Eclipse

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So if I had to pick a best out of the Twilight series, Eclipse, book 3, would probably be my favorite. There is some compelling narration, decent lore building, and a fair amount of tension to leads to…shit. Two books building up to a grand ass revenge and it’s over in a paragraph. No epic fight, hell the fight were hoping for we never see; the movie at least did us that solid. But I need to do this right and summarize the plot of this. Ah hell, here it goes…

So months passed since New Moon ended, Victoria is still on the loose, the werewolves still hate the Cullens, and teen bullshit. Edward and Bella still going back and forth bout the whole I wanna be a vampire/ I have no soul cuz I’m a monster crap. Also Jacob is all emo again because Bella ain’t into dog sex, she’s all into screwing rich dead people. I always thought Bella was a gold-digger myself. Anyway, they’re also almost graduating from school and apparently people are disappearing in the city next to Forks. So Jacob pops up at there school, letting it out that the two factions almost had it out trying to get Victoria. Soon after, they discover Victoria is stalking Bella, Blah blah blah Victoria is trying to make an army of newborn crack vampires to kill Bella so the Cullens and werewolves have to band together and stop her. Oh and they get engaged while Jacob tries to jump into her pants.

Ok, so Eclipse is the best of the four. There is a fair sense of tension and some cool lore sprinkled throughout. BUT the dialogue is crappy, all the characters just feel whiny, all built tensions just squeak fart out instead of being a cool climax. The movie is full of the bad emo acting the Twilight movies are famous for but we do a decent fight at the end. The first couple minutes of the movie are a nice touch that actually can trick you into thinking its a horror- HAHAHA don’t fall for it. This movie maybe directed by David Slade, director of the totally underrated 30 days of Night movie but he couldn’t even save this damn movie.  Anyway, thank you for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Goosebumps

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I was insanely in love with Goosebumps as a kid. Hell, even as an adult me and Savior still find a bit of fondness for the series. R.L. Stine’s children’s horror series was huge in the 90’s, whether it was in the books or the show, it was damn near inescapable growing up then. The books are fast and memorable, having some good tension built up in stories like Welcome to Dead House and Say cheese and Die. Seriously, twenty some years old reading them I actually felt a little bit tense. As for the show, three stories stick out to me above the rest- The Haunted Mask 1 and 2, The Werewolf of Fever Swamp, and the Night of the Living Dummy stories. Slappy the dummy from that show creeps me out way more than Chucky or Annabelle, I don’t know how or why but that bastard creeps me out. What makes Goosebumps stand out most of all is the creativity behind the stories. Though a lot of the monsters and ghouls are things we’ve seen but Stine finds ways of making them his own. If you have Netflix, definitely check it out and many of the books can be found at your local library.

Carrie

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The classic that started it all for the legend that is Stephen King. I’m sure we’ve all either seen one of the 3 film adaptations or seen a parody of it somewhere, my first intro to Carrie was a moment in Tiny Toons for shit sake. If you haven’t been introduced to this classic, here’s the gist: a unpopular girl in high school gets bullied for being weird while at home she takes shit from her insanely over religious mother and learns she has the gift of telekinesis (the ability to move things with her mind.) When life looks to be looking up when she begins to understand the power and gets asked to prom by a popular guy, it violently goes to shit when she gets drenched in pig blood as a prank and Carrie goes apeshit. First I’m going to say I love the book. Every film has Carrie has a defenseless, skinny, quiet, girl but in the book we’re able to see her dark, hateful feelings boiling inside and her feelings on god which are interesting; of every adaptation I always enjoyed the book’s bleak ending the best. Carrie dies wounded on the side of the road after killing her mother, most of her classmates and destroying most of the town, just her and Sue Snell- the mean girl who took pity on Carrie. They talk one last time, Carrie driving her lifetime of pain into Sue’s memory like a nail, dying before sending out one last wave to scramble the minds of the town so they can’t remember much except that Carrie fucked them up. The 2002 film has an intersting ending where Carrie lived and her and Sue ran off, forever on the run. Of the films, 2002 was my favorite and most accurate to the book. For the original, Piper Laurie stole the show as Carrie’s mad mother, one of the scariest performances I’ve ever seen but Sissy Spacek is probably my least favorite Carrie. As for the 2013 remake, Chloe Grace Moretz gave a great performance as Carrie but besides that the movie was a modern day retread with DragonBall Z effects. Either way you go with it, it’s still a great story but I do recommend hitting the book first, it’s a quick but powerful read from a powerful writer.

