Movie Review – Page 107

Jason X

jason x

So through the years we’ve seen Jason in different outfits, as a zombie fighting a psychic chick, walking around the Big Apple, as a ghost, and even fighting Freddy Kruger. So what could possibly be next? I know, how about outer space?

So Jason X begins in the near future at a government installation where Jason is being held because he just won’t die. They plan on cryo freezing him until they know how to execute him. Jason somehow manages to escape and the only survivor is a scientist named Rowan who manages to freeze Jason, but not without getting caught in the process too. Hundreds of years later they are found, brought aboard a science vessel and reanimated. As you expect, Jason is a tad bit cranky…

Despite how idiotic the premise is, I really do enjoy the movie. Though not tense or scary, the special effects are actually pretty good and Jason does have some really sweet kills in here. Of course there were moments that made me laugh too. There is a twist at the end where Jason is transformed into a half metal cyborg, commonly referred to as “Meta Jason” or “Jason X” which was really cool. None of the characters really annoyed me like they tended to do in the previous sequels. Overall, it was a fine movie that tried getting away with the ultimate gimmick of SPACE and won in my opinion. Best wishes everyone and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Justice League (second opinion)

jla 2

Ok, folks, let’s recap the DCEU thus far: Man of Steel was ok, BVS was the heap that was way too serious, Suicide Squad was the heap trying way too hard to be trendy, and Wonder Woman was the bed that Goldilocks found just right. Caught up now? Justice League is the heap that tries it’s ass off to be fun.

So Superman is dead. World is losing a lot of hope. Batman is still trying to track down the Meta-humans him and Diana discovered while also trying to find out what the hell are these Mother boxes. Diana is off in London while Batman is beating down Parademons in Gotham. Spread throughout the world, the three boxes are guided by the three tribes of man: Atlantean, Amazonian, and the third was used in helping to create Cyborg. Steppenwulf returns after being defeated centuries ago to get the boxes because, well Superman is dead, no one gonna stop him. So it’s up to Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, and Cyborg to all band together, try to resurrect Sups, and kick Steppenwulf’s ass.

Savior and I agreed, Aquaman was our favorite part of the movie, with Superman surprising second. We get a more light hearted, classic Superman from Henry Cavill this time and honestly I really dug it. Cyborg was definitely the weak link but to Ray Fisher’s credit, it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes his CGI is crap and he didn’t really have too much to do. Steppenwulf is the definition of forgettable bad guy; I’d go as far to say I liked Enchantress better in Suicide Squad and that says something. This movie has a wealth of problems, like how rushed and bloated it feels. Everything feels like it’s in fast-forward mode; I’m curious as hell what that nearly 3 hour director’s cut looks like. I will say, there are great Easter eggs and please if you are a DC fan, watch all the credits. My favorite scene was the final after credit where a character many of us have been crying for in the DCEU finally shows up. No spoilers though. Overall, the movie is alright, fun but not a great movie in any sense of the word but there are sweet moments and HAHA to all those people who laughed at me when I said Aquaman would be the coolest of the group. May the gaming gods bring you glory and come together everyone.

Justice League (2017)

For those that want a short spoiler free review, the next part is for you

Justice League was a fun movie, however do not mistake it for a good movie. The story is rushed there aren’t any surprises but the action scenes are nice. Also stay until after all the credits are done.

Now for those that want a more in depth but spoiler free review, the next part is for you.

As I said above, the movie is fun. I will grant that happily. Aquaman steals the show with his antics and attitude. A close second for me was Flash tho I don’t recall him ever actually being called that. He actually owns up to having never been in a fight. He has just pushed a few people and ran away.

Batman is, well he is Batman and him and Wonder Woman do Batman and Wonder Woman things both great actors that did their job well. Cyborg however just comes across as a plot device. He seems to have no purpose except to move the story along at the end.

