Category: Horror

Gremlins

gremlins

So again from Savior and I, Merry Christmas and happy holidays. Now here’s a movie for all those kids who wanted a puppy, kitten, or pony for Christmas and why taking care of your pets is important…if you don’t they will turn into monsters and try to kill you.

This Christmas adventure begins with a struggling inventor who visits a old Chinese antique shop in his travels, coming across the perfect present for his son Billy. An adorable creature that makes cute singing noises and is heart meltingly cute. Against the owners wishes, the inventor takes the creature and brings him back home. This creature has rules though: no sunlight, no water, and don’t feed it after midnight. Simple right? Well, Billy accidentally let’s his new pet Gizmo get wet, and something strange happens: Gizmo reproduces. However these new offspring aren’t as sweet and lovable as Gizmo, leading into trickery letting these  annoying little bastards to eat after midnight, transforming into violent, hideous creatures that are out for mayhem and chaos…

Gremlins is a classic anytime of year. The characters are memorable, the effects are great, and it does well to mix black comedy with some fair scares. I highly recommend this movie for all ages this Xmas. May the gaming gods bring you glory and don’t feed your damn mogwai after midnight.

Christmas Vacation

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Another classic Christmas movie from my childhood that honestly I would probably never forget honestly. The story of the Griswolds will live on in..well infamy may be the best word. Cousin Eddie draining his RV and yelling “The shitters full” while drinking  beer or oiling the bottom of a sled that would fly down a hill and pretty much catch fire will forever. And lets not forget that classic moment of chopping down a nice big pine tree only to be attacked by a rouge squirrel.

The movie is obviously a comedy and not meant to be taken seriously. But it is great fun, from the starting point of finding out there is no Christmas bonus to the insane scene with Christmas lights. It is a wild and exciting ride of hilarity that should be enjoyed by all. Best wishes, Merry Christmas and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Red Christmas (2016)

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This movie for me was the definition of mixed feelings. Not because it was bad, which it was. It was bad in that B movie sort of way tho. No, I had mixed feelings for a different reason. See the movie starts off with what seems to be a nice wholesome family on Christmas.

We switch to a man in a hood stumbling in the snow towards a man chopping wood. Of course this guy is going to be a dick and end up dead. Jumping back to the family we discover this wholesome family aren’t so wholesome. The granddaughter may be suicidal playing with nuts she is supposedly allergic to. Her uncle is happy to let her and after being scolded dumps a flask full of liquor into the punch bowl after protesting about why can’t she have the nuts. The pregnant woman and her husband both happen to be on drugs, the priest doesn’t even hide the fact that he is gay and of questionable morals and the grandmother is worst of them all. The only decent person in the family is the son that happens to have down syndrome. Or is he? More on that soon enough.

The man in the hood from sooner knocks on the door and is invited inside. He also obviously has some sort of medical problems both mentally and physically. He doesn’t understand what a gift is and needs it explained, but he does want to read the letter he brought for his mother. After realizing the letter is discussing an abortion clinic he is violently grabbed and thrown out of the house, into the cold wearing nothing but a hooded cloak where he very realistically may die. This is when he decides to kill everyone. Now as this goes on we discover our son with down syndrome happens to be quite bloodthirsty and can’t wait to kill this guy. There is not a single decent person in the entire group. It can actually be argued that the killer is the best person in the group, by the end of the movie you will understand why he is there, why he is angry and that he actually has a very good reason for being upset in the first place. I ended up with mixed feelings because honestly, the killer may not even have been the bad guy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Anthony Jeselnik:Thoughts and Prayers

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The third round of my stand up experiment is a man I had never heard of until recently that a friend mentioned. So I looked him up and gave him a watch. I won’t mention his jokes specifically but I will say this, once again extremely adults only, and if you are easily offended do not bother watching this. He is funny and I enjoyed his stand up, but his jokes range from making fun of children, to a guy getting eaten by a shark to mass shootings and 9/11. Not the victims by the way, but many people still won’t appreciate the jokes all the same. If however you have a twisted sense of humor this man may be for you. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Jimmy Carr:Funny Business (2016)

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Day 2 of reviewing some stand up brings up Jimmy Carr, an English comedian. Aside from having a very distinct laugh he also has a rather dark sense of humor. He jokes about plenty of things taking shots at women, men in the audience hell during a segment where people in the audience sent him text he even told a joke about midget porn. However unlike my Leary stand up review this one while also absolutely for adults this one is likely to offend many people. For example he tells one joke about liking old fashioned black and white movies where nobody talks, then says he means interracial porn. That also is not one of the more offensive jokes.  Be warned, its funny but not for everyone, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Krampus Unleashed (2016)

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Krampus Unleashed is one of those movies that falls between being a horrible B movie that I love and legitimately just a poorly made movie. Usually they have low production value and they realize this, they embrace this. They don’t pretend to be more. Krampus however attempts to blur this line. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the movie looks pretty good. The acting is solid as well. Where the movie falls a bit flat however is the pacing is off and the story itself is rather odd.

The movie starts off in what seems like post WW2 Germany when some treasure hunters late at night when they discover a small box with a black stone in it. After some fighting they unleash Krampus whom shows up to kill a few people. We then find ourselves in the future.

