Category: Horror

Jason X

jason x

So through the years we’ve seen Jason in different outfits, as a zombie fighting a psychic chick, walking around the Big Apple, as a ghost, and even fighting Freddy Kruger. So what could possibly be next? I know, how about outer space?

So Jason X begins in the near future at a government installation where Jason is being held because he just won’t die. They plan on cryo freezing him until they know how to execute him. Jason somehow manages to escape and the only survivor is a scientist named Rowan who manages to freeze Jason, but not without getting caught in the process too. Hundreds of years later they are found, brought aboard a science vessel and reanimated. As you expect, Jason is a tad bit cranky…

Despite how idiotic the premise is, I really do enjoy the movie. Though not tense or scary, the special effects are actually pretty good and Jason does have some really sweet kills in here. Of course there were moments that made me laugh too. There is a twist at the end where Jason is transformed into a half metal cyborg, commonly referred to as “Meta Jason” or “Jason X” which was really cool. None of the characters really annoyed me like they tended to do in the previous sequels. Overall, it was a fine movie that tried getting away with the ultimate gimmick of SPACE and won in my opinion. Best wishes everyone and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Stranger Things (Season Two)

And we are back with Stranger Things, Season two. Now I will admit I am a bit late on this one to. Its not my fault… I was playing video games and never got around to watching…ok so it was my fault.

Anyway was season two as good as season one? Well no. And who thought it would be? But damn it was good. That part with? And the other with? And? Yea well you know..my hatred of spoilers makes it really hard to review a Netflix series.

I will give you this one. At one part they all go to school and are they only kids dressed up for Halloween. Poor bastards. And to make matters worse they all assumed the black kid was going to be Winston when they went as the Ghostbusters. Seriously kid get some new friends. And not the girl with the skateboard and the brother that is a huge racist….aaaand that’s his new friend. Damn it kid.

Seriously tho, while maintaining its cliche 80’s feel that many of us loved the show took on a similar but different feel this time around. The kids have matured a bit after last seasons incident and who can blame them?

The town has also changed, friends have gone, new people have moved in relationships have changed. They have actually done a great job of making it feel like time has passed. But the more things change the more they stay the same.

Now I can’t give to many details without spoiling season one, but I will say this. While the initial threat from season one was stopped, it hasn’t truly gone away. A new threat has emerged and this time it may be more than the town in trouble. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Stranger Things (Season 1)

Stranger things was one of those shows I hadn’t heard of until it was out. Then people went ballistic over it. I am talking everyone I knew screaming watch this damn show it is the best thing out there ballistic.

The problem is these same told me The Walking Dead was the best written show on television. TWD was good. But the hype didn’t stand up to reality.

That being said I broke down and watched the first season of Stranger things probably after most people did. And while I won’t say it is the best thing out there it is amazing.

Season one starts out in possibly the most 80’s nerd way possible. Kids in a basement playing D&D. That is Dungeons and Dragons for you nerd illiterates. Anyway after we hear a complaint to mom about having only played for like 10 hours the group goes home.

Seriously this show is essentially an 80’s horror movie cliche. It even has a token black kid, tho he doesn’t die first thankfully because he rounds out the group very nicely. Later on we discover an evil corporation is covering stuff up, teens are going missing and dying.

The story is great, but these damn kids honestly make it. 11 does more without talking than some actors do at twice her age with a full script and if Finn Wolfhard can keep his head on straight and avoid the rampant abuse in Hollywood he is going places and I hope all these kids nothing but the best.

The show however is not perfect. Remember when I said the show was basically an 80’s horror movie cliche? I meant that in a very real sense. Some of the dialogue can be corny and one dimensional at times, the big bad creature is hardly seen and when it is to be honest I wasn’t neither scared or impressed. Everyone should at least try the first few episodes. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

In The Army Now (1994)

This movie has a special place in my heart, not only because Pauly Shore makes me laugh (and no I can’t explain why) but I did my basic and AIT at Fort Sill Oklahoma where parts of this movie were filmed. Was pretty cool to see the places the movie was filmed. Anyway on to why you are here.

The movie is about two losers that join the Army reserves because they really don’t have much choice after they lose their job. They also have no clue what they are signing up for. Besides Paul knows a pool boy, how hard can it be?

Turns out in a time of war in a desert country such as Chad,a water purification unit is highly likely to be called to active duty.

So these two idiots and their new friends from basic, G.I. Jane and G.I. dentist are off to the desert to clean some water and piss off some special forces.

I won’t spoil the story to much for you, the movie is honestly just some cheap laughs like most of Shore’s movies with a story that is decent but hardly anything spectacular. If you like comedies its worth a watch but most people should probably skip it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool 2 “Wet on Wet” trailer

dp2

Arguably the two most anticipated films of next year are going to Avengers: Infinity War and Deadpool 2, both I’m super pumped for. The first Deadpool was honestly one of the honest to god, truest comic book character portrayals I’ve seen. Well, if the other two teasers for the sequel didn’t prove it, this sure as shit will. Any Deadpool fan knows his love of parodies and whacky antics fused into his badassness; today I can say Deadpool taught me how to paint. Laced through his hilarious parodies of one of Bob Ross’s painting lessons, we got to see glimpses of what’s to come and HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS EPIC! Smartly, they don’t fully reveal Cable or the villain which I applaud them for. I really can’t tell you how pumped I am to get a full trailer but I do commend the trailers we got, now if you excuse me, I got chimichangas brewing :p

