Opinion – Page 195 – Savior Gaming

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

South park movie

Do you guys remember the 90’s? So as a kid South Park was all the rage in my elementary school because of the foul language, crude humor, adult subtexts,but beyond all else it pissed our parents off. As a matter of fact, my school had PTA meetings devoted to discouraging kids from South Park and oddly enough, the same parents that crusaded against the cartoon secretly laughed at it in the privacy of there homes. So it only fit we got a 100 minute full length feature film, fully uncut.

Our favorite strangely animated youngsters of South Park are off to see the latest big screen movie staring there flatulent heroes Terrence and Philip. Problem- it’s R rated. They pay a homeless guy to get them in. The Film is titled Asses of Fire and features the wonderful “children’s song” “Uncle Fucker” (the quotations were meant to be sarcastic, nothing in this movie is for children). Asses of fire is a hit with the children of South Park, who use and abuse the shit out of it’s colorful vocabulary. Kyle’s mom goes on a tirade as per usual that escalates when Kenny dies (for the hundredth so time) imitating a stunt from the movie and before we know it Kenny’s in hell with Satan and his gay lover Saddam Hussein, Stan is fighting for Wendy’s affection from a rebellious, intellect named Gregory with a terrific singing voice, and America and Canada have begun WW3 over a R rated kids movie and its up to Stan, Kyle, and Cartman to stop WW3 and Saddam and save Terrence and Phillip from execution.

First, I must say I’m not usually a fan of musicals unless they’re of the screwed up variety. This qualifies. The musical numbers are vulgar but also deep and well choreographed. The story is South Park at it’s best, deranged, crass, damn right bizarre with a rich plume of wisdom under it’s layers. As a kid this movie blew my mind, and my dad Duke’s I think too, and as an adult, well I sing the songs out loud in public and if you don’t like it you…I can’t quote that here lol. Overall, I highly recommend this movie, young or old, because life’s short and good laughs are in short supply.

It trailer review

We got our third trailer for the much anticipated It remake coming September 8th. So far a lot of the reaction has been all over the place, ranging from it looks scary as hell to Pennywise looks like a Hot Topic Ronald McDonald. I personally was on the fence myself. I like the cinematography and the darker, polished atmosphere the trailers create (mostly); the actors all around have potential. Many of the visuals are frightening like Pennywise hiding under the water like a crocodile, to lunge out, eyes black and teeth monstrous teeth extended or his first reveal from the rain gutter. In this third trailer we finally get to here him speak which disappointed me a little bit. It was fine but intentionally menacing, which a problem I personally have with this iteration of Pennywise the dancing clown. He is meant to look unsettling and creepy, whereas part of Tim Curry’s look and performance (which was close to the source material by the way) was that of a normal clown. Curry came off as a party clown that accidentally found his way down the sewer and could be in any kids birthday party without raising an eyebrow, Bill Skarsgard comes off as something no kid in his right mind would go anywhere near, although I can see that approach being effective in it’s own right. Besides the voice reveal we got more complete setups instead of little bites and the scares look promising. I will say two things for Skarsgard, he is a menacing presence and his appearance films much better than in stills which is rare but happens. All the same, I’m looking foreward to It, I’m not expecting greatness but I’m expecting it to be a solid horror flick.

Goosebumps PS4 Review

As a kid I grew up reading these books. Not just one or two, me and my brother bought them by the set. Then the choose your own scare books came out and we bought even more. Now I wasn’t expecting a lot from this outside of some cheap nostalgia. This point and click adventure was short, to the point and loaded with nostalgic charm by the truck load. From seeing an actual truck load of Goosebumps paraphernalia at the beginning to a haunted house you can find killer sponges, huge green blobs and many other things I won’t spoil. That being said I do very much mean this game is short. Could probably do it in an hour or two with a decent guide and not much longer without.

The real question for this point and click adventure is not was it good. The question is are you a goosebumps fan? The answer to that question is the answer to whether or not you should buy this game. I for one, was not disappointed. Thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Resident Evil (movie 2002)

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So I’m going to piss a lot of people off possibly because as a Resident Evil fan, I actually enjoyed the movie. It’s not a masterpiece and yes, it’s not really a faithful adaptation but its got spirit. Paul W.S. Anderson gave us this first installment to the movie series with an intention of sort of a prequel to the game, using stylistic directions from the classic game and familiar locales from the game. In interviews he discussed how he knew of all of the dedicated fans of Resident Evil 1 and 2 their were and how he didn’t want to retell a half ass version of either game on screen. That I can believe and respect.

