Tag: Movie Review

Look i’m not making any money on this, so I shall do what Hollywood could not and combine this into 1 review. Now I must admit I had a lot of fun doing these reviews, mostly because they were very out of the ordinary. I doubt I do anything else like this unless people start asking for them. So without further delay I give you Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, apparently by George R.R. Martin.

Seriously that last part wasn’t a joke. These movies have a legit body count that would make Game Of Thrones proud. It starts with our favorite abuse survivor being escorted away from his Aunt and Uncles house by a small army of look a likes sort of like Saddam Hussein. A dew minutes later his owl is dead and so is Mad Eye.

A bit later they get some free goods from the will of Dumbledead that seems quite useless like a book of kid stories a golden snitch and a zippo that puts out lights. At some ones wedding there is another attack and I can only assume more people die. What follows is a weird obsession with finding a dudes old stuff just so Harry and friends can break it so they can kill him.

So as the magical camping trip wraps up the crew is captured and saved by dobby the good old house elf. Yea he dies now to.

I’m skipping around a bit but hey I forgot to mention. Half the first movie Ron is listening to the radio where they announce dead people from the war with the man with no nose.

I’m just going to skip ahead to the battle at Hogwarts. Look this battle is epic as hell. Our boy wonder and friends kick Snape out of the school to find the last couple items,oh yea Snape? Really was a good guy. Aaaaannnd he’s dead. Also one of the ginger twins is dead. Tonks? Dead. Her husband? Dead as fuck. Rons fling from a few movies back? Yea she is dead . After a bunch of death we get a happy ending of course.

But before I go here is something that always pissed me off in both the book and the movies. When Bellatrix killed Sirius Black Harry got pissed and used the forbidden torture curse. And I get it screw her. Later on at Gringots both Ron and Harry use the mins control curse. Again I get it, no harm no foul. Now we get to the final fight with Voldy boy. A man that has killed uncounted people and is responsible for even more. He has tortured more and hunted Harry and friends..and yet in the final duel when its all or nothing for the fate of the world the only person using the killing curse is big daddy V? That shit just makes 0 sense to me and never will. Feel free to mind control and innocent goblin, hit a crazy murderer chick with a torture curse…not quite willing to kill the greatest evil in the world. All that aside I hope you guys enjoyed, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

This movie has a bad start for our formerly abused young wizard harry, as old man Dumbledore cock blocks the hell out of him with the hottie in a diner. After a quick teleport our 2 unlikely friends go and coerce an old teacher with an unhealthy obsession with children back to school to teach potions.

Speaking of potions young Potter finds the book that belonged to the half blood prince and cheats his way to some great grades and a potion of luck. Look there is a lot of cheating going on in this one, Hermy cheats to get Ron on the quidditch team Harry cheats with the luck potion to trick a drunk professor into giving him some info Draco cheats to kill a man by letting Snape do it. Just all around cheating going on.

Also another added point the bro code means shit to Harry as he fools around with Rons sister Ginnie in a dark room in the school one day but hey at least the eventually get married so I guess its ok. All that being said this was simply another movie that will survive thru generations of people, until next time, may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Here we go again, more insane shit. We start out with a soul stealer attempting to take the soul of Harrys cousin and like a true idiot he saves him and drags him home. His reward is a court date to avoid expulsion from school. After skirting around his technically criminal act our dear Potter goes to school only to find the place taken over by what can only be described by a dictator that would probably make Hitler ask wtf was going on.

At this point in true family fashion Harry forms an army similar to the Order Of the Phoenix which brings our number of pseudo factions up to around a bazillion or so. I mean I get it, terrorist leader is back from the dead and every one says Harry is lying about it i’d probably be a little pissed off to.

In typical movie fashion in the end the school is somewhat back to normal, some ginger twins quit school, the craziest bitch to ever exist kills Sirius Black and some how noone has slit Dracos throat yet. As always thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

h there is a metric shit ton of crazy shit going on here. We start our journey with our abused wizard being rudely woken up by his ginger friends future wife, followed by a trek in the wilderness to find a teleporting boot to the quidditch world championship. After harassing the local rich kid we see Ireland vs Bulgaria. After the game some terrorist attack and all hell breaks out.

After we return to school two other schools join Hogwarts for what can only be described as the wizard death Olympics. Three kids are chosen to fight dragons and lake people young Harry cheats his way onto the team only to let Edward Cullen get murdered in the cemetery by the head terrorist in charge proving once again Harry will stop at nothing to achieve victory.

