Tooken (2015)

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Spoof movies are always pretty much hit or miss. Part of the issue is you really have to be a fan to begin with. I am always on the fence, some like most of the Scary Movie series I enjoyed, others were pretty damn horrible. This was not as good as Scary Movie but I was pleasantly surprised by how good the movie actually was.

As you may have guessed by the title, this is obviously a spoof of Taken. If the name and the picture didn’t give it away, you should probably skip the movie to be honest. Quite a few of the jokes simply wouldn’t mean much having not seen Taken.

The story itself is about what you would expect. Exaggerated goofball knock off of Liam Neeson tries to win back his family only to discover his ex wife is now engaged to an ex porn star. All of this is of course extremely over blown to the extreme like any other spoof movie. Hell at one point there is a commercial for a male enhancement pill  that claims to simply combine the two strongest known to man. The bad guy is known as Brownfinger, you can assume why all on your own I am sure and of course the daughter just wants to get laid and the boyfriend ends up in a body cast because like every dads fantasy he throws him out a window. The movie isn’t for everyone and it is by no means good, it is simply good enough. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jaws (1975)

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Jaws, the 1975 classic that made multiple generations afraid to even get in swimming pools let alone the ocean. Actually I am pretty sure sharks have died specifically because of this movie, and that isn’t a joke.  As for the story, we all know it. Small island town terrorized by a huge great white shark. New sheriff backs down from the mayor and a whole bunch of people die. The town then hires a shark hunter named Quint to kill it, but they are going to need a bigger boat.

The movie itself for its time was a master piece and to this day stands the test of time. After all, there is a reason that over 40 years later people still watch this movie and it routinely makes best of list right? Tho admittedly I never really got how this was a horror story I suppose I am truly out voted on that one. If you somehow have not seen this movie, stop waiting, hop on Netflix and start watching. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Longest Yard (2005)

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The 2005 remake of a 1974 classic (same name) about an Ex-NFL football player turned convict after he was put on probation for throwing a football game and later for stealing his girlfriends car and going for a drunk joyride which very much violated his probation. His plan is to go to jail, keep his head down, do his time and get out. The football loving warden has a different plan.

Adam Sandler is tasked with with putting together a football team of convicts to play the guards in a football game that will get them ready for their prison football league. Joined by returning Burt Reynolds whom played the main character in original as well as Chris rock, Terry Crews and a host of professional wrestlers and at least 1 rapper the movie is pretty much an all star cast of famous people. It also happens to be pretty damn funny.

The movie isn’t without its faults mind you, for example the usual prison humor gets a bit old for example and the warden character while well played is poorly written and stereotypical to the extreme, but that may just be my personal pet peeve. It is a great movie tho, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Christmas Vacation

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Another classic Christmas movie from my childhood that honestly I would probably never forget honestly. The story of the Griswolds will live on in..well infamy may be the best word. Cousin Eddie draining his RV and yelling “The shitters full” while drinking  beer or oiling the bottom of a sled that would fly down a hill and pretty much catch fire will forever. And lets not forget that classic moment of chopping down a nice big pine tree only to be attacked by a rouge squirrel.

The movie is obviously a comedy and not meant to be taken seriously. But it is great fun, from the starting point of finding out there is no Christmas bonus to the insane scene with Christmas lights. It is a wild and exciting ride of hilarity that should be enjoyed by all. Best wishes, Merry Christmas and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Red Christmas (2016)

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This movie for me was the definition of mixed feelings. Not because it was bad, which it was. It was bad in that B movie sort of way tho. No, I had mixed feelings for a different reason. See the movie starts off with what seems to be a nice wholesome family on Christmas.

We switch to a man in a hood stumbling in the snow towards a man chopping wood. Of course this guy is going to be a dick and end up dead. Jumping back to the family we discover this wholesome family aren’t so wholesome. The granddaughter may be suicidal playing with nuts she is supposedly allergic to. Her uncle is happy to let her and after being scolded dumps a flask full of liquor into the punch bowl after protesting about why can’t she have the nuts. The pregnant woman and her husband both happen to be on drugs, the priest doesn’t even hide the fact that he is gay and of questionable morals and the grandmother is worst of them all. The only decent person in the family is the son that happens to have down syndrome. Or is he? More on that soon enough.

The man in the hood from sooner knocks on the door and is invited inside. He also obviously has some sort of medical problems both mentally and physically. He doesn’t understand what a gift is and needs it explained, but he does want to read the letter he brought for his mother. After realizing the letter is discussing an abortion clinic he is violently grabbed and thrown out of the house, into the cold wearing nothing but a hooded cloak where he very realistically may die. This is when he decides to kill everyone. Now as this goes on we discover our son with down syndrome happens to be quite bloodthirsty and can’t wait to kill this guy. There is not a single decent person in the entire group. It can actually be argued that the killer is the best person in the group, by the end of the movie you will understand why he is there, why he is angry and that he actually has a very good reason for being upset in the first place. I ended up with mixed feelings because honestly, the killer may not even have been the bad guy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

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I have heard a lot about this movie since its release, but I never had the urge to watch it. My biggest issue with this movie was going in we all knew the ending. Finally however after watching The Last Jedi I sat down and watched Rogue One.

Much of what I heard came down to two main things,one the best part of the movie is the last about 5 minutes when Darth Vader looks like a total bad ass and the CGI for Princess Leia looks like complete garbage. We will get to those two points in a bit.