Evil Bong 2: Devil’s Harvest

evil bong 2

Also called “King Bong”, we have the sequel to Evil Bong. Oh boy.So we join our stoners again after Alistair saved them from Eebee, the Evil Bong. Alistair is called by his old friends because they are suffering from bizarre symptoms from getting high like one dude who has constant munchies, another who won’t stop humping shit, and another who randomly keeps passing out. So randomly the dude who delivered the bong in the first one comes and some how we find ourselves going to a mysterious island to confront the ex boyfriend of Eebee the Evil Bong, King Bong and yeah…I laughed my ass off how fucking stupid this movie was but that’s the fun. As I said before in my previous review of the Evil Bong series, don’t watch this expecting a high brow comedy. If you enjoy dumb shit for the sake of dumb shit, you’ll have a blast. I know I did. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Orville Revisited

I reviewed this after the first episode or two and while it wasn’t perfect I enjoyed it. But how does it stand up nine episodes in? Really quite well. The show still isn’t perfect and if you don’t like Seth’s other work you or Star Trek in general you won’t much like this one.

That being said the episodes are pretty interesting, the jokes while childish and not always clever are good for a chuckle and the visuals are comparable to anything else on television.

Sadly the shows ratings are pretty hit and miss it seems especially in the 18-49 range https://tvseriesfinale.com/tv-show/the-orville-season-one-ratings/

The real question is, will the show be cancelled or will it get a shot at a season 2? Well thankfully for me the answer is yes there will be a season 2.

http://variety.com/2017/tv/news/seth-macfarlanes-the-orville-1202605463/

With a season 2 in the works now is the perfect time to give it a shot, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory

Scary Movie

Scary Movie

Ok, so once upon a time, before I became Torsten V I had a stick up my ass about horror. I didn’t think horror and comedy could blend together, like Fettuccine Alfredo and Rocky Road ice cream; separately great but together you get the worst kind of diarrhea the devil couldn’t imagine. When Scary Movie debuted, I was high on the Scream trilogy and was pretty pissed about having a movie satirizing it. Well, in school I heard how hilarious I was and really had nothing to rent from Blockbuster that weekend so there I went- and I loved it.

Essentially the movie is mash up of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, with jabs at such 90’s hits like The Blair Witch Project and The Sixth Sense. Seventeen years later, some of the references as well the movies it is based on may feel dated but if you grew up around then, you’ll get a good laugh. The Comedy is crude but I don’t know what you were expecting walking into something like this. I had a lot of fun with it and it holds up well years later and multiple rewatches. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and WHATZ UP!

Guess Who (2005)

I picked this movie on a whim honestly and I must say, I forgot how much I missed Bernie Mac. The man played the perfect combination of funny and serious. And this movie has two very powerful messages to me. 1. That even in today’s world interracial couples face adversity from all sides (and they should not) and 2. Even a serious topic can be covered in a manner that can entertain and inform, and Ashton and Bernie knock this out of the park.

For those that somehow don’t know Bernie Mac plays a very successful black man. Great job, big house, beautiful family. His daughter brings home a man she loves dearly to meet the family for the first time. He is also successful, great credit report which Bernie mentions many times. There is one small catch. As we all know Ashton is a white man. While the family is ok with this Bernie seems less than thrilled. While he is never cruel to him he is openly distrustful and even semi hostile towards him.

I won’t spoil to much but there is a very powerful scene where Bernie basically urges Ashton to tell racist jokes at family dinner which they actually find quite funny at first until he takes it one step to far.

Now this is a comedy and of course at one point both of the men end up on the same team when their respective ladies get pissed at them after an argument in the yard where pretty much everyone comes off as an asshole and Ashton makes the mistake of referring to the people in the yard as “you people” and then defends himself by saying he has a black girlfriend.

Absolutely check this movie out, it will go down as one of Ashton and Bernie Macs best movies. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Overnight (2015)

Yea..look I don’t even know where to start on this one. Basically couple A moves from Seattle to California and they meet couple B when they meet at the park when they have their kids at the park. This is basically where the normalcy ends. Hold on people this shits about to get real damn weird.

So we get to couple B’s house for dinner and the kids go to bed. So now they are drinking and discussing work. Guy B sells water filters he invented and chick B is an actress. I thought it was going to be porn but it wasn’t. It was just a demonstration video on how breast pumps work. The logically thing obviously is to give this DVD away to your new friends as a gift…seriously that happens. Now they are smoking some pot, same scene by the way. Now there is some more drinking and dancing and grinding and a game if the floor is lava.

More weird stuff happens and the guys wonder off to see the art work guy B makes…its weird and colorful and its butt holes. No literally. Dude takes pictures of his friends literal assholes and paints colorful pictures of them. I can’t make this up.

Now we all know I hate giving you guys spoilers to the point i rarely give out names. Everything I have told you is in about the first 20 minutes of the movie and isn’t even plot points. Those get even weirder. I won’t discourage you from watching this movie, it isn’t even bad. Its just weird but in a fun way. I don’t regret watching it but it must be noted only certain people will enjoy it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.