The film starts with an outbreak of the T-Virus in the underground laboratory facility called the Hive, miles under a remote mansion miles from Raccoon City. Once loose, the Hive’s security A.I, the Red Queen, acts and kills everyone in the Hive to stop any chance of a containment breach. Inside the mansion, a woman we only know as Alice wakes up foggy and disoriented with no memory why she’s there. Suddenly she’s found by commandos who crash through the windows, apprehending another man in the mansion. The mystery unfolds as the head commando reveals to Alice the Red Queen released a gas above that caused her memory loss. They venture into the depths of the Hive to reprogram the Red Queen, finding the poor corpses, until soon they come to life and a dire experiment is on the loose…

So this movie is not perfect by any means but it ain’t garbage like the other films would become. The acting is so so but the creature and zombie effects are sweet for the time. The Red Queen is creepy and kind of a dick but delivers a truly great “your fucked” speech. The score is a cool fusion of Marco Beltrami and Marilyn Manson which comes off as unique, eerie, or just plain bad ass. The ending is bleak but satisfying. There are some hoky moments and the characters can be kind of wooden but has the texture of a decent horror movie in it. Definitely check it out for cheap and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Neverwinter Ps4

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I’m not big on MMO’s. Not that i have an issue with them, I’ve played a few. Dabbled in WOW a bit, tried Some Guild Wars and DC online. Neverwinter is somewhere in the middle really. The combat is solid and the story nice, tho i wish there was more customisation with the characters beyond picking a race and class that already has a list of moves you can pick from, but that’s really my issue with most games of this type. That being said if you are looking for the experience on console this is probably the game for you. I didn’t experience any lag and griefing from other people is at a minimum. I won’t say its the best game out there, but for a free to play game it is more than worth it. As always thanks for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Resident Evil (remake)

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Resident Evil changed the world of horror gaming back in the 90’s when it came out for PlayStation with it’s tight, eerie corridors, creative monsters and brilliant sound designs just to name a few reasons this game kicked ass. But it did not age well. So in 2002 we got one hell of a upgrade for the Nintendo GameCube. Better graphics, hugely improved voice acting, new story pieces that include Lisa Trevors (creepy ass poor thing) and better handling. So for those of us that are new to the series, Resident Evil is the story of the unfortunate S.T.A.R.S team who were investigating a string of murders in the Arklay Mountains. There is a ambush and the remaining members fall back to a mansion hidden in the woods. Albert Wesker, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, and Barry Burton are all that seem to be left. You play as either Chris or Jill, each character has there own unique advantages; Chris can take more damage and does more damage with the combat knife while Jill is quicker and has a lock pick which helps get through the mansion faster. As they venture through the mansion, they discover the horrible experiments being done inside its walls through letters and files and the Umbrella Corporation’s dastardly underground facility where the T-virus has been let loose.

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My favorite addition to the game was the story of Lisa Trevor, as seen above, the unkillable giant who had been taken from her parents and experimented on by Umbrella. She slumps after you, moaning for her dead mother. If you come across her, run like hell and don’t look back. Also, another addition is the new variation of zombies called Crimson Heads- twice as fast, three times stronger, and armed with giant claws that come from zombies you didn’t either decapitate or burn, which adds to the survival aspect of the game. And of course what bad ass horror game wouldn’t be complete without a giant zombie shark boss! The game is still effective and even made me jump a few times. Some of the puzzles are convoluted as hell but thank god for YouTube. Seriously pick this game up because word is Resident Evil 2 is being remade so may the gaming gods bring you glory and stay away from windows.

Mass Effect Andromeda

Mass effect has always been a series I loved. From the minute I played the first to the moment I finished three, and no I am not one of these hated the ending and demanded they change it. So when i heard about this one its safe to say I was aboard the hype train. The more I learned the more I was excited to play.

Now I will be the first to admit this game has issues. For example this weird glitch when my vehicle somehow ended up inside some old ruins.

Or this time when randomly I had the start of a Krogan army.

That being said I do think the game gets a bad rap at times. The story itself was pretty solid and I enjoyed the worlds that we explored. The combat was fluid and entertaining and gave good reason to try new things and abilities. While there was no Garus type character for me that I loved and simply needed to bring with me because I loved having them around, there was no character i disliked either. They all were interesting for me to get to know. Part of the issue is a lot of people didn’t get what they expected so for them the game was bad. As always thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods always guide you.

New Moon

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So the horror continues in the next hair raising adventure of Bella Swan with Twilight’s inevitable sequel, New Moon. Again my friends, full disclaimer, I was 18 years old going through a major emo phase. And oh this book is freaking emo. So this story picks up 6 months after Twilight left off, with Bella turning 18 and anxious about aging because Edward never does. She has a nightmare about becoming her grandma while Edward remained the same. So she mopes through the day, leading to a birthday party for Bella at the Cullen house. A paper cut throws the name into chaos, Jasper goes into a frenzy trying to maul Bella but the family stops him (damn those meddling vampires). Edward feels responsible for vampire shit and putting Bella in danger, breaks up with Bella…after walking her miles into the woods…with no one around for miles…so he could go back to her place take all the shit from her that had anything to do with him (cuz that ain’t messed up at all) and not have to deal with her. So catatonic, she wonders in the dead of night until a buff shirtless Native American dude named Sam found her and brought her back to the search party I’m pretty damn positive Edward didn’t send. Months go by and Bella’s still catatonic, waking up randomly screaming. Bitch has issues. Then to shut her dad up she goes into the city with a friend she doesn’t really give a shit about and puts herself in a situation she may get raped…because she starts to see and hear Edward. Elated by this, Bella finds a couple of crappy motor bikes and goes to buff, dorky, Native American boytoy Jacob Black to fix them. Jacob gets a boner for Bella as they become friends; Bella just wants to trip balls on Edward. They see a bunch of buff shirtless Native American teen boys with Sam cliff jumping and this gives Bella ideas, while Jacob tells her he thinks Sam’s a cult leader. Oh and people are scared of bears, forgot to mention that. So after a night at the movies with Jacob and his whiney Mike got that gets broken up by a stomach virus, Jacob disappears. Weeks later he’s a spitting image of Sam, and this is one of the last times Jacob wears a damn shirt. So pretty much with no friend to lean on, Bella goes to the meadow her and Edward used to sit and oogle each other at and almost gets mauled by a vampire that tells her James’s pissed off ex girlfriend Victoria wants to kill Bella. When Bella’s about to get mauled, she’s saved by a pack of massive moose sized wolves….ok, so Jacob’s a werewolf. So’s Sam and a bunch of the other shirtless buff kids. Bella still wants Edward though Jacob’s got badass wolf stuff. She jumps off a cliff and almost drowns and Jacob saves her. Alice, Edward’s sister comes back, Edward wants to off himself by letting himself get killed by the Volturi- royal family of super vampires…

