Category: Horror

And here comes the hate mail- I thought Alien Resurrection was good. Is it batshit? Hell yeah it’s a terrific WTF movie full of random moments, kills you can’t tell are funny or just epic, and a couple genuinely sad moments in a story that doesn’t need to be there at all but raises some interesting questions nevertheless. What killed this puppy from the get go was the conflict of ideology behind the set between Screenwriter Joss Whedon- yes Avengers, Buffy, Firefly, that Joss Whedon and french director Jean-Pierre Juenet. In a nut shell, Joss wrote R-rated Firefly and J.P wanted a serious, artistic film. Here’s the clusterf#$k that ensues…

200 years after Ripley’s death in Alien 3, she’s cloned by the military on the U.S.S Auriga outside regulated space for the alien in her belly. It’s extracted successfully, leaving them with the Ripley clone. They keep her alive, curious how she fares. Immediately they notice Ripley 8 is stronger and is learning at a fast speed. She has genetic qualities of the alien like strength, fast reflexes, and her red blood is highly acidic. Illegally the military hired a band of space pirates, bringing cargo of live people to be impregnated by the Queen Alien. The aliens she breeds are smarter than before, breaking out quite easily. The ship is pretty easily over run and Ripley has to band together with a closet android Call, the pirates, and a asshole scientist we know will screw them first chance he gets and escape. Simple really until the end. Ripley 8 gets snatched and taken to the queen who has stopped laying eggs the traditional way and has switched to a human birthing cycle, producing Ripley’s ultimate WTF hybrid baby.

So it kills the queen, gets emotionally attached to Ripley; who kills it because it’s violent freak baby…wow this movie is batshit to the 9th degree but I love it.

Is Alien Resurrection scary like the first, action packed like the second, or dark and gory like the third? Hell no. Is it a good movie in the conventional sense? Eh, not really. The acting is either oddly bland or over the top; the art style is very brown and very strange, just watch the opening credits. The score is good and the aliens look nice but we see them too damn much. Seriously you see the alien in all its drippy ass glory more in this than you do in the trilogy and probably Covenant combined. The best part is easily the scene where Ripley finds the hideously deformed clones of herself that came before her- that’s nightmare fuel. Other than that there is so much funny, crazy, epic, random shit. Pervis killing that asshole scientist by beating the piss out of him and having the chestburster break through him and out the dude’s head- I cheered. Having a dude roll a grenade like he was bouncing a pebble into a escape pod that has a alien in it like he was playing skeeball- somehow kinda cool. Same dude saluting his fallen comrades only to have his brain tongued out by an alien, staring at the clump of his own brain matter with a wide eyed look of constipated disillusionment- hysterical. Underwater scene- epic. Having Winona Ryder page aliens over the ships PA system to kill the asshole scientist- funny as hell. Simply, Alien Resurrection is a “bro flick”, something me and Savior would probably watch with soda and cheap pizza to laugh at and cheer kills over. Taken seriously, you’ll hate it. Take it for what it is, you can have fun with it.

So this is where the ass kissing on the Alien franchise grinds to a halt. If you read my last 2 reviews, you know I worship those films. Honestly, I truly love the whole series- ok, except for Covenant, and trust me, I’m going to talk about that bastard at the end of my alien movie thread- but 3 is where the fans begin to dwindle. David Fincher directed it and hates it with a passion; Alien 3 is known to be one of the most troubled productions in all of cinematic history. I’m going to say the fact it turned out as well as it did is a huge credit to David Fincher’s talent because most directors would have turned it into a laughing stock but he pursued through the bullshit and gave us a fair end to the trilogy- to which I stress that last word: Trilogy. So Alien 3 begins not too long after Aliens ended with Ripley, Newt, Hicks, and Bishop in hypersleep (in Bishop’s case, more like in pieces) on the Sulaco. During hypersleep something goes awry with an electrical fire and somehow, someway two face-huggers found there way on board. Seriously, this makes no damn sense, but sure let’s go with it. There pods are shifted into a EEV and ejected from the ship. It crash lands on the shores of Fiorina “Fury” 161, a all male penal colony. Ripley is the only survivor of the crash- well human survivor. Depending what version you are watching- I’ll get to that- the face-hugger plants itself on either a dog or one of the oxen that haul the EEV out of the water. Ripley awakens, beaten up and hoarse with the colony’s doctor Clemens, who tells her of Newt and Hick’s fate. Hicks was impaled but a support beam inside the EEV and Newt drowned in her sleep; immediately Ripley demands to see Newt’s body. Then demands an autopsy; do I have to tell you why after two movies of chest bursting goodness? The warden and his assistant Aaron interrupt the procedure, informing Ripley how dangerous it is for Ripley to be on her own amongst the killers and rapists and how just because they took up religion doesn’t mean they aren’t any less dangerous. She convinces the Warden, Andrews, to cremate the bodies with some help from Clemens. In a beautiful scene a prisoner named Dillon speaks for them at the cremation, while we see the birth of the dog/runner alien. The murders begin slow but slowly Ripley pieces together what happened to get her there. Paranoid and grieved she forms a relationship with Clemens who she discovers has his own dark past that landed him there; suddenly Ripley watches in utter shock as her worst fear comes true…  

