Movie Review – Page 120

Judge Dredd

judge dread

First I gotta start this review by giving a shout out to my friend Autobot who celebrated his birthday yesterday and gave me the idea to do today’s reviews; love ya kid. So I know the 90’s Judge Dredd film adaptation isn’t really looked upon highly- ok, I’ll bite, I know it’s in that so bad it’s good category- but that and Batman Forever made me want to create a superhero story of my own. I saw both films at the local drive-in with my parents and on big screen it was something mind blowing. Dredd’s first appearance on screen riding through the flames on his Lawmaster was imprinted in my memory as one of the most epic things I’ve ever seen.

Judge Dredd takes place in Mega City; a massive, overpopulated city where crime and anarchy takes hold on a daily basis. To keep peace and order, there are a police force that are judge, jury, and executioner all in one- the Judges, Joseph Dredd being a legend among them. Our story revolves around Dredd having to team with his best friend/partner/hidden crush Hershey and wimpy hacker Fergee have to team up to thwart a plot to dismantle the Judges from inside, leading Dredd to battle the law, Cursed Earth outside the city, and his own blood in the form of psychotic ex- Judge Rico.

So the question, how does this movie hold up 22 years later- oh shit I’m old- well it holds up fine as a 90’s action superhero movie. It ain’t Steele after all. It doesn’t hold to the dark, gritty, serious tone of the source material very much. We see Stallone’s face a lot, he smiles, there’s a ass load of one liners that hit and miss and the costume is a bit ornate but I still enjoy it. A lot of the acting is over the top and even cooky but I can’t help but like Stallone as Dredd; Max Von Sydow as Chief Justice was the best performance as well as a really good performance from Rob Schneider as Fergee. The Angel Family in the desert…I love them. A family of god loving cannibals that look like a futuristic Hills Have Eyes Family. My favorite part by far. Overall if you want a fun 90’s action movie, go for it, but if you want the real Dredd experience, watch the 2012 movie with Karl Urban- review later today. Thanks for reading, and as always, may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cottage Country

cottage country

Todds plan is simple. Take his girlfriend to his parents cottage, propose marriage, get laid. His brother on the other hand decides to show up uninvited. When Todd accidentally kills his brother with an ax things only begin to go really wrong. After disposing of his brother and his brothers girlfriends body they come home to discover a raging party and the body count climbs even higher.

The movie in itself isn’t bad, but it doesn’t deliver on the laughs one would expect from a a movie staring Tyler Labine. I would honestly suggest checking out some of his other movies for example Tucker and Dale vs. Evil Review which was a far superior movie. Best of luck and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Black Room

This movie is a bit odd. I can’t call it good, but I also won’t say it is bad. The movie starts out with a sleeping woman at her grandmothers house and some strange noises in the basement. The grandmother seems to know what it is going on and isn’t happy. The next part for lack of a better term ( ok for those that are a bit squeamish or easily offended please stop reading..seriously) anyway for lack of a better term the young but adult woman is raped by a ghost. Afterwards the grandmother is killed attempting to protect her granddaughter who is later burned badly.

Flash forward to a new couple buying the house and all hell breaks loose, more people are killed, bunch of nudity and more awkwardness of women alone in rooms having orgasms from a incubus demon. All in all the movie is entertaining in that what the hell am I watching way and is not well made in anyway. As always thanks for joining me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Boo 2005

boo

I won’t say this movie is bad, but veteran horror fans will find little to enjoy. While it had some creepy moments and would probably be enough for casual fans this left much to be desired. A group of guys bring dates into an abandoned hospital in an attempt to scare female friends quickly end up in a fight for their lives against a dead patient trying to escape. Oh and did I mention a friend ha been there fixing the place up to make a creepy place even creepier? The premise of the movie was solid despite the cliche nature, but sadly it falls flat very quickly. Thanks for your time and may the gaming god bring you glory.

Alien Vs Zombies

alien vs zombies

I don’t say this often, but I will start out simple. This movie is fucking stupid,and not in a fun way. The premise is cool, an alien shows up on vacation after years of loving the earth from a far. So dad sends him here on spring break. Upon arrival he discovers the world is in ruins, zombies are everywhere and all hell has broken out. To avoid spoilers I will say things are not as they appear. The pop culture references are mildly entertaining, for example the reference that Snooki is indeed an alien and the reference to another movie called Earth Girls Are Easy was fun. Aside from that this movie fails on pretty much every level from acting to visuals to the script itself. This movie is better off avoided, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Darling

darling

So I was floating around the Netflix horror section late one night and saw a short movie in black and white I never heard of. It begins with a warning about bright flashes and hallucinatory imagery. This movie is Darling. It’s the strange story of a young woman taking care of mansion that may or may not be haunted by the devil as she randomly comes across a guy that may have raped her, causing her to go totally bat shit and kill him. The movie is very ambiguous, leaving a lot of things left to interpretation which is pretty cool. It’s essentially the story of this girl’s intense unraveling of her sanity but there’s a possible demonic edge which is kinda cool. The movie is filmed beautifully and the score compliments it well. I can say this movie really ain’t for everyone, in fact I can say 9 of 10 people I know wouldn’t last it but I enjoyed it for the cinematography and sound and WTF plot. If you want to see something strange, watch this but if you aren’t into low budget art films, this ain’t for you.

