Category: Movie Review

Mountain Men (2016)

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Mountain men with Tyler Labine is one of those movies it seems most people never heard of, but is actually quite a good movie. Tyler is actually a pretty good actor that seems to never really get the credit he deserves. You can read about another of his movies here. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil Review 

This one is the story about two brothers that really don’t see each other. One lives in the small mountain town they grew up in, the other has moved to the big city and never really comes home. That is until their mother gets married. Tyler has a plan tho, and that plan is to get his brother up to their fathers cabin for a few days.

This is where shit goes terribly wrong. The following morning in a series of accidents leave them stranded in the woods, cold, injured and pretty much stoned as hell.

The story itself is pretty  cliche and doesn’t do anything new, but it is funny and entertaining, which for a comedy is good enough really. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Wish Upon

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Savior had the misfortune of hearing me spaz out while watching this mutated cat turd of a movie. What happens when we strip the base plot of a Goosebumps book, add a shit load of trendy little ticks to be trendy for your PG-13 audience, and water down Final Destination? Cinematic Horror diarrhea.

Claire is a high school girl who stumbled upon her mother killing herself as a kid and lives a normal shitty high school existence getting bullied by the preppy popular girls and hides the shame of her dad dumpster diving for a living. Yep. Well, on a dive, her dad finds a fancy box covered in Chinese script and says “I bet my daughter would like this” and gives it to her. Well she learns that it’s a wishing box and her wishes come true, but with the price of someone’s life, and she can’t stop.

Ok, this is the second worst movie I’ve seen this year. The plot has so many logic gaps and tries being trendy so damn hard it stops being funny and will begin to piss you off. Like what American high school teaches Chinese; why the fuck is the dad so relentless about dumpster diving; how the hell can getting your hair caught in a disposal break your neck? The kills are either lame, funny, or watered down. The twist you will figure out 10 minutes in. I hated Claire after two wishes, seriously, you will root for the box after a while. The only way I’d actually recommend this is you want a movie to laugh at with friends, but don’t go past Redbox. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and friends don’t let friends watch Wish Upon.

Bad Santa (2003)

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This movie being as old as it is kind of messes with me. I remember when it came out and people took their kids to go and see it in theaters. Not sure why they thought an R rated movie titled “Bad Santa” was going to be appropriate for children but hey they did it and then got pissed when he was an alcoholic that swore worse than a drunk sailor on shore leave. And that is a lot, I have met a few.

The basic story is simple, a life long criminal and his partner that happens to be height appropriate to play an elf every year get a job at a mall. Christmas eve they rob the mall, crack open the safe, steal the cash and live off it until the next Christmas.

This may actually be the funniest holiday movie every created honestly. Billy Bob Thorton and Tony Cox are hilarious and may be one of the most fun and unlikely duo for its time. Once again Bernie Mac played his role to perfection. If somehow you missed this one, now is the time to watch it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About Christmas (2012)

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The other day i’m hanging out with my youngest, I call her baby savior because it makes me laugh, and I decide we need to watch a movie. Now she has probably seen more horror movies than most adults but I see the cat in the hat and know she needs to see this. The movie isn’t bad, its full of music and rhymes as you would expect.

The story itself is pretty much the usual. Reindeer gets lost, gotta get it home for Christmas. The Message is also the same as every other Christmas movie, love, giving, friendship. Come on, its a damn kids movie. Seriously tho, if you are an adult check it out for nostalgia reasons. If you have kids, watch it with them. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Christmas Project (2016)

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I really didn’t know what to expect with this movie, tho I did discover it is based off a couple of books by Matthew Buckley called “Bullies in the Headlights” and “Chicken in the Headlights”. So feel free to read those if you are of the books are always better than the movies opinion.

Anyway, the movie it self is a semi comedy semi feel good movie about a family that every December picks a local family to secretly give presents to. This year year however four brothers will end up with the worst job they can imagine. Their pregnant mother chooses the school bully. What follows is almost like a modern version of “A Christmas Story” in a way. ( tho not as good. don’t go watch this and expect an instant classic than come back here screaming at me) The story itself is almost a coming of age story for this family as new friends are made, love is found and a father and son relationship is built that will last a lifetime.

That is not to say it is all rainbows and blue birds. The movie has its ups and downs, its happy moments and its sad moments. But all in all if you are looking for a feel good Christmas movie to watch with your family, look no further. This one has everything you could want, including a life lesson from a war veteran bus driver. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Ref (1994)

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This movie is basically about the worst day a robber could have that didn’t involve the cops unloading 12 clips into your body. Dennis Leary as always plays himself playing a robber that trips and alarm. He then falls down a trap door and escapes as he gets bit by a huge dog.

He then holds up a woman, gets to her car to find that her and her husband are essentially always fighting about everything imaginable. Husband blows a stop sign and he lies about not seeing it just so he doesn’t have to say she was right, that is the level of fighting we talk about.

The movie is funny and hilariously well written. At no point in the movie was I not entertained, and while the story is very basic and you can see the ending coming a mile away most people won’t really mind. When the rest of the family shows up, the movie just gets better.