but it doesn’t kill her and runs away. The alien kills Andrews in front of everyone and panic sets in. Ripley and Dillon form an uneasy alliance to pull everyone together to trap it, ending disastrously with multiple causalities and the thing still loose. Also, Ripley’s health is deteriorating. She finds the medical scanner in the crashed EEV, revealing the horrible truth, it’s inside her! A queen. Aaron stupidly contacts The Company and immediately they are on the way to retrieve Ripley and the alien. The prisoners make a final stand against the alien but can they kill it before it’s too late?

I cannot stress enough when discussing Alien 3 the fact that besides the theatrical cut, there is the Assembly cut which adds much needed depth, new perspectives, new side plots, and even a different origin point for the alien. It’s pretty damn different and almost a full half longer but I will say I enjoy the assembly cut far more. The acting is really good all around but the special effects with the alien kill me at times. In the scene illustrated above, in that moment, it looks amazing; the seconds leading up to that moment of the alien simply walking up to Ripley looks shitty as hell even by 1992 standards when it was made. It goes back and forth throughout the movie between amazing and shitty. I just have to point this out now- maximum security prison full of killers, thieves, and sex offenders and no guns because you’re on “the honor system”- bullshit dude. It’s nice 3 pulls back from Alien s heavy emphasis on action and horror and tries to go back to Scott’s suspense driven story but c’mon dude, really, not even a handgun in a lock box somewhere. I do like the bleak atmosphere and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the operatic, Gothic feel of the score. I like how we can an idea how the creature adapts depending on it’s host. And for the best compliment I can ever give this film; the speech before the final climax that Ripley and Dillon give is my favorite pump up speech of all time, seriously. Alien 3 is a good movie and a fair end to the trilogy but not spectacularly great; if I had to rate both versions I’d give Theatrical a C+ and the assembly cut a B+ if that gives you an idea what to expect both versions. If anything should be taken away from Alien 3 it’s that great artists aren’t always the ones who make masterpieces out of gold but can make bronze from bullshit.

So when people look back to there earliest cinematic memories images of cartoons and Disney productions. I did too. I also had these acid blooded bastards lurking around my nightmares. Screw Sasquatch and the Boogeyman, they don’t lay penis monsters in your chest. Aliens is another masterpiece, this time directed by James Cameron fresh off of his smash hit Terminator. Ripley awakens 56 years later after being rescued by a salvage team in deep space. The Alien haunts her dreams; her baby girl has grown up and passed away while Ripley was in cryo sleep; the Company holds her responsible for the destruction of the Nostromo. Working a nothing dock job, Ripley gets a call from a Company liaison named Burke and a sergeant Gorman of the Colonial Marines that the colony of Hadley’s Hope has gone silent for almost a few months; Burke tells her the colony is on LV426, the same world her previous crew found the Alien and it’s believed they maybe involved. They ask Ripley to join there mission as a consultant on the creature, nothing more, and in return all of her licenses will be reinstated. At first she refuses but finally agrees with Burke’s promise they are going there to destroy the creature, not take it alive. Ripley and Burke join a crew of badass marines and venture down to the colony. There is signs of some kind of trouble, and no people. Motion trackers catch something; a terrified little girl named Newt. She seems to be the only survivor. Further they go, the man made walkways become resin lined corridors lined with bodies- all with holes in there chests. The trackers go off but nothing seems to be moving. They come from the walls, off of the ceilings, picking the marines off quickly, leaving a small handful left. The creature causes there drop ship to crash and explode, leaving the survivors stranded with a new problem besides the lack of ammo and roughly 200 aliens waiting to get them, not to mention the haunting question of what’s laying the eggs, but the atmosphere processor was damaged in the attack and the colony will blow like a nuke before help can arrive. After Ripley and Newt are attacked by two live specimen face-huggers the colonists kept, it’s revealed Burke was the person who persuaded the colonists to come, knowing all about the ship and the aliens- the Company wanted specimens. The creatures attack again, killing the rest of the marines but Hicks- the marine left in charge, wounding him with acid; Newt gets taken by an alien. Bishop, there android, secures a drop ship, and picks up Ripley and Hicks, but Ripley refuses to leave without Newt. Armed with the last of there working guns and ammo she plunges herself  back into the hive and discover the Queen Alien at the heart of it. They manage to escape just in time before the facility blows but not without  finding the Queen stowed away. Ripley climbs into a power-loader and they fight, ultimately sending the Queen out the airlock and well…happy ever after? Ok, nope, but for this movie sure.

