Category: Horror

Trapt

trapt

What’s one of the biggest cliches in gaming? Cute, defenseless princess gets kidnapped and a hero needs to come to save her (not mentioning names Peach.) I found this PS2 pseudo-horror game on accident and while it kicked my ass, it also was a rarity for me at the time- a game that is badass but made me think.

Allura is a princess on the run after her father is murdered and she is framed by her evil stepmother. Her only refuge seems to be a Gothic manor where she gets possessed by essentially the Devil. She gains the power to summon traps in the house to kill her pursuers.

I will tell you off the bat I didn’t play the game in English but Japanese dub with English subtitle; I’m not sure if there is a English dub. The game isn’t perfect but fun. You set traps along the floor, wall, and ceiling, and use yourself to lure your prey to them. Besides these traps, you are defenseless so don’t get cornered and keep moving. The traps are cool and damn right cruel by the end, so if you are a Saw fan I’d definitely check it out. There are very elusive ultimate environmental traps that once triggered are disturbingly awesome, unless you get caught in them that is. Your own traps can kill you. Graphically, the game looks pretty and sounds nice. I found myself near rage-quit a few times because of either a bullshit kill or a certain boss that is a absolute pain about half way through. I’d recommend some research before buying but I found it alright in the end. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Game Over, Man (2018)

game over, man

Another Netflix movie that on the surface probably shouldn’t have been all that good. Three idiot friends that work in a hotel, one of which has a weird Salvia addiction that he buys from his possibly delusional money obsessed friend get the surprise on a lifetime. A rich internet celebrity is having a huge party at the hotel, and they are going to try to get him to finance their dream. One small issue, some terrorist have a slightly different idea.

The entire plot of this movie is that Terrorist and these 3 guys want money. Tho the 3 friends had a check that their boss took off them and gave back to the manager and they simply wanted it back. The movie is quite hilarious, and ladies if you want to see Adam Devine’s Dick, this is your chance. It is legitimately in the movie.

The story obviously should not be thought about, it has plenty of plot holes and is far from perfect. It is simply a fun and entertaining movies with some bad but passable special effects. Very much worth a watch tho, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Dante’s Inferno (game)

dante's inferno

I miss a time when EA games made games that hooked me, instead of killed things I loved like DeadSpace and Star Wars: Battlefront. Also by Visceral, we got a game adaptation of the dark epic poem by Dante Alighieri, journeying into the depths of hell.

Dante is a knight who went off to slay and lay for god during the Crusades, only to have his broken promises to his beloved Beatrice come back and bite him in the ass. The Devil comes and takes her as his own to punish Dante, forcing him to face the Grim Reaper guarding the gates of hell. After getting the Reaper’s scythe and a powerful holy cross he must fight through the River Styx, Purgatory, and all 9 levels of hell, battling the damned as well as his own demons to save Beatrice and slay the Devil.

I’m going to be blunt and call this what it really kinda was, God Of War with a creepier skin. A LOT of the gameplay is lifted from God of War, so if you aren’t into hack/slash type games, this isn’t for you. What sells the game hands down is the level and enemy designs which are truly beautiful and horrifying. I do like finding real historical figures in hell, hearing there stories and choosing whether to absolve them to heaven or damn them to oblivion. On a bad note though, towards the end the game fizzles out by the end and the Devil is a pretty lame final boss. I still think the game is worth checking out and at the very least admired  for showing us a classic but freaky hell. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies

ppz

Another great WTF story from Seth Grahame Smith, we get a new way to reintroduce the Jane Austen classic, Pride and Prejudice, to young folks of this generation. Add ninjas, guns, and a zombie apocalypse and whamo, we have Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies. The five Bennett sisters are divided women, raised to be sophisticated ladies of old time British society by there mother, but there father wants them to be strong to survive the mysterious zombie virus. Because of him, they’ve been trained as warriors. Elizabeth sticks to the warrior life close, not wanting to be a frail lady, but will she be doomed to be alone and unmarried? She finds herself connected to fellow warrior Darcy, but he is most disagreeable; but Elizabeth may be able to meet her hero as her sisters fall off of the path of the warrior…

This is a weird one to review. For much of the book, it is very much Austen’s classic. More experienced, clever  readers will notice the transitions between Austen and Smith (I don’t Jane Austen wrote about zombies and ninjas back then.) I will warn people though: it is in old English for most of the book so that turn off quite a few readers. All this being said, it is a cool, if not batshit crazy at times and the illustrations add a nice touch. I can’t say I liked it as much as Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but it’s a fun book. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

abe lincoln vampire hunter

Seth Grahame-Smith: a man who has made so many eye catching WTF titles, I damn near found it impossible not to pick up just on premise alone. I mean let’s be serious for a second, Abraham Lincoln- one of the most fascinating presidents of U.S history and arguably one of the greatest…and we’re supposed to imagine him slaying through the fiends of the dead. I admit, I thought it was going to be a ridiculous comedy but I was pleasantly surprised.

