Category: Movie Review

All American Christmas Carol (2013)

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I appreciate what this movie was attempting to do. A modern, trailer park version of the classic Christmas story, a Christmas Carol. Actually expected this to be hilarious. It is basically the three expected ghost visiting a white trash mom that thinks work is for suckers to show her the error of her ways and save her family and Christmas. Honestly it starts off pretty well on its way. One of her kids dads (there are many) is a semi professional paint ball player that dies when he gets shot in the eye playing and not wearing his safety glasses. While this in itself isn’t funny, his funeral is at the paintball range and there is beer in the coffin, but only sixer.

Sadly the movie pretty much fails to ever take off. The humor is all about stereotypes but is never actually funny about it, for example one character is a redneck named rat tail that has, you guessed it, a rat tail. He owns a motorcycle and is a professional wrestler. That is it. Outside of being a semi love interest he serves no actual purpose.

The ghost themselves consist of a girl from high school that died during an accident with a donkey, draw your own conclusion, a dead rock star and the main characters mom, none of which are all that memorable. This movie is best avoided. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015)

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This is another movie I saw and just said to myself, self, you are watching this movie. So I popped it on. If you like outrageous B movies with a ridiculous plot just look at the title of the damn movie. It is exactly what it sounds like. A small mining town trying to get some iridium accidentally finds something else. Dinosaurs.  First a few small ones come out, kill some swimmers in bikinis because hey, every B movie has that scene.

Eventually our “paranoid” single survivor of the mine is proven right as dinosaurs run rampant on the town. Of course this is a town of country cowboys so everyone has a gun. By the end of the movie there are bullets and dinosaurs everywhere. As the bodies get stacked high on both sides a daring plan to finish the problem once and for all is hatched. This movie isn’t for everyone, but for B movie fanatics its worth watching. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Christmas Horror Story

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A Christmas Horror Story is pretty upfront about what it is honestly. It is a horror movie and a Christmas movie.  It is actually multiple stories happening all at once, some rather interesting such as Santa fighting zombie elves at the north pole. Others not so much, such as  the ghost story in a basement.

One of the highlights of this movie for me was William Shatner playing a radio dj that i working a double for Christmas. As the movie progresses he gets more and more into the Christmas spirit with eggnog and booze until he is just drinking booze out of the bottle.

The movie itself however ranges from pretty bad to downright average at best. Normally this is the part where I say unless you are a pretty avid horror fan to avoid the movie, but this time I won’t do that. I actually recommend anybody that is even remotely a horror fan watch it. The Krampus story arc and the Santa is pretty fun, and the short fight between the two is interesting, but the ending of the movie is why I say to watch. I won’t spoil anything for you, but it is worth it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

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So I am screwing around on Netflix looking for something to watch and I come across this. Feeling nostalgic around Christmas, maybe because my dad died this year and I used to watch stuff like this with him, or maybe just because I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and watch some classic movies in awhile I popped this one on. I learned a few things. First, it felt weird not watching this on VHS and an old tube television. Second, this movie came out decades before I was born and yet I still enjoyed it more than most modern movies. And possibly last but not least, At least once a week I hear someone say ” I wish people would stop with all the political and social commentary in movies and on television.” Honestly, that has always been there. This movie is about a man from space that shows up with a giant robot. We as humans of course shoot him as soon as he tries to hand us something and his giant robot melts some guns and a tank. Space man gets fixed up and tried to get a meeting with the world and of course the world goes all high school stupid and starts with the if he goes I won’t go stuff.

So what is a space man to do when America locks him in a room and says don’t go anywhere? He leaves to see the city. News of course goes nuts, starts gets people all riled up and scared. See a pattern here? This movie was released in the 1950’s and if you replace the word spaceman with words like “Irish, immigrant, communist, Muslim” or any number of words you can change the year and it would fit the social commentary of a decade. The space man even comments about the media spreading needless fear.

