Tag: Movie Review

All American Christmas Carol (2013)

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I appreciate what this movie was attempting to do. A modern, trailer park version of the classic Christmas story, a Christmas Carol. Actually expected this to be hilarious. It is basically the three expected ghost visiting a white trash mom that thinks work is for suckers to show her the error of her ways and save her family and Christmas. Honestly it starts off pretty well on its way. One of her kids dads (there are many) is a semi professional paint ball player that dies when he gets shot in the eye playing and not wearing his safety glasses. While this in itself isn’t funny, his funeral is at the paintball range and there is beer in the coffin, but only sixer.

Sadly the movie pretty much fails to ever take off. The humor is all about stereotypes but is never actually funny about it, for example one character is a redneck named rat tail that has, you guessed it, a rat tail. He owns a motorcycle and is a professional wrestler. That is it. Outside of being a semi love interest he serves no actual purpose.

The ghost themselves consist of a girl from high school that died during an accident with a donkey, draw your own conclusion, a dead rock star and the main characters mom, none of which are all that memorable. This movie is best avoided. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015)

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This is another movie I saw and just said to myself, self, you are watching this movie. So I popped it on. If you like outrageous B movies with a ridiculous plot just look at the title of the damn movie. It is exactly what it sounds like. A small mining town trying to get some iridium accidentally finds something else. Dinosaurs.  First a few small ones come out, kill some swimmers in bikinis because hey, every B movie has that scene.

Eventually our “paranoid” single survivor of the mine is proven right as dinosaurs run rampant on the town. Of course this is a town of country cowboys so everyone has a gun. By the end of the movie there are bullets and dinosaurs everywhere. As the bodies get stacked high on both sides a daring plan to finish the problem once and for all is hatched. This movie isn’t for everyone, but for B movie fanatics its worth watching. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Christmas Horror Story

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A Christmas Horror Story is pretty upfront about what it is honestly. It is a horror movie and a Christmas movie.  It is actually multiple stories happening all at once, some rather interesting such as Santa fighting zombie elves at the north pole. Others not so much, such as  the ghost story in a basement.

One of the highlights of this movie for me was William Shatner playing a radio dj that i working a double for Christmas. As the movie progresses he gets more and more into the Christmas spirit with eggnog and booze until he is just drinking booze out of the bottle.

The movie itself however ranges from pretty bad to downright average at best. Normally this is the part where I say unless you are a pretty avid horror fan to avoid the movie, but this time I won’t do that. I actually recommend anybody that is even remotely a horror fan watch it. The Krampus story arc and the Santa is pretty fun, and the short fight between the two is interesting, but the ending of the movie is why I say to watch. I won’t spoil anything for you, but it is worth it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

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So I am screwing around on Netflix looking for something to watch and I come across this. Feeling nostalgic around Christmas, maybe because my dad died this year and I used to watch stuff like this with him, or maybe just because I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and watch some classic movies in awhile I popped this one on. I learned a few things. First, it felt weird not watching this on VHS and an old tube television. Second, this movie came out decades before I was born and yet I still enjoyed it more than most modern movies. And possibly last but not least, At least once a week I hear someone say ” I wish people would stop with all the political and social commentary in movies and on television.” Honestly, that has always been there. This movie is about a man from space that shows up with a giant robot. We as humans of course shoot him as soon as he tries to hand us something and his giant robot melts some guns and a tank. Space man gets fixed up and tried to get a meeting with the world and of course the world goes all high school stupid and starts with the if he goes I won’t go stuff.

So what is a space man to do when America locks him in a room and says don’t go anywhere? He leaves to see the city. News of course goes nuts, starts gets people all riled up and scared. See a pattern here? This movie was released in the 1950’s and if you replace the word spaceman with words like “Irish, immigrant, communist, Muslim” or any number of words you can change the year and it would fit the social commentary of a decade. The space man even comments about the media spreading needless fear.

Once we get to the end of the movie we hit another topic of social commentary that could hit any number of decades. Our space man finally gets a meeting, but not with world leaders but with scientist. Whats his message? That giant robot is basically the galaxy police force and they have ultimate power that no one questions or interferes with. They are so feared the rest of galaxy wants to trouble so they simply don’t have weapons. Since earth discovered nuclear energy they will eventually use it in a space ship and join the galactic community. Either do so in peace or the giant robots will destroy the Earth. That is a pretty damn severe message I would say.

All and all I have to say I was surprised by the the amount of social commentary in a movie from the 1950s, but more surprised how much of it actually stands true over 60 years later. Best wishes and  may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Mickey’s Magical Christmas: Snowed in at the House of Mouse (2001)

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Oh Mickey you and that contemptible damn duck Donald. Wait this isn’t Kingdom Hearts so the duck is cool. Seriously watching this sense me into flashbacks of him not healing me when he was supposed to so I died. They better make him not a useless jackass in KH 3 or I will be upset.

