old settings of the classic black and white Universal monster movies I grew up with as well as I can imagine the Hunter traveling to slay Dracula or the Frankenstein monster. If you want a scary game that’s beautiful, bloody, and will kick your ass Bloodborne is for you.

evil within. 3. The Evil Within- Especially relevant with the sequel dropping next month, Friday the thirteenth to be exact, why not catch up? Revisit the horrors of Ruvik’s mind as you try to survive madness and monsters in the second best “horror casserole” I’ve ever played.

deadspace 4. Dead Space- This is my favorite “horror casserole” of all time. ith vibes from Alien, Carpenter’s Thing remake, Resident Evil, Evil Dead, Event Horizon, and good psychological twist, Dead Space encapsulated me in Isaac Clarke’s quest through the ruined Ishimura for his missing girlfriend Nicole and the monstrous Necromorphs- which holy shit they are awesomely creative and freaky. The atmosphere is extremely freaky but breathtaking, the audio is creepy, and the game is scary as hell but still a blast.

isolation2 5. Alien: Isolation- anyone who knows me knew this was coming. Who wouldn’t want to be inside one the all time scariest movies? Isolation puts us there, disadvantaged against overwhelming odds and an unkillable alien that is shockingly lifelike. It’s a very tense game with a good story that will keep you on the edge of your seat, and have you question every noise you hear at night. Keep out of the vents my friends.

I hope you enjoyed my list and with the exception of Dead Space, we have reviews for all the aforementioned games. The Dead Space trilogy is soon to come as well as more Resident Evil and what not. Thank you for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Resident Evil 6 Review

Like another blood-boiling crapper I covered in my list of disappointing games, Resident Evil 6 had an assload of potential and hype surrounding it, and what we got was this. Originally, I called this game the product of what happens when you try pleasing everyone and that is ultimately what slaughters the game. The game ultimately has 4 separate campaigns with 7 total playable characters totaling 21 chapters if you count the pointless prologue that you eventually have to replay anyway later in Leon’s campaign…actually, the prologue is the lead up to his final boss as a matter of fact. The story of Resident Evil 6 is a royal clusterfuck if I ever saw one, only matching BvS by comparison, but I’ll do my best. Leon Kennedy kills the President of the US because he became a zombie, which became a thing again because of some government dickhead named Derrick or whatever- oh trust me, he’s a laugh at the end. Chris Refield is a ptsd driven alcoholic that is going after a cartel called the Jarvo that are drug peddling cricket-men with his bitchy sidekick Piers that keeps reminding you how much of a sad sorry sack of shit you became. Jake Mueller is a douchy super merc who happens to be Wesker’s son teaming up with Sherry Birkin- the annoying little girl from Resident Evil 2 who grew up hot and has Wolverine level healing powers in cutscenes only as they are being chased by diet Nemesis/ Abomination/ metal armed Hellboy 2 troll guy wannabe. Ada Wong is trying to kill a evil clone of herself that set a lot of this shit in motion. Wow, writing this I can fully comprehend how batshit this all sounds.

Ok, the only real positive I give this game is that, graphically, it is beautiful. I give it that. After that, it is steaming ostrich diarrhea. The new upgrading mechanic blows; you don’t get many slots, and you’re aim jitters like a bitch when you fire in an attempt to be more realistic. In a game where one of your final bosses is a fucking zombie dinosaur man you worry about realistic shooting and getting tired in physical combat? Oh that’s great too, adding a ridiculous stamina system so you can get tired after 3 punches and resort to laughably over-exaggerated exhausted hits which cripples Jake’s campaign a bit. Leon’s is supposed to be old school horror- it ain’t. Chris is supposed to cater to the COD crowd- it doesn’t. Ada’s is supposed to be the stealth game- her stealth kills are sloppy as shit. The game isn’t really built for that kind of gameplay, and oh, can you tell. Instead of clever puzzles, everything is made insanely clear with bright indicators, oh, but don’t worry, we got truckloads of damn QTEs because you love them as much as going to the dentist who hates Novocaine. The chapters are long, and because the stories sometimes intersect, you will play the same part over again and watch the same damn cut scene again. I forced myself through his deep-fried ass cheese to get to some of the crapiest final bosses of recent gaming.

re6 dinosaur This says volumes.

