Category: Horror

Denis Leary: No Cure For Cancer (1992)

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Every so often I like to try something new, so I figured I would try to cover a few stand ups and I am starting with an old personal favorite. In No Cure for Cancer Leary covers various topics from drug use, to smoking and even his fathers reaction to his brother and his friends finally playing with Dennis as a kid, then shooting him in the head with an arrow. It is one of the funnier stand ups on Netflix right now and while it is full of drinking, smoking and swearing it is admittedly by the more modern standard of comedy today not all that offensive, the same however can not be said for what I cover tomorrow. This one is a must watch for any stand up fan, tho it is very much for adults. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

5 books that scared the s$it out of me

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People underestimate the raw power of books sometimes. I once did until I found one that scared the shit out of me. It was a different feeling than getting scared by a movie, more intimate somehow. here’s a list of books that genuinely creeped the shit out of me and made me want to bring the joy to others, in no particular order, lets dive in with…

cujo book 1. Cujo by Stephen King- ok, this was a tough call because many of King’s stories freaked the hell out of me but Cujo left a weird impact on me. I’m nervous around dogs as it is, so the idea of being at the mercy of a massive, rabid, death tank of a dog just…no, hell no. Cujo

let me in bk Let the Right One In (aka Let Me in) by John Ajvide Lindqvist- besides being a freaky ass vampire story with interesting lore and characters behind it, it’s a deep tale of friendship and vulnerability that I will cover after I watch the film, but I can tell you it won’t let you down if you’re scared of vampires.

good happy child 3. A Good and Happy Child by Justin Evans- I’ve never been religious or brought up with strong religious beliefs but this possession story caught me off guard.  Rather than heavy theatrics we get a much more quiet and more unsettling series of mind games through the 1st person perspective of someone possessed by the devil. If you like smart, thoughtful horror, this is for you.

Hbh1  4. The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker- if you loved the movie Hellraiser, this is the book that Barker directly turned into the film but his master of giving the diabolical Cenobites a presence the movie can’t match, this novella is worth a hit for the true fans of the movie. The Hellbound Heart  Hellraiser Movie review

1984 5. 1984 by George Orwell- this book is debatable as horror but once you read it and take a look at the world around us in 2017 where we always have eyes on us and Big Brother is everywhere, you may feel differently. Before reading 1984 however, I recommend reading Animal Farm first, to which here’s yet another link to check out my review. Animal Farm

This has just been a small list of books that scared the shit out of me, but there are more but those are for another time. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2015)

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This movie holds a special place for me actually, not because its great or horrible or anything like that. It is actually the first new movie of his I saw after he died. But was the movie any good? Well let me answer that.

The movie starts out with a man explaining that he sometimes over does things with his kids, namely Christmas. The reason for that, well his father wasn’t exactly great at that sort of thing. He didn’t like that his son wanted to paint instead of doing more manly things for example.

With this in mind Boyd never goes home for Christmas until his brother asked him to be god father of his child, but decides to hold the baptism on Christmas eve. While this in itself would be enough to ruin a holiday they also forget the Christmas presents at home.

In a last ditch effort to save Christmas Boyd attempts to rush home, grab the gifts and return in 8 hours. A trip that takes pretty much as much time as he has until the kids wake up, the perfect coincidence. Poof, car trouble. Dad (Robin Williams) for the save.

Honestly the movie isn’t that good, it is pretty much the stereotypical father and son don’t get along fight a lot and bind over helping the grand kids story. Williams himself is the best part of the movie tho even there it isn’t his best performance. It is far from the worst Christmas movie I have seen this month, but most people won’t be fond of it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Hated (2017)

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The Hatred is one of those movies I am really not sure what to do with. The start of the movie is a bit odd and I wasn’t a fan. A dad seems to be possessed by something kills his daughter and is subsequently killed by his wife. We then fast forward to the modern day when some college students stay at the house years later.

