American Fable

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Sometimes a movie is simply boring. This is one of those movies. Well over 50 minutes (over half way) into the movie and really nothing has gone on besides a farmer hanging himself off screen. Only reason the viewer knows it they speak of it. Lots of poor farming families, including the focal point of the family. Typical family. Mom,dad 1 boy and 1 girl. The family secret is dad is hiding a package. Dad gets hurt and mom and broski pick up hiding the package. Small issue, the package is an old guy that the daughter is making friends with. The movie does pick up later but honestly its far to little far to late and is not worth the wait. There are very few movies I will openly say no-one should watch, but this is one of them. The acting is fine, the visuals are nice as is the sound. But the story itself is just horrible and I can’t stress this enough, a very large part of this movie is nothing interesting. As always thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Beyond The Gate

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Hey who likes B movies that look straight out of the 80’s that are so bad they are good? If you said yes to that question you will probably like this movie. The acting is somewhere between bad and acceptable and the movie effects would be gorgeous back in 1986. The sound is of pretty good quality while still keeping with the time frame they were aiming for.

The story has a fun concept. Two brothers grew up with an alcoholic for a father. One is the typical loser in a small town the other left home to a bigger city meets a girl and buys a home. Of course dad goes missing for about 7 months and its up to them to reunite and clean out the video store dad bought when they were kids. Having never bought into the new scary DVD format his store is all VHS tapes. For you young people i have included a photo of a VHS tape.

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Ok kids you all caught up on what a VHS tape is? Good. Anyway, a long time ago some board games came with one of these relics and you followed along. When they find one such game in dads office they are dragged into what is basically horror Jumanji. I won’t spoil the gory details, and I mean literal gory, but the movie does suffer from a few minor issues. Most notably the pacing. In a short movie, less than an hour and a half, the first hour is basically set up for what amounts to a 20 minute ending. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

It Follows Review

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It Follows is, as weird as it sounds, the story of a sexually transmitted curse. Once you have it something will follow you and if it catches you it kills you. Now in a weird twist it then works back down the list. I know sounds weird but follow me. Person A gives it to person B. Then B gives it to C. If C dies it will then go after B then after A. The only real escape is to pass it to someone else and hope they pass it to enough people you are safe.

The acting in the movie is solid, while not scary they do a pretty solid job of keeping the suspense up there. There are also some nice plot twist and surprises as well. The real thrill in this for me is it felt like a good old fashioned horror movie. Granted the random nudity and insane body count is missing but that really just helped the movie on this one. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Star Trek The Motion Picture

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The first star trek movie is considered by many to be one of the worst in the series. Honestly I have a hard time arguing that. It is just a standard Star Trek episode in movie form, but it does come across as rather week. The acting is what you would expect an for 1979 the movie looks outright amazing.

The story goes like this, cloud that blows up some Klingon ships then heads for Earth. The newly built Enterprise must intercept it. The usual crew is there minus spock, whom shows up later anyway to rejoin the crew. The doctor is also recalled to duty, or in his words drafted.

I know this is a short review but honestly there isn’t much to the movie. Mostly just getting used to a new ship, some minor event and a straightforward story. Not the best trek movie, may even be the worst one, but still a pretty decent movie. As always thanks for joining me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Stardew Valley PS4 Review Updated

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Stardew Valley is basically this generation’s Harvest Moon. You grow crops, raise animals, meet new people, etc. I know this sounds really boring. Yet somehow it’s relaxing and I can’t explain why.

The game starts with you being gifted a farm that is pretty run-down. Your first day or 2 is spent clearing a small patch of land and planting your first crops. After that, you will be meeting new people and getting to know the town. However, you can really go a million different directions here.  You may decide to spend your time fishing or diving into the depths of a cave. Personally,I love planting crops and raising animals. As always, thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

It has been a long time since I first wrote this review, and a ton of things have been added to this game, and I thought maybe I should add to this. For example, the game now has online and local multiplayer, a ton more crop types, and at least 2 new areas to explore. More new cut scenes than I have ever seen, new characters, and even the ability to adopt multiple pets. You are no longer stuck just picking a dog or a cat. Now is an even better time to pick this up if you haven’t already.