Once we get to the end of the movie we hit another topic of social commentary that could hit any number of decades. Our space man finally gets a meeting, but not with world leaders but with scientist. Whats his message? That giant robot is basically the galaxy police force and they have ultimate power that no one questions or interferes with. They are so feared the rest of galaxy wants to trouble so they simply don’t have weapons. Since earth discovered nuclear energy they will eventually use it in a space ship and join the galactic community. Either do so in peace or the giant robots will destroy the Earth. That is a pretty damn severe message I would say.

All and all I have to say I was surprised by the the amount of social commentary in a movie from the 1950s, but more surprised how much of it actually stands true over 60 years later. Best wishes and  may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Reefer Madness

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Holidays got ya down and need a free laugh? Don’t buy reefer, watch Reefer Madness.

This infamous 1930’s anti-pot film recounts a hilarious downfall a group of American youths at the allure of a couple who get them addicted to marijuana. When I say hilarious, I do mean hilarious from over the top acting, a clear ignorance to the nature of the shit, goofy old time dialogue, whacky scenes that are attempting to be serious you can’t help but laugh your ass off. There’s a scene where after toking a joint a kid guns his car at like 80 miles and hits an old guy crossing the street, but the dude literally just lays on the ground and you can tell the car is being sped up on film. There’s scenes of teens wildly dancing the Charleston while getting high and the guy in the business suit laughing Joker style at nothing. Also, apparently pot makes you go insane and makes you prone to rape, murder, and random violence. Okay doky. This is some shit that has to be seen to be believed and thankfully it’s on YouTube for free in perfect quality so I highly recommend it for a good laugh this holiday season. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Mickey’s Magical Christmas: Snowed in at the House of Mouse (2001)

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Oh Mickey you and that contemptible damn duck Donald. Wait this isn’t Kingdom Hearts so the duck is cool. Seriously watching this sense me into flashbacks of him not healing me when he was supposed to so I died. They better make him not a useless jackass in KH 3 or I will be upset.

Anyway on to this movie. It is essentially a series of short Christmas stories for the kids…..that  I watched without my kids. My favorite of course was their version of A Christmas Carol. My capitalistic hero Scrooge and those pesky ghost ruining his life stealing all his cash.

Now that I think about it that wasn’t how A Christmas Carol went, but I am sure someone out there thinks Scrooge was the victim here. The movie is about an hour long and is full of Disney characters from what people my age consider the golden era of Disney when everything was pretty much hand drawn. Cameos galore, over dramatic dancing. Its a great nostalgic blast from the past that everyone should take this Christmas. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Amazing Spider-man 2

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And of course we come to the sequel and premature end of the Amazing Spider-man series. I’m saying this right now, theatrically in 3-D this movie is freaking awesome. Without that? Eh, let’s get into that.

Picking up almost two years later, Peter and Gwen are graduating high school, Spider-man has gotten experience under his belt but the memory of Gwen’s father haunts him as well as the mysteries of his parents and the fear for Gwen’s safety. His long estranged childhood friend Harry Osborn reappears after his father passes away from a genetic disorder and the two reconnect until Harry comes face to face with the same infliction. Spider-man also finds himself put to the test when villain Electro appears after another Oscorp based accident occurs when Spider-man obsessed fan Max Dillon falls into a pit of genetically altered electric eels after being shocked- nope I ain’t making that up…oh and Sinister Six shit too…

If you really loved these movies, I’m deeply sorry you won’t get no kind of conclusion to the multiple plots left open because this movie is primarily world building fluff, sequel bait. Garfield is much better a second time around and the supporting cast does well mainly. My favorite part is Jaime Fox as Electro, accompanied by a interesting score I can’t get out of my head. The fight scenes are much cooler. My biggest problem is the amount of shit is crammed into the film which makes it feel bloated, and because this was the end of it and wasn’t continued, it feels largely pointless. Also, Rhino. Oh I don’t know what the hell made them think anything about Rhino was a good idea. I can’t tell you if Electro or the Goblin to be is supposed to be the main villain. Overall, in my opinion, it’s not a terrible Spider-man film but the overuse of universe sequel bait kills it.Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Amazing Spider-man

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Well, because I O.Ded on DC for a bit, I’ve been covering miscellaneous Marvel movies like every Fantastic 4 movie and Daredevil. Today, bumming around my other job, I flipped a coin to either talk about Spider-man or Punisher. Guess who won?

