Category: Horror

Slither

slither

Happy Valentines Day everyone. So to celebrate the day, let’s talk about an amazingly underrated horror comedy from James Gunn, future directer of Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) . Also, it’s pretty much Savior and I’s bromance movie.

Slither is the story of a small town being invaded by alien worms from a alien planet. Grant Grant, about to cheat on his hot wife, found a meteor crashed in the woods and like every drunk ass dude with raging whiskey dick decides “hey, I gotta poke this thing”. A needle pops out and stabs Grant as something passes into him. Grant suddenly has an obscene craving for raw meat and has tentacles coming out of belly buttons. His poor hot southern wife Starla, thinks Grant is having an affair only to get dragged into the terrible truth- Grant is mutating into a squid monster thing. She teams up with her old beau, the town sheriff and his posse who find Grant’s enlarged, impregnated mistress who explodes into thousands of worms that take over the town…

Slither is a strange but wonderfully awesome. I love the characters, especially the mayor. The monsters are cool but reminiscent of older horror films which is a cool throwback. I get why many wouldn’t like this movie and I’d definitely would say it’s a cult classic; no joke, the only reason I happen to have it is it’s on a $10 four pack I got from Wal-Mart. I hope more people look into this movie and it has a reemergence in the future and more people discover it. So to end my review, I recommend it, and I’m ending this with my favorite end credit song, and the song I literally listened to moments after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Be safe and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Planet Terror

planet terror

Robert Rodriguez is the only man I know who can write a scene where a badass guns down pus riddled zombies while popping a wheelie on a pocket bike. Seriously, this movie is hardcore WTF but it is one of my all time favorites.

Cherry Darling is a spunky, sarcastic stripper- I mean go-go dancer- who wants out of her crappy life. After encountering her lost love El Rey at a truck stop and on a ride with him on a dark. misty night, they crash and Cherry is yanked from the car. And her leg is bitten clean off. El Rey shoots the sickos with a gun he ain’t supposed to have and they take off. This small Texas town is having small problems when these sicko zombies are running amok and the infected soldiers are quarantining the town, and the hope for a eclectic survivors is a stripper with a machine gun leg…

I love this movie with all my heart from the mock “Machete” trailer in the beginning that years later would become real, to the final reels of the film. The characters are all great and memorable, whether it’s Cherry and her sour sarcasm, the Josh Brolin as a vengeful doctor catching his wife in a lesbian affair, or a chemical engineer/ druglord that has a unhealthy obsession with collecting testicles (no that is not a typo, I did mean this dude collects testicles) as well as great and WTF cameos like Fergie, Bruce Willis, and even Quentin Tarantino. The score is a lively jazz inspired that brings a welcome Cowboy Bebop flavor I really enjoyed. Don’t watch this if you can’t handle pretty extreme gore and disembodied testicles (it’s my Birthday today so pardon the frequent use of the word testicles). If you want a really cool WTF kind of movie with a lot of heart and gore, absolutely check this out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Ritual (2018)

the ritual

The Ritual is a very odd movie. I don’t mean that as a bad thing. The movie starts out with a group of friends in Europe planning a guys weekend. Arguing about hiking and drinking and where to do it. But its time to go to the shop and buy some booze. They sadly pick the wrong store and some drug addicts packing a machete decide to rob the place. One friend is unseen and stays hidden, while the other gets brutally murdered trying to defend his wedding ring.

Later on they decide to honor their friend by going hiking, having a couple drinks and just remembering their friend in the way he would have liked. Its a nice thought, one that he actually would have loved. This is where the movie takes its odd turn, first they don’t hike anywhere near as far as they thought. Turns out they can still see the cabin they left from in fact. No big deal tho, in the morning they will head back. Or it would be if somehow they didn’t get lost.

This is where things get weird. while lost they find a dead body nailed to a tree, and yes this becomes important later. After traveling all day a storm hits and they find a cabin, a cabin they didn’t see earlier. There is some weird stuff in this cabin they spend the night in. As you can imagine it isn’t long before people in the group start dying and the last two end up in a village that worships an ancient god that kind of looks like a massive skeleton deer with hands near its mouth. The movie is interesting and while not great is a fun watch and I would suggest checking it out. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

cfp

After watching the Super Bowl and recovering from celebrating the Eagles winning I decided to check this movie out. I will say this, its a fun watch. Don’t think about it. At all. Don’t think about the science involved, because the writers did not. Don’t think overly much about the plot to much either, it won’t be hard to find holes. Just accept it for what it is. Also do not expect this to be some scary horror movie, its pretty much a comedy with a couple semi creepy bits.

With all that out of the way, the movie is still pretty fun to watch. After being sent up on a space station to fire a sort of high powered particle accelerator into space in order to get an unlimited supply of energy ( don’t think about this) they end up in an alternate dimension and discover an Earth during a massive war ( again don’t think about this).

The movie is a fun little Netflix exclusive, but if it were released in theaters I am pretty sure it would have bombed to be honest. As it is, grab a snack and enjoy it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Night of the Living Dead Resurrection (2012)

notldr

Every so often someone decides to make a movie call it Night of the Living something in either an attempt to make a quick buck or as some sort of indy film. Now as many of you know, I love indy stuff. For example Preacher Six Preview  is an indy film or Game Preview: Fell Seal: Arbiter’s Mark is an indy game that looks great.

But every so often there is something like Night of the Living  Dead  Resurrection. I don’t swear much on my blog but seriously, fuck this movie and fuck me for being dumb enough to sit through the whole thing. If someone ever says hey Savior how do you NOT make a horror movie, I no longer have to speak. I would just show them this movie. I won’t go so far as to say this is the worst horror movie I have ever seen, but I will so it is without a doubt in the running.