The story flips back and forth between Lincoln’s personal diaries and third person narrative discussing his life, his personal demons and his years hunting down vampires while trying to keep a family and keep to the path we know of in history.

I was impressed how grounded the book was and even creepy at times. There is a great sense of tension when Abe is around vampires, and he does get his ass kicked. He’s not a damn superhero as he is portrayed in the film. The book is well paced and as a general reader, the historical context isn’t unreasonable. There really wasn’t anything that made me call Bullshit or anything. I think it’s worth a read and may the gaming gods bring you glory and safe from vampires.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The movie

athf the movie

It finally happened: the Aqua Teens finally face Dr. Weird as we finally discover there origin in this epic feature film. Seriously, this movie sneaked up on me. It opens on a cameo of Abe Lincoln, a trip to the moon, and a sweet nu- metal remix of the theme song. So the plot mainly focuses on the gang getting a new piece of exercise equipment that turns out to be an apocalyptic death machine. If you love the show, you will love the crazy scale of the movie and will appreciate the other cameos throughout (Space Ghost man). I found myself liking it a lot more than I thought I would; may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Boondocks

the boondocks

I just got into middle school when the Boondocks hit the scene on Adult Swim and wow it hit hard. A decade and a half later I’m still impressed with the show’s mix of racial comedy, deep messages, and influences from Hip hop and anime all in one. It’s rare a show can make me laugh hysterically, look at the world a little differently, and even stare in awe at a couple of epic fights along the way. The show centers on two brothers, Huey and Riley Freedmen, who go to live with there Grandfather, a former Civil Rights activist who struck it rich and now lives in a all white gated community. With a list of colorfully strange characters and a cool art style, this show is definitely worth checking out, though I do suggest trying to track the show down unedited because you will hear a lot of bleeps. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Black Dynamite (adult swim)

black dynamite

What can I say, he’s mother f$%king Black Dynamite. Whether he’s kicking a racist Kermit’s ass for trying to hypnotize kids or defeating a racist conspiracy to eliminate legendary black porn stars, and even guarding Richard Pryor, Black Dynamite straight up kicks ass. Through an insane few seasons, I got to say I loved this cartoon based on the exploitation film of the same name. The voice acting is great and the animation is really well done. I love the celebrity parodies throughout, whether it’s a alien Michael Jackson or my favorite,  a maniacal Mr. Rodgers. If you are looking for a quick watch full of ass kicking and humor, I recommend checking this show out, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

athf

Again, here I was watching adult rated cartoons as a kid when Aqua Teen Hunger Force. In seasons it’s changed names but the theme always kept the same: Anthropomorphic food stuffs Master Shake, Frylock, and MeatWad act as “Detectives” from there New Jersey home and deal with crazy shit like 8 Bit aliens from the moon, giant robots, the robot ghost of Christmas past, and there arch enemy Dr Weird- and occasionally there pissed off, perverted neighbor Carl. With only 15 minute episodes, the many seasons can be eaten up in a flash if you want something quick to watch. I got to give the show credit, it stays pretty damn inventive and never really feels played out. As a childhood favorite, it’s worth looking into if you need something weird in your life. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007)

chuck and larry

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is the story of two male fire fighters that get married. The catch? They are both very straight. Kevin James character lost his wife and after being hurt in an accident is worried about his family and convinces Adam Sandlers character to marry him so his kids are taken care of. This is around the time Sandeler meets the love of his life.

The movie is fun as you would expect from these two, but it is pretty cliche in pretty much every way possible. From a gay son, to the investigator trying to catch them. There is nothing new or surprising to this movie. The movie works tho, the acting is great and its got a nice mix of fun and serious moments with a happy ending. Just don’t expect this movie to offer up anything new. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.