Christmas dinner being awkward has never been so much fun when it didn’t involve the Griswolds. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Happy Christmas (2014)

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I hate to write this review because I love Anna Kendrick. I think she is a greatly talented and very underrated actor. I actually chose to watch this for no other reason than she was in the movie. Tho by now you probably already know by ” I hate to write this” this wont be a complimentary review. Also I normally avoid spoilers as best I can. This review I will not. STARTING IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH THERE WILL BE SPOILERS AND I WILL RUIN THE ENDING. STOP READING IF THIS BOTHERS YOU. SERIOUSLY. STOP. I WARNED YOU. THE CAPITAL LETTERS MEAN I AM SERIOUS

Yea I would have kept reading myself. The basically story is simple and actually sets it up for a nice drama comedy, which is actually how the movie was listed. A woman going thru a breaking up (played by Anna Kendrick) moves to Chicago with her older brother, his wife and sister and sends their life into a bit of a tail spin. The movie will never actually get funny. Sure you may find occasional humor here and there, but that is most movies.

The acting is stiff from most of the actors, the camera work looks like it was shot by a film student from 1997 and you know the start of a movie, say the first 30 minutes or so when you get to know the characters and their motives and such? It is usually pretty interesting but you soon want to start the good stuff? That will never end here. There is actually a scene where they discuss the best way for the sister in law writer to write sex scene in a book that like most things in this movie never gets finished and never gets answered.

The ending of the movie may actually be the first movie ending I have ever been offended by as a person watching it. Not by anything bad mind you, that would have at least been artistic and interesting or thought provoking. See Anna’s character is a bit of a party animal,and after a fight with a guy gets really drunk and really stoned. Tosses a pizza in the oven and the oven and passes out in bed.

The brother wakes up to a house full of smoke and as anyone would on Christmas that early thinks the house is on fire and runs downstairs to check on his child as he wakes his wife up and discovers…yup burnt pizza. Small argument, Anna leaves. Next day Sister in law finds Anna in the office they used to write the book, there is a small heart to heart they walk out and…”The End”…no I mean the words “The End” pop up on screen and the credits roll. Nothing is sorted out, none of the questions in the movie are ever answered the book they start writing never gets finished nothing. Just the words The End. Skip this movie people, skip this movie and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets

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Ambitious is 1 way to describe this movie. Bloated and off are others. This wasn’t easy but (sigh) let’s do this.

Valerian is a sci-fi epic about agents Valerian and Laureline that are trying to uncover a mystery involving mass alien genocide and military cover up. There’s a place called Alpha where thousands of species converge and prosper for the benefit of all. Well I just summed up all the important shit in two sentences and this movie is over 2 hours, but feels like 3.

Best thing Valerian has going for it is how beautifully detailed the worlds are and how much there is to see. Other than that, this movie is a mess. The casting of Valerian and Laureline, Dane Dehaan and Cara Delevingne, ain’t right and they have shit to no chemistry to pull off the romantic tension. Dehaan a lot of times kinda feels like bargain bin Chris Pine Capt. Kirk and Delevingne seems like a pretty droid at times with flat deliveries. Clive Owen plays military bad guy 101, enough said. Rhianna gives the movie’s best performance but she ain’t really in this for long. As I said, this thing feels longer than it is and it shouldn’t because something is always happening. Seriously with the pair getting thrown into predicaments and all the side plots, I forgot what the hell the movie was about twice- I’m not exaggerating. Honestly, I felt like was watching someone trying to cram a whole RPG into a 2 and a half hour movie and wasn’t taking no on trimming it down. I can’t recommend this unless you are a HUGE science fiction buff. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Sleeping With Other People (2015)

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The name of this movie makes this seem like it will be really weird. It is. First tho, probably don’t watch it around kids. Two college friends lose their virginity to each other, then lost touch for over a decade.

When they finally regain contact they discover that both of them basically can’t be faithful in a relationship.  They go on a date and decide to just be friends, and it is actually very beneficial to their lives. They of course eventually fall for each other. In the mean time some weird stuff happens, like them taking Ecstasy as going to a children’s birthday party. ( actually my favorite scene in the movie) I am actually a huge sucker for romantic comedies, and this one is no exception. If you like that style of movies this one is pretty solid and worth checking out, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

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The other half of Get Him to the Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is about a man trying to, you can guess, forget his now ex girlfriend Sarah Marshall. His plan of running away to Hawaii hits one tiny snag. Sarah and her new boyfriend Aldous Snow ( the same Aldous from Get Him to the Greek)

This actually gets even worse, see they actually share a hotel. Then they end up at the same restaurant. This is really just the last thing a guy wants. He can actually hear their sex life. To combat this he decides its time to take a yoga class. Which they are of course at. And they are both amazing at.

Things aren’t all bad for the poor guy, he make some new friends, meets a girl, finishes his musical about Dracula. The movie is pretty fun. The movie could have been better, but there are worse movies out there. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.