Category: Horror

Spider-man: Homecoming

spiderman homecoming

This movie brought millions of nerd’s dreams come true, Spider-man’s first true film inside the MCU and we finally got the Spidey movie we’ve been asking for. Set after Captain America: Civil War, Peter Parker returns to high school with big dreams of being an Avenger as well as asking the cute captain of his high school quiz team out. With the suit given to him by Iron Man, Peter goes around just trying to be the best friendly neighborhood Spider-man he could be, but suddenly a real threat comes his way when a gang of disgruntled workers emerges with experimental alien hybrid weapons led by Adrian Toomes, The Vulture. Suddenly Parker’s world suddenly find themselves crashed together and only he can stop it, a teenage kid…

First, special thanks go to my friend Hatter for awesome movie night. Tom Holland is the perfect Spider-man in my opinion, being witty but not mean spirited, heartfelt but not sappy and just the right amount of badass. The supporting cast is surprisingly strong, especially Michael Keaton as Vulture which is one of the better villains of the MCU. Something I give the movie credit for is being very simple, not diving into mountains of foreshadowing like The Amazing Spider-man 2 meant to set up other movies. Spider-man was fit into the scheme of things just fine. In the end, its a fun superhero movie and it’s well worth a watch. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Hits (2014)

hits

Every so often I watch a movie that leaves me wondering what the hell did I just watch. This is one of those movies. The movie wasn’t bad, it was just weird as hell. Katelyn wants to be on The Voice and be a music star. She loves to sing and practices and even borrows money off her dad to get a guy to record a demo to send in, and does some less than lady like things in the process.

Speaking of her dad, he just wants the damn pot holes in the roads around town fixed. One of them is about to become a YouTube star, and it isn’t Katelyn. The movie has its ups and downs, with some fun moments and some serious moments. It also isn’t a great movie and is far from terrible. It simply exist. Dad has some less than memorable rants about the government where he sounds paranoid and Katelyn sounds like the usual stuck up brat. It is however entertaining at times. Realistically tho, there isn’t much incentive to watch this movie unless you are curious, there is simply better comedies out there. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Matilda

matida

There are times in life we have to go back to go forward. While writing I keep this in mind. As a kid Matilda was one of my favorite movies as a kid and twenty plus years later this movie holds up pretty well.

Matilda WormWood is an incredibly smart little girl living in a family that doesn’t really care, appreciate, or understand her. She finds knowledge and solace within the pages of books, becoming smarter than most adults around her; a gift emerges in the little girl. Matilda can move things with her mind. She finally gets her dream come true when she’s finally enrolled in school, bu that dream becomes a nightmare. Enter the maniacal, cruel, monstrous TrunchBull that runs the school. Her teacher Miss Honey however is the exact opposite, a sweet, kind lady that actually understands her and grows to love her as she does all children. It becomes clear to Matilda after finding out TrunchBull’s dark story that it’s up to her and power to stop her and free the school and Miss Honey from her tyranny…

In many ways, Matilda is the kid’s version of Carrie by Stephen King and it was written by Roald Dahl, writer of such WTF dark kid’s classics as James and The Giant Peach, The Witches, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There’s a lot of charm and while bleak as hell, there is always a ray of light. I was genuinely glad it had a happy ending. Mara Wilson was especially good as Matilda, being incredibly smart but lovable. I seriously recommend this to pretty much anyone, kids or adults alike. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Day of the Dead:Bloodline (2018)

day of the dead bloodline

Day of the Dead:Bloodline is a re-imagining of Romero’s 1985 Day of the Dead, tho it is quite a bit different. While the same general Idea is there about zombies taking over the world and people living in small armed camps that are heavily guarded in order to keep people safe the over all story has changed significantly, and that is actually a good thing.

Rather than trying to do the same thing better they have realized it is hard to beat someone who has already done great, and they have simply tried to be great on their own which is succeeds at nicely. While searching for antibiotics to save a sick girl at a place the doctor used to go to school they discover a legitimate stalker of hers when she was a student that follows her back to base. After discovering he still maintained his human memories of her and that he hadn’t actually turned they captured him and attempted to use him to find a vaccine for the zombie virus, or as they call them rotters.

While it is well-known I am a sucker for a good zombie movie it is also well known I am overly harsh on a bad one. This movie doesn’t fall into either category. You won’t see anything new or exciting here and visually it isn’t anything worth writing about, that being said I can’t honestly say it failed anywhere. The movie was entertaining and the gore looked good and at no point did I feel like I was let down anywhere. It was just a good old-fashioned zombie movie. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Children of the Corn 3: Urban Harvest

children corn 3

So 90’s kids, have you ever watched Fresh Prince and asked yourself, you know what this show needs, the Children of the Corn? Well you kind of got your wish.

Unlike Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice which tried to stay somewhat close to the vibe of the first film, Urban Harvest tries to go in a different direction. Josh and Eli are brothers rescued from an abusive dad in Gaitlin and sent to live with foster parents in the big city. Josh, the older of the two brothers, seems more rebellious, breaking his Amish-like wardrobe, making friends and being a normal teen in there Catholic School. Eli stays to his ways, but he brings a gift from home: the corn. We learn they are foster brothers, and Eli has always had a dark part in Gaitlin’s history. Gaining love in devotion from his foster dad, a marketing executive, Eli wants to spread his demon corn throughout the US…yep.

The plot is ludicrous, yes, I’m willing to admit. Most will call it trash; it’s one of my favorite WTF movies next to Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows and Halloween: Resurrection. There are some interesting death scenes combined with effects that are just sub-par to be enjoyable. Eli is a devilishly fun cult leader, second best to Issac from the original. The acting really ain’t too bad for such a laughable premise. It’s a fun kind of horror sequel that can enjoyed on a WTF movie with your friends and some beers. May the gaming gods bring you glory, and more Children of the Corn reviews are on the way.

Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice

children corn 2

Since I was a kid, I was a huge fan of the Children of the Corn series, for better or worse. Were they ever the crowning gem of horror? Yes and no, while the concepts and things behind them are creepy and there’s some messed up imagery throughout the movies, there is a ton of WTF moments that keep it memorable. Let me say this now, the title of this movie is bullshit: there are 9 of these movies that I’m aware of with a 10th in the making, final sacrifice my ass.

As for plot, it’s a pretty standard horror sequel. The police finally investigate Gaitlin after I guess Burt and Vicky got out and rescue the traumatized surviving children who are either catatonic or what. They are taken to the next town over and through the corn, another kid is possessed and this whole thing starts again. A reporter and his angsty teenage son are there to investigate the previous events but while Danny, the son is finding first love, he is likewise being draw to the children and it’s up to his father to save him before history repeats itself…

Many people have fixed feelings about the first movie, but feelings here are much easier to conclude: this movie kinda blows. There’s a lot of down time between some decent kills but all in all the movie feels longer than it is. Micah as a main villain is nowhere near as memorable as Issac and I found him annoying at times. The acting is meh at best. Sequels are supposed to raise the intensity, raise the stakes with bigger body counts, bigger story and Final Sacrifice just feels like a step back from the first. I’d say it’s safe to skip it and go straight to the batshit that is 3. May the gaming gods bring you glory and tuned for more Children of the Corn reviews.

 

The First Purge trailer

 

Ok, the Purge has never been my favorite horror series; the series actually gets under my skin. We live in turbulent times to say the least, and I feel the series could have said something reflecting this, but it doesn’t. It could have gone balls to the walls and said something about the cruelty of man and been this generation’s Cannibal Holocaust, but nope. This amount of wasted potential outright pisses me off. This trailer does not make me a believer, just a believer this is going to the same of a series that wants to be goofy, provocative,  and shocking all at the same time and just sorta sucks at it all, but that’s my opinion. May the gaming gods bring you glory and be safe this purge…

Bad Boys (1995)

images

Oh bad boys, this movie on paper shouldn’t work. But you toss in Will Smith and Martin Lawrence and you are pretty much promised a good time. Will and Martin play cops from Miami that now must get back drugs stolen from the precinct before word gets out they are gone while protecting a lone witness to a murder.

