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House of 1000 Corpses

house of 1000 corpses

I grew up a 90’s numetal kid that I still love to this day, one of my favorites being Rob Zombie. As well as being a numetal fan, I also love horror so when I saw the trailers for Rob Zombie’s first horror film I was full of bright, cheery, optimism. What came of it?

House of 1000 Corpses is essentially Rob Zombie’s grungier, more vulgar take on Texas Chainsaw Massacre. People break down on the road in the middle of nowhere and are at the mercy of a family of madmen known as the Firefly Family. The most famous character of this family is Captain Spalding, a clown who runs a strange sideshow attraction.

I have to be honest, though it has become a cult classic over the years, I can’t say I like House of 1000 Corpses. Some of the imagery is cool and I do appreciate the throwback to old school horror exploitation, I felt there wasn’t much to differentiate it from movies like TCM, except the vulgarity which there is a shitload of. I can’t really recommend it unless you like Rob Zombie as a artist, other than that, skip to the sequel. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Zombeavers

zombeavers

The title says it all. The poster says it more. This is a movie about friggin zombie beavers. 3 sorority sisters go to a cabin in the woods for a weekend getaway but it just so happens the local beavers ran afoul with some toxic waste and became zombies.

I don’t care what anyone says, this was a fun B movie. There’s plenty of one liners, blood, boobs, and bad language to get a few good laughs. Once you see a zombie beaver jump out of a wooden floor and chew a guy’s nuts off, you can officially say you probably saw everything. Of course the acting ain’t great but it gets the job done and the effects alone are funny with obviously fake beavers and blood that looks like cherry Kool Aid. It’s a fun movie for the horror fan that needs a laugh. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Sausage Party

sausage party

This was a weird ass way to start a night. It looks like a children’s movie and even sounds like one at first with upbeat song and dance number but then I realized it was so much more than that. Sausage Party is the story of food at grocery store awaiting to be taken away to the “great beyond” over the 4th of July weekend. For them its heaven, or is it once they realize the “gods” aren’t kind and in fact slaughter and eat them because, you know, food…

I know I’m labeling this review a comedy. In fact, if you enjoy Seth Rogan’s other comedies, you will love this, but I enjoy the movie strictly for it’s brilliant satire and some deep questions. Being a fat weirdo from Scranton, I eat quite a bit but I can’t say I ever thought of the pain and suffering of food. Some of the scenes have a gruesome, and heinous feel to them, even though it’s just a potato getting peeled or a hot dog getting boiled. Because of it taking place in a grocery store, we get to see how all the food interacts with each other, a cleaver metaphor for the different races we have and at the end it all blows up into a argument over god and heaven. I applaud it for making me think rather than laugh, which sadly I didn’t do much of except for some outrageous scenes halfway through and up. All in all, it was a cool movie with damn good animation that dared to be different and I say give it a shot. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Dead Space 3

dead space 3

This hurt. A lot. Not as much as Aliens: Colonial Marines but this was the other turd in my 22nd birthday bucket as well as being something of a accidental precursor to the horror trash fire that was Resident Evil 6 .

So Issac’s life sucks, I think anyone who played the last 2 games can agree, but he is wallowing in it as the Unitologists unleash a new attack. Issac must venture to remote ice planet Tau Volantis to find answers to the origin of this Necromorph crap while fighting the armed Unitologists and see your love of Issac Clarke die in this final installment.

So before I shit on most of this game, there are some cool things about it. I like now having to actually build weapons of your own design or previous game’s weapons. That was neat. Despite the new emphasis on third person cover shooting, the mechanics do work reasonable well and aren’t just tossed in there carelessly. Well, that sums up the good. Besides that, I hated the shit out of this game. Issac Clarke becomes whiny and annoying like Chris Redfield in RE6, hell he looks like discount bagain bin Chris in this game if I’m gonna be honest. In fact, I checked out of this game pretty early when it comes to caring about plot. Also, I get this happens on a snow planet but why the hell does Issac look like a Power Rangers reject for almost a third of the game? The horror aspect is GONE, replaced by not scary Necromorphs and gun fodder for you and your AI buddy Carver to mow down because hey, Resident Evil did it so why not. As for the new crafting mechanics, real help those are when they cut your carrying capacity in half and now you can only carry two guns at a time. At times the game was fun but damn was it a terrible end to a great series and from some research, I found out much of this bullshit was the devs fault. I heard what Dead Space 3 was supposed to be compared to this and I screamed in outrage. If you loved the other 2, end it with 2. Leave this to die in bargain bin hell where it belongs. May the gaming gods bring you glory and friends don’t let friends play Dead Space 3.

