The Hellbound Heart

Hbh1 So because the Savior reviewed the iconic movie adaptation of Clive Barker’s disturbing romance novella, I figured I’d cover the lesser known novella, The Hellbound Heart. In a rare instance, Barker did the novella as well as direct the film adaptation which definitely shows. Both are very similar. Frank Cotton, a discouraged sexual deviant, sits in a candle lite room and toys with the ominous Lemanchard’s Configuration (or Lament Configuration), a beautiful, ornate puzzle box that once opened will call forth the seraphic Cenobites to bring him absolution and pleasure. Little does he know how subjective pleasure can be. Frank disappears and his house back in the states goes to his brother Rory, his beautiful but cold wife Julia, and his daughter (in the book their relationship is less specific and she never really refers to him as Daddy or father but rather implied) Kirsty. Rory is a kind, boring man. Julia is a prude who fantasizes about banging Frank, and the brief affair she had right before marrying Rory, and Kirsty is a normal teen girl who loves her dad and tolerates Julia. When moving, Rory scratches himself on a nail and that little bit of blood summons the horrible remains of Frank to find Julia and our plot begins. Julia needs to bring horny men to Frank so he can slaughter them and take there flesh to recover his flesh before the Cenobites find him. Desperate for zesty love Julia obliges. Kirsty, suspecting Julia of having an affair, follows her only to find the horrible truth and comes face to face with her skinned perverted uncle Frank. She manages to escape with her life, waking in a hospital with the box. She opens its and out emerge the Cenobites, not the angels we were lead to believe but gruesome, deformed creatures lead but a tall, colorless figure with a grid craved into his face and nails dug in that would be called Pinhead by fans for decades after. The Cenobites tell Kirsty they want to show her pleasure; she barters her life if she produce Frank. They agree, only sparing her if they can punish the bastard who fled them.

Hellbound Heart is my favorite love story; and it is a love story as well as a soap opera. The Cenobites are written to make you picture them as angels and are masterfully revealed not to be both in the opening and the third act. Clive Barker write Pinhead to have a fearsome, quiet presence reminding me a lot of classic Darth Vader, which is the best compliment I can give. Even in his later works, anytime Pinhead is involved, he gives the story a sense of dread and despair that only the best characters in horror can. It’s a short read, maybe 130-140 pages if that, so definitely pick it up for a good scare and stay away from old music boxes!

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All Cheerleders Die

all cheer. die

Directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson All Cheerleaders Die is a movie about, well cheerleaders. Look i won’t lie to you people, basically i hop o Netflix or Hulu, pick a random movie in the horror genre and watch it. Sometimes I sit down with my laptop, get some writing done or work on my game and enjoy a movie. Other times I end up watching shit like All cheerleaders die. I didn’t pay for this but i still want my money back. The first 30 minutes or so is bitchy but hot cheerleaders going about their lives of back stabbing and being a dick to the less popular kids. The only bright sides or the chicks are pretty odd and at least a few of them are lesbians together. There isn’t a lot of nudity but it would be inappropriate for minors. Shortly after the 30 minute mark  a football player has enough of  a cheerleader berating him in front of everyone and punches her which results in a car chase and a car full of cheerleaders seemingly dead. After some accidental witch craft with some magical rocks the girls are back and that is around the time all sorts of weird shit happens. 2 girls switch bodies,people start dieng and i’m not sure if they are zombies or what the hell is going on,they definitely eat a  dude, well steal his life force or maybe both? Movie is weird. Seriously don’t watch it, or at least be drunk. As always thanks for coming and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Lego Batman Movie