First, K-2SO is the best character in the movie. Robo dude is just great, he is well written and well acted. He alone made the movie for me. I think many people are far to harsh on this one, don’t get me wrong the movie is far from great but it is solid. The story is fun the characters are pretty interesting and at no point did I really feel like anything was being forced. The movie only suffered from one thing that sadly nothing anyone did could have fixed.

At the end of the day, this was a story fans never asked for because it never needed to be told. We knew how it ended already. There was no way this movie could have been done in such a way where the audience could truly be invested in any of the characters because we knew by the end they were all going to die and the plans for the Death Star would end up with the rebels and that it would later be destroyed by Luke Skywalker. Felicity Jones played Jyn Erso amazingly and Diego Luna was great as Cassian and even how much I loved K-2So and how well Alan Tudyk played him it didn’t matter because going in, I knew this was the end of them.

As for Darth Vaders bad ass moment, it wasn’t all that bad ass. It was cool, but we have seen better from the Franchise and Leia did not look as bad as people made her out to look. Many people seem to have hated this movie because it was a cool thing to do. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Krampus Unleashed (2016)

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Krampus Unleashed is one of those movies that falls between being a horrible B movie that I love and legitimately just a poorly made movie. Usually they have low production value and they realize this, they embrace this. They don’t pretend to be more. Krampus however attempts to blur this line. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the movie looks pretty good. The acting is solid as well. Where the movie falls a bit flat however is the pacing is off and the story itself is rather odd.

The movie starts off in what seems like post WW2 Germany when some treasure hunters late at night when they discover a small box with a black stone in it. After some fighting they unleash Krampus whom shows up to kill a few people. We then find ourselves in the future.

A family trip to gramps country home we get to know the family, mostly a pretty basic group, expect for one kid that wants to have sex with his cousin. Not a joke by the way. This is where the story gets weird. Turns out that scene at the beginning of the movie was on this country home farm as the family discovers the rock in a river.

I won’t go to much further into the story, feel to watch it for yourself. While the story itself isn’t great it isn’t horrible and the gore factor is rather nice with limbs being torn off and blood by the bucket full. It is a nice throw back to when horror movies were just awkward stories that were an excuse for a body count. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2015)

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This movie holds a special place for me actually, not because its great or horrible or anything like that. It is actually the first new movie of his I saw after he died. But was the movie any good? Well let me answer that.

The movie starts out with a man explaining that he sometimes over does things with his kids, namely Christmas. The reason for that, well his father wasn’t exactly great at that sort of thing. He didn’t like that his son wanted to paint instead of doing more manly things for example.

With this in mind Boyd never goes home for Christmas until his brother asked him to be god father of his child, but decides to hold the baptism on Christmas eve. While this in itself would be enough to ruin a holiday they also forget the Christmas presents at home.

In a last ditch effort to save Christmas Boyd attempts to rush home, grab the gifts and return in 8 hours. A trip that takes pretty much as much time as he has until the kids wake up, the perfect coincidence. Poof, car trouble. Dad (Robin Williams) for the save.

Honestly the movie isn’t that good, it is pretty much the stereotypical father and son don’t get along fight a lot and bind over helping the grand kids story. Williams himself is the best part of the movie tho even there it isn’t his best performance. It is far from the worst Christmas movie I have seen this month, but most people won’t be fond of it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Hated (2017)

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The Hatred is one of those movies I am really not sure what to do with. The start of the movie is a bit odd and I wasn’t a fan. A dad seems to be possessed by something kills his daughter and is subsequently killed by his wife. We then fast forward to the modern day when some college students stay at the house years later.

The movie should have been great tho. There was cursed cult artifacts, a scary creature in the basement, a Nazi officer in hiding. The movie just never really took off and felt rather mundane. The movie wasn’t bad by any means and I wouldn’t go so far as to say don’t watch the movie. By all means grab a soda and some popcorn sit back and give it a go. Casual movie fans will most likely enjoy this flick, hardcore horror fans however will want to stay clear. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Christmas Story

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This movie is such a timeless classic there is a 24 hour marathon of it every year. I don’t even need to review this honestly, I could have posted the picture of the kid and a BB gun and just stopped there and you guys would have gotten it. But hey let us get on with what is basically a formality here.

The movie takes place in the 1940’s and young Ralphie has one dream. He wants a Red Ryder BB gun. He needs to convince his parents, teacher, Santa, anyone that will listen he needs one. The problem is, he will shoot his eye out. Along the way there are bullies, dares to stick a tongue to a light post and even dropping lug nuts down a drain and saying fudge.except he doesn’t say fudge. He says the F— word. By the way he throws his friend under the bus an I know they only had phones with cords back then, you hear mom run over and smack the holy hell out of this poor innocent kid. You know how hard you have to hit someone to hear it across a house over a 1940’s phone that clearly? That poor bastards grand kids had bruises when they were born in the 1980’s.

Anyways back on track, I don’t mind spoiling this movie a little bit. At the end of the movie, in true 1940’s fashion, hell even in 1980’s or the 1990’s fashion dad comes through and buys this kid a Red Ryder BB gun. Because you know, back then it was socially acceptable to buy kids actual weapons. The kid also almost immediately manages to shoot himself in the face when it bounces of some metal and his glasses prevent him from shooting his own eye out. Let this be a lesson kids, when shooting a BB gun you actually can shoot your eye out. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.