Category: Horror

Naughty Bear

naughty bear

Dude, when I first heard about this game in Fangoria magazine (man that seriously brings me back) my brain truly had no idea how to comprehend this game. Essentially what we have is a Grindhouse- exploitation revenge tale in a kid’s program. Naughty Bear is a outcast on a island of happy, friendly Teddy Bears. One day, he snaps when one of the most popular bears doesn’t invite him to a birthday party and the madness ensues. Naughty goes on a violent stuffing filled rampage, facing off against the police, military and even freaking ninjas as he gets his revenge.

The opening level, in a rare feat, actually shocked me. Naughty has a huge range of possibilities to kill the other bears, whether you are going to traditionally melee or blast your enemies away or take more creative, sadistic measures like drowning them in a toilet, burning them alive in a campfire, or bashing there heads in off a DJ mix table. The aesthetic and music pretty legitimately feel like a children’s TV show, including a really creepy, sinister narrator that sounds way too cheery to be telling the story of a teddy bear who went postal. Despite the insane premise and horrific possibilities, the gameplay sadly rather sucks. Everything feels clunky and the levels feel repetitive and small. The base game is really short, so I seriously recommend if you try it, to get your hands on the special edition with the bonus levels to extend the length but even then it’s a short ass game. I recommend checking it out if you play a truly batshit game, but I don’t think it’ll make any top 10 lists. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Kirk Cameron Saving Christmas

evil

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Savior and I this season. We’ve covered many of the usual holiday staples on the blog these past few years, but this year I wanted to try something different. First, I have to get this out of the way, I’m not going to shred this movie for the religious views but the insane way they are presented. I mean there are some pretty crazy ass rants here as Cameron discusses the nativity, Christmas trees, and Santa while trying to teach to a dude named Christian about the meaning of Christmas.

It doesn’t take long before you realize this is a propaganda film, hell, there is a good 10 minute prologue telling you about how Christmas is dying. Cameron and the cast beat you over the head with some really one sided religious messages so get ready for a preach fest and I warn you now, don’t watch this if you’re easily offended. I had fun watching the hilariously bad film-making on display but was creeped out but the utter insanity of some of these rants; the swaddling clothe is a good place to start for those who saw this thing. There is a hell of a lot of filler in this and this probably could’ve been an hour but it’s 80 minutes. If you like hilariously bad movies, I recommend this but if you want a decent Christmas special, look elsewhere. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Halloween (2018)

halloween 2018 2

A few days ago, I posted a rant during my review of Texas Chainsaw (3D) about horror’s particularly bad track record of sloppy canons. Like TCM, Halloween thought it was better to wipe out it’s lackluster sequels and far from great remakes and start from a new slate, keeping only the events of the original Halloween in canon. No Thorn cult, no Busta Rhymes, and no edgy gargantuan Michael that roams the countryside. Most importantly, Michael and Laurie are no longer brother and sister. So how does the new canon hold itself up?

Forty years have passed  since Michael Myers stalked the streets of Haddonfield on Halloween night. Scarred and silent, he’s stayed in the sanitarium. A pair of bloggers try interviewing him to no avail, reminding him of that night by presenting him with the mask he once wore. Meanwhile we join Laurie who’s life has been ruined by Michael and has dedicated the past four decades to stopping him if and when he would break out, even if it meant the rift in her family life. Her daughter Karen wants nothing to do with her, trying to raise her own teen daughter away from the trauma of there past, while Laurie struggles to stay in there life’s. While being transferred on Halloween, Michael escapes and the bodies begin to pile up, leaving Laurie to face her fears once and for all…

This is the damn Halloween movie I wanted. There is a surprising amount of character drama in this sequel and the characters are done really well but Jaime Lee Curtis steals the show as a broken Laurie hellbent on killing Michael. Old man Michael is terrifying and badass. There is a surprising amount of twists in the story and a surprising amount of humor that weirdly works. The classic score returns but is given new life with new music added that’s really good. I enjoyed the cinematography. Overall, Halloween 2018 is one of the best horror movies I’ve seen in recent years and I highly recommend it. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Texas Chainsaw (3D)

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Horror has a really bad habit of messy cannons. Following the chain of endless sequels, remakes, and reboots ( not to mention the strange fusions of them) we started getting movies meant to set the stage and wipe the cannons clean and kick off from the original classics anew. So was Texas Chainsaw worth abandoning Texas Chainsaw massacre 2 and beyond?

Taking place moments after the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre , Sally’s escape from the Sawyer family brings the police down on the cannibals, especially Jeb ( Leatherface). The family convinces him to surrender, but the angry rednecks of the area decide to take matters into there own hands and slaughter the Sawyer family, except  for missing Leatherface and a baby that is taken by the rednecks. Years later, Heather gets a letter that a grandmother she never knew she had and inherited her home, but Heather and her friends learn this home comes with it’s own resident…

I’m going to say right now, this movie is utter ass. It’s not so- bad- it’s good; there is some pretty cringe-worthy shit in it. I can’t say I liked any of the characters and Leatherface isn’t even that intimidating here and has no personality, despite the attempt to make him a anti-hero. The 3-D is pretty cheesy but there isn’t much to really justify calling it 3-D. The effects are meh but the blood is plainly CGI. In the end, you can skip this and watch either the original, sequel, or the remakes. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Free Guy trailer 1

Everything about this movie should probably suck, but damn it looks really funny. I like the premise of a guy trying to be good in a video game; how many of us can say we choose to be the good guy in a game if we can help it? Reynolds is great as a squeaky clean hero in a world of excessive video game madness. I would totally check this movie out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Antlers final trailer

I’m extremely excited after seeing these trailers. Antlers looks to have an amazing atmosphere and I can’t tell you enough how much I love that we haven’t seen the monster yet. I hate that a lot of trailers go and spoil the movie from the gate. Antlers intrigues me and I think it’s going to be a damn good horror movie next year. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife trailer 1

I’m going to be the guy that will tell you I appreciate the Ghostbusters movies, I don’t have the nostalgia this trailer hopes I do. Not to say it doesn’t look promising; I have 1,000% more interest in this sequel than I did the remake a few years ago. I’m curious how the ghosts will come out. I got a The Force Awakens  vibe from this trailer which I thought was pretty cool. In the end, I hope the fans love it and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Wonder Woman 1984 trailer 1

I have to admit, while a far cry in tone from the first Wonder Woman I’m still pretty interested to see where it goes. I know Cheetah plays a role in this movie, and I’m glad they don’t show her. Gal Gadot is still a knockout as Diana and I’m sure she’ll steal the show. I’m curious how it’ll turn out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Resident Evil 3 remake announcement trailer

The remake I’ve been waiting for is finally announced and a release date is given: Resident Evil 3. The Nemesis is one of my favorite horror icons of all time. The graphics are beautiful and the horror feel is stronger then ever; I love the the emphasis on the dread of Nemesis’s pursuit. The character redesigns are well done and I can’t wait to get a full glimpse of Nemesis. I’m definitely hyped for it and it’s already my most anticipated. May the gaming gods bring you glory.