lbm  I gotta say this was a weird turnaround, watching the grim and bloody Logan to popping in fun and campy Lego Batman in the same night. Essentially Lego Batman is the story of asshole Batman who has to learn it’s ok to need people, even his villains, and it’s ok to open your heart and accept people care about you. First, I gotta give a huge round of applause to the animators of this movie because holy shit it was cool to watch. It was epic how fluid Legos could actually be. Alot of this movie”s humor wasn’t for me per say but I loved how many jokes there were regarding all of the pre-existing Batman films, and the awesome password to the Batcave. Zach Galifinakis is indeed a better Joker than Jared Leto; sorry bro. The climax is pretty sweet where Joker unleashes a army of our most well known, dastardly bad guys from the Phantom Zone Like Voldemort, Sauron, King Kong, The Krakken from the original Clash of the Titans, and even the damn raptors from Jurassic Park. My favorite laugh involved Adam West’s shark repel-ant and Jaws. The cameos are impressive. It’s a fun, energetic movie that’s a fun way to keep you and your kids entertained for a couple hours.

Are “Classic” Consoles needed?

Nintendo classic

With the success of the Nintendo Classic and the assured success of the soon to be released Super Nintendo Classic I have seen the question a few times, are they really needed? At first it seems a silly question. Its a product people want that is easier and cheaper than hunting down and buying the originals.  Lets not forget there are other options as well with many of the titles included being available on various Nintendo consoles. Most people also own a laptop capable of using emulators to play these games (fill disclosure I do not advocate this and it is completely illegal if you do not own an original copy of the game) which raises the question even more, are these needed? My personal opinion, absolutely. Lets be honest here, while it is fun to hunt down your favorite games from the past, and feeling that nostalgia flow over you, it is very much cheaper and easier to simply buy a classic console. many of the games I grew up loving made it onto the NES classic and the SNES classic is also full of games I loved, from Super Mario World to Mega Man X. And sure i could go buy these system and hunt down these games that could easily take hundreds of dollars and probably even more hours of my time as opposed to one of these systems. My only real issue is how short of supply they are in to the point that many people never got to purchase one. Hopefully this time will be different, but I doubt it, As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Logan

logan It took 17 years but we finally got our R-rated Wolverine movie and they did save the best for last. Logan, adapted from the popular story Old Man Logan, is the story of an ancient, weathered Wolverine in a world where the x-men are no more and mutant-kind is on the brink of complete extinction. He lives in the Mexican desert, caring for a diseased Professor X who is suffering from erratic seizures that can be deadly not just for him but everyone around him. Logan is no longer the spry killing machine we’ve come to known him as the past 17 years but a angry drunk whose incredible regenerative ability is now almost nonexistent as we see him with unhealed scars all over his body, puss bubbling over his knuckles- a chore to even draw the claws we’ve all come to know and love, and even his sight is beginning to fade when we see him wearing glasses to read. One day a woman finds him, offering him a huge sum of money to take her and her “daughter” across the US to a place referred to as Eden. He refused and is immediately questioned by the Reavers, a group of cyberneticly enhanced men tasked with hunting down the last mutants. Wolverine goes to confront the woman only to find her dead, with just her daughter left. Professor X urges Logan to take her with them, that she was the mutant he’d been communicating with. Her name is Laura, at first mute and peculiar. Soon Logan discovers how when she shows her own metal claws, two protruding from each hand and two from each foot, along with a very similar regenerative capability; she is clone born to be a Reaver weapon in there dark plot to have the ultimate mutant weapon. So it’s up to Logan and Prof X to deliver her to Eden where she can be safe.

I’ve seen many reviews praising the hell out of Logan as a masterpiece; I wouldn’t go that far. It’s no way a bad movie. Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart deliver great, complex performances as a fitting finale to their iconic roles; the supporting cast is great but for me, the winner here was the R-rating. X-Men films in particular have been hindered if not damn near murdered by the obligatory Pg-13 superhero rating it took 2016’s Deadpool movie to break by showing not every movie with supers in it has to be for kids and can be succesful. Movies like The Wolverine, X-Men: Days of Future’s Past, and X-Men: Apocalypse  would have benefited much more from a R-rating, dealing with violent characters and dark themes; it was a pleasure to see the Wolverine I’ve always read about cleaving through people as a growling bad ass. <y problems with this movie is that it’s a 2 and a half hour movie that feels like 3. Also a question about what timeline is this story supposed to be taking place in comes to mind, is it the original timeline or the timeline from the very end of Days of Future Past or perhaps a new one considering the meta element of the X-men comics not only existing but playing a key role in the story? Also, I don’t hate the final boss of Logan as I HATED it at the end of the origins movie, but I couldn’t help but have that taste in my mouth resurface briefly, but thank god it was done much better than the movie no one should ever speak of. Overall, If you love Wolverine or like dark movies in general, I suggest it. Just please don’t think it’s a kids movie; if Logan’s a kids movie than Deadpool’s guest starring on Barney next week.