New Moon, like the first book has cool ideas laced in it but on a whole it kind of bites. There is more action than the first book but damn does it come off whiney. Bella’s whining about Edward; Edward is whining about missing Bella; Jacob whines he can’t have Bella. Jacob is sympathetic to a degree but after a while he starts to come off as a jealous dick; Edward really becomes a creeper and a emotionally abusive dick; and Bella flat out uses Jacob’s ass. There is interesting lore and plot threads littered throughout but the focus is on the love triangle of bad people. It’s eh on first read, not the worst Twilight has to offer but dear god don’t watch the movie. But oh my friends, the horror of Bella Swan ain’t finished yet, til next time.

Persona 5 Review

Persona 5 is one of those games most people won’t play outside of RPG fans, and they are missing out on one of the best gaming experiences in a very long time. The story starts with the main character moving in with a guy due to some event that saw him expelled from school and put on probation. What will follow is a story of love, betrayal, and numerous other topics from a teachers inappropriate treatment of students to the mob and politics.

The game is beautiful full of color and life with a plethora of places to go and visit. Batting cages, fishing, eateries movies etc. See fighting battles isn’t the only part of this game. You will actually go through many day to day activities including studying for school and hanging out with friends and many other activities, to many to really get into.

The sound is equally amazing, with music setting the tone properly on every level and nice voiceover work. If I had any complaint about the game its that it is actually to long. 100 hours in and I still have not finished the game. But lets be honest, if that is the games biggest issue, and I believe it is, then the gaming gods have truly guided its creation. May they bring you glory.

Salem’s Lot

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Ah welcome to best and worst of Vampires part 2 (see my Dracula and Twilight reviews for part 1.) So as I said in my Cujo review, I was going to be covering a little more Stephen King and since the Dark Tower movie approaches, I thought this would be a great time to hit up Salem’s Lot, which comes into play towards the end of the series with Don Callahan, one of our main characters.

Salem’s Lot was Stephen King’s second novel after his huge success with Carrie, about how the quiet town of Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine is quietly taken over by a Vampire named Kurt Barlow and his assistant Straker who move into the “haunted” Marsten House. You notice how I kind of emphasized the word quiet? Well, Salem’s Lot is a quiet book. Do not read this if you are expecting a bloodbath, rich emo kids that sparkle, or vampires that turn into giant bat creatures and fight werewolves for the fate of the universe or some shit like that. Hell, King’s vampires in this are pretty typical. Pale, fangs, lure you to let them in, crosses, holy water, sunlight, and only come out at night- the classic vampire mold. And that’s not a bad thing, because we are given relatable characters and a simple setting many of us either live in or can picture and how it can be creepy or unsettling.

The story centers around Ben Mears, a famous writer who grew up in the lot and returned to it after twenty five years to write about the Marsten House that scared him as a kid. He becomes friends with old Matt Burke, a teacher, and gets the hots for Susan Norton, a young college grad who’s a fan of his. Ben finds out a man named Barlow bought the old Marsten house for his antique furniture business but no one has seen him, just his partner Richard Straker. Not soon after, people start disappearing and others start dying but don’t stay that way. Soon it’s up to Ben, Matt, Sue, young Mark Petrie, Dr. Jim Cody, and struggling father Don Callahan to ban together and finish the undead crisis weeping through quiet little Jerusalem’s Lot before they become next in Barlow’s horde.

Movies have been made about this book and/ or mini series but you’re better off just reading it. It’s a decent vampire story that’s well written, has some genuine chills in it. If you want a decent adaptation that frankly ain’t a adaptation, I recommend checking out the anime Shiki. Both are pretty damn similar but Shiki gives you some darker pathos and a six episode slaughter-fest at the end, but as one of my favorite high school teachers used to say, I digress. Definately check out Salem’s Lot if you’re a Stephen King fan or want a good classic vampire story without the goth romance tropes that have become commonplace in vampire fiction (and anime fans, check out Shiki).