Author: torstenvblog

Of the three cinematic iterations of Fantastic 4, only the 2005 film was successful enough to get a sequel two years later…and here we get one of the worst villain reveals of the last decade, but that’s for the end. And yeah, I’m going to spoil it.

So the Fantastic 4 are world famous celebrities and superheroes, and the world eagerly awaits the wedding of Reed Richards and Sue Storm. While everyone prepares, Reed is knee deep in research on a set of strange occurrences happened around the globe. Random points around the world experience drastic environmental shifts after a mysterious comet like object races past them. Meanwhile, in Latveria, a deformed and pissed off Dr. Doom searches the source out himself, finding a man like silver creature on what looks like a surf board. They have a altercation and Doom gets served by it’s energy blast, but miraculously the creature heals him. During the wedding, the creature appears. Johnny chases him but the surfer catches him and something weird happens to Johnny; if he touches another one of the group, he switches powers with them. When Reed and the military are at ends to capture the Silver Surfer, Doom comes into play. Sue makes contact with the surfer and she discovers he is but a herald for a much greater danger, his master Galactus…

I’m going to say Galactus kills this movie. One of the greatest foes in all of Marvel is reduced to a storm cloud- Shame on you. The cast does ok and the effects are pretty cool at times but overall it’s just as forgettable as the first, but I can’t say its terrible. Worth a crap bin hit or Netflix. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

For years I’ve heard this movie was an unwatchable train wreck- the worst Fantastic 4 adaptation and one of the worst superhero movies of all time. At face value, it seems so but I can definitely say don’t judge a book by it’s cover here.

It begins with a college aged Reed Richards and and Victor Von Doom trying to capture energy from a space anomaly called Colossus. Reed and his best friend Ben Grimm live at Mrs. Storm’s Boarding House with her and her two children Sue and Johnny. The experiment backfires and even after Ben tries to save him, Victor seemingly dies. Ten years Reed has founding to go into space, and assembles a crew of his friends to take on the mission. They get hit with a cosmic power and crash unharmed but changed, hunted by a foe Reed knows too well.

Ok, this movie isn’t a gem but doesn’t nearly deserve the hate it gets. There’s a strong B Sci-fi movie element to it, but for much of the Fantastic 4 lore is B movie material. The group has better chemistry than the big screen renditions and importantly I have to say, this movie touches on there origin but actually has the 4 do real superhero stuff like Johnny saving New York from Doom’s laser. I actually got really pissed watching this because it blows my mind that a movie with a 100 times less the budget than three other iterations had more heart and did more justice to the 4 and got pissed on so bad. Overall, I recommend it if you like B movies or are a Fantastic 4 fan and it’s on Youtube for free. Best Wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory…Flame On!

Ah shit. I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to be that guy that saw the redeeming quality in this flaming, apocalyptic train wreck wrapped in a dumpster fire. Sorry, I ain’t that guy today.

This iteration of Marvel’s first family goes more of the Ultimate Marvel approach, going with the Ultimate origin…kinda. Reed Richards is a young misunderstood genius who believes he can crack open another dimension to another world. Recruited to the Baxter Building, which is a government/military think tank by Dr. Storm, he’s paired with his adopted daughter, reckless son, and pain in the ass prodigy Victor Von Doom. Ugh. So they create the device but the military says thanks and takes it. In a drunken bit of brilliance Reed calls his BFF Ben and the for boys go dimension hopping while Sue plays lookout. Shit goes wrong. Victor falls into a green, volcanic crack; Johnny gets set on fire in his pod; Ben gets crushed by molten rocks; Sue gets flashed by excess energy; and Reed’s body gets really wrapped. Seriously, this shit is graphic. Well, our “heroes” change only now they really have no control and have to wear there super suits 24/7, except Thing who’s fucking nude and thank god ain’t got a boner in rock form. Reed runs and abandons them and for 20 minutes of run time the other three and the government are trying to track him down. Oh and Doom comes back…looking like a a rubber sex dummy coated in glow stick goo and wearing a trash bag poncho with more generic random ass powers than last time.