Anyway on to this movie. It is essentially a series of short Christmas stories for the kids…..that  I watched without my kids. My favorite of course was their version of A Christmas Carol. My capitalistic hero Scrooge and those pesky ghost ruining his life stealing all his cash.

Now that I think about it that wasn’t how A Christmas Carol went, but I am sure someone out there thinks Scrooge was the victim here. The movie is about an hour long and is full of Disney characters from what people my age consider the golden era of Disney when everything was pretty much hand drawn. Cameos galore, over dramatic dancing. Its a great nostalgic blast from the past that everyone should take this Christmas. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

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Its hard to believe there is a 13 year gap between the two movies, but here we are. Thankfully this time around parents seemed to have been smart enough to realize an R rated movie called “Bad Santa 2” was not good for kids. Maybe that 13 year gap was long enough for those kids to have kids and remember oh shit  Santa’s elf punched a kid in the nuts lets not bring my kid to see this one.

Anyway this time around our elf is out of jail and is back with Santa for one last job, and this time mom is here. Mom is played by Kathy Bates and I have to say Billy Bob, her and Tony Cox work amazing together. Not to be out done Brett Kelly once again plays his role perfectly.

The plan this time? To rob a charity of millions of dollars by pretending to be Santa once again. Having recently watched the first Bad Santa again I can’t say this one is as funny as the first, but it is as good of a movie. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is hilarious and it is now on my list of movies I will watch every Christmas. This is easily one of those must see Christmas movies. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Mountain Men (2016)

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Mountain men with Tyler Labine is one of those movies it seems most people never heard of, but is actually quite a good movie. Tyler is actually a pretty good actor that seems to never really get the credit he deserves. You can read about another of his movies here. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil Review 

This one is the story about two brothers that really don’t see each other. One lives in the small mountain town they grew up in, the other has moved to the big city and never really comes home. That is until their mother gets married. Tyler has a plan tho, and that plan is to get his brother up to their fathers cabin for a few days.

This is where shit goes terribly wrong. The following morning in a series of accidents leave them stranded in the woods, cold, injured and pretty much stoned as hell.

The story itself is pretty  cliche and doesn’t do anything new, but it is funny and entertaining, which for a comedy is good enough really. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Bad Santa (2003)

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This movie being as old as it is kind of messes with me. I remember when it came out and people took their kids to go and see it in theaters. Not sure why they thought an R rated movie titled “Bad Santa” was going to be appropriate for children but hey they did it and then got pissed when he was an alcoholic that swore worse than a drunk sailor on shore leave. And that is a lot, I have met a few.

The basic story is simple, a life long criminal and his partner that happens to be height appropriate to play an elf every year get a job at a mall. Christmas eve they rob the mall, crack open the safe, steal the cash and live off it until the next Christmas.

This may actually be the funniest holiday movie every created honestly. Billy Bob Thorton and Tony Cox are hilarious and may be one of the most fun and unlikely duo for its time. Once again Bernie Mac played his role to perfection. If somehow you missed this one, now is the time to watch it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About Christmas (2012)

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The other day i’m hanging out with my youngest, I call her baby savior because it makes me laugh, and I decide we need to watch a movie. Now she has probably seen more horror movies than most adults but I see the cat in the hat and know she needs to see this. The movie isn’t bad, its full of music and rhymes as you would expect.

The story itself is pretty much the usual. Reindeer gets lost, gotta get it home for Christmas. The Message is also the same as every other Christmas movie, love, giving, friendship. Come on, its a damn kids movie. Seriously tho, if you are an adult check it out for nostalgia reasons. If you have kids, watch it with them. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Christmas Project (2016)

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I really didn’t know what to expect with this movie, tho I did discover it is based off a couple of books by Matthew Buckley called “Bullies in the Headlights” and “Chicken in the Headlights”. So feel free to read those if you are of the books are always better than the movies opinion.

Anyway, the movie it self is a semi comedy semi feel good movie about a family that every December picks a local family to secretly give presents to. This year year however four brothers will end up with the worst job they can imagine. Their pregnant mother chooses the school bully. What follows is almost like a modern version of “A Christmas Story” in a way. ( tho not as good. don’t go watch this and expect an instant classic than come back here screaming at me) The story itself is almost a coming of age story for this family as new friends are made, love is found and a father and son relationship is built that will last a lifetime.

That is not to say it is all rainbows and blue birds. The movie has its ups and downs, its happy moments and its sad moments. But all in all if you are looking for a feel good Christmas movie to watch with your family, look no further. This one has everything you could want, including a life lesson from a war veteran bus driver. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.