Dark Tower 7: The Dark Tower

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At last Roland reaches the Dark Tower, but will he be the only one? The Crimson King’s forces are pressing down on our divided heroes, there is only one beam left holding the Tower up, Mordred is born and viscous, and Roland’s Tet is running out of luck. They come together to save Susannah as she gives birth to Mordred, at first a lovely baby boy that quickly reveals the other half of his breeding, showing off his spider form. He immediately kills Mia’s living form and soon after brings an end to Walter finally. Susannah wounds Mordred but he escapes, bleeding, vulnerable, and dying. The group reunites, suffering the first casualty of Callahan to get to Susannah. They head towards Blue Heaven, a massive breaker prison working on shattering the last beam. The Tet launches a badass strike on the prison to free the breakers, tragically losing Eddie in the process. The goodbyes are heartfelt and heart-wrenching but sadly won’t be the first. The Crimson King plots to kill Stephen King via the real life crash and this time Jake sacrifices himself to save King. He’s injured but not dead; Jake dies in Roland’s arms. Susannah is heart broken, first losing her husband then losing the boy she felt for like a son; Susannah and Oy start to feel contempt for Roland. They go on through a perilous winter and sinister fiends along the way, being followed by a sad, enraged Mordred all the way. In a last ditch effort, Mordred strikes them while they sleep, but Oy rushes to fight him off. Mordred kills him but Roland finally slays Mordred. Susannah and Roland part ways ; Roland and a young man they rescued are left to battle the Crimson King and step into the Tower.

Dark Tower 7 has to be one of the best finales I’ve ever read. When I first read it, I didn’t appreciate the final ending much but now I’m older I can appreciate the message it’s meant to convey. The quotes from Hurt by Nine Inch Nails and Bad Company fit the story perfectly because it’s a huge tragedy. I’m not going to lie to you, but I did shed a couple tears during some of the main characters deaths; King brilliantly made them all feel like real people so their ends have a true weight to them. Many of the fights are badass and for all it’s worth, I’m glad Roland found the tower because in the end The Man in Black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed”. 

Dark Tower 6: Song of Susannah

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At the end of Calla, Susannah disappears into another when and where, taken over by Mia. Mia is the demon who raped her and is pregnant with a diabolical child of Roland, The Crimson King, and Susannah to create the ultimate breaker, Mordred Deschain. Roland, Eddie, Jake, Oy, and Callahan have to push through the “Unfound” door, find Susannah and finish the last tasks before reaching this story’s finale.

Of all the series, I have the hardest time remembering book six the most. For the most part, I found it as a good bridge linking to the final chapter, much like Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in that regard. There is a heavy sense of dread once the second to last beam holding the tower up falls in the opening, making this book and next feel rushed because time is ticking. Book six starts to feel frighteningly real. Eddie and Roland meet a young Stephen King, which holy crap that’s meta. The heaviest part to me was Callahan and Jake hiding Black 13 under the Twin Towers. If you followed the series, pick it up, but in my opinion it’s definitely not the most memorable of the series but has some memorable moments in it. May the gaming gods be with you, and tune in for the Dark Tower’s epic finale.