Dark Tower 3: the Wastelands

tower3 Ok friends, full disclosure if you have read my other reviews and have previously read the Dark Tower books, I’m giving only general synopsis’s of each book. Every book gets more and more immaculately detailed as they go on; I can’t deliver justice to them the way reading and enjoying them yourself can.  That being said, let us continue the odyssey of Roland and his Ka-tet (group brought together by fate for a purpose) on there way to the Dark Tower.

So again this picks up almost immediately after where the previous installment left off, a few weeks later if I’m not mistaken. Roland has recovered and is training Eddie and Susannah how to be Gunslingers; both are promising. They’ve formed a bond together; Eddie and Susannah are husband and wife; Eddie is clean of heroin and has rediscovered his passion of whittling. While training with Susannah in the woods, Roland hears a noise. Miles away an angry guardian of the Beam awakens, a seventy foot cyborg bear named Mir driven mad by time and maggots eating away at it’s brain. It tears through the forest, knocking trees down like bowling pins, barreling down towards Eddie. Roland and Susannah rush to the rescue. Eddie starts hauling ass up the tallest tree he can find, scared for his life. Roland puts Susannah on his shoulders and tells her its up to her to kill it, to blast it in the tiny radar dish between its ears. She manages it and Mir dies. Roland inspects the beast, revealing a label reading SHARDIK of the LAMERK CORPORATION. Roland explain the tower some more and reveals a secret to his friends; his mind is dividing after the paradox he created by saving Jake from ever dying in the previous installment. Meanwhile, in Jake’s New York, he is suffering from the same fate as Roland. He knows everything that happened in the first book but he knows it didn’t happen but should have. Ka pulls him foreward, bringing him to a book store owned by a man named Tower where he finds a certain two books that will help save his life later and a rose that means everything in a vacant lot. On the Ka-Tet’s side, Eddie is whittling a shape that is meant to be the key to Jake’s door. Jake is led to an old haunted house by a younger version of Eddie; the house transforms into a horrible demon intent on murdering Jake. On the other side they struggle to draw a door in the dirt, fighting a coming rain storm while Detta comes forth to fuck another demon that’s haunting the area. Jake is brought to there side and him and Roland have a touching reunion. Further ahead they come across a billy bumbler (a creature between a roccon and a small dog that can make human like words) that takes a liking to Jake they name Oy. they come to a small seemingly abandoned town across the river from the shell of a once great city called Lud. The town is inhabited by decrepit old people that treat Roland and his friends as honored guests once they see he is the last Gunslinger. The people tell them of the horrors of Lud, the horrible music and the war that broke out between two factions: the Grays and the Pubes. Crossing what’s left of the bridge, Jake gets kidnapped by a diseased freak named Gasher who threatens to blow them all up with a grenade. They have no choice but to let him go. The group splits: Roland and Oy goes after Gasher and Jake, while Eddie and Susannah heads towards the monorail train. Jake is taken through a dark underground maze under the city where the Tick-Tock Man resides with his thugs. Eddie and Susannah have to solve a mathematical puzzle to access the train called Blaine.  Jake, Oy, and Roland wipe out the Tick-Tock Man’s gang and haul ass to the others; The Ageless Stranger of Walter’s prophecy revives the Tick-Tock Man for his service in exchange for safety which won’t be possible in Lud much longer after, while pulling away from the station, Blaine unleashes a massive storage of nerve gas on the city and massacres it’s denizens out of boredom. Blaine is really a network of highly intelligent supercomputers under the city that connect to the Dark Tower and with the decay of the beams holding it up, Blaine began to malfunction and go mad. He ultimately decides to kill himself with our heroes on board, wheras they make a deal for there lives via riddle contest, and book three ends…

I adore the hell out of this particular installment. Great character development and a dark theme of madness spiced throughout. Also I have to say Blaine is my favorite villain in all of Literature so far, he’s insane, sarcastic, creepy, and just plain evil as hell. Definitely tune in next time to see what’s next….and hell yeah read this book.

Independence Say:Resurgence

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This is one of those movies I wanted years ago. Few years later I gave up, and a few years after that here we go. As bummed as I was Will Smith was missing I happily gave the movie a chance. I won’t say the movie was bad, simply disappointing. It looks good, the acting was solid and the sounds were what you would expect. The story itself was just meh and most of the returning cast were relegated to basically being cameo level.

