Tag: Movies

Piranha 3D (2010)

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This movie is a classic B movie. It has stars you know, but not really anyone huge. Like that fat kid from stand by me that was in sliders  (Jerry O’Connell) and Christopher Lloyd playing a crazy seeming fish doctor. It has a story that blatantly makes no real sense, but has a slight ring of seems plausible with prehistoric fish being trapped in a sort of cave that are released into a lake that go on a feeding frenzy. What is the only thing missing? A huge party full of college kids, naked women, booze and badly done deaths with mountains of death. Actually, that is pretty much the main plot of the story.

See while all this is going on Jerrys character is pretty much this movies version of the guy that started Girls Gone Wild and he is at this lake for spring break to throw a party with barely legal girls to shoot his new video, and everyone wants in. The fish just weren’t planned on. The story is barely passable the acting is exactly what you would expect and the movie is pretty much about parties and death. It is simply pointless fun, death and women.It is a fun watch tho, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jaws: The Revenge

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Remember how I said Jaws 3 was almost the worst Jaws movie? Here is why. They decided there needed to be a 4th one, titled Jaws the Revenge. It is pretty much universally seen as the worst one, and no aside what some think ‘Cruel Jaws” the movie about a tiger shark is not actually a Jaws movie despite some areas marketing this Italian film as such.

With our kind sheriff dead and his family moved down to the Caribbean after many years have passed we find that one of his sons has become a ocean researcher. And wouldn’t you know it, a giant man eating Great White Shark is hunting him. The movie looks nice and the acting is solid. That kind of is where the good parts end. The story is more out there than the last and it may be the most pointless sequel to ever be created. Tho I do have to admit the ending it self was fun, the series should have ended with Jaws 2 and I find myself desperately hoping a 5 or a reboot never finds its way to creation. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jaws 3-D (1983)

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There is just so much to hate about this movie. Even the title sucks. Tossing that “-D” after 3 wasn’t clever, and the 3-D aspect wasn’t even done well. Jaws 3 was almost the worst Jaws movie ever made. Almost.

This time around a baby great white shark swims into a soon to be open park and they of course decide that despite one never having survived being in captivity they are going to keep the little guy. P.E.T.A. is gonna be pissed. Anyway after a bunch of this mom shows up and wants her kid back, which honestly I am not even sure sharks do. All hell soon breaks loose and she kills a bunch of people, even shatters the glass in an underwater tunnel. The movie is ridiculous from beginning to end makes very little sense and as I said before the 3-D aspect isn’t even well done. If you want to see all the Jaws movies watch it, but don’t go in expecting all that much besides a body count. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Jaws 2 (1978)

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Jaws 2 is as you can imagine is the next installment in the Jaws series. I know, shocking. A few years after the first shark incident we have a serious of boat accidents, but our good chief knows better. Sadly our small town of Amity once again does not believe him. Even his own family is sure he just has sharks on the brain. And who can blame him? The man came face to face with a man eating Great White that killed people with no remorse.

He of course is not wrong, a shark is back, and it is hungry. Unlike the first Jaws tho Jaws 2 was met with mixed reviews and never got the same recognition as the original. I can understand why, while the movies visuals and such were still good for their time the story and everything else was very much been there done that and offered nothing new. The movie wasn’t bad and I think it was unfairly criticized at times because of how ground breaking the first was, but it was definitely not as good. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Tooken (2015)

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Spoof movies are always pretty much hit or miss. Part of the issue is you really have to be a fan to begin with. I am always on the fence, some like most of the Scary Movie series I enjoyed, others were pretty damn horrible. This was not as good as Scary Movie but I was pleasantly surprised by how good the movie actually was.

As you may have guessed by the title, this is obviously a spoof of Taken. If the name and the picture didn’t give it away, you should probably skip the movie to be honest. Quite a few of the jokes simply wouldn’t mean much having not seen Taken.

The story itself is about what you would expect. Exaggerated goofball knock off of Liam Neeson tries to win back his family only to discover his ex wife is now engaged to an ex porn star. All of this is of course extremely over blown to the extreme like any other spoof movie. Hell at one point there is a commercial for a male enhancement pill  that claims to simply combine the two strongest known to man. The bad guy is known as Brownfinger, you can assume why all on your own I am sure and of course the daughter just wants to get laid and the boyfriend ends up in a body cast because like every dads fantasy he throws him out a window. The movie isn’t for everyone and it is by no means good, it is simply good enough. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jaws (1975)

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Jaws, the 1975 classic that made multiple generations afraid to even get in swimming pools let alone the ocean. Actually I am pretty sure sharks have died specifically because of this movie, and that isn’t a joke.  As for the story, we all know it. Small island town terrorized by a huge great white shark. New sheriff backs down from the mayor and a whole bunch of people die. The town then hires a shark hunter named Quint to kill it, but they are going to need a bigger boat.