A family trip to gramps country home we get to know the family, mostly a pretty basic group, expect for one kid that wants to have sex with his cousin. Not a joke by the way. This is where the story gets weird. Turns out that scene at the beginning of the movie was on this country home farm as the family discovers the rock in a river.

I won’t go to much further into the story, feel to watch it for yourself. While the story itself isn’t great it isn’t horrible and the gore factor is rather nice with limbs being torn off and blood by the bucket full. It is a nice throw back to when horror movies were just awkward stories that were an excuse for a body count. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The GraveDancers

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Almost a decade ago began the After Dark Horrorfest, and the first year had some pretty sweet low budget horror movies made by people that enjoyed the genre. I’m a tad bit rusty on the specifics of this particular movie but I remember some images creeping me out and the plot being a bit more strange than your typical ghost story.

We begin with our three main characters joining together for the funeral of a old college friend after going there own separate ways as is life. During the funeral, they decide a sad ceremony isn’t the way to celebrate there departed pal and well, they decide to share a drink with them at the cemetery after hours and get blitzed and in drunken euphoria they going dancing through the cemetery, wondering into the wrong part where the worst people in town were buried. The spirits of these 3 evil people are pretty pissed some drunks literally went dancing  on there graves and begin haunting them, not stopping until they get there own twisted revenge…

While not the greatest horror movie by any means, there is ambition to it we don’t really see much these days. The plot is strong and interesting, even for a B movie. Some of the effects vary as well as the acting but it works fair enough. The ghosts and there stories were my favorite part. I do recommend picking up a DVD rather than catching it on TV because watching it on TV, it gets chopped to hell, but it is worth a watch all the same. May the gaming gods stop you from drunken grave dancing.

 

Denis Leary: No Cure For Cancer (1992)

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Every so often I like to try something new, so I figured I would try to cover a few stand ups and I am starting with an old personal favorite. In No Cure for Cancer Leary covers various topics from drug use, to smoking and even his fathers reaction to his brother and his friends finally playing with Dennis as a kid, then shooting him in the head with an arrow. It is one of the funnier stand ups on Netflix right now and while it is full of drinking, smoking and swearing it is admittedly by the more modern standard of comedy today not all that offensive, the same however can not be said for what I cover tomorrow. This one is a must watch for any stand up fan, tho it is very much for adults. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

5 books that scared the s$it out of me

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People underestimate the raw power of books sometimes. I once did until I found one that scared the shit out of me. It was a different feeling than getting scared by a movie, more intimate somehow. here’s a list of books that genuinely creeped the shit out of me and made me want to bring the joy to others, in no particular order, lets dive in with…

cujo book 1. Cujo by Stephen King- ok, this was a tough call because many of King’s stories freaked the hell out of me but Cujo left a weird impact on me. I’m nervous around dogs as it is, so the idea of being at the mercy of a massive, rabid, death tank of a dog just…no, hell no. Cujo

let me in bk Let the Right One In (aka Let Me in) by John Ajvide Lindqvist- besides being a freaky ass vampire story with interesting lore and characters behind it, it’s a deep tale of friendship and vulnerability that I will cover after I watch the film, but I can tell you it won’t let you down if you’re scared of vampires.

good happy child 3. A Good and Happy Child by Justin Evans- I’ve never been religious or brought up with strong religious beliefs but this possession story caught me off guard.  Rather than heavy theatrics we get a much more quiet and more unsettling series of mind games through the 1st person perspective of someone possessed by the devil. If you like smart, thoughtful horror, this is for you.

Hbh1  4. The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker- if you loved the movie Hellraiser, this is the book that Barker directly turned into the film but his master of giving the diabolical Cenobites a presence the movie can’t match, this novella is worth a hit for the true fans of the movie. The Hellbound Heart  Hellraiser Movie review

1984 5. 1984 by George Orwell- this book is debatable as horror but once you read it and take a look at the world around us in 2017 where we always have eyes on us and Big Brother is everywhere, you may feel differently. Before reading 1984 however, I recommend reading Animal Farm first, to which here’s yet another link to check out my review. Animal Farm

This has just been a small list of books that scared the shit out of me, but there are more but those are for another time. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2015)

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This movie holds a special place for me actually, not because its great or horrible or anything like that. It is actually the first new movie of his I saw after he died. But was the movie any good? Well let me answer that.

The movie starts out with a man explaining that he sometimes over does things with his kids, namely Christmas. The reason for that, well his father wasn’t exactly great at that sort of thing. He didn’t like that his son wanted to paint instead of doing more manly things for example.

With this in mind Boyd never goes home for Christmas until his brother asked him to be god father of his child, but decides to hold the baptism on Christmas eve. While this in itself would be enough to ruin a holiday they also forget the Christmas presents at home.

In a last ditch effort to save Christmas Boyd attempts to rush home, grab the gifts and return in 8 hours. A trip that takes pretty much as much time as he has until the kids wake up, the perfect coincidence. Poof, car trouble. Dad (Robin Williams) for the save.

Honestly the movie isn’t that good, it is pretty much the stereotypical father and son don’t get along fight a lot and bind over helping the grand kids story. Williams himself is the best part of the movie tho even there it isn’t his best performance. It is far from the worst Christmas movie I have seen this month, but most people won’t be fond of it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.