Steppenwolf as a villain is bland, he is never truly given any real explanation for existing and his whole reason for coming back is hey Superman is dead so its safe to return and take my revenge. Tho hey its been 5000 years. Superman has been on earth for like..30 of them. Not sure why now is the perfect time. Plot hole I guess.

The story also feels extremely rushed which is weird to say for a movie that clocks in at 2 hours (1:59 technically I think) and the worst part is if it were 3 hours I don’t think that feeling would have changed. Far to much stuff simply needed to be explained.

In the end all I can say is, feel free to go and have a fun night at the movies because the movie is fun. But please do not make the mistake of thinking the movie will also be good. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Few Good Men (1992)

This movie is honestly a classic. In fact I would be amazed if most of you haven’t already seen this movie. But hey lets play along along and get this show on the road.

This is the story about a bunch of lawyers on the Navy defending a bunch of Marines for murder. Now that sounds real boring. But there is intrigue there are jokes, was there am order? Was there a cover up? Who knows? By the end we all will.

And while we are at it we have Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise and Demi Moore all giving what many believe to be the greatest performances of their careers. And you know what? I have to say I believe it. If you like movies. Not a certain type just movies. You owe it to yourself to watch this movie. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

In The Army Now (1994)

This movie has a special place in my heart, not only because Pauly Shore makes me laugh (and no I can’t explain why) but I did my basic and AIT at Fort Sill Oklahoma where parts of this movie were filmed. Was pretty cool to see the places the movie was filmed. Anyway on to why you are here.

The movie is about two losers that join the Army reserves because they really don’t have much choice after they lose their job. They also have no clue what they are signing up for. Besides Paul knows a pool boy, how hard can it be?

Turns out in a time of war in a desert country such as Chad,a water purification unit is highly likely to be called to active duty.

So these two idiots and their new friends from basic, G.I. Jane and G.I. dentist are off to the desert to clean some water and piss off some special forces.

I won’t spoil the story to much for you, the movie is honestly just some cheap laughs like most of Shore’s movies with a story that is decent but hardly anything spectacular. If you like comedies its worth a watch but most people should probably skip it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool 2 “Wet on Wet” trailer

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Arguably the two most anticipated films of next year are going to Avengers: Infinity War and Deadpool 2, both I’m super pumped for. The first Deadpool was honestly one of the honest to god, truest comic book character portrayals I’ve seen. Well, if the other two teasers for the sequel didn’t prove it, this sure as shit will. Any Deadpool fan knows his love of parodies and whacky antics fused into his badassness; today I can say Deadpool taught me how to paint. Laced through his hilarious parodies of one of Bob Ross’s painting lessons, we got to see glimpses of what’s to come and HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS EPIC! Smartly, they don’t fully reveal Cable or the villain which I applaud them for. I really can’t tell you how pumped I am to get a full trailer but I do commend the trailers we got, now if you excuse me, I got chimichangas brewing :p

Evil Bong 2: Devil’s Harvest

evil bong 2

Also called “King Bong”, we have the sequel to Evil Bong. Oh boy.So we join our stoners again after Alistair saved them from Eebee, the Evil Bong. Alistair is called by his old friends because they are suffering from bizarre symptoms from getting high like one dude who has constant munchies, another who won’t stop humping shit, and another who randomly keeps passing out. So randomly the dude who delivered the bong in the first one comes and some how we find ourselves going to a mysterious island to confront the ex boyfriend of Eebee the Evil Bong, King Bong and yeah…I laughed my ass off how fucking stupid this movie was but that’s the fun. As I said before in my previous review of the Evil Bong series, don’t watch this expecting a high brow comedy. If you enjoy dumb shit for the sake of dumb shit, you’ll have a blast. I know I did. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Hunger Games

hunger games book Something about the upcoming holiday made me think of the amazing book and the lame ass movie. Yes, I said it, the first movie sucked. Seriously, I almost got me and a friend kicked out of our local movie theater because I was that pissed. I’m going to predominately focus on the book, but oh I will get to the movie at the end.