The movie should have been great tho. There was cursed cult artifacts, a scary creature in the basement, a Nazi officer in hiding. The movie just never really took off and felt rather mundane. The movie wasn’t bad by any means and I wouldn’t go so far as to say don’t watch the movie. By all means grab a soda and some popcorn sit back and give it a go. Casual movie fans will most likely enjoy this flick, hardcore horror fans however will want to stay clear. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadman Wonderland

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I love anime but sadly I don’t watch nowhere near as much as I would like to. My third favorite of all time is a very short, sadly cut short anime called Deadman Wonderland. It was shocking, raw, and made me rethink my own passion project, so it can be something different than most so I owe it a lot.

Deadman Wonderland is the story of young Ganta Igarashi, a ordinary middle school who’s life goes nightmarish when a mysterious figure known as the Wretched Egg appears and slaughters Ganta’s friends and entire class with a strange power, leaving Ganta the sole survivor. Camera footage is found framing Ganta for the brutal murders and he is sentenced to life in the newest prison/ tourist attraction called Deadman Wonderland. To the public, prison’s risk there lives in deadly games in exchange for antidote to a poison there are injected with via collar they are forced to wear around there necks. Security is tight and Ganta is pushed to his breaking point by the sick inmates and horrible sights, but he finds a old forgotten friend in Shiro, a strange girl always following Ganta. During a brief encounter with a Wretched Egg, Ganta discovers the key to his salvation and damnation, his Branch of Sin- his blood is a weapon, when he bleeds he can gather it and fire it as a hard projectile. Suddenly he is taken from the general populace and introduced to Carnival Corpse, an underground fighting arena dedicated to others inflicted with the Branch of Sin like The Crow who can form long, curved blades from his slashed wrists or Hummingbird who fuses the blood from her ears into her hair like living razor wire. When things look at there worst, Ganta, now called Woodpecker, discovers a resistance of Deadmen inside the prison, readying to plot there escape, can they escape all the horrors Deadman Wonderland holds inside?

Deadman Wonderland is a sad case. The series was prematurely cut because of legal bullshit so it feels messy at the end of it’s 12 main episodes. I say this because there is a bonus 13th episode that is a Crow origin episode. You can tell if it had 12 or 14 more episodes it could have ended more more tightly but they did ok regardless. Artistically the show is beautiful and the characters are compelling. I love the Branch of Sin; my favorite is Owl’s, leader of the resistance, who can form his blood into grenades. The opening song, One reason- Fade, is probably one of my favorite anime songs of all time. I warn the faint of heart, don’t watch if you can’t handle blood, torture, images of rape, vulgar language or dismemberment. If you can get past all that, there is a lot to be said inside of it’s short narrative and I highly recommend it. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Christmas Story

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This movie is such a timeless classic there is a 24 hour marathon of it every year. I don’t even need to review this honestly, I could have posted the picture of the kid and a BB gun and just stopped there and you guys would have gotten it. But hey let us get on with what is basically a formality here.

The movie takes place in the 1940’s and young Ralphie has one dream. He wants a Red Ryder BB gun. He needs to convince his parents, teacher, Santa, anyone that will listen he needs one. The problem is, he will shoot his eye out. Along the way there are bullies, dares to stick a tongue to a light post and even dropping lug nuts down a drain and saying fudge.except he doesn’t say fudge. He says the F— word. By the way he throws his friend under the bus an I know they only had phones with cords back then, you hear mom run over and smack the holy hell out of this poor innocent kid. You know how hard you have to hit someone to hear it across a house over a 1940’s phone that clearly? That poor bastards grand kids had bruises when they were born in the 1980’s.

Anyways back on track, I don’t mind spoiling this movie a little bit. At the end of the movie, in true 1940’s fashion, hell even in 1980’s or the 1990’s fashion dad comes through and buys this kid a Red Ryder BB gun. Because you know, back then it was socially acceptable to buy kids actual weapons. The kid also almost immediately manages to shoot himself in the face when it bounces of some metal and his glasses prevent him from shooting his own eye out. Let this be a lesson kids, when shooting a BB gun you actually can shoot your eye out. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Destroy all humans

destroy all humans

I love old time sci fi movies so being able to play in one was kinda great, the raunchy humor and cool weapons and powers just so happened to be icing on the cake. The game is simple really. We play as Cypto, an alien from the planet Furon who comes to 1950s America to kill humanity after a botched incident involving Area 51. Armed with a array of alien weapons, a flying saucer, and the power to use telepathy, hologram disguises, and telekinesis we set off against the cops, military, and Majestic Agents that want to take you down.