Overall, this game is crap. Resident Evil died in the hearts of many the day this came out and for good reason. This is a hemorrhoid on the series and modern gaming; this game is every rock in your trick or treat bag; this game is every bad bikini wax, every nasty toilet seat and every bowl of your grandma’s stale ass cereal she forgot was in her cupboard since disco was a thing. If your drunk you may like this but in the end, friends won’t let friends play Resident Evil 6.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

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Oh boy…this is gonna be bad. Originally described to me by a friend as “Resident Evil meets Star Wars Battlefront” , I was immediately hooked. Playing as an Umbrella agent trying to contain the infamous Raccoon City outbreak- HELL YEAH! Well, sorry again slightly younger Torsten, but get ready to get boned again and have your hopes and dreamed set ablaze. Put bluntly, this game is laughably bad. And honestly, there was no reason it had to be that way. A good third person shooter during a zombie monster apocalypse shouldn’t be that hard of a thing to achieve. That being said, the gameplay was merely a super clunky SOCOM mash up that could be fun with a friend. Some people have told me the game is better in multiplayer but for the single player joes like myself, tough shit pal. The A.I is idiotic and a clear case of it looking like your comrades are doing shit but not really doing a damn thing. The shooting is god awful, like unless the damn zombies were directly in front of me I was screwed. Also, the stupid ass A.I partners would get in the way anyway. The graphics are meh and as for characters, the only two I can remember are HUNK- the Boba Fett of Resident Evil who has a unintentionally funny intro and a brief cameo and chase by William Birkin which is the best part if the running didn’t feel like a hot grilled ass and cheese sandwich… I’m going to end this review of this wad of giraffe dung with a anecdote: I got this used from my local game store. Cashier says “ouch dude, are you sure?” and for free he upgraded me to the steel book case and the told me what days he worked that week and told me if I brought it back, he’d let me exchange it for a equal value game, no questions asked. I came back less than 24 hours later, walked up to him and in front of people replied “Fuck this game.” That says it all. Overall, friends don’t let friends play Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City.

The mummy (1999)

the mummy

So how about we talk about a good remake of the Mummy and not a Marvel wannabe? This 1999 remake features fun likable characters, pretty impressive effects for the time that can be kinda creepy and it’s just a plain simple adventure. Imhotep was a priest in the days of ancient Egypt who was cursed and mummified alive because he helped kill the pharaoh and used some black magic to try bringing his dead girlfriend back to life. Hundreds of years later, a librarian named Evee out for adventure with her troublesome bother Jonathan save a convict Rick O Connell from the gallows because he swore to have seen the location to the lost city of…Haminaptra (my apologies for the horrific spelling). There, with other explorers, they find Imhotep’s corpse and the book that unintentionally brings him back from the dead. With his resurrection comes the horror of his feeding off of those who originally unlocked his tomb as he tries to unleash the ten plagues and bring back his girlfriend.

Overall, it’s definately a fun movie. Not quite a horror flick per say, there are some messed up parts like watching people getting mauled by scarabs or Imhotep’s first victim shuffling about after having his eyes and tongue ripped out. There’s a lot of cool action scenes and some good humor thrown throughout; it’s one of those rare movies that knows how to serious but not take itself too seriously. I highly recommend it, and as always thank you and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Red Dead Redemption 2 trailer

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Damn I want this game. Like a good trailer ought to, we get glimpses of the majestic, epic beauty of the old west in the trailer for Red Dead Redemption 2 but we don’t get much of an idea of a plot except for Dutch being referenced at the end, making me think this maybe some kind of prequel. In one way I’d be fine with that, getting to see a young John Marsten get in with the gang he’d hunt down in the original. I was a huge fan of the first Red Dead Redemption and my hopes are high for the sequel, not too many times I can lasso someone and toss them in front of a train after all.