Category: Horror

Tragedy Girls

tragedy girls

If you caught Savior’s review of Night of the Living Dead Resurrection (2012) than you may come to see how sometimes we see some undesirable films for the sake of entertaining you fine folks. That was his turn and well, sad to say Emoji Movie (2017) wasn’t the raging dumpster fire I’d been hoping for, I spun the wheel and this came up. For the record, I usually enjoy smaller, low budget horror-comedy projects. Hell, I saw a bit of potential in this flick.

We join two high school BFFs, Sadie and Mckayla, who are millennial cheerleaders, vloggers, and aspiring serial killers. They have dreams of raising hell and leaving a legacy of infamy in there wake. So they kidnap the town psychopath after he fails to kill Sadie one night because they need a mentor after all. He politely tells them to fuck off so they hold him hostage. Since they can’t learn from him, they decide to go wild in his name, getting famous on the internet in the meantime as gossip vloggers during the fear and panic. But life seems to be dividing the young murderers as Sadie falls for the sheriff’s son who happens to be the girl’s editor and Mckayla doesn’t take this well and suddenly she finds a new friend…

In no way is this the worst movie I’ve seen but damn is it disappointing. Though there are a couple of decently funny moments and a couple alright kills, the amount of stupidity made me groan more than laugh. These girls are no Michael or Jason. Sadie’s boy toy hilariously sticks out like a sore thumb because he’s supposed to be 17 or 18 but instead looks to be pushing his mid thirties. This movie is very millennial which annoyed the shit out of me- phones, twitter, people saying things like “hashtag”, “why so jelly”, and talking in text speak and crappy auto-tuned music horribly dates this movie and reminds me I’m old. Besides that, my biggest issue was I couldn’t get behind any of the characters because they were such cardboard stereotypes or were just stupid. I didn’t like this movie myself but I see points where some may like it. May the gaming gods bring you glory because this is for you all that stuck around and best wishes to you all.

Rick and Morty, season 2

rick and morty 2

Picking up where season 1 left off, with planet earth frozen in time except for Rick, Morty, and Summer who have to clean there house after a crazy ass alien party got out of hand and discover there uncertainty can shatter the fabric of reality. Yep, this series not only continues to be funny, heart felt, gross, and cleverly thought provoking but finds a way to up the anti. Some of the adventures we get in season 2 are an encounter with Rick’s all encompassing ex alien girlfriend, Beth and Gerry getting caught in a struggle for survival at a couple’s therapy session of genetic monsters created from there angry spiteful feelings for each other, and Rick and Morty taking part in another world’s Purge…in robot suits! If you enjoyed the first, you’ll love the second; I can’t wait for the third season to hit Hulu. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Rick and Morty, season 1

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This Adult Swim show has quickly become a pop culture phenomenon and I give it credit, this show is one of those rare times the show deserves a lot of the praise. Rick Sanchez is a crude genius, a mad scientist, and a raging depressed alcoholic living with his estranged daughter, horse vet Beth and her lame ass husband Gerry with there two kids Summer and Morty. Poor whiny, simple Morty keeps getting dragged into these strange adventures involving monsters, aliens, and freaky science. And these are crazy ass adventures whether there’s a love potion that turns people into fleshy abominations, incepting the school principle and encountering a deformed guy in a green Xmas sweater with swords for fingers and a affinity for the word “bitch”, and a monotone bird person (literally that’s the guy’s name, bird person). Besides a crap ton of crass dark humor and cool trippy designs, their are a lot of deep questions to be asked and I have to admit, I found myself really thinking hours after watching the episodes. There is a lot of cleaver messages and surprisingly deep characters. I binged the first season overnight and couldn’t get enough. It’s a quick watch but well worth it and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Handsome A Netflix Mystery Movie (2017)

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Handsome, a Netflix Mystery Movie is just what the name implies,a mystery movie on Netflix. Detective Handsome ( yes that is his name) is about to retire, and he has new neighbors. After dropping off some cookies and meeting the baby sitter, the next day he gets a call for a murder. Sadly the victim happens to be the before mentioned babysitter.

The movie does a solid job at pushing the mystery aspect of the movie with little clues here and there throughout the entire thing, and at no part did I feel like the movie was off track.  That being said for a guy like me that isn’t into mysteries it managed to keep my interest well enough. The comedy aspect was pretty nice as well, it had its fair share of humorous moments but nothing to write home about.

The movie isn’t great, and it absolutely isn’t for everyone. I wouldn’t recommend it to a guy like me for example that mostly watches horror movies or comedies, but fans of police shows will probably enjoy it more. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Emoji Movie (2017)

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So the other day I am sitting at home the other day and @torstenvblog shoots me a message and says “Hey the worst movie of 2017 hit Netflix you want to cover it or should I?” So I asked him which one he meant and he replies “Emoji movie” The problem is this was about 3 hours after I had already watched the movie. He also seemed very upset when I said I didn’t think the movie was as bad as people said. In his words, “I wanted a real fucking dumpster fire” anyway on to the review.

This movie got OBLITERATED in many reviews. A lot of people hated this movie, hell you can look up many reviews and read them. But if you go to Rotten Tomatoes or even metacritc you can see an underlining thread to many many MANY of the reviews. A lot of the reviews seem to be quite pissed off that this is a movie made to be watched by a child with its parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying the movie is great or even perfect or even great.

The story is about a meh emoji that lives inside of a smart phone that has many emotions and because of this the original emoji, smiley, decides to have the anti virus erase it to save them all from being deleted when Alex factory resets his phone. Gene, the meh emji then goes on a trip to get into the cloud so he can be hacked to get rid of his other emotions. The story is just a kind of cute story about being true to yourself and simply being who you are.

As I said the movie and story aren’t perfect, in fact most adults will in fact hate the movie. However it actually isn’t badly done, it is just meant for kids. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Extract (2009)

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Extract is a rather odd movie. First it takes place mostly in a factory dedicated to making extract flavoring. Not exactly your usual movie setting. Joel our main character is trying to sell his business, but a freak accident is about to make that damn near impossible. By freak accident I mean extract gets spilled, a forklift spills stuff thigns get knocked off an oxygen tank gets shot like a torpedo and a guys balls get blown off. Yes as in his testicles.

Enter Mila Kunis, a less than moral money hungry woman trying to get a piece of the pie in this lawsuit. The movie has a few funny moments and the story is interesting enough, but to be honest I normally expect more from this cast. The movie isn’t bad but there are better movies out there. By all means check it out, but don’t expect a 5 star event. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Bug

bug

I never knew a romance movie would ever make me speechless, but it did. I’ve never been so impacted by a love story than this strange psychological horror film. Bug doesn’t delve into ghosts, monsters or aliens but delusions, mental illness, and madness.

Agnes is a damaged waitress: her child was abducted, her asshole ex blames her and beats the shit out of her after tracking her down to the middle of nowhere, and she copes with booze and drugs. Than one night, she meets Peter. Peter seems quiet but polite. Agnes starts to fall for the strange man when he defends her from her ex. They make love. Apparently Peter is a veteran who suffers from schizophrenia and a host of other issues. He believes the government is hunting him and he believes they planted bugs under his skin. These two people make a lovely couple…

This movie is incredible but hard to watch. Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon are brilliant as the leads and there relationship intensely carries the film. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen once the movie really gets going. The only real flaw is the beginning half hour is pretty slow but once it starts moving, it really rolls. The climax is jaw dropping. If you want a anti- normal love story this Valentines Day, seriously check this out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Slither 2nd opinion (2006)

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Oh slither, Torsten showed me this movie a long time ago with the claim of ” hey you will love this horror movie.” In his defense he was right, it quickly became one of our favorite movies. The story is pretty basic stuff, alien life form shows up, takes control of people, people die. You all know the drill. Its how it is done that makes the movie great. The movie knows what it is, I wouldn’t say it is self aware, for example you won’t see any breaking the 4th wall moments. But it is aware it isn’t a AAA blockbuster and it does not try to be.

My favorite example of this would be early in the movie the first guy infected has what appears to be a rash and uses the excuse of poison ivy. Much later in the movie two twin girls actually say in unison “we’re itchy” in a subtle but nice reference once you start to find the life form has a sort of connected hive mentality. @torstenvblog and I actually have a small other reason for doing this movie today, the greatest love song of all time. Enjoy it below, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Slither

slither

Happy Valentines Day everyone. So to celebrate the day, let’s talk about an amazingly underrated horror comedy from James Gunn, future directer of Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) . Also, it’s pretty much Savior and I’s bromance movie.

Slither is the story of a small town being invaded by alien worms from a alien planet. Grant Grant, about to cheat on his hot wife, found a meteor crashed in the woods and like every drunk ass dude with raging whiskey dick decides “hey, I gotta poke this thing”. A needle pops out and stabs Grant as something passes into him. Grant suddenly has an obscene craving for raw meat and has tentacles coming out of belly buttons. His poor hot southern wife Starla, thinks Grant is having an affair only to get dragged into the terrible truth- Grant is mutating into a squid monster thing. She teams up with her old beau, the town sheriff and his posse who find Grant’s enlarged, impregnated mistress who explodes into thousands of worms that take over the town…

Slither is a strange but wonderfully awesome. I love the characters, especially the mayor. The monsters are cool but reminiscent of older horror films which is a cool throwback. I get why many wouldn’t like this movie and I’d definitely would say it’s a cult classic; no joke, the only reason I happen to have it is it’s on a $10 four pack I got from Wal-Mart. I hope more people look into this movie and it has a reemergence in the future and more people discover it. So to end my review, I recommend it, and I’m ending this with my favorite end credit song, and the song I literally listened to moments after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Be safe and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Planet Terror

planet terror

Robert Rodriguez is the only man I know who can write a scene where a badass guns down pus riddled zombies while popping a wheelie on a pocket bike. Seriously, this movie is hardcore WTF but it is one of my all time favorites.

Cherry Darling is a spunky, sarcastic stripper- I mean go-go dancer- who wants out of her crappy life. After encountering her lost love El Rey at a truck stop and on a ride with him on a dark. misty night, they crash and Cherry is yanked from the car. And her leg is bitten clean off. El Rey shoots the sickos with a gun he ain’t supposed to have and they take off. This small Texas town is having small problems when these sicko zombies are running amok and the infected soldiers are quarantining the town, and the hope for a eclectic survivors is a stripper with a machine gun leg…

I love this movie with all my heart from the mock “Machete” trailer in the beginning that years later would become real, to the final reels of the film. The characters are all great and memorable, whether it’s Cherry and her sour sarcasm, the Josh Brolin as a vengeful doctor catching his wife in a lesbian affair, or a chemical engineer/ druglord that has a unhealthy obsession with collecting testicles (no that is not a typo, I did mean this dude collects testicles) as well as great and WTF cameos like Fergie, Bruce Willis, and even Quentin Tarantino. The score is a lively jazz inspired that brings a welcome Cowboy Bebop flavor I really enjoyed. Don’t watch this if you can’t handle pretty extreme gore and disembodied testicles (it’s my Birthday today so pardon the frequent use of the word testicles). If you want a really cool WTF kind of movie with a lot of heart and gore, absolutely check this out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.