Katniss Everdeen is a pissed off, quiet, depressed seventeen year old girl living in District 12 in the post-apocalypse of Panem. Each district provides a service to the tyrannical Capitol that reigns supreme and every year, to prove there might and superiority, they hold the Hunger Games. Two tributes, one boy and one girl from each district are placed in a game for all to see where the only victor is the child who manages to kill and outlive the others. Prim, Katniss’s little sister is chosen but Katniss takes her place alongside Peeta Mellark, a handsome, kind young man who showed her mercy years before in her darkest days. Katniss is a survivor though and skilled with a bow, but will that be enough to survive?

Ok, so I am a huge fan of the book trilogy. I seriously devoured the book page to page when I first read it and still held up after a few rereadings which is impressive. Here is two reasons why I hated how it was adapted: the book was in first person and almost nothing was as I imagined it. As I said above, Katniss is a quiet, introverted young woman so the first person perspective added depth and melancholy where needed; during the movie there were times she acted bizarrely. If you read the book, it may make sense but as a casual movie goer it may make you ask WTF? Next, a lot of this wasn’t how I imagined. Much like an experience with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the story in the first Hunger Games gave me hard, visceral images without really giving them to me, making me imagine them rather than washing the page in fictional blood and guts. The movie doesn’t show you jack shit but you get a nice assload of shaky-cam. Two huge gripes I have is that for a district riddled with poverty, coal dust, and starvation, our lead actors look pretty damn well fed and ugh- Peeta your damn family can barely afford food but you can gel your hair, bullshit ahoy! And the second thing, the final monsters got WAY bitched down from the book and on top of that, the CGI effects for them look like shit. I do enjoy the music in the movie and Woody Harrelson is awesome as Haymitch but that’s about all the good I got to say. Please read the book trilogy. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Scary Movie

Ok, so once upon a time, before I became Torsten V I had a stick up my ass about horror. I didn’t think horror and comedy could blend together, like Fettuccine Alfredo and Rocky Road ice cream; separately great but together you get the worst kind of diarrhea the devil couldn’t imagine. When Scary Movie debuted, I was high on the Scream trilogy and was pretty pissed about having a movie satirizing it. Well, in school I heard how hilarious I was and really had nothing to rent from Blockbuster that weekend so there I went- and I loved it.

Essentially the movie is mash up of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, with jabs at such 90’s hits like The Blair Witch Project and The Sixth Sense. Seventeen years later, some of the references as well the movies it is based on may feel dated but if you grew up around then, you’ll get a good laugh. The Comedy is crude but I don’t know what you were expecting walking into something like this. I had a lot of fun with it and it holds up well years later and multiple rewatches. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and WHATZ UP!

Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox

flashpoint paradox

Another great comic I wanted to read and one of Flash’s greatest stories that inspired much of season 3 of the show as well as rumor has it is looking up to being the focus of DCEU’s solo Flash movie.

We join Flash, Barry Allen, as he goes about his normal life as the Scarlet Speedster. Fastest man alive. Life is ok, but could be better. Barry’s driving force is the death of his mom Nora, the death that put his dad away for a murder he never committed. A conflict with Flash’s greatest nemesis, Eobard Thawne- Reverse Flash, brings Barry the oppertunity to have his dreams comes true: Thawne gives Barry the chance to travel back and save his mom. He takes the chance and saves her, causing one huge bitch of a paradox. Barry wakes up one day and discovers himself powerless but happy, but the world around him a dark mirror of itself on the brink of WW3 between Themyscira and Atlantis, where Bruce Wayne was shot dead in Crime Alley as a kid and Thomas Wayne became a malevolent, cruel Batman, and Superman was found by the US government instead of the Kents and experimented and locked away. Barry is powerless and alone, realizing his dream meant the suffering of millions.

I have to say this was my favorite DC animated movie so far. Batman was my favorite part, twisted and sad. If you love Flash or are one of those people who think comic books or superheroes can’t tell great stories, I urge you to check this animated movie out on Netflix. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes.