Category: Game reviews

After the heartbreak of a game I will not mention because I spent yesterday shitting all over it- ok dude it was Colonial Marines, and it really really shitty- I was really really skeptical when it was announced we were getting another alien game a tad bit over a year later. But I can tell you from the opening trailer I was hooked. Alien: Isolation takes place between the first and second movie, following Ellen Ripley’s daughter Amanda who has grown up not knowing what happened to her mother. An engineer, she learns from a Company synthetic Samuels, that a ship docked at Sevastopol Station carrying the Nostromo’s flight recorder. She boards the Torrens on a journey to retrieve it. After disastrous events trying to cross into Sevastopol via space-walk, Amanda finds herself alone on a station that has seriously seen better days. Ravaged inside, graffiti plastered all over the walls, bodies in the halls, Ripley is immediately afraid. She has a brief encounter with a guy named Axel who explains to her that bad things that gone on, riots, looting, the Joes, and something else…Ripley soon discovers what it is. A creature of unknown origin that is damn is faster than any human, cunning and extremely hostile. Beside the alien hunting Ripley and the scared shitless looters, the station’s synthetics the Working Joes have gone mad and begun not only murdering the survivors but actually protecting the creature. Every turn Ripley discovers there is nothing she can but try to outsmart the treachery and discover her mother’s fate, discovering her mom’s similar experience.

I’m not a fan of stealth games really but I have to say this is the closest we’ve ever had to experiencing the original film. The atmosphere, music, and details are miraculously recreated for the game, even the alien’s design is beautifully rendered from Giger’s original work. The story is drawn out a bit too long in places but the plot is well told, and Amanda Ripley is a good, vulnerable heroine that we feel push herself to overcome the insane odds against her. Rather than shooting your problems away, you have to craft items to outsmart the dangers of Sevastopol. The AI for this game is top notch; when the alien is hunting your ass down it feels like a real animal is chasing  you. My only real complaint is that the controls are a little clunky and at time the rare save points can be a major pain in the ass. Also, as Savior pointed out in his list of Disappointing games, if you aren’t a major fan of the franchise, you may find much harder to get in to. There is a lot of walking around and many of your objectives get tedious after a while but I found the game intriguing and suspenseful. If you guys played it, what did you think- comment down below. If you love Alien, I seriously recommend it or if you like good stealth horror games, pick it up. As always, may the gaming gods be with you and…

  don’t run…or shoot…or screw up or yanno…kisses!

 

Released a week after Alien: Isolation, I was n horror geek nirvana when this casserole of madness and blood hit the scene. Created by the man responsible for the original Resident Evil, we’re thrown back to the origins of survival horror gaming- disturbing monsters, lack of ammo, frightening atmosphere, and a lurking sense of dread behind every twist and turn this and Isolation capture beautifully. We get omages to classic Resident Evil with a play style reminiscent of 4, nods to Silent Hill, Saw, F.E.A.R, all thrown into a blender with a book of acid and it’s awesome. We follow Sebastian  Castellanos, Krimson City Detective with a haunted past, his partners Joey  Oda and Juli Kidman as they investigate a massacre at a mental hospital. In the camera footage Sebastian sees a scarred man in a white hoodie is the perpetrator-than the headache and the light. Suddenly he’s hanging upside down by his ankle amongst other bodies by a grisly sadist. He chases us through his complex liar with a chainsaw, until, wounded we break free only to be greeted by a massive earthquake that devastates the city. Suddenly Sebastian is thrown into utter madness by Ruvik (voiced brilliantly by Jackie Earle Haley I might add) whose out to rewrite reality in his twisted image via STEM device, making us ask at the end, what really is real?

I’m a huge fan of this game, but I’m not not blind to it’s flaws. Grapically it’s gorgeous, the loading screens are eerie as hell; the game play is difficult but fun. Besides enemies, there are booby-traps littered throughout and much like Dishonored we can play the game a variety of ways which was really cool. The score is creepy and I love the opening theme song. What I found found really original is having to cross a whole other dimension to save and upgrade yourself and gear, Claire de Lune will never be the same for me because of this damn game. Now, the negatives. With the exception of Haley as Ruvik, the voice acting is stiff and even bland. Sebastian may as well be ordering his morning coffee while being chased by the demonic memory of Laura, Ruvik’s sister. At a point the game starts to drag around chapter 13 or so and there are bullshit deaths around the game. In the end it doesn’t have much of a replay value in my opinion, after beating it on PS3 and unlocking new game +, I put the game down and haven’t played it through since early 2015. Overall, it’s a flawed masterpiece but definitely worth a go. If you’re a horror fan and like Resident Evil, you’ll enjoy it…caution, this game is freaky.

 Well thank you Gearbox for that long five years waiting for this steaming clump of horseshit that’s been marinated in balsamic vinaigrette and Capuchin monkey piss for a year in a hot parking lot…this game thoroughly displeased me if it ain’t apparent. I read the first reveals of it in a Game Informer from 2008 or 9 and thought “holy shit, this could be my dream/ nightmares come true, the real deal Aliens experience.” Sorry young Torsten, sorry lil buddy, because five years later you’ll get a double dump for a 22nd birthday present- Dead Space 3 and this steamer…I think I almost started crying just thinking about that level of disappointment.

So the story takes place between 3 and Resurrection  and brings us back to Hadley’s Hope, though I don’t know how that’s possible after the giant nuclear explosion at the end of Aliens but ok, YTF not. We play as a soldier with no personality so I can’t remember his name, or his equally lifeless squad with there dipshit AI… ok seriously, Alien fan or not, if you just want a game to play there’s millions of others to play or you could read a book or learn interpretive dance. The AI for both your partners and enemies are astoundingly stupid, the aliens disappear for a while and for a period the game becomes a lousy Battlefield knockoff which you can tell it wasn’t designed for, nor a stealth game at one point which the special aliens you deal with there are more laughable than scary- oh how Savior and I jovially laughed. You will die a lot, but I guarantee 90% of your deaths will be complete bullshit cheap shot deaths. And I have to bring up the last straw that made me fly into a blood boiling Atrocitus level hell rage worthy of a red lantern- the damn inventory setup. So like most modern shooters like Battlefield, you can carry 2 or 3 guns and maybe some additional things like a health pack or grenades, that’s totally fine. Most you can drop and swap weapons, again totally fine. I keep running low on ammo, being told I was maxed out on other ammo for guns I didn’t think I could possibly possess. I pressed every button, went into the damn strategy guide and nothing, and finally my two friends I shared this whole experience with recommended trying to hold in buttons and lo and behold holding the switch button unfolds a huge menu of fucking weapons, grenades, and other shit that would have been helpful. I was quite displeased. But Torsten, you may be asking, what of the multiplayer? I love couch co-op; this couch- co-op sucks ass. I was hoping like Borderlands, the couch co-op would have the Gearbox touch of enemies at least getting more strenuous and more abundant- nope. A good friend and I actually began arguing over who got to kill the damn things. And the final boss is pretty much over in 5 min so there isn’t even that to look forward to. Aliens: Colonial Marines is a ass Popsicle wrapped in pubes and old moldy bacon; Aliens: Colonial Marines is what what happens when you do believe it’s not butter, it’s starring into an eclipse for 5 minutes after spraying dish soap and lemon juice into your eyes, it’s just crap to the fiftieth power. Overall, friends don’t friends play Aliens: Colonial Marines.