Eclipse

eclipse

So if I had to pick a best out of the Twilight series, Eclipse, book 3, would probably be my favorite. There is some compelling narration, decent lore building, and a fair amount of tension to leads to…shit. Two books building up to a grand ass revenge and it’s over in a paragraph. No epic fight, hell the fight were hoping for we never see; the movie at least did us that solid. But I need to do this right and summarize the plot of this. Ah hell, here it goes…

So months passed since New Moon ended, Victoria is still on the loose, the werewolves still hate the Cullens, and teen bullshit. Edward and Bella still going back and forth bout the whole I wanna be a vampire/ I have no soul cuz I’m a monster crap. Also Jacob is all emo again because Bella ain’t into dog sex, she’s all into screwing rich dead people. I always thought Bella was a gold-digger myself. Anyway, they’re also almost graduating from school and apparently people are disappearing in the city next to Forks. So Jacob pops up at there school, letting it out that the two factions almost had it out trying to get Victoria. Soon after, they discover Victoria is stalking Bella, Blah blah blah Victoria is trying to make an army of newborn crack vampires to kill Bella so the Cullens and werewolves have to band together and stop her. Oh and they get engaged while Jacob tries to jump into her pants.

Ok, so Eclipse is the best of the four. There is a fair sense of tension and some cool lore sprinkled throughout. BUT the dialogue is crappy, all the characters just feel whiny, all built tensions just squeak fart out instead of being a cool climax. The movie is full of the bad emo acting the Twilight movies are famous for but we do a decent fight at the end. The first couple minutes of the movie are a nice touch that actually can trick you into thinking its a horror- HAHAHA don’t fall for it. This movie maybe directed by David Slade, director of the totally underrated 30 days of Night movie but he couldn’t even save this damn movie. Anyway, thank you for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Disappointments Room

dis room

Well, the title lives up to it’s name; I’ve seen reviews on YouTube for the this, all scathing and so I thought I might be that 1 guy that found something nice to say since I famously like many movies most people conventionally hate. Well, this sure as shit wasn’t the case here. This movie sucks.

So the Disappointments Room is about a family with the a troubled past is moving into a new house because the wife Dana (Kate Beckinsale) is a architect. Her husband stays home and plays XBox all day. We piece together the family of three used to be four but there baby died. Oh and typical ghost shit is happening to Dana and maybe there son Lucas too. She finds a hidden room one night and the ghost shit gets more intense but we start finding out Dana is probably crazy because we learn she tried to kill herself once and she decides to flush her meds down the toilet. She finds out the room was went for the original owner’s deformed child, who he killed with a hammer because people were total dicks back then. Oh and Havok from X Men is in this shit stack, and he tries getting in Dana’s pants with dialogue straight out of a porno but I’m pretty sure she just uses his ass for smokes…Ok, screw this movie. If it seems I half assed this review, well they half assed this movie. The acting is dogshit all around. The premise could have been really good and I do have a certain affection for those kind of stories abound freaks and deformed kids but that’s like an after thought throughout the movie. The “scary” shit doesn’t feel threatening at all and there are some dumbass jump scares when it seems nothing is happening. The ending is laughably bad too. Skip this stinky ass shit waffle of a movie and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Wes Craven Presents They

They

They is about a college student that grew up having night terrors that return after a childhood friend calls her freaking out. He explains that They only come out at night, hate light and they mess with electricity and that babies sense them and cry. He then proceeds to shoot himself in the diner.

Slowly as the movie goes on Julia moves from thinking her friend was insane and very sick to thinking maybe he wasn’t wrong. Things start turning weird for her and her night terrors return. She even wakes up in her bathroom and attack her boyfriend not realizing who it was. The movie is largely a psychological journey like many of Wes Cravens films. The acting is nice and visually there is nothing to complain about, tho while interesting I did find the movie a bit boring for much of it. I won’t say not to watch it, but it won’t be for everyone. As always may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Top 5 Stephen King adaptations

king So this year’s IT remake is crushing box office records, and rightfully so. If you grew up anytime between the 80’s and 90’s, chances are you’ve heard the tales of Stephen King. If like me you grew up with parents that liked horror, some of your first nightmares came from a King based movie, so I just wanted to give you all my list of best King adaptations. Granted, these are just my personal favorites, listed from least to greatest.

The Mist

5. The Mist- holy shit this movie is sad. Like seriously heart wrenching shit. Simply The Mist is about a group of people who loose it trapped in a grocery store during a mysterious monster filled mist. I loved that the mist wasn’t so much the true horror as it was religious madness that spread throughout the people. The characters are relate able, there’s a fair amount of gore and good acting so definitely check it out before watching the show.

misery film 4. Misery- I second guessed being a writer after this way too real horror story of a writer who finds himself face to face with his batshit insane biggest fan. Someday soon I will be doing a combo review on the book and movie and while I like the book better the movie is pretty damn close. Kathy Bates is amazing as the psychotic Annie Wilkes in a performance I can’t credit enough.

carrie 2002 3. Carrie (2002)- A lot of people aren’t even aware this even exists and it’s a damn shame. Everyone knows the original 76 movie and many know of the well publicized 2013 remake, but I adore the 2002 made for TV remake much more. First, I love Angela Bettis as Carrie, being sympathetic, desperate, but showing a delicate inner strength I think fits the character beautifully. The effects are epic and I appreciate how close to the book it stays, straying away for a new ending I liked very much. Harder to find but definitely worth the time.

2. IT (2017)- Quite possibly the best movie I’ve seen all year, this remake took me greatly by surprise. I love the mini series for all it’s whacky shit but the remake is gritty and dark, full of both great child actors and Bill Skarrsgard is amazing as Pennywise, it’s one hell of a ride.

1. Pet Sematary- The movie that introduced me to Stephen King, a movie that still lingers with Michael Myers and a hive of Aliens in the depths of my earliest nightmares comes the story that dares to ask what if the dead didn’t have to stay dead? Roughly 30 years old this movie holds up great with memorable performances, freaky imagery, and a sad second half that will let you know why sometimes dead is better.