Green Lantern: Brightest Day

Brightest Day

So we reached my final Green Lantern entry to my JLA countdown. To my misfortune, I only have one book of this event, but still an epic book at that. After the events of Blackest Night, things may finally be getting back to normal except the White Lantern left behind. Jordan and Carol Ferris are back on speaking terms, even deciding to take a spin for old time’s sake until Sinestro comes to visit. Sinestro tells Jordan and Ferris he needs them to make a connection with the lantern; unbeknownst to them Krona, an ancient Guardian is hatching a plan to control the white light for himself. Jordan, Ferris, and Sinestro must team up again with Atrocitus, Larfleeze, Saint Walker, and Indigo-1 to recapture all of there Corps entities, leading into a epic ass kicking finale by Krona.

It’s a blast to have these characters reunite for another adventure. Personally I like Krona more as a villain than I did Nekron in Blackest Night; he has more of a eerily subdued presence and something about his wide freaky grin and violent mood swings make him dangerous. The fact he is nearly immune to all of the lights and can control all of the entities is mind blowing and bad ass. I like that our heroes totally lose at the end of the book, there wasn’t a deus ex machina to save them at the very end. Also, as a bonus, the book includes a origin story of one of my favorite DC characters Dexx-Starr the Red Lantern (and fuzzy kitty). Definitely pick this up in conjunction with the book Brightest Day. This concludes my Green Lantern reviews for now. If anyone has read any epic lantern stuff or any badass comics in general, let me know in the comments below. You guys are awesome and may the gaming gods be with you.

 

Dark Tower 5: Wolves of the Calla

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First I’m gonna say sorry this review as well as the final two installments of the Dark Tower saga are coming out later than the first four but so did the books too. Afraid he may never finish his magnum opus after being hit by by a car years before, Stephen King released 5, 6, and 7 back to back.

We pick up with the Ka-tet right after they left Topeka and weathered the starkblast (the event of Wind through the keyhole). Eddie has an eerily vivid dream about his New York; Susannah has dreams of a dark castle and strange appetites. She is pregnant but not by her husband Eddie, but by the demon that raped her when they drew Jake over. While her friends sleep she crawls off and while imagining a exquisite banquet in actuality she’s eating small animals. Roland has caught her strange new ritual. Meanwhile, they are being followed by people of a town bordering Thunderclap, called Calla Bryn Sturgess with a desperate need of there help. The Calla is ripe with twins, but every one of the pair becomes Roont by the Wolves that descend from Thunderclap once every twenty some years or so. The Wolves take a twin, and only a twin, and take them to the dark land and months later the child returns slow and malformed, forced to live out the rest of its days drooling in agony. Finally the Calla has had enough and yearns to fight back. Roland accepts the request because something tells him there’s more to there journey in the Calla. He quickly discovers the Calla’s priest Father Callahan has much in common with his own traveling companions, and he has the darkest piece of the Wizard’s Rainbow in his possession. He hears Callahan’s tale of the horrors that befell Salem’s Lot and the strange events that brought him to the Calla. But that is not all, there is a final door that no one can open. And so the countdown begins as mysteries of the Calla unfold and the Wolves descend upon them.

Such a strange book but damn if it ain’t cool in it’s weird ass way like the rest of the series. Our main characters are once again amazingly well done and honestly they keep you driven through the series. Andy the robot is a creepy secret villain, like finding out Alpha 5 from Power Rangers was secretly hoping the rangers would bite the big one so he could harvest there organs for money, like that kind of robot badguy. Callahan was a cool addition and I enjoyed his story of all the crazy shit that went on after Salem’s Lot. The story at times is a little hard to follow if you paying attention to the minute details, which I can’t stress that enough. Also I found the final battle a little anticlimactic but it definitely ain’t a twilight finale. Overall pick it up if you read the other four, like old school westerns, or a fan of Stephen King. May the Gaming Gods be with you all. You guys rock.