Dead Space 2

dead space 2

How can you possibly amp up all of the madness of classic Dead Space? A massive new environment, crazier space exploits, and new characters help.

Issac Clarke has been found adrift in space and brought aboard The Sprawl, a massive space station. But he is not truly alone, being constantly haunted by Nicole and Issac tries to keep his sanity, until the unthinkable happens: Necromorphs are running loose on the Sprawl. Issac discovers he brought there to create a new marker for the Unitologists, the religious zealots that believe the marker is the key to bringing ll life together in perfect harmony. On the run, Issac meets feisty Ellie and fellow marker-victim Stross as they have to join together and stop the head of the station Tideman from unleashing the new marker.

Dead Space 2 could have been a superior sequel. In many ways it is. Much of the combat mechanics are either just as fluid or improved and small things have been added that I really enjoyed and appreciated like your objective tracker now being able to display the way to stores, benches, and save points too or your stasis module now having a nifty recharge capability built in. Space plays a much bigger part this time. You can blast windows and jettison yours foes into space, but watch out because if you don’t hit the shutter switches in time your ass is grass. Instead of jumping from point to point and magnetically walking around in vacuums like before, we now have have a personal flight system I found much easier, enjoyable, and damn epic than before. So what’s the catch? The story starts incredibly strong. In fact, its quite ballsy. But the horror dwindles about half way through and Nicole goes from being menacing to just plain damn annoying. The end boss is a lame ass gimme that brings you down a bit. I highly recommend Dead Space 2 but I doubt you will like it as much as the first. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Dead Space: Downfall

dsdf

I’m going to admit, I’m not a fan of most video game cross media tie ins. Most somehow usually don’t translate well into other medias. Dead Space + anime+ horror film = a confused Torsten at first, but they all came together as one giant terror sundae.

Downfall is an anime prequel film about what happened to the Ishimura before Issac’s team showed up. The story begins with the discovery of the marker on Aegis 7 and how it screws with the minds of the crew, leading to murders and hallucinations. Our main character is head of security Alissa Vincent and her team as they start battling the creatures. We also follow Dr. Kyne, a alley we had in the game, who witnessed the madness of the marker and has to face off against the ship’s captain, losing his mind under his belief in the marker.

Dead Space: Downfall does remarkably well standing alone as a horror movie and a prequel to the game. They did amazing recreating locations, voices, and maintaining the look of the game. If you love the game, you’ll appreciate this film. If you love gory anime, you also won’t be disappointed. This movie is fast, disturbing, and full of good horror and characters. I highly recommend it to any fan of the games or anyone who wants to watch some creepy anime and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

DeadSpace

deadspace

Lately, researching for my latest writing project, I’ve looked back into the greatest terrors of film, book, and game. A while ago I did a countdown of 5 great horror games to scare the crap out of you. , for which here’s the link to, and covered it briefly. Now I want to get into more in depth and why it was amazing.

DeadSpace is the story of an engineer named Issac Clarke traveling to planet-cracker U.S.S Ishimura as part of a team to discover why they went silent. Issac received a video from his girlfriend and scientist, Nicole on board the derelict ship, that has him worried. After a disastrous landing, Issac’s crew begins discovering the grisly and disturbing events that took place on the ship after finding a religious artifact on the desolate planet of Aegis 7. Violence, insanity, and the rising of horrible Necromorphs- the malformed creatures made from the bodies of the crew. Suddenly Issac is alone, armed only with a few gadgets, some crafted weapons, and his space suit, he has to find Nicole while fighting the monstrous horde, religious zealots, and no help is coming…

