The Fisherman

Grief is a terrible thing everyone needs to overcome in their lives. For widower, Abe, fishing is his great release. After losing his wife, fishing helped him get his life back on track. When his coworker, Dan, goes through an unimaginable tragedy, Abe extends a hand of friendship and offers to fish with him. While a quiet friendship blooms between the widowed men, Abe can’t help but see Dan drowning in despair…until they stop for breakfast on a rainy morning, going towards a spot Abe never heard of that Dan seems all too eager to fish at. Almost obsessively so. During this breakfast, they are treated to a folktale of the river, dark magic, the impossible, and Der Fischer who may have opened the gates between life and death. Desperately the men are on a course that might not just cost them their lives, but also their souls as Dan is willing to sacrifice it all for what he lost? Will Abe make the same choice?

So immediately when reading this I thought of a more Lovecraftian take on Pet Sematary . In many ways, I can see it but Langan weaves a pretty solid story telling the folktale of Der Fischer in between the main story. His writing story is very easy to get into and flowed very smoothly to me. Some will get put off by the story within a story aspect of the novel but he neatly pulls it off and neither story feels overstayed. I like his depictions of Dan’s rising mania and Abe’s internal battle against the abominations they face. I found myself wanting to know more about what Der Fischer unleashed and got to see more horrors from the other world. In the end, if you liked Pet Sematary and wished there was Lovecraft in it or wanted to get into cosmic horror but wanted something more modern, the Fisherman is a quick, well-written read I’d recommend. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Mary: An Awakening of Terror

Mary is a nobody in every sense of the word. Banking on the dreaded 5-0 and wading into menopause, alone in the world except for her “loved ones” (tiny little porcelain figurines she talks to, her life turns upside down once she loses her job. A job that barely pays her enough to get by as is. A sliver lining comes when her loathsome, dying aunt Nadine calls begging for help. After pissing off Mary’s cousin, Nadine is alone and unable to care for herself. Mary is soon left to journey from New York to the eerie desert town where she grew up. Returning home resurfaces not only her repressed hatred for her crass, despicable aunt by the layers of trauma she spent her life hiding as well as what might be the secrets of the town itself? With bodies piling up, visions playing Mary, and an obsession with a hospital that had been converted from an infamous serial killer’s home, the question becomes who and what is Mary?

So I read this book for my book club, going in completely fresh. I knew nothing about the book or author and was even kind of surprised it came out in 2022. As someone who sucks at socializing, suffers from a host of mental health issues, and is just awkward as hell, I felt for Mary. I found her to almost be an updated Carrie, someone shy, frumpy and pathetically beaten down who just wanted to matter. This story takes a lot of crazy ass turns from being a ghost story, to a psychological thriller, to some bizarre Midsommar levels of WTF. The book deserves to be experienced because it is fun as hell trying to figure out where its going. However fun that particular aspect is, it causes some issues towards the end. A character I hated got a half-assed redemption and the ultimate conclusion, while being fun and over-the-top gory, didn’t really satisfy me. The ending couple of chapters felt unnecessarily open-ended, but given how weird of a ride this story was, I can’t tell you if a sequel would work.

In the end, I enjoyed this book a lot but I didn’t love it. It’s very well written and really engaging but the ending as well as some plot choices fumble it from being great. Absolutely a good read worth checking out if you want a weirder kind of horror book. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Playground

Hey kids, have you ever heard of splatterpunk? Have you ever watched Willy Wonka and wished there was Saw in it? Well, Aaron Beauregard has you covered. Before I begin, the cover of this book tells you exactly what you’re getting into. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, fuck that, here’s a good exception to the rule. This book is gnarly so if you have a weak stomach and the idea of children dying triggers you at all as well as some really, really WTF sexual stuff involving poop at one point, this book is absolutely not for you.

3 low-income families receive the chance of a lifetime from the reclusive billionaire and philanthropist, Geraldine Borden. She and her adopted son, Rock, have invited the families with their total 8 children to come and test some new state-of-the-art playground equipment in exchange for $3,000 per family. Not a bad deal, right? The parents even get to relax in their own private theater and monitor their children at play…until things go violently wrong. Ambushed by ravenous dogs, the children are chased through a razor blade-laced chute to a dungeonous series of macabre games where survival is the only reward. The parents, captive in places, are forced to watch there beloved children fight not only the horrific games but also themselves as Geraldine’s twisted games unfold…

Holy shit this book gave me whiplash. Is it a fun read? Hell no! Is it an exciting read I literally couldn’t put down? I really couldn’t. The kids are the superstars of the story and a lot of praise to Beauregard for writing thoughtful, authentic children instead of angelic Hollywood kind of kids. I felt for quite a few of them on their reactions and grisly fates while also cheering when the villain of the eight gets his just deserts. The games are eerie and pretty imaginative with some incredibly disturbing outcomes. I like that Geraldine is in no way a sympathetic or redeemable villain in a modern world of tragic villains. Rock is a really tragic character and his redemption at the end is well-earned. The flaw in the book is the parent sections which do drag the pacing down. The book is organized into 3 POVs: the kids, the parents, and Geraldine. The parents are literally locked in place and most of their sections revolve around reacting to what just happened to their kids. It makes the pacing a bit bumpy, especially around the middle.