This movie is ass cheese. I can’t even say that as a Fantastic 4 fan. I liked the idea of making it a bit more grittier and and more dark sci-fi but this either went way too far overboard or just looks shitty. As a movie, the actors seem bored and disinterested, the pacing is garbage, the final act is rushed and pointless and there’s 4 times less action than the 2005 film. I’ve heard horror stories about the making of this movie and I’m glad the actors involved didn’t have there reputations scarred by this travesty of hero films and should be the moldy crap waffle dropped in cinema’s toilet. Friends don’t let friends Fant4stic.

If you’ve followed my work for a while, you know I love the Fantastic 4 and the idea of them in the MCU makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. If you want to know why, this movie may not really answer why.

Our story centers around five people who participated in a experiment with disastrous results. Reed Richards, a quiet, dorky nerd. Sue Storm, Reed’s hot ex girlfriend. Sue’s asshole brother Johnny. Reed’s best friend Ben Grimm. Then we have the incredibly rich current fiance of Sue, nemesis of Reed and totally obvious villain Victor Von Doom. During an experiment in space, they run afoul with a cosmic storm that essentially changes them. Reed can stretch; Sue can turn invisible and make forcefields; Johnny can fly, shoot fire and be hot; and Ben mutated into a giant, living rock. Seemingly, Victor seems untouched at first. The four quickly become celebrities after they are put into a scenario where they got to save people; Reed just wants to cure them. Tensions rise as celebrity keeps in, Ben gets labeled a outcast by his deformity, and the attention goes to Johnny’s head; behind the scenes Victor starts to change as well, but realizes he can be the ultimate power if the others were out of the way. Can the Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing unite to stop Dr. Doom?

As far as superhero movies go, as well as incarnations of these heroes have gone, this is just meh. Not great but not a crap shoot. The film captures the dysfunctional family aspect of the group fairly well. Best part of this movie hands down is Michael Chiklis as The Thing, he perfectly portrayed the pathos of the character but wasn’t overly brooding, but sold his sarcastic, light hearted side too- also he aced “It’s Clobberin Time!”. Lowest point of this is Dr. Doom. Doom went from one of Marvel’s most fascinating villains with a huge array of technology and magical abilities  to a bitchy rich pretty boy with generic superpowers. A huge flaw is that for a superhero flick, there seriously ain’t much to hit. There’s one fight at the end that lasts 5 minutes, a fly chase that lasts like 3, the bridge scene which is about 5, and you don’t see everyone in costume until the final fight. Besides that, comedy, stunts, and melodrama. The movie is forgettable but fine on netflix or shit bin. As always, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

I finally got to sit down not long ago and watch it finally. I was cautious Sony was going to crap on it. I was mostly right…

Separate from the books, the movie is a new tale. Walter, a inter-dimensional wizard is kidnapping people from our world with the gift of the “Shine” to power a device to destroy the Dark Tower at the center of the universe and is basically existence itself. He is being ruthlessly hunted by Roland, the last Gunslinger, who is out for revenge for the deaths of his father and friends. Walter’s experiments are effective but not to the magnitude he desires, until his Taheen forces (creepy ass animal people that wear human skin) track down a kid named Jake Chambers that has a huge “Shine”. Jake, having visions of crazy shit like a Gunslinger and a Man in Black and a long Dark Tower, tries to find it before Walter can shatter the last beam…

As a writer, I get how adapting this would be like trying to play Dark Souls with your dong. There is a epic ass load of exposition which makes the movie feel longer than it really is, and kind of slow. I think the actors did the best with what they were give; I believe Matthew Mcconaughey would have been spot on if given a R rated script. Seriously, who’s bright idea was it to make this movie PG-13? As for action, there isn’t much but I can definitely say the finale is pretty badass. A huge peeve I had was you can tell this was the first movie of a cinematic universe, but a lot of the Easter eggs were pretty cool all the same. Overall, my feelings on the movie are kinda meh. Wasn’t great, wasn’t shit. I’d say it’s worth a Red Box trip or stream but I can’t really recommend owning it at full price, maybe Wal-mart crap bin price at max. Long days and pleasant nights.