Category: comedy

Destroy all humans

destroy all humans

I love old time sci fi movies so being able to play in one was kinda great, the raunchy humor and cool weapons and powers just so happened to be icing on the cake. The game is simple really. We play as Cypto, an alien from the planet Furon who comes to 1950s America to kill humanity after a botched incident involving Area 51. Armed with a array of alien weapons, a flying saucer, and the power to use telepathy, hologram disguises, and telekinesis we set off against the cops, military, and Majestic Agents that want to take you down.

First I’m going to say this game is fun. There’s a lot of variety in you’re methods of destruction. Disguise yourself and start throwing cars with telekinesis? Sure. Run through the suburbs of brainless men and scandalous housewives guns blazing while shooting people with you handy dandy anal probe- yes you actually get a anal probe and it is amazing. Guns and powers work really good and fluid for there time. A favorite pastime I have is simply reading the minds of the people around me and hearing the crazy or just plain hilarious and often politically incorrect they are thinking. The spoof of 50’s culture is perhaps my favorite aspect of the game. Realistically though I do have problems. I feel you die awfully easy in either on foot or in your ship; actually weirdly enough I feel you can take more damage on foot than you can in your ship. The saucer I feel could have have used a bit more agility to help avoid damage; the controls for it do feel a bit clunky. It aged decently well from its PS2 era release and it’s definitely a good pick up on the current generation. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Ted 2

ted 2

I will never think of Trix cereal or John William’s iconic Jurassic Park theme the same ever again. And because of this movie, Savior and I will get kicked out of a Improv house someday.

So we begin on Ted’s wedding day to Tammi Lyn as we see John saddened by his divorce from now ex wife Lori. Ted urges him to get back in the dating game while soon Ted’s marriage is in jeopardy. But they find a solution: just have a baby. This however isn’t a easy task since Ted is a toy and not capable of reproducing, leading to adoption and the core dilemma of the film: the government cracks down on Ted for being essentially a stuffed animal, not alive, and soon his rights are being systematically taken away. So it’s up to John and Ted to team up with a fresh young, cute lawyer named Sam L. Jackson and prove to the world Ted is alive. Oh and that creepy ass weirdo from the first movie is back too.

I’m going to call this movie subjective: you’ll either love it or hate it. In fact I think it’s funnier than the first. There’s a lot more outrageous humor and crazier cameos in this movie. The performances are great  all around and the story is actually pretty deep. I know comedy sequels especially have a reputation for sucking but I recommend checking it out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Ted

ted

Ya ever just need a feel good movie when life sucks ass? Two of my favorites are the Ted movies. For my thunder buddy Savior, I figured why not…

Ted is the story of a kid named John Bennett whose teddy bear comes to life after making a wish on a star. The world freaks out and overnight Ted becomes famous for a time, but through fame and fall, twenty years later him and John are still best friends, mainly cracking jokes and getting high together, but there is a problem. John’s girlfriend Lori wants John to grow up and make Ted move out. Now Ted has to get a job and a place and avoid the creepy son of a bitch following him in the background of this strange, outrageous tale narrated by Sir Patrick Stewart because…reasons.

It’s quite rare a movie makes me almost piss myself laughing but also bring on the feels. Ted achieves this extremely well. Speaking of which, the effects on Ted himself are really damn good and Seth McFarlene brings this A game here as writer, directer, and as a voice actor.Him and Mark Wahlberg have a great chemistry together. I will say, if you aren’t a fan of Family Guy or that type of humor, this movie isn’t for you but I had a awesome time with it. May the gaming gods bring you glory and a thunder buddy.

 

Happy Birthday Savior

ted bday shot

I told Savior for his birthday I’d review the Ted movies not just because they’re amazing but because at the end of the day, Savior is my thunder buddy. We hang out, eat pizza, go on adventures, and fight with toy lightsabers in my living room even though were getting too old for that  shit. He’s there for the good, for the bad, and for those random times I get drunk and need to tell someone Fuck the Man at 3 o clock in the morning. He taught me how to drive, how to throw knives and tell your landlord those scratches came with the cabinet, and how to do half this blog stuff…ok most of it…ok all of it, and that streaming Elite Dangerous for 14 hours is hard as hell. Most of all, he is a good, honest loyal friend I’m gad to call a battle buddy, a boss, and a brother. Oh by the way, if you follow him on Twitch on Savior699, don’t say the phase “Meat Paste” on the chat. That being said, love ya bro, and thank all of you guys reading our stuff for the love and support.

A sincere and sappy message from Torsten V

Star Wars The Last Jedi Review (Savior)

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Tonight for my birthday me and @torstenvblog went to see The Last Jedi. Honestly it was a combination birthday gift, Savior Gaming outing and Dream of seeing a numbered Star Wars movie thing. Honestly we made a trip out of it. Hit the mall for some good old fashioned loitering got some pizza then hit the movie. So without further delay here is my spoiler free review.

First the movie starts off strong, the opening scene gets right to the action to suck you in. From there the movie shifts perspectives quite a bit. There are multiple stories going on that include one between Rey and Luke, Finn and a new character and one with Leia and Poe. While there is a lot going on it all comes together nicely and I never really felt that it was to much or hard to follow. I would have liked more back story on what Luke was doing all these years but there is enough to paint a pretty good picture and Kylo has mostly lost that whiny emo attitude from the last movie and has really come into his own quite a bit.