Is Pokemon Go Dead?

pokemon go

The question has been asked many times, is Pokemon Go dead? For many people the answer seems to be yes, but i’m inclined to disagree. Sure it has died down from its popularity of last summer when thousands of people all over the world would congregate to one spot in hopes of catching that one elusive pokemon they wanted at the time. That being said i still know plenty of people that play, and the gyms by my house are constantly changing and i still see people daily walking around with their phones in their faces. I’m not ashamed to admit i also still play and now with the weather nicer will absolutely be going on the occasional pokemon hunt. I can’t really think the game is dead when millions of people in the world are still playing and the game is regularly updated with new pokemon and locations. While I admit I do miss the days of tons of people wondering around and forming little groups even with strangers to chat about what they hope the future of the game will bring or where a certain creature can be found, I still find it somewhat relaxing to just see whats out there. As always thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Lantern Rainbow

lantern2 So before we bite into the meat of what I’m covering in Green Lantern mythos, I thought it’d be a good idea to cover what the other Corps represent and what light of emotion drives them, as well as talk about the entities a little bit. So Let’s work our way up the rainbow shall we:

  1. Red- the manifestation of the universes rage and anger. Red Lanterns are characterized by the froth of molten blood plasma they projectile fire from their mouths which is there most common weapon besides constructs and brute strength. Red lanterns must always remain at the height of their rage at at all times; many times this impedes upon there ability to think rationally. Atrcitious is the leader of them on the planet Ryut. There entity is the Butcher, the collection of the universe’s rage
  2. Orange- Larfleeze, the one and only. Orange is avarice, greed. It’s all consuming, leaving it’s victims much like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. The Orange Corp mainly stems from Larfleeze’s constructs of all the beings he’s slayed in the name of his greed. Ohphridan is there entity, trapped inside of Larfleeze’s lantern.
  3. Yellow- fear, the greatest weakness of the Green Lantern Corps. The Sinestro Corps was forged from the fallen Green Lantern Sinestro while exiled on the planet Qward. There power stems from there ability to instill fear in others. Deputy bearers of the yellow ring have included Batman, Scarecrow, and Mongul. Parallax is there Entity, one of the most powerful and destructive beings in the galaxy, nearly turning Hal Jordan into a murderous demigod capable of slaughtering whole planets. Fear users are weak against the blue light of hope but can tear through the green light of will with ease.
  4. Green- the original light harnessed by the immortal, emotional Guardians of the Universe on planet Oa. The green light comes from the user’s willpower, creating constructs of their imagination. There greatest weakness is fear, dripping down into the “yellow impurity”, a problem many lanterns had where golden or yellow objects could break their constructs.  Ion is their entity.
  5. Blue- hope. Besides the orange corp, perhaps one of their greatest threats, the blue lanterns are the second fewest in number. Saint Walker is the main blue lantern we get to know, a calm, caring alien who in the groups darkest hours repeats the blue lantern corps mantra of “all will be well”. Acting as their Guardians are ex-guardians Ganrhet and Sayd. A blue lantern can partially subdue a red lantern’s rage and cancel out fear, but as for there powers to be at there greatest they can have have a symbiotic relationship with a green lantern. They live on planet Odym.
  6. Pink- The Star Sapphires, the lanterns of love. Love was harvested by an ancient race called the Zamorans, who act as their Guardians. Though powerful, their power can corrupt their minds, being mind controlled by the Zamorans when needed. Carol Ferris, lifelong friend and love of Hal Jordan. There entity is the Predator…I hope I’m not the only one who can see the irony in this.
  7. indigo- Compassion. An extremely mysterious breed of lantern, speaking a dialect no other lantern can translate, having no identity other than Indigo and a number; Indigo-1 is the lantern we get to known best. She carries a staff instead of wielding a power ring like the others. There numbers are unknown as well as the extent of there powers; Indigo-1 is able to teleport between planets with ease.
  8. Black- death. The end of life. Black lanterns are resurrected corpses that can’t be killed except by fire, blending green light with that of another Corps, or the white. The Black Hand is there devoted champion. Nekron is there entity.