As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

So here we are again, another explain Harry Potter badly post because honestly anyone that would read this has already seen the movie by now.

Our journey starts with our Abused wizard Harry Potter lying about his school beating him with a cane to his even more abusive ant that has an unhealthy obsession with dogs and abusing them with copious amounts of alcohol. Potter “unintentionally”  blows her up like a balloon and floats her down the street. Realising there would be severe repercussions he runs away and accepts a ride from some less than savory folks on a bus where the minister of magic forgives him.

On the train ride to school we discover the true knowledge of the the Potter universe. Things that steal souls won’t go near gingers. True story, go back and watch. Anyway eventually we get to see Harry Potter bully the local rich kid with snow balls and an invisibility cloak and continues on the quest to avoid Sirius Black until it becomes a quest to kill Sirius Black which then leads to the discovery that Sirius is his loving god father that was framed by a dude named Wormtail and with a name like that they really should have known. Anyway after some time travel everything ends up being pretty good. Go enjoy the movie, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Chamber of secrets is the 2nd movie in the adventure of young wizard Harry Potter, and since we have all seen the movie by now I shall now attempt to give a short summery of the movie, very badly.

After an escaped slave warns Harry not to go to school. Our abused young wizard is then rescued from home by 3 gingers in a stolen car and taken to a run down shack.

A short time later a low level government employee loses Harry in the black market before Harry and his friend Ron miss the train and assault an ancient but murderous tree. Our duo narrowly escape expulsion only to spend the movie hunted by a snake while incompetent teachers once again rely on small children to save the school from a long thought dead terrorist leader,whom every one denies is alive.

I hope you all enjoyed this, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The first Harry Potter movie. This one takes me back, had an ex that used to babysit and the kid loved this movie and would watch this and Spider-Man on repeat. Having never read the books at that point (feel free to insult me in the comments for that blasphemy) I didn’t really know what to expect. And yes you are going to get reviews on all the movies before to long.

Lets be honest, the movie is an instant classic. Years from now when we are dead our grand kids will be watching the 22K remaster of it in their holo decks like in Star Trek. I’m not going to give you a standard review here because that has been done to death, instead i’m going to explain the movie as badly as I can.

This is the story of an abused orphan from under the stairs that finds out his parents were killed by wizard terrorist. After being recruited to a special school for the gifted Harry is dragged into a conspiracy to steal a magical stone of unknown powers and must outsmart every adult in Hogwarts to stop a turban wearing teacher from reanimating the dead.

Ok that was probably bad, feel free to add your own spin on this one, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The prequel set in the Harry Potter World, and it had some big shoes to fill. But did it succeed? Well with over 800 million world wide it would be hard for me to say no, and it would be even harder for you guys to take me seriously if I said it didn’t. That being said there are many places this movie succeeds and a couple where I think it could be better. The world is for lack of a better word fantastic, the magical creatures are great in both looks and diversity and all seem to have their own personalities.

Now for where it can improve, I really don’t like Newt, the main character in any capacity. I’m not sure if its the actor coming across or odd or how he is written but just something about him i don’t like. The story itself while amazing to see what the wizard world is like in early 1900’s America is rather boring i thought and not only because it is slow to build. The title Fantastic Beast is a bit misleading as the hunt for the beast seems to take back seat to all political stuff which is kind of half assed because its trying not to over shadow the beast and in the end both don’t do as well as they should have.

The movie is fun and while I think its the worst in the Potter universe its still a great movie. So give it a shot, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Here we are at long last, the final Star Trek movie. This trek has a different more somber feel to it. Kirk making some noise about leaving the fleet, Prime Spock dead new Spock talking about leaving to help New Vulcan. Seriously this shits a huge downer. Then the Enterprise goes boom nameless crew dieing everywhere. Its like they set out to make us all sad. All that being said it doesn’t stay that way and there are plenty of jokes to go around.

The crew sets off on a rescue mission that turns out to be a trap where the Enterprise was quickly out matched with them narrowly escaping and being stranded on the planet. With new alien races to meet and kill the crew regroups on an old lost federation ship. I’m not sure there will be a fourth movie tho I hope there is, but if not Star Trek Beyond is a worthy send off for this generations crew. At the beginning I wasn’t happy with them rebooting the series, but now I have to admit this was one hell of a job that I am happy we got to experience. Until next time, may the gaming gods bring you glory.