The Amazing Spider-man is the 2012 reboot of the beloved wallcrawler, but in a darker, more grounded tone that tried to be more true to the comics. Essentially we get another origin story, only this time having a thread focusing on Peter’s parents and Peter’s search for answers about them, leading him to Dr. Curt Connors, his father’s old partner and soon to be Spider-man’s first enemy, the Lizard.

Ok, this is a tricky one. I like that Spidey has web-shooters and we have Gwen Stacy as his love interest, not Mary Jane. I love the supporting cast, especially Emma Stone as Gwen and Rhys Ifans as Connors/ Lizard, though he is under used. I like the use of P.O.V shots when Spider-man is being Spider-man and the acrobatic stuff is pretty sweet to watch. That’s about it for me. Rest of this movie pissed me off something fierce.  I do not like Andrew Garfield’s take on Peter Parker- I felt he was too whiny and kinda emo nor his take on Spider-man- I felt he trash talked too much and was a wuss when it came to fighting. I get it, he’s not a huge brawler but dammit you got insane reflexes and you’re twenty times stronger than your average guy, I don’t think you need to run from a couple muggers. Oh, and I love how he pretty much says Fuck it trying to find Uncle Ben’s killer after a five minute montage. And oh the costume. Savior won’t allow me to use the language I require to describe my dark, black hearted disdain for that costume.  Lizard looks ok but I think they could have used a better design. Honestly, this movie feels like Spider-man for the YA Twilight crowd in a lot of ways. It took multiple viewings but overall I’m ok with it but I prefer the Rami trilogy much more. I haven’t seen Homecoming yet. I know the debate is out on McGuire vs Garfield as better Spidey so I recommend watching both series and deciding for yourself. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

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Its hard to believe there is a 13 year gap between the two movies, but here we are. Thankfully this time around parents seemed to have been smart enough to realize an R rated movie called “Bad Santa 2” was not good for kids. Maybe that 13 year gap was long enough for those kids to have kids and remember oh shit  Santa’s elf punched a kid in the nuts lets not bring my kid to see this one.

Anyway this time around our elf is out of jail and is back with Santa for one last job, and this time mom is here. Mom is played by Kathy Bates and I have to say Billy Bob, her and Tony Cox work amazing together. Not to be out done Brett Kelly once again plays his role perfectly.

The plan this time? To rob a charity of millions of dollars by pretending to be Santa once again. Having recently watched the first Bad Santa again I can’t say this one is as funny as the first, but it is as good of a movie. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is hilarious and it is now on my list of movies I will watch every Christmas. This is easily one of those must see Christmas movies. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

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Earlier today I talked about a movie that was totally crap, so I thought I would get some balance by talking about a truly underrated horror flick that actually got me and proved PG-13 could pack a punch in horror.

The Exorcism of  Emily Rose follows the trial of a priest accused of aiding in the death of young Emily Rose during a exorcism gone wrong. During his accounts, we see the dark events of Emily’s possession.

Much like Salem’s Lot, it is a simple plot but it is followed through excellently. The actors are very down to earth and the use of practical effects leaned a much appreciated touch of realism VERY few films in this genre. The way Emily’s body unnaturally contort and the expressions of her face are damn effective and creepy. This movie has one of my all time favorite scares, which is a huge compliment I can’t often say. The only real flaw I can say is I didn’t like the ending personally, but that is strictly an opinion thing dealing with  the subject of beliefs, so hell, to reach his own. Overall, I seriously recommend this as what I would call one of the best underrated horror films of last decade. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.