Category: Movie Review

The Spongebob Squarepants movie

spongebob movie Are ya ready kids?

Ok, I won’t burst into song. Many are likely wondering, ‘Torsten, why are you talking Spongebob after a string of violent comics and video games’? Well, the answer is simple dear reader: I’M A GOOFY GOOBER!

Spongebob Squarepants is just a happy go lucky fry cook down under the sea in the underwater town of Bikini Bottom.he loves his job at the Krusty Krab, loves his friends, and loves jelly fishing. The Krusty Krab is about to open a second restaurant, spelling certain doom for Plankton and the Chum Bucket; after hundreds of failed ploys to take down Mr Crabs and the Krusty Crew, he has finally  come up with the perfect diabolical plan. He swipes King Neptune’s crown which hides his baldness, and Neptune freezes Crabs out of anger. It’s up to Spongebob and his best friend Patrick to find the crown and bring order to Bikini Bottom before Plankton takes hold…

Kids movie or not, I laughed my ass off with this movie. I always had a soft spot in my heart for the lovable yellow bastard. If you love the show, the movie won’t disappoint. I love how batshit the movie gets like Spongebob getting wasted on ice cream or him and Patrick riding on top of the Hoff’s ass; it’s easy for adults with a WTF sense of humor to enjoy but its still a clean movie for the kids. It’s a colorful movie and a pretty good soundtrack including a badass Twisted Sister cover at the end. In the end, this is one of those rare times a movie can be enjoyed by young and old and its worth checking out. May the gaming gods bring you Krabby  Patties.

Tenet trailer 2

I haven’t been so glad to see the sentence “coming to theaters” in my life. During Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn we got a special IMAX sneak peek of Tenet and like many Christopher Nolan features, it’s a awesome time and a great treat after months of quarantine.  I can’t wait. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Crawl to me Darling trailer

I’m always curious to see what’s going in the world of horror movies. Here, I love the idea but the execution looks rough. It’s cool its a British horror movie and I feel the movie could go to some dark places, I feel there’s a chance it can be really cliche. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Snowpiercer (Series)

Snowpiercer was always a movie up there on my infinite bucket-list but admittedly I was surprised when I saw the movie is getting a series spin off. While I don’t know much about the general plot, I don’t see anything wrong with the show. It looks fine but I’d rather see the movie first. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

re afterlife

Let’s face it everyone, there are plenty of crappy video game movies out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 of them suck super hard. Resident Evil (movie 2002) was a pretty decent movie that could have broken the mold but still stuck a reasonable trilogy- until a fourth came…in 3D!

Picking up where Resident Evil: Extinction left off, Alice and her clone army swarm the Umbrella HQ in Tokyo. After a huge battle, Alice escapes a fight against mastermind Albert Wesker but is injected with a serum that makes her lose her powers. Alone, she comes across a mind controlled Claire and eventually end up in a fortified prison where Claire reunites with her brother, Chris, leading up to the trio facing Wesker for the fate of humanity.

I’m pretty torn here. As a fan of the games, this is a travesty. The characters are awful and there’s stuff pulled from Resident Evil 5 that never is explained and makes no sense what so ever. However, the action is hilariously over the stop with too much slow mo and shitty 3D effects and it’s a fun crap movie to enjoy while drunk or high. This one is basically a question of what you want from it, but honestly this movie is still crap. May the gaming gods bring you glory.