So in the end I really enjoyed the book, though all be damned if I didn’t need a hot shower and a hug after. No, there’s no happy ending and yes this book is depressing and horrific but the ending lands and is self-contained which is cool. It’s honestly well worth a read and well written if you can get past the grotestuque subject matter. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Blood Meridan

What do you think of when you hear about the Old West? Cowboys, Indians, covered wagons, and dusty saloons where a shootout is a shot of whiskey and a whore away? John Wayne? Clint Eastwood? John Marsten? Well, like most people I did too. I heard many tales that this novel was one of the darkest, if not the darkest westerns ever written with one of the most fascinating villains in literature. Does it hold up to the claims?

The story begins with a young runaway referred to as The Kid who finds his way into the Glanton Gang, a crew of scalp hunters roaming across the west near Texas and Mexico in the 1850s. Normally I’d go deeper into the story but Blood Meridian doesn’t have much of a coventional plot. Much of the book is an experience in haunting philoshy and depravity. For real, this book is grim as hell so if you are easily triggered by racism, violence to people or animals, gore, or rape stay away from this book.

Cormac McCarthy (Rest in Peace) beautifully illustrates a hellish depiction of the Old West and the horrors of man left his own devices. There is some truly horrifying imagery and the way the book is written, I felt strained as the gang does getting worn down after dozens of bloody raids and losses in a unforgiving desert. Could this be a second hand horror story? I can see it in the way Dante’s Inferno could be seen that way. I really like that the Kid is not a good kid corrupted by the debauchery or even has anything close to a redemption- nope- he’s just as cutthroat and ruthless as Glanton and the rest. The standout, the man who does steal the show of the book, is the mysterious Judge Holden. He’s a huge, hulking hairless albino man that is almost inhumanly intelligent and depraved more than the rest; the sermons he gives are legendary and off putting as hell. Whenever Holden appears I was instantly griped and I think the praise he receives as a villain is well earned.

So is this book a masterpiece, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. First, this is not written like a modern book. McCarthy is a novelist in the true sense of the word; ten pages in I said “oh shit this is one of them smart people books we don’t get anymore”. He won’t hold your hand. He has a pretty impressive vocabulary. You have to pay attention. One thing I admit irked the shit out of me was that there are no quotation marks but an awful lot of dialogue; do you see why I said pay attention? He also loves giant sentences with little punctuation so if you are trying to rush, things will blend together. The pacing is a double edged sword. 350 pages doesn’t feel like it.

In the end, this book is a masterpiece of dark fiction but be warned it’s not the easiest read and if the book didn’t hit you hard enough, the ending will. May the gaming gods bring you glory and like the Judge, you keep dancing on and on gleefully.

Arachnoquake (2012)

  Every so often comes a movie that is so horrifically bad it circles back around to being good. The story is just bad,the concept is ridiculous,the CGI is so bad we can’t even describe it.

This is one of those movies. I honestly don’t have anything good to say about it. The concept is horrible. It takes place in New Orleans and a series of earthquakes release spiders. Not normal spiders, ancient spiders.

These spiders have evolved to live in lava it seems and breathe fire, because of course they did. They start small, and get a bit bigger and bigger and of course there is a huge one they fight eventually.

This movie was probably made for Syfy channel or something honestly, it’s a true horrible B movie. And everyone should watch this train wreck of a movie. I don’t have anything good to say about it. The acting isn’t great,the spiders look ridiculous and the story has been done to death. It is however fun. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Subservience (2024)

Subservience with Megan Fox, Michael Morrone, and Madaline Zima is one of those movies that has it all and nothing at the same time. Want to see good-looking people ( Megan fox and Michale Morrone ) mostly naked? Deal. Want to see Megan Fox brutally beat the breaks off some dude or kill someone? This movie has it. Want to know the potential dangers of AI in a capitalistic world like America? This movie will perfectly demonstrate how eventually robots might steal every job imaginable and how humans will then rebel and wreck them.

The only real issue I had with the movie was as entertaining as it was, which I have said before is all a movie needs to be, is if you saw M3gan Unrated review you basically saw this. The premise is basically the same. An AI-powered robot that is meant to make life easier gets far too attached to someone in the family, in Megan, it was the daughter in Subserviance to the husband, and starts doing insane stuff to make them happy or protect them including killing people. Even the endings are quite similar in many ways. I don’t mean this as an insult, I enjoyed both movies quite a bit, in fact, I recommend watching them both. It would however be quite dishonest to say they aren’t similar. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Just Go With It (2011l

Honestly if you have ever seen any Romantic Comedy with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston you know what this movie was about. Adam got his heart broken by a woman, he does some insane shit for years.