The movie is quite honestly a pretty typical cop movie. Two partners with pretty much opposite personalities solve some sort of crime and hilarity ensues. You honestly won’t see much new here, it’s simply how well it is done that matters here. The action scenes are fun and Will and Martin have amazing chemistry together, the kind that just makes you believe these two are real life best friends. It’s another one of those 90’s movies that people look back at with nostalgia for a reason, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Lost Boys (1987)

the lost boys

The lost boys is one of those movies that came out in the 80’s and is a vampire movie done a bit differently with a twist ending, but both done right. With a family from Arizona moving to California an older brother meets some friends and falls in with a bad crowd. The younger brother meets some comic book nerds obsessed with vampires they claim live in the area and the comics they claim are evidence of this. Turns out that group are those vampires and those nerds are not wrong.

What follows is the classic tale of a quest to escape the clutches of these vampires, their leader that wants to marry their mother, enslave them both and take over the town.

The movie is amazing and has its funny parts but is full of suspense and action with a great sound track, but I will always remember the end when all is said and done. Dead vampires everywhere, a huge hole in the side of the house, and the grandfather that everyone thought was just some old guy saying ” the area would be great if it wasn’t for all the damn vampires” Definitely check this one out if you haven’t already. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Children of the Corn

children of the corn

I will never step foot in a corn field, or anywhere predominately full of kids without thinking I’m going to get mauled and put on a damn corn cross. At the same time, Children of the Corn is my favorite cult movie. I briefly talked about the short story when I talked about the book Night Shift by of course Stephen King, but let’s go a bit more in depth…

General premise: under a demon influenced child preacher, the children of Gatlin Nebraska murder all the adults and take to human sacrifices for “He who walks behind the rows” lurking in the corn, and a couple stumbles upon this after running over a kid they found with his throat cut. This is pretty much where the similarities end.

In the story, Burt and Vicky are a couple who hate each other driving through the deep nowhere of corn because Burt has a interview. They hit the kid and uncover some weird shit in his possession. They park in town and split up. Vicky gets taken by the kids, which is the last time we see her alive; the last time she’s on the cross with her eyes ripped out and corn husks jammed in her sockets. Burt discovers that the kids murdered there parents and murder anyone past 18; and that they’ve been procreating extremely young. A kid named Amos is seemingly the one who started all this and Issac and Malachi are on the chopping block. Burt finds what’s left of Vicky, but He who walks behind the Rows finds him first…no happy ending, not even close.

In the movie, Burt and Vicky are married and mostly happy but there’s a rift because Burt has issues with kids. They talk to a old mechanic that lives on the outskirts of Gatlin that directs them away, but the corn is never ending and traps them there, then they hit the kid. Issac is the preacher that brought this madness, aided by his violent lieutenant Malachi. Again Vicky gets taken while Burt finds some messed up shit. But unrest in the group keeps her alive; Malachi turns on Issac and hosts him up for sacrifice with Vicky. Burt gets rescued by nonbelievers Jobb and Sarah, and together they ban together to get Vicky back and stop the children.

There’s a remake which blends both but I couldn’t bring myself to finish it; does this premise at all seem fit for a made-for -TV movie?

I love both story and movie but for different reasons. The story is bleak and very ambiguous; piecing what those kids were doing was half the morbid allure of it. We really didn’t see faces, no speeches, just remains they left behind. While the movie has creepy parts, I love the look and the child actors, especially Issac and Malachi and how over the top they could be and some of the shitty effects are just fun. Either way, I’d check either out, and may the gaming gods bring you glory  Outlander!