A few things bothered me about this movie. For example they seem tremendously surprised that there are other aliens besides what attacked in the first movie. And of course the first thing these idiots do is attack it. Another issue for me was with 20 years of prep time not a single person though hey maybe maybe an actual space battleship of some kind would be a good plan. All my complaints aside tho its not a bad movie for what it is. As always thanks for joining me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Drawing of the Three: Dark Tower 2

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Book two of seven (I don’t count Wind through the Keyhole amongst the original series) of Stephen King’s western fantasy epic picks up right up where the first book left off. Roland is left aged on the beach after his haunting talk with Walter, disoriented in the midst of a night tide. From the tide something comes forth Roland first believes is a rock, but moves closer, revealing a body crustacean like. The Lobstrousity is fast and deadly taking a few of Roland’s toes and two of the fingers off of his best hand. Fighting the tide he tries to blast the creature but his shells are getting wet so the first few shots are duds until he blows it’s ass away, left with nothing but a crap-load of useless bullets and blood poisoning from the creature. He crawls forward dying until he catches sight of a mystery wooden door on the beach. Written on it is the word Prisoner, for which he’d been told about by Walter and the demon that tried to rape Jake. This door leads him into the mind of the first he would have to draw forth in his quest for the Dark Tower: Eddie Dean, a heroin addict from New York City in 1987. Roland is able to help Eddie take down drug lord Enrico Balazarr and bring him into his world after getting some medicine to hold off the poison a bit. Eddie is forced to detox with Roland on there way to the second door, there relationship rocky at best. The second door belongs to The Lady of Shadows, young, educated, legless cival rights activist Odetta Holmes of New York 1964. They quickly understand the danger Odetta brings in the form of her second, violent, savage personality Detta Walker. Eddie begins to have feelings for Odetta and she for him. After a small resurgence in his health, Roland begins to decline again. His last hope lies behind the third door, The Pusher, Jack Mort. Mort is a sick bastard who’s dark deeds have affected the Roland’s group through the years. Mort hit Odetta in the head with a brick when she was a little girl, causing her initial split personality; he pushed Jake in front of the car that originally killed him to bring him to Roland’s world in the first place; he finally pushed Odetta in front of the subway train that severed her legs. Roland uses Mort’s body to steal ammo and medicine, before throwing him in front of the same train that took Odetta’s legs at the same time Detta sees this through the open door. Both of her selves forge into a perfect third, Susannah and the three were drawn and Roland lives.

It’s one of my favorite books and a great sequel. The new characters are truly developed and feel very much like real people. It’s well paced and very trippy. Definitely worth a read and will leave you hungry for the next book.

The Children

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The children is about 2 families going on vacation together for Christmas. The visuals and sound are nice and the acting itself is solid. That is about the end of nice things I have to say about this movie.

When the kids contract some sort of virus they start murdering the adults.  Not sure why the adults never get sick, or why this movie felt like it took forever to watch but it did. Some times people just have to do their best with the script they are given, and this time it doesn’t matter how good everything else is, the movie simply was not good and you should avoid it. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Night Shift

nightshift Ah Stephen King, the man synonymous with the horror of every 80’s and 90’s kids childhood. I know plenty of King fans that haven’t read a single one of his books because all of the film representations of his work there are. Some are good, some are great, some suck balls, and some are just meh but if you are a hardcore King movie fan and you don’t have the patience to sit down and bust out a 1300 page novel, then Night Shift is the King book for you: a book of very well known short stories, many of which have been turned into movies directly like Graveyard Shift, Sometimes they come back, and Children of the Corn, and some like Quitters Inc., Trucks, and Lawnmower Man have found there way out into the world indirectly. Almost all twenty of these stories I found enjoyable, even a couple genuinely brought on a gasp like Children of the Corn or a low “damn” like the Man who loved flowers. Every story I found well paced and different (because I’ve seen some off short story collections in my day.) So I highly recommend this book for the beginner King fan that doesn’t read much or doesn’t have much time to devote to reading and as always may the gaming gods bring you glory.