Category: Game reviews

I tried man. I really did. The story is fascinating; the graphics are really good. But this wasn’t for me. The story revolves around a dude named Simon Jarret who was in a car crash that killed his girlfriend and left him with brain damage. He signs up for the new kind of experimental treatment that way save his life…he wakes up miles under the ocean in a broken down aquatic lab with machines haunted by the delusion they are really human. Many of the machines we come in contact with react just like people, but there are other things entirely. We discover from a mysterious Catherine that Simon was part of a group who had had there total consciousnesses fused to robot forms and the line between what it means to be man and machine becomes blurred…

As I said. the story is definitely there. Graphically it looks pretty and I could appreciate the nods to Bioshock and Alien in the environmental design. Gameplay wise is the killer. There is a heavy stealth base- no weapons, just hide or run. Everything I faced up to that point, I simply just had to outrun them. Most of my experience with the game was me trying to figure out where the hell to go. Overall, if you enjoyed Outlast or Amnesia (Frictional Games’s previous horror hit) give this a shot but if you want a horror game with stealth and bite, this ain’t your stick. As always thank you and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Like another blood-boiling crapper I covered in my list of disappointing games, Resident Evil 6 had an assload of potential and hype surrounding it, and what we got was this. Originally, I called this game the product of what happens when you try pleasing everyone and that is ultimately what slaughters the game. The game ultimately has 4 separate campaigns with 7 total playable characters totaling 21 chapters if you count the pointless prologue that you eventually have to replay anyway later in Leon’s campaign…actually, the prologue is the lead up to his final boss as a matter of fact. The story of Resident Evil 6 is a royal clusterfuck if I ever saw one, only matching BvS by comparison, but I’ll do my best. Leon Kennedy kills the President of the US because he became a zombie, which became a thing again because of some government dickhead named Derrick or whatever- oh trust me, he’s a laugh at the end. Chris Refield is a ptsd driven alcoholic that is going after a cartel called the Jarvo that are drug peddling cricket-men with his bitchy sidekick Piers that keeps reminding you how much of a sad sorry sack of shit you became. Jake Mueller is a douchy super merc who happens to be Wesker’s son teaming up with Sherry Birkin- the annoying little girl from Resident Evil 2 who  grew up hot and has Wolverine level healing powers in cutscenes only as they are being chased by diet Nemesis/ Abomination/ metal armed Hellboy 2 troll guy wannabe. Ada Wong is trying to kill a evil clone of herself that set a lot of this shit in motion. Wow, writing this I can fully comprehend how batshit this all sounds.

Ok, the only real positive I give this game is that, graphically, it is beautiful. I give it that. After that, it is steaming ostrich diarrhea. The new upgrading mechanic blows; you don’t get many slots, and you’re aim jitters like a bitch when you fire in an attempt to be more realistic. In a game where one of your final bosses is a fucking zombie dinosaur man you worry about realistic shooting and getting tired in physical combat? Oh that’s great too, adding a ridiculous stamina system so you can get tired after 3 punches and resort to laughably over-exaggerated exhausted hits which cripples Jake’s campaign a bit. Leon’s is supposed to be old school horror- it ain’t. Chris is supposed to cater to the COD crowd- it doesn’t. Ada’s is supposed to be the stealth game- her stealth kills are sloppy as shit. The game isn’t really built for that kind of gameplay, and oh, can you tell. Instead of clever puzzles, everything is made insanely clear with bright indicators, oh, but don’t worry, we got truckloads of damn QTEs because you love them as much as going to the dentist who hates Novocaine. The chapters are long, and because the stories sometimes intersect, you will play the same part over again and watch the same damn cut scene again. I forced myself through his deep-fried ass cheese to get to some of the crapiest final bosses of recent gaming.

  This says volumes.

Overall, this game is crap. Resident Evil died in the hearts of many the day this came out and for good reason. This is a hemorrhoid on the series and modern gaming; this game is every rock in your trick or treat bag; this game is every bad bikini wax, every nasty toilet seat and every bowl of your grandma’s stale ass cereal she forgot was in her cupboard since disco was a thing. If your drunk you may like this but in the end, friends won’t let friends play Resident Evil 6.

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Oh boy…this is gonna be bad. Originally described to me by a friend as “Resident Evil meets Star Wars Battlefront” , I was immediately hooked. Playing as an Umbrella agent trying to contain the infamous Raccoon City outbreak- HELL YEAH! Well, sorry again slightly younger Torsten, but get ready to get boned again and have your hopes and dreamed set ablaze. Put bluntly, this game is laughably bad. And honestly, there was no reason it had to be that way. A good third person shooter during a zombie monster apocalypse shouldn’t be that hard of a thing to achieve. That being said, the gameplay was merely a super clunky SOCOM mash up that could be fun with a friend. Some people have told me the game is better in multiplayer but for the single player joes like myself, tough shit pal. The A.I is idiotic and a clear case of it looking like your comrades are doing shit but not really doing a damn thing. The shooting is god awful, like unless the damn zombies were directly in front of me I was screwed. Also, the stupid ass A.I partners would get in the way anyway. The graphics are meh and as for characters, the only two I can remember are HUNK- the Boba Fett of Resident Evil who has a unintentionally funny intro and a brief cameo and chase by William Birkin which is the best part if the running didn’t feel like a hot grilled ass and cheese sandwich… I’m going to end this review of this wad of giraffe dung with a anecdote: I got this used from my local game store. Cashier says “ouch dude, are you sure?” and for free he upgraded me to the steel book case and the told me what days he worked that week and told me if I brought it back, he’d let me exchange it for a equal value game, no questions asked. I came back less than 24 hours later, walked up to him and in front of people replied “Fuck this game.” That says it all. Overall, friends don’t let friends play Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City.