The quality of Horror Movies

Horror Montage

Let me first start this off by saying there are some absolutely amazing horror movies out there. From the old classics to modern movies like Insidious. That being said there is an over abundance of extremely bad horror movies out there. ( if you read my blog even semi regularly you know I have been running into them constantly on Netflix) For some reason it seems like most horror movies made in the last 5 years are simply not creative and don’t seem to have any formula short of throw good looking chicks, random jocks and a nerd into some weird situation involving ghost or demons so most of them can die. Occasionally slap some nudity into the movie slap a seemingly random name on it like “the house hell forgot” and see what happens. Now i’m not sure that’s a real movie, I think i just made it up now but hey who knows. Not that i mind that formula either, the 80’s horror genre is basically full of it and many of them are done really well. Now days it just seems like they make these movies and realize people will watch them chasing that nostalgia trip we all love but can never quite find.  That being said its not all negative. There are some great ones out there. For example Cabin in the Woods was amazing and  Slither was a very underrated movie that fit nicely into that comedy horror niche. As always thanks for listening to me carry on, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Satanic

Satanic

Satanic (2016) was written by Anthony Jaswinski and directed by Jeffrey G. Hunt is the story of four friends that stop off in L.A. to view some occult tourist spots. Like all movies like this, it eventually leads to witnessing an excommunication from some satanic cult that for whatever reason had to be done topless. All the characters seem to fit the usual stereotypes. The jackass jock, the nice girl next door, the goth chick and the dude that seems like he is trying to fit in with the goth chick. Of course after helping the homeless girl that now has no place to go. As always it turns out they would have been far better off leaving her on the side of the road waiting for her alleged bus. The movie wasn’t very well received and I can understand why, it was largely just a bunch of horror movie cliches tossed together with cute chicks to round out the experience. Its currently on Netflix if you are interested in seeing how it all plays out. Thanks for being here and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Coffin Dodgers

coffin dodgers

I won’t lie, I bought this game because I heard it was an easy platinum and it was on sale for like $3. I wasn’t expecting much, and at a 28.6% platinum rate i knew it wouldn’t be hard. The same day I bought it the platinum popped and I must admit I felt a little dirty. The game isn’t to bad despite the low price point and simple trophies. There was definitely some lag and graphical glitches and the other drivers seem to have far better reach and aim with weapons but honestly its not overly frustrating or even hard to deal with. As far as Mario Kart rip offs go this one isn’t hard and has a surprisingly fun story that entails the Grim reaper collecting souls from a retirement community where it is decided they will race their motorized scooters where the winners get to keep their souls. There are only about 4 groups of maps with 3 tracks in each,all of which are pretty nice to look at. Colorful and filled with things to see and the sound while not high end is still pretty pleasing. All things considered at full price of $12 it is a worthwhile purchase if you just want some quick fun and and easy trophies. Thanks for joining me and may the gaming god bring you glory.

Alien Trilogy

alien tril People that know me best know I’m a humongous Alien fan. Aliens scared me out of bath time as a kid, and screw your boogeyman, I was afraid of a nine foot tall, drooling, acid blooded, phallic two-mouthed monster that wanted to lay eggs in my chest…also the people that know me best would tell you this explains a lot. When my dad bought me a PlayStation, I received three games with it- Tomb Raider, Spyro the Dragon, and Alien Trilogy. By today’s standards, Alien Trilogy’s graphics are complete dogshit. Watching playthroughs on YouTube, I laughed my ass off as a full fledged adult. The gameplay runs similar to classic Doom, not very original but trusty at the time. The motion tracker is a nice addition to to the HUD, even making that iconic, chilling beep when something comes at you. So what’s the story of Alien Trilogy? Well, it’s a disjointed clash of environments either from the Alien Trilogy or inspired by it, which rationally ain’t such a bad thing. Alien and Alien 3 only had one  Xenomorph each and no weapons to real fight with, whereas Aliens there was a horde of the bastards and ammo aplenty; what sick bastard would want to try playing Alien: Isolation on a PlayStation graphics and mechanics? Cheat Codes were a fun addition to the game, giving you unlimited ammo, unlimited health, unlocking every level which gave us the Queen’s liar. So many memories man… what sticks out to me even a decade and a half later are the death scenes. The screen turns to a screen of running blood and every each means of demise changes the foreground: alien death- alien mauls Ripley, roaring at the screen with a bloody face. The Queen stands behind Ripley, tearing her savagely in half with it’s four arms. Trilogy is not the best but if your a huge Alien fan with a PlayStation , give it a try and may the gaming gods be with you all.