First I’m going to say this game is fun. There’s a lot of variety in you’re methods of destruction. Disguise yourself and start throwing cars with telekinesis? Sure. Run through the suburbs of brainless men and scandalous housewives guns blazing while shooting people with you handy dandy anal probe- yes you actually get a anal probe and it is amazing. Guns and powers work really good and fluid for there time. A favorite pastime I have is simply reading the minds of the people around me and hearing the crazy or just plain hilarious and often politically incorrect they are thinking. The spoof of 50’s culture is perhaps my favorite aspect of the game. Realistically though I do have problems. I feel you die awfully easy in either on foot or in your ship; actually weirdly enough I feel you can take more damage on foot than you can in your ship. The saucer I feel could have have used a bit more agility to help avoid damage; the controls for it do feel a bit clunky. It aged decently well from its PS2 era release and it’s definitely a good pick up on the current generation. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Ted 2

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I will never think of Trix cereal or John William’s iconic Jurassic Park theme the same ever again. And because of this movie, Savior and I will get kicked out of a Improv house someday.

So we begin on Ted’s wedding day to Tammi Lyn as we see John saddened by his divorce from now ex wife Lori. Ted urges him to get back in the dating game while soon Ted’s marriage is in jeopardy. But they find a solution: just have a baby. This however isn’t a easy task since Ted is a toy and not capable of reproducing, leading to adoption and the core dilemma of the film: the government cracks down on Ted for being essentially a stuffed animal, not alive, and soon his rights are being systematically taken away. So it’s up to John and Ted to team up with a fresh young, cute lawyer named Sam L. Jackson and prove to the world Ted is alive. Oh and that creepy ass weirdo from the first movie is back too.

I’m going to call this movie subjective: you’ll either love it or hate it. In fact I think it’s funnier than the first. There’s a lot more outrageous humor and crazier cameos in this movie. The performances are great  all around and the story is actually pretty deep. I know comedy sequels especially have a reputation for sucking but I recommend checking it out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Ted

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Ya ever just need a feel good movie when life sucks ass? Two of my favorites are the Ted movies. For my thunder buddy Savior, I figured why not…

Ted is the story of a kid named John Bennett whose teddy bear comes to life after making a wish on a star. The world freaks out and overnight Ted becomes famous for a time, but through fame and fall, twenty years later him and John are still best friends, mainly cracking jokes and getting high together, but there is a problem. John’s girlfriend Lori wants John to grow up and make Ted move out. Now Ted has to get a job and a place and avoid the creepy son of a bitch following him in the background of this strange, outrageous tale narrated by Sir Patrick Stewart because…reasons.

It’s quite rare a movie makes me almost piss myself laughing but also bring on the feels. Ted achieves this extremely well. Speaking of which, the effects on Ted himself are really damn good and Seth McFarlene brings this A game here as writer, directer, and as a voice actor.Him and Mark Wahlberg have a great chemistry together. I will say, if you aren’t a fan of Family Guy or that type of humor, this movie isn’t for you but I had a awesome time with it. May the gaming gods bring you glory and a thunder buddy.

 

Happy Birthday Savior

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I told Savior for his birthday I’d review the Ted movies not just because they’re amazing but because at the end of the day, Savior is my thunder buddy. We hang out, eat pizza, go on adventures, and fight with toy lightsabers in my living room even though were getting too old for that  shit. He’s there for the good, for the bad, and for those random times I get drunk and need to tell someone Fuck the Man at 3 o clock in the morning. He taught me how to drive, how to throw knives and tell your landlord those scratches came with the cabinet, and how to do half this blog stuff…ok most of it…ok all of it, and that streaming Elite Dangerous for 14 hours is hard as hell. Most of all, he is a good, honest loyal friend I’m gad to call a battle buddy, a boss, and a brother. Oh by the way, if you follow him on Twitch on Savior699, don’t say the phase “Meat Paste” on the chat. That being said, love ya bro, and thank all of you guys reading our stuff for the love and support.

A sincere and sappy message from Torsten V