  He meets Jennifer Aniston,this time she works for him. He meets a woman he actually loves, he convinces Jen to help him fix the horrible situation he created. Some will they won’t they ensues.

Happy Fake Family

The movie has its funny moments but the real star here is just the overall chemistry that Adam and Jennifer have. I always enjoy their movies together because they just seem to enjoy being around each other. It would be super weird to find out they actually hated each other at this point. Shout out to the kids for playing their parts well. The movie is a must see for romantic comedy fans. It doesn’t break any new ground,but it does the entire genre well. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Quiet Place: The Road Ahead (PS5 Review)

A Quiet Place: The Road Ahead from Stormmind Games and Saber Interactive is primarily a stealth game set in the world of the movie franchise, A Quiet Place. In case the name didn’t somehow give that away. They were also nice enough to hook me up with a copy of this one. Normally I appreciate this, but I extra appreciate this one since “my most middle child” affectionately calls themselves loves to watch these movies with me. So being able to continue on in this world with them was a nice treat.

Good Advice

A Quiet Place: The Road Ahead is a very odd enigma in gaming for me. It managed to create a very odd paradox where the game is simultaneously so slow and methodical I found myself bored and not wanting to play, but also on edge watching the phonometer creep its way between the environmental noise and the noise I was making and hoping a monster didn’t just out and eat me.

This is the key component of the game. You can not let the noise you make go higher than the environmental noises or the alien monsters that have taken over the earth will attack you. This requires you to walk very slowly pretty much at all times, and perform every action such as opening doors, drawers, air vents, etc. at a snail’s pace or risk certain death. While this makes for a tense and terrifying experience it doesn’t always make for a fun experience.

Don’t try to fight this thing

None of this makes it a bad game, it does look nice and the horror aspects of it are great. It does feel like You are sneaking through the world trying not to get killed by one of these creatures. And since you are playing as an asthmatic 20 -something year old the decision of hitting your inhaler and possibly alerting the alien or waiting it out can be exhausting.

Always a good time to be quiet

A Quiet Place won’t be for everyone, it is however a solid title. It won’t be winning any Game of the Year titles for example. At about 10 hours of playtime, however, fans of the series won’t be disappointed with the story of Alex and her adventure to find someplace safe for herself. I give it a 7 of 10, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you gloty.

Twisted Metal season 1

So I know I am a little late here but I FINALLY got around to watching the Twisted Metal show on Peacock. I have to be honest much of what they chose to do I didn’t really expect but I still loved it.

The story is about John Doe, who drives his car Evelyn on delivery jobs. This is known as being a Milk Man. Interestingly in the Games John Doe drives the car Roadkill, but this show takes place prior to the Twisted Metal tournament. The object of season one is to get from New San Francisco to New Chicago and back.

On his journey he will meet a ton of people and groups,some from the game tho many of them have interesting takes to them. For example Mr. Slam earned his name not because he drives a piece of heavy machinery and slams people but because slams his massive dick into fruit as a show for the people in his bar.

There is also an original character named Quiet,and she makes a nice counter character to John because he never shuts up. I really enjoy Stephanie Beatriz alongside Anthony Mackie as they have great chemistry.

Another character that surprised me with how well he was done was Sweet Tooth. Physically he is played by wrestler Samoa Joe and this is done great,his mannerisms truly come off as insane. Will Arnett does an equally great job in the voice. And I truly enjoy that he isn’t psycho just to be psycho,if you pay attention his actions actually make a weird sort of sense.

All in all the 10 episodes are all worth watching and with Season 2 just confirmed to be in the works, it’s a great time to check this out if you haven’t already. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cocaine Cougar Movie Review

Cocaine Cougar is a movie about an escaped Cougar from a lab hyped up on cocaine that kills people. That’s it,that’s the entire movie. It has no other story going on.

I wish I could say something good about this movie. I can’t,but I wish I could. The story doesn’t really exist,at one point I spent about 5 minutes (literally) just watching 2 people walk around a carnival and it would jump back to a red tinted camera moving around to represent the cat walking around. There wasn’t any spoken dialogue for any of it.

In fact in the roughly hour and 5 minute run time, at least 10-15 minutes of it was generic rock music or just people walking around.

The actors looked like the had fun making the movie however,and that’s not something you often see these days. Seriously though, don’t watch this movie. It isn’t fun bad, it’s just horrible. The writing is bad, and has no real redeeming qualities. Shout out to the actors tho for giving it their all still. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.