 

Books of Blood (vol 1)

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I’m a huge fan of macabre horror writer Clive Barker; the books of blood are a good place to start for any new writer who wants to jump into the genre. Books of blood are collections of very strange and gruesome short stories, most commonly found in volumes 1-3 and 4-6. I have to say I have personally only read through volume 1 so far but I can tell you wow. The stories in volume 1 include The Book of Blood, The Midnight Meat Train, The Yattering and Jack, Pig Blood Blues, Sex, Death and Starshine, and In the Hills, The Cities. Of these stories, I think Pig Blood Blues was my favorite: a haunting story of a home for wayward boys and the farm of evil pigs that is causing them to disappear. Barker is a master of disturbing imagery, whether it’s a subway train of skinned, upside down bodies or giants made of tied up people that come together in the hills and fight each to the death. The only story I’m not to fond of is the titular story Book of blood, in my opinion it felt a little too descriptive and bloated somehow but not obscenely so. The final moments are creepy. If you have a strong stomach and a dark imagination i highly recommend The Books of Blood; the best compliment I can give is the imagery I get from these stories manages to stick with me for months, even years after in the case of his famous Cenobites or the giants from In the Hills, The Cities, and that is the sign of a true master.

Dark Tower 4: Wizard and Glass

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When reading the series on your own if you choose to, keep three and four close by because they are literally one huge story, Wizard and Glass picks up where the Wastelands cliffhanger ended. Also keep in mind, this is two stories in one, a continuation of our story forward and a another tragic piece in Roland’s enigmatic and tragic history.  Let’s dive into the halfway mark of this epic:

The riddle contest kicks off between our Ka-Tet and Blaine the Mono as he takes them to Topeka. They all take turns trying to stump Blaine but nothing phases him, but he makes a mistake in a comment which gives them all hope he isn’t all knowing. Eddie,having a breakthrough, rationalizes that jokes are a form of riddle in there own right and that’s Blaine’s weakness. They defeat Blaine and land in Topeka…after Captain Trips has hit. They find it a wasteland of wilted corpses and graffiti reading “Beware the Walkin Dude” and “All hail the Crimson King!”. Taveling down the turnpike they come across a huge emerald tower beckoning out to them with a pink light emulating from it. Everyone but Roland finds it’s beautiful, thinking of the Emerald City from Wizard of Oz; Roland tells them the story of the Wizard’s Rainbow and his first mission as aa young Gunslinger and the pain in his heart of Susan Delgado…Roland was sent to the small barony of Mejis with two of his closest friends, Cuthbert and Alian after earning his guns on assignment to make sure the devious Good Man hadn’t taken refuge there (The Good Man would eventually cause the destruction of Roland’s home and many others). On a lonely night he meets a beautiful young maiden named Susan Delgado. Both kids have a secret. Roland and his friends have kept there identities secret; Susan is being given off to the mayor of Mejis as his arranged gilly (pretty much arranged wife/ sex slave) by her bitch of an aunt. The mayor unknowingly hired a group of disgraced Gunslingers called the Big Coffin Hunters to act as his security. Roland’s group and the Hunters come into conflict with them as a plot unravels to bring chaos to the barony. Susan and Roland fall deeply in love, only to end in utter tragedy as she is burned alive while Roland is powerless to watch in the pink ball of the Wizard’s Rainbow, instruments of great magic and great evil. ..Roland and his friends follow the light to find the true Ageless Stranger- Walter in essence. We discover his other names he has used, Randall Flagg, Richard Fannin, Richard Frye, Maerlyn, and Marten Broadcloak to the Gunslinger. They try to shoot him but all of there guns magically jam at the same time. He leaves them with the resurrected Tick Tock Man and a warning to turn around and abandon there pursuit of the Dark Tower. They vote no and keep moving on…

So out of the series this may be my least favorite for one particular reason. The pacing feels off to me. The present parts feel quick as the rest of the general narrative but The past parts are slower, full of plotting and meticulous detail. As a love story it is solid but the tragedy is this book’s winning point. It’s a tragic story on more than one base as we get to see a Roland that wasn’t so worn and besides the death of his love, we see the death of his innocence as well the means to an end for his home and his family. Definitely check this book out but don’t go into it expecting as a quick read like the first three books. May the gaming gods bring you glory and come reap.

Dark Tower 3: the Wastelands

tower3 Ok friends, full disclosure if you have read my other reviews and have previously read the Dark Tower books, I’m giving only general synopsis’s of each book. Every book gets more and more immaculately detailed as they go on; I can’t deliver justice to them the way reading and enjoying them yourself can.  That being said, let us continue the odyssey of Roland and his Ka-tet (group brought together by fate for a purpose) on there way to the Dark Tower.

So again this picks up almost immediately after where the previous installment left off, a few weeks later if I’m not mistaken. Roland has recovered and is training Eddie and Susannah how to be Gunslingers; both are promising. They’ve formed a bond together; Eddie and Susannah are husband and wife; Eddie is clean of heroin and has rediscovered his passion of whittling. While training with Susannah in the woods, Roland hears a noise. Miles away an angry guardian of the Beam awakens, a seventy foot cyborg bear named Mir driven mad by time and maggots eating away at it’s brain. It tears through the forest, knocking trees down like bowling pins, barreling down towards Eddie. Roland and Susannah rush to the rescue. Eddie starts hauling ass up the tallest tree he can find, scared for his life. Roland puts Susannah on his shoulders and tells her its up to her to kill it, to blast it in the tiny radar dish between its ears. She manages it and Mir dies. Roland inspects the beast, revealing a label reading SHARDIK of the LAMERK CORPORATION. Roland explain the tower some more and reveals a secret to his friends; his mind is dividing after the paradox he created by saving Jake from ever dying in the previous installment. Meanwhile, in Jake’s New York, he is suffering from the same fate as Roland. He knows everything that happened in the first book but he knows it didn’t happen but should have. Ka pulls him foreward, bringing him to a book store owned by a man named Tower where he finds a certain two books that will help save his life later and a rose that means everything in a vacant lot. On the Ka-Tet’s side, Eddie is whittling a shape that is meant to be the key to Jake’s door. Jake is led to an old haunted house by a younger version of Eddie; the house transforms into a horrible demon intent on murdering Jake. On the other side they struggle to draw a door in the dirt, fighting a coming rain storm while Detta comes forth to fuck another demon that’s haunting the area. Jake is brought to there side and him and Roland have a touching reunion. Further ahead they come across a billy bumbler (a creature between a roccon and a small dog that can make human like words) that takes a liking to Jake they name Oy. they come to a small seemingly abandoned town across the river from the shell of a once great city called Lud. The town is inhabited by decrepit old people that treat Roland and his friends as honored guests once they see he is the last Gunslinger. The people tell them of the horrors of Lud, the horrible music and the war that broke out between two factions: the Grays and the Pubes. Crossing what’s left of the bridge, Jake gets kidnapped by a diseased freak named Gasher who threatens to blow them all up with a grenade. They have no choice but to let him go. The group splits: Roland and Oy goes after Gasher and Jake, while Eddie and Susannah heads towards the monorail train. Jake is taken through a dark underground maze under the city where the Tick-Tock Man resides with his thugs. Eddie and Susannah have to solve a mathematical puzzle to access the train called Blaine.  Jake, Oy, and Roland wipe out the Tick-Tock Man’s gang and haul ass to the others; The Ageless Stranger of Walter’s prophecy revives the Tick-Tock Man for his service in exchange for safety which won’t be possible in Lud much longer after, while pulling away from the station, Blaine unleashes a massive storage of nerve gas on the city and massacres it’s denizens out of boredom. Blaine is really a network of highly intelligent supercomputers under the city that connect to the Dark Tower and with the decay of the beams holding it up, Blaine began to malfunction and go mad. He ultimately decides to kill himself with our heroes on board, wheras they make a deal for there lives via riddle contest, and book three ends…

I adore the hell out of this particular installment. Great character development and a dark theme of madness spiced throughout. Also I have to say Blaine is my favorite villain in all of Literature so far, he’s insane, sarcastic, creepy, and just plain evil as hell. Definitely tune in next time to see what’s next….and hell yeah read this book.