Deadspace does amazing when it comes to sight and sound and building tension. Being in the vacuum of space, hearing nothing but the distant echo of your own footsteps beneath your deep breaths is scary as hell.Visuals like the man weakly bashing his brains out against the door is freaky as hell. Artistically I love the architecture of the environments, the gory details of the creatures, and the vastness and dread of deep space. The game play is fun, simple, and close to RE4 with a few new twists. With all the means to dismember the Necromorphs, we still don’t feel too overpowered which is mistake the Resident Evil games made later. The story gets better as it goes, leading to a great twist at the end. The only real flaw I see is the final boss, which is epic in stature is kinda lame challenge-wise and there are some parts that are a real pain in the ass, especially Chapter 5. Issac is mute through the game which didn’t bother me but will probably bother some. In the end, I highly recommend the first DeadSpace and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Gremlins

gremlins

So again from Savior and I, Merry Christmas and happy holidays. Now here’s a movie for all those kids who wanted a puppy, kitten, or pony for Christmas and why taking care of your pets is important…if you don’t they will turn into monsters and try to kill you.

This Christmas adventure begins with a struggling inventor who visits a old Chinese antique shop in his travels, coming across the perfect present for his son Billy. An adorable creature that makes cute singing noises and is heart meltingly cute. Against the owners wishes, the inventor takes the creature and brings him back home. This creature has rules though: no sunlight, no water, and don’t feed it after midnight. Simple right? Well, Billy accidentally let’s his new pet Gizmo get wet, and something strange happens: Gizmo reproduces. However these new offspring aren’t as sweet and lovable as Gizmo, leading into trickery letting these annoying little bastards to eat after midnight, transforming into violent, hideous creatures that are out for mayhem and chaos…

Gremlins is a classic anytime of year. The characters are memorable, the effects are great, and it does well to mix black comedy with some fair scares. I highly recommend this movie for all ages this Xmas. May the gaming gods bring you glory and don’t feed your damn mogwai after midnight.

Die Hard 2: Die Harder

die hard 2

So Die Hard was truly the greatest Christmas movie of all time, I think we can all agree, but how can we surpass it? Well, we can’t. But Die Hard 2 was pretty damn awesome all the same.

A year after the most hectic Christmas John McClane ever had, he’s at Dulles Airport waiting for Holly who’s coming in from LA to spend Christmas. But again John’s luck is shit as a rogue group of militants take over the airport, trying to free a drug lord in custody. Airport security tries to intervene but they suck and the “army” shows up but in the end it’s up to John McClane to beat these new terrorists, save the airport so Holly can land safely because John McClane kicks ass.

Is the sequel superior to the original? No, not at all. It feels kinda corny and the villain isn’t nowhere near as memorable but it’s still a fun action movie. Bruce Willis is still amazing as McClane and the action scenes are cool. Honestly, it’s a fun movie to watch with the family this Christmas and from us at Saviorgaming, happy holidays, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and yippie ki ay motherfucker.

The GraveDancers

gravedancers

Almost a decade ago began the After Dark Horrorfest, and the first year had some pretty sweet low budget horror movies made by people that enjoyed the genre. I’m a tad bit rusty on the specifics of this particular movie but I remember some images creeping me out and the plot being a bit more strange than your typical ghost story.

We begin with our three main characters joining together for the funeral of a old college friend after going there own separate ways as is life. During the funeral, they decide a sad ceremony isn’t the way to celebrate there departed pal and well, they decide to share a drink with them at the cemetery after hours and get blitzed and in drunken euphoria they going dancing through the cemetery, wondering into the wrong part where the worst people in town were buried. The spirits of these 3 evil people are pretty pissed some drunks literally went dancing on there graves and begin haunting them, not stopping until they get there own twisted revenge…

While not the greatest horror movie by any means, there is ambition to it we don’t really see much these days. The plot is strong and interesting, even for a B movie. Some of the effects vary as well as the acting but it works fair enough. The ghosts and there stories were my favorite part. I do recommend picking up a DVD rather than catching it on TV because watching it on TV, it gets chopped to hell, but it is worth a watch all the same. May the gaming gods stop you from drunken grave dancing.