Before we get to this dumpster fire of a story, let me say the visuals will make it perfectly clear this is a very low budget indy film. And not in that fun way Romero did things, in that some guy that things he is cool making a movie but ran to best buy and bought a camera does things. Thankfully the special effects person knew what they were doing because that at least looked good enough to make me not want to rip my eyes out.

The story. Well first I encourage you not to watch the movie. Read this, and if it sounds like something you want to watch because it sounds good I am sincerely sorry, it was an accident. If it is out of morbid curiosity I encourage you to bring a friend and some booze. The main character for the first about 10 minutes is a black guy driving down the road listening to the radio. That is all he does. He will then call Barbara and tell her he is coming to get her. Ha Ha. Very clever. He will then drop his phone to show his screens background appears to be the poster from the original Night of the Living Dead. So there is our required nods to Romero. a few minutes later he will get to a farm house and be shot in the face.

Then much of the movie is people talking. Mom and dad, a girl and her husband and that girls sister. Who by the way the husband is nailing on the side. Dad will then at one point leave, mom will find out hubby is nailing both daughters after the wife dies in childbirth. Yes by the way there is a like 3 minute scene where he approaches a blanket to discover a zombie baby that you will never ever see. The movie has pretty much nothing in common with the original, even the ending the original did so well this went for a shock value ending. A militia type group shows up, shoots mom in the head because she was bit and the sister that the now dead husband was nailing gets tossed in the “rape trailer” amd the movie ends with her having a terrified/shocked look on her face and it freezes there. So even the ending isn’t original. Seriously, don’t watch this piece of garbage. Ever. Best wises, and may the gaming gods have mercy on the souls of the people that made this movie.

Odd Thomas (2013)

odd thomas

Odd Thomas based , the books by Dean Koontz is a rather interesting movie. Odd, yes that it is actual name, has the interesting talent to see dead people. He uses this talent to catch murderers and on this occasion solve the potential death of an entire town.

With his long time girlfriend Stormy, Odd will explain some fry cook lingo as well as what these weird apparition that only he can see are. We will be lead on a journey of discovery, mystery and intrigue with plenty of twist and turns and even some surprises.

The movie is well written and will keep you interested and on your toes with each new piece of information leading into the next and in the end will all come together nicely but will leave you wanting more. More that sadly most likely won’t ever come thanks to the untimely death of Anton Yelchin. Not to say they could’t recast him, many people just wouldn’t want them to and I think the backlash would be bad. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)

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Lethal Weapon 4, the last of the Lethal Weapon movies. It is also in my opinion the worst of the Lethal Weapon movies. Thats not to say the movie was bad, because it really wasn’t. It was just very average in every way. This time around Riggs is trying to settle down with his now pregnant girlfriend while Murtaugh also attempts to deal with the fact that his daughter is pregnant and not married. Tho we soon find out she is married, to a cop played by Chris Rock. The story also involves the Chinese mob and their attempt at sneaking in what are essentially slaves labor from China.

Eventually it boils down to Riggs and Murtaugh attempting to dismantle their operation to protect their family much like the other movies which I think is what brings the movie down a bit, we have seen much of it already as it is. The movie is still good, it just happens to be the worst in a great franchise. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool vs X-Force

deadpool vs xforce

Hey kids, you ever wonder how Deadpool met Cable? You ever wished the merc with a mouth fought in the Revolutionary War? Well, this is the story for you. Time Messiah, Nathan Summers- Cable gets visions of a terrible threat to the space time continuum. A prototype time machine was stolen from a seemingly grieving mogul by Deadpool, who was hired to go back through time and ensure America’s dominance for the future. So Cable enlists aid from Domino, Cannonball, Warpath, and Boom Boom of the X-Force to take Wade down. But despite Cable’s expert leadership, there combined training and powers, Wade Wilson is not so easily dispatched. Cable chases him through time as the X Force has to split and fight the wars without screwing there outcomes.

It’s a very quick read but it’s a fun read. The characters are pretty well flushed out so I would recommend this story to new comers  as well as the long time fans. Sadly there are a lot of black censor bars, but in classic Deadpool fashion, they do make fun of the censor bars. In the end, it’s a fun adventure and it’s worth checking out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Meet the Blacks (2016)

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This is one of those movies you will either love or hate. Its not quite a spoof movie, but it isn’t quite its own thing. See the Blacks ( that is the families last name) move to a rich gated community from Chicago, on the night of the purge.

The movie it self has a fun premise, take a family that doesn’t fit into the neighborhood, add a night of lawless fun and see what happens. Making it a comedy, that was a twist that could have gone either way and honestly for me it worked. That being said much of the humor relies on racial stereotype jokes, such as bills not being paid or all white people are racist and don’t black people living in their neighborhood. Tho the reason this works is because people recognize these things and like all good comedy people recognize that ridiculous it is when people actually fit that stereotype.

All in all this movie is not for everyone, and many people simply won’t find it funny. If you enjoyed the Friday movies you will probably like this. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool 2 “Cable” trailer

We finally got a trailer I’ve been waiting for, a debut for Deadpool’s rival: Cable. The hardass Time Messiah himself and just from the two minutes of his debut we got, Josh Brolin seems to be the perfect fit. I was pumped to watch him kick ass and cracked up having Wade intervene as always. I’m glad to say so far it’s looking to be a superior sequel. May the gaming gods bring you glory.