Hellraiser Movie review

hellraiser

Hellrsaiser is a classic Clive Barker movie, filled with gruesome deaths, the obligatory sex scene and of course, pinhead. Released in 1987, back when horror movies were the standard family movies into a house and all hell break loose and this is no exception.  The father is pretty much immune to common sense and the outcasted family member is the one that brings the evil into the house while the assumed virgin daughter is trying to find her way in the world. Once again the evil cheating wife is pretty much just there to push the story along. All that isn’t to say the movie is bad, its Clive barker, however it is very basic and cliche on every level imaginable. The visuals for their time are rather nice and the sound is pretty much on par with everything else in that time frame. Pinhead himself look pretty creepy and to this day isn’t the type you would want to run into even in broad daylight. When all is said and done, it is definitely a worthwhile horror flick if you like the 80’s movie genre or horror movies in general. As always thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Phantasy Star 2 mobile review

phantasy star 2

I have always been a huge fan of the Phantasy Star series ever since my parents randomly bought me a game. See it was that time of year us poor people love, income tax season. Its where we get to pay some bill and buy a few things we otherwise could not afford. I remember being sick and saying i wanted a game, obviously unable to pick a myself my parents offered to do it. Most kids would have been worried, but my dad was an old school gamer. Really old school, i’m talking pinball and asteroids and home consoles didn’t exist yet, and my mom used to watch me play all the time. Now i can’t say how the conversation at the store went but I always assumed it came down to them arguing over 2 games then saying  screw it and buying both. My reward? Shining Force 2 and Phantasy Star 4, two of my all time favorites.

Obviously when I heard Phantasy Star 2 would be free on mobile i was excited and skeptical. The game has an over lay of the Genesis controller that i thought would be annoying and cumbersome which i’m happy to say i was wrong tho admittedly they can be a bit unresponsive at times. The sound and graphics both sound as good or maybe  little better than on the Sega, but not as good as some of the collections that have come out since, but for free i won’t complain especially knowing these are all basically direct copies of the Sega versions. The adds also are not anything major, basically only showing when you start or pause the game and I have not seen one mess with game play at all. as always thanks for joining me and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil Review

tcuker and dale

This movie is directed by Eli Craig and was written by him and Morgan Jurgenson. Now I try not to swear to much because I have no idea who reads this, but what the fuck were these two smoking when they wrote this? And I don’t mean that in a good way or bad way. it was a fun movie. The story goes like this, a group of college kids goes camping and happens to run into Tucker and Dale whom they find a bit creepy seeing as how they are pretty much hillbillys  and these are rich college kids. This is where a series of misunderstandings will result in a group of college kids attempting to rescue their friend that doesn’t need to be rescued resulting in even more coincidental and misunderstood deaths. Without giving to much away at one point a guy running from bees after accidentally hitting their nest with a chain saw will result in another guy running away and killing himself on a tree branch because he thinks he i being chased by a guy with a chainsaw. Now i know all of this sounds weird and convoluted, because it is. It somehow manages to come  are together as a pretty solid movie. I probably would be upset if i paid real money for this movie, but if you have Netflix i would check it out. Thanks for joining me, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.