Plain and simple, Aliens is one of the greatest sequels of all time. Great characters played by great actors, great story, epic action scenes that don’t retract from the helplessness the first movie had. Stan Winston’s effects are mind-blowing and the Queen Alien is a sight to behold. The score is even badass as hell. Seriously watch Alien and Aliens if you never have, I highly recommend it. Also, comment below which you liked more, Alien or Aliens, that’s always a fun topic. Thank you, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Before 1979, if you said the word alien people immediately thought of little green men in rubber masks or face paint with toy laser guns and tinfoil spacesuits, gliding through a construction paper cosmos in a plastic ship held up on string. This is how my dad, Duke explained it when I was a kid. Once Ridley Scott’s science-fiction horror masterpiece debuted, people never thought of extraterrestrials the same way again. Suddenly they were monsters that looked and acted in horrific ways we couldn’t imagine, and we couldn’t run or fight. Truly, in space no one could hear you scream. Alien is the story of the Nostromo, a blue class freighter on it’s way back to Earth that is lead astray by a foreign distress call on a unknown world. The crew are awoken early from hyper-sleep by the company’s order. Dallas, Ripley, Lambert, Brett, Parker, Kane, and Ash are the only crew. After a group discussion about the benefits promised to them by the Company and a private consultation Captain Dallas has with the ship’s computer, Mother, the crew decides to fatefully investigate. Dallas, Lambert, and Kane venture out into the dark wastelands, soon coming across the iconic Derelict. Inside through vascular tunnels, the only inhabitant is a large body seated at what could be a pilot’s seat; it doesn’t take long to realize it’s cause of death. A large gaping hole in it’s chest, with the bones broken outward. Near the body they discover a hole leading down into another part of the ship. Kane repels down to a peculiar sight; the ground is coated in thin blue haze that reacts when broken and large ovular mounds standing still like bulbs. Kane trips. He stares at the bulb, coming to see it’s a egg. It opens. Something slides inside. A long bony spider-like creature lashes out, breaking through Kane’s helmet, wrapping itself around his face. Dallas and Ripley argue over the health hazard Kane possesses but Ash ultimately lets them bring Kane on board. The creature will not come off without killing him and it’s blood is highly acidic, a single drop burning through almost six layers of the hull. The creature dies on it’s own and falls off; Kane awakens seemingly ok. At dinner he begins to cough, than choke and hold his chest like he’s having a heart attack, until blood splatters from the center of his chest a new creature breaks free, a long, phallic snake like creature that rushes off whilst everyone gazes in utter terror. They go looking for it with a cattle prod, thinking it’s small. Brett discovers this is not the case; the creature has grown tremendously in the span of a few hours and is violently lethal. One by one the crew is killed by the alien except for Ripley, while the truth comes out, they are expendable as long as the Company gets the creature as a weapon… the perfect organism.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s a true masterpiece. The characters feel like regular working folks we can relate to so we feel for them; the set designs and Giger designs are gorgeous and unsettling; and the Alien is both fascinating and terrifying with a look that is truly unforgettable. The movie feels truly claustrophobic, added the fact they ain’t got shit to put up any sort of fight with and the hidden threat of the Company covertly trying to make sure the alien survives. I absolutely recommend this movie to anyone who wants a good story and deep suspenseful horror. As always, thank you for checking us out, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and please stay away from large leathery eggs. Bad things happen…by the way on a final note, seriously one the greatest “you’re fucked” speeches in all of horror. Love this movie, yahl.