The movie itself for its time was a master piece and to this day stands the test of time. After all, there is a reason that over 40 years later people still watch this movie and it routinely makes best of list right? Tho admittedly I never really got how this was a horror story I suppose I am truly out voted on that one. If you somehow have not seen this movie, stop waiting, hop on Netflix and start watching. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Longest Yard (2005)

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The 2005 remake of a 1974 classic (same name) about an Ex-NFL football player turned convict after he was put on probation for throwing a football game and later for stealing his girlfriends car and going for a drunk joyride which very much violated his probation. His plan is to go to jail, keep his head down, do his time and get out. The football loving warden has a different plan.

Adam Sandler is tasked with with putting together a football team of convicts to play the guards in a football game that will get them ready for their prison football league. Joined by returning Burt Reynolds whom played the main character in original as well as Chris rock, Terry Crews and a host of professional wrestlers and at least 1 rapper the movie is pretty much an all star cast of famous people. It also happens to be pretty damn funny.

The movie isn’t without its faults mind you, for example the usual prison humor gets a bit old for example and the warden character while well played is poorly written and stereotypical to the extreme, but that may just be my personal pet peeve. It is a great movie tho, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Christmas Vacation

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Another classic Christmas movie from my childhood that honestly I would probably never forget honestly. The story of the Griswolds will live on in..well infamy may be the best word. Cousin Eddie draining his RV and yelling “The shitters full” while drinking  beer or oiling the bottom of a sled that would fly down a hill and pretty much catch fire will forever. And lets not forget that classic moment of chopping down a nice big pine tree only to be attacked by a rouge squirrel.

The movie is obviously a comedy and not meant to be taken seriously. But it is great fun, from the starting point of finding out there is no Christmas bonus to the insane scene with Christmas lights. It is a wild and exciting ride of hilarity that should be enjoyed by all. Best wishes, Merry Christmas and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Red Christmas (2016)

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This movie for me was the definition of mixed feelings. Not because it was bad, which it was. It was bad in that B movie sort of way tho. No, I had mixed feelings for a different reason. See the movie starts off with what seems to be a nice wholesome family on Christmas.

We switch to a man in a hood stumbling in the snow towards a man chopping wood. Of course this guy is going to be a dick and end up dead. Jumping back to the family we discover this wholesome family aren’t so wholesome. The granddaughter may be suicidal playing with nuts she is supposedly allergic to. Her uncle is happy to let her and after being scolded dumps a flask full of liquor into the punch bowl after protesting about why can’t she have the nuts. The pregnant woman and her husband both happen to be on drugs, the priest doesn’t even hide the fact that he is gay and of questionable morals and the grandmother is worst of them all. The only decent person in the family is the son that happens to have down syndrome. Or is he? More on that soon enough.

The man in the hood from sooner knocks on the door and is invited inside. He also obviously has some sort of medical problems both mentally and physically. He doesn’t understand what a gift is and needs it explained, but he does want to read the letter he brought for his mother. After realizing the letter is discussing an abortion clinic he is violently grabbed and thrown out of the house, into the cold wearing nothing but a hooded cloak where he very realistically may die. This is when he decides to kill everyone. Now as this goes on we discover our son with down syndrome happens to be quite bloodthirsty and can’t wait to kill this guy. There is not a single decent person in the entire group. It can actually be argued that the killer is the best person in the group, by the end of the movie you will understand why he is there, why he is angry and that he actually has a very good reason for being upset in the first place. I ended up with mixed feelings because honestly, the killer may not even have been the bad guy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

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I have heard a lot about this movie since its release, but I never had the urge to watch it. My biggest issue with this movie was going in we all knew the ending. Finally however after watching The Last Jedi I sat down and watched Rogue One.

Much of what I heard came down to two main things,one the best part of the movie is the last about 5 minutes when Darth Vader looks like a total bad ass and the CGI for Princess Leia looks like complete garbage. We will get to those two points in a bit.

First, K-2SO is the best character in the movie. Robo dude is just great, he is well written and well acted. He alone made the movie for me. I think many people are far to harsh on this one, don’t get me wrong the movie is far from great but it is solid. The story is fun the characters are pretty interesting and at no point did I really feel like anything was being forced. The movie only suffered from one thing that sadly nothing anyone did could have fixed.

At the end of the day, this was a story fans never asked for because it never needed to be told. We knew how it ended already. There was no way this movie could have been done in such a way where the audience could truly be invested in any of the characters because we knew by the end they were all going to die and the plans for the Death Star would end up with the rebels and that it would later be destroyed by Luke Skywalker. Felicity Jones played Jyn Erso amazingly and Diego Luna was great as Cassian and even how much I loved K-2So and how well Alan Tudyk played him it didn’t matter because going in, I knew this was the end of them.

As for Darth Vaders bad ass moment, it wasn’t all that bad ass. It was cool, but we have seen better from the Franchise and Leia did not look as bad as people made her out to look. Many people seem to have hated this movie because it was a cool thing to do. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.