The movie is far from perfect, and I am still not sure how I feel about the sudden influx of comedy into Star Wars tho it was pretty funny. I also didn’t care for the fact that much of the movie felt like it was longer than it needed to be simply for the sake of being there. Certain scenes felt like they were there just to add some time and didn’t really do much. This was more of a personal preference and didn’t take away from the film, but it just may bother some people. All in all the movie was fun and well done and for me was the best Star Wars since the original trilogy. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

South Park Xmas specials

mr hankey

Do I enjoy Christmas- No. If you saw how Torsten makes a living, you’d understand why I hate holidays of pretty much any kind but me and the legendary Duke would get warm and snug and watch some true family friendly Xmas programming: South Park. I shit you not, pun intended, we did eat a assload of fiber one Xmas eve so we’d get visited by Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. So I’d like to recommend a few episodes for you and you’re loved ones this holiday season, in no particular order, here we go…

5. Red Sleigh Down (s6, ep17)- Santa gets kidnapped by terrorists in the middle east and it’s Cartman’s bright idea to save him so he can win a spot on the nice list. So wrong, but so damn funny.

4. Merry Christmas Charlie Manson (s2, ep16)-  The gang travels to Nebraska to visit Cartman’s family and while there his uncle busts out of jail with none other than Charles Manson, who slowly learns the value of Christmas.

3. Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics (s3, ep 15)- a various collection of of our favorite characters singing songs for the holiday. May I recommend “Christmas time in hell” by Satan and Hitler?

2. Woodland Critter Christmas (s8, ep14)- ok, in high school this episode scared the shit out of me. Stan finds a lovable group of talking critters that are friggin Devil worshippers and want to birth the Antichrist. I recommend for the dark humored at heart like myself or Savior.

1. Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo (s1, ep9)- the one and only talking piece of poop that brings you presents if you’re good and have a lot of fiber in your diet. There is a lot of heart as the center of it revolves around Kyle feeling isolated because he’s Jewish on Xmas and relevance on the political correct war on Xmas. Definately my top pick of the group and a must see this holiday. Best wishes and may you all get a visit from Mr. Hankey this holiday season.

All American Christmas Carol (2013)

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I appreciate what this movie was attempting to do. A modern, trailer park version of the classic Christmas story, a Christmas Carol. Actually expected this to be hilarious. It is basically the three expected ghost visiting a white trash mom that thinks work is for suckers to show her the error of her ways and save her family and Christmas. Honestly it starts off pretty well on its way. One of her kids dads (there are many) is a semi professional paint ball player that dies when he gets shot in the eye playing and not wearing his safety glasses. While this in itself isn’t funny, his funeral is at the paintball range and there is beer in the coffin, but only sixer.

Sadly the movie pretty much fails to ever take off. The humor is all about stereotypes but is never actually funny about it, for example one character is a redneck named rat tail that has, you guessed it, a rat tail. He owns a motorcycle and is a professional wrestler. That is it. Outside of being a semi love interest he serves no actual purpose.

The ghost themselves consist of a girl from high school that died during an accident with a donkey, draw your own conclusion, a dead rock star and the main characters mom, none of which are all that memorable. This movie is best avoided. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015)

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This is another movie I saw and just said to myself, self, you are watching this movie. So I popped it on. If you like outrageous B movies with a ridiculous plot just look at the title of the damn movie. It is exactly what it sounds like. A small mining town trying to get some iridium accidentally finds something else. Dinosaurs.  First a few small ones come out, kill some swimmers in bikinis because hey, every B movie has that scene.

Eventually our “paranoid” single survivor of the mine is proven right as dinosaurs run rampant on the town. Of course this is a town of country cowboys so everyone has a gun. By the end of the movie there are bullets and dinosaurs everywhere. As the bodies get stacked high on both sides a daring plan to finish the problem once and for all is hatched. This movie isn’t for everyone, but for B movie fanatics its worth watching. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

san andreas

There hasn’t been a game that made my jaw drop or make me laugh like GTA: San Andreas until I played Borderlands 2.

San Andreas is the story of Carl, a young man returning to the old neighborhood after his mom dies and discovers his old crew is being wiped out by the cops and rival gangs so it’s up to Carl to get the Grove Street Gang back together and retake there hood from shit going down, but in true GTA fashion, is it ever that simple?

While not perfect, the game is pretty damn good and in a lot of ways holds up pretty up well over a decade later. Driving feels really solid and as an open world game it was seriously ground breaking at the time. I love being able to go to the gym and working out to upgrade you’re body and increase you’re stamina, sex appeal with the ladies, and get stronger or eat a bunch of crap and become a fat bastard, that was a awesome feature. The gunplay is hugely improved from the older games. The characters are some of my favorites of gaming, being memorable and also damn right funny at times. Samuel L. Jackson is awesome as Officer Tenpenny.

Overall, it’s a great classic that recommend picking up on sale. May the gaming gods bring you glory and “all you had to do was follow the damn train CJ”

Reefer Madness

reefer madness

Holidays got ya down and need a free laugh? Don’t buy reefer, watch Reefer Madness.

This infamous 1930’s anti-pot film recounts a hilarious downfall a group of American youths at the allure of a couple who get them addicted to marijuana. When I say hilarious, I do mean hilarious from over the top acting, a clear ignorance to the nature of the shit, goofy old time dialogue, whacky scenes that are attempting to be serious you can’t help but laugh your ass off. There’s a scene where after toking a joint a kid guns his car at like 80 miles and hits an old guy crossing the street, but the dude literally just lays on the ground and you can tell the car is being sped up on film. There’s scenes of teens wildly dancing the Charleston while getting high and the guy in the business suit laughing Joker style at nothing. Also, apparently pot makes you go insane and makes you prone to rape, murder, and random violence. Okay doky. This is some shit that has to be seen to be believed and thankfully it’s on YouTube for free in perfect quality so I highly recommend it for a good laugh this holiday season. May the gaming gods bring you glory.