Platinum Trophies

Trophies

Now i’m no expert on this subject, i only have two of them, One for the PS3 version of the walking dead season 1 and one for Final Fantasy 15. I have never much been one to hunt down all the trophies in a game, I grab them when I can but never really went to far out of my way. The walking dead hands it out for beating the game and the FF15 trophy I got from doing stuff I wanted to do anyway. That being said on occasion I have done a little exrea searching and have a few games i’m just short of getting the platinum for that honesty I honestly will probably never finish getting. Not because they are to hard ( tho some are) but because I really do not have the willpower to get the job done.  That being said, I think they add a ton of incentive to play games multiple times and search for everything you can possibly find. There are whole communities dedicated to collecting them and that community always seems pretty open and inviting and that to me is never a bad thing. Happy hunting guys, as always thanks for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Clockwork Orange

clkwk o bk I will never listen to my old droog Ludwig Van the same after this real horrorshow book and film. Whether you prefer Anthony Burgess’s telling in invented British slang or you want to get blown away by Stanley Kubrick’s trippy visuals and sound, A Clockwork Orange is a story both thought provoking, disturbing, and grim but beautiful. Clockwork is the story of a young ruffian named Alex and his band of droogs who enjoy mischief and chaos in a dystopian future Britain that thankfully never came to be. In fact, Alex is king of his own little world. His droogs follow his every whim, his parents don’t ask questions why he never goes to school, and everything he does gets a slap on the wrist. In one night they beat a homeless man, steal a car, and get into a giant gang brawl with their rival Billy-Boy, and end the night with some spiked “Milkako” (milk). But Alex isn’t just rage and the ol’ ultraviolence, his greatest love is that of Beethoven. Even when his droogs seem to want a change in the group dynamic, Alex doesn’t seem to care, he merely brings them back into line. But one night, one of their escapades goes wrong, a woman dies and Alex is left alone to suffer the consequences, betrayed by his friends. In prison, serving a twenty year sentence Alex discovers a new kind of experimental government treatment for violent criminals that will get him out in a matter of weeks. It uses a mix of violent imagery and audio to subliminal discourage acts of violence, causing feelings of intense pain. But when Beethoven is part of the program, Alex comes into a dilemia. Released back into a populace he misused, beat, and molested with no way to defend himself Alex truly learns the error of his ways as everything bites him in the ass.

Both movie and book are pretty similar with only some minor changes; the book has an additional chapter as an epilogue that carries the story farther than the movie does and Alex is a tad bit younger in the book, which makes some of the horrible things he does a little more disturbing but the movie has the iconic scene of “singing in the rain”. Either way, I love them both. It’s something I think everyone should experience at least once. So until next time, I’m Torsten V, your humble narrator.

clwk o movie

Gallowwalkers Review

Gallowwalkers

Directed by Andrew Goth and starring Wesley Snipes I went into Gallowwalkers (2012) with the expectation of a solid but unremarkable movie. After all its a zombie westernwith Wesley Snipes. So 30 minutes in something doesn’t seem right. So I google this movie and see some horrible reviews. As I continue watching and inch my way closer to the halfway mark I slowly realise this move is not getting any better. At this point Snipes i shooting up a prison with very little explanation as to why the flash back is happening, and these lades ample bosom are not doing a very good job keeping me interested.  You know how bad of a movie it has to be for chicks in Victorian dresses to be the best part of a movie and still have the movie be such a pile of shit I don’t want to finish watching it? Seriously Snipes what the hell were you thinking putting your name on this? Now at about the half way point a bunch of people get the short drop and a sudden drop treatment by whom I assume is the bad guy shot by Snipes in the prison complaining that him, his men and his whore all came back to life but his son did not. Finally some explanation. I’m not going to bother describing the other half of this damn train wreck. And I would recommend  you don’t try to find out. This movie never really gets any better and has few if any redeeming qualities. Thanks for reading, and best wishes from the gaming gods.

Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 review

hellraiser 2

Another classic based of a Clive Barker story with the screenplay done by Peter Atkins and directed by Tony Randal. Hellbound takes place directly after the first hellraiser with Kristine now in a mental hospital which should be no surprise. In typical sequel fashion while she begs and pleads for an item to be destroyed so her evil stepmom cant come back from the dead no one believes poor Kristy. You know, until the even more evil occultist head of the mental hospital lets a crazy dude slice himself open reviving Kristys evil  step mom back then later letting another solve the puzzle once again releasing the Cenobites which as far as i can tell are former humans that basically became demons. The movie itself has some flashes of nudity, plenty of death and enough fake blood and dead bodies to drowned a small army. Honestly sitting here watching the movie i couldn’t really see anything that made the movie special even for its time. Worse still it seems even the directer and screenwriter didn’t seem to care enough to do anything new or interesting to the point that even the formerly dead step mother claims the rules of the fairy tale have changed with her no longer just being the wicked step mother but now the evil queen.

I wont go as far to say the movie was bad despite poor ratings on both Rotten Tomatoes (48%) and IMDb (6.5/10) the movie just was not special in any way. Pinhead and the Cenobites aren’t bad villains, they simply don’t seem to be very well utilized this time around.  They come across as a mix between Freddie Kruger and some weird carnival freak show which honestly have simply been done better by others, tho done well enough for there to be 9 movie in the series. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Bride of Chucky

Bride  With the first trailer for Cult of Chucky debuting, the seventh movie in the series, I thought it’d be fun to look at the the first installment of the series that veered away from the standard slasher archetype and became the the dark horror comedy it’s known for being today. Chucky’s shredded remains are found by his loving, yet murderous girlfriend Tiffany, played by Jennifer Tilly, who stitches him back together and chants the same spell over the doll’s body to bring him back to life. Alive again, Chucky smothers Tiffany’s goth boy-toy. Briefly the couple has a happy reunion before, in a fit of anger, Tiffany locks Chucky in a baby crib which pisses him off, especially locking him in with a bridal doll. He manages to break free, killing Tiffany by knocking her TV into her bath, but he isn’t done yet: he transfer her soul into the bridal doll. After Tiffany gives herself a makeover, the couple go on a murderous cross country trip to get to Chucky’s original body in New Jersey for the amulet that can transfer them to normal bodies again.

Bride of Chucky is definitely a product of the 90’s, so if your in that age group of being a 90’s kid, you may enjoy it. Don’t watch this if you’re in the mood for intense thrills or a cleaver plot, or remotely want to be scared. You won’t get that here. What you will get are some decent laughs and some good slasher kills. I can’t help but laugh when Tiffany references Martha Stewart when lecturing Chucky on the merrits of being an inventive killer, or when Chucky flips off a stoner and his only response is “Rude fucking doll”; and don’t even get me started on the Chucky and Tiffany sex scene on a bloody rug in front of a fireplace. Brad Dorrif and Jennifer Tilly work great off of each other and I personally love the new bloody stitched Chucky look he sports in Bride and the sequel Seed of Chucky. Bride of Chucky is a guilty pleasure movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously, cuz hey, we all need a laugh with our over the top 90’s slasher films.

Elite Dangerous, Exploration

leaving portSo the other day I spent a couple hour flying around 600 light years round trip. So now here I am to pass some of that experience on to you. First buy the best fuel scoop you can or else you end up sitting like this for 15 minutes waiting to refuel.

scooping

Supposedly if you move it refuels faster, but i tried both and the only difference i saw was moving is a bigger pain in the ass and id prefer to use that time to flip through menus. Some other advice is try to listen to music or a podcast for long trips, it gets a little boring jumping and refueling. Also have the best scanners you possibly can. It saves a lot of time to scan once then pick and choose what to scan with your surface scanners.

Also try to take a minute to take a look around and enjoy the view.sun

That’s a picture of my Diamondback Explorer just checking out a star. Not sure why this one caught my eye, I’ve seen about 30 like it. Other things I have run into was this purple star called a brown dwarf

purple brown dwarf

Yes this one confused me but I i snapped a picture and went with it. There as some rather odd but interesting things to find. One last thing tho see this next picture?

mailslot

I stopped in front of the entrance to get this picture and got a fine for the trouble. So yes, don’t do this. As always thanks for joining me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.