Movie Review – Page 109

In The Army Now (1994)

This movie has a special place in my heart, not only because Pauly Shore makes me laugh (and no I can’t explain why) but I did my basic and AIT at Fort Sill Oklahoma where parts of this movie were filmed. Was pretty cool to see the places the movie was filmed. Anyway on to why you are here.

The movie is about two losers that join the Army reserves because they really don’t have much choice after they lose their job. They also have no clue what they are signing up for. Besides Paul knows a pool boy, how hard can it be?

Turns out in a time of war in a desert country such as Chad,a water purification unit is highly likely to be called to active duty.

So these two idiots and their new friends from basic, G.I. Jane and G.I. dentist are off to the desert to clean some water and piss off some special forces.

I won’t spoil the story to much for you, the movie is honestly just some cheap laughs like most of Shore’s movies with a story that is decent but hardly anything spectacular. If you like comedies its worth a watch but most people should probably skip it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool 2 “Wet on Wet” trailer

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Arguably the two most anticipated films of next year are going to Avengers: Infinity War and Deadpool 2, both I’m super pumped for. The first Deadpool was honestly one of the honest to god, truest comic book character portrayals I’ve seen. Well, if the other two teasers for the sequel didn’t prove it, this sure as shit will. Any Deadpool fan knows his love of parodies and whacky antics fused into his badassness; today I can say Deadpool taught me how to paint. Laced through his hilarious parodies of one of Bob Ross’s painting lessons, we got to see glimpses of what’s to come and HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS EPIC! Smartly, they don’t fully reveal Cable or the villain which I applaud them for. I really can’t tell you how pumped I am to get a full trailer but I do commend the trailers we got, now if you excuse me, I got chimichangas brewing :p

Evil Bong 2: Devil’s Harvest

evil bong 2

Also called “King Bong”, we have the sequel to Evil Bong. Oh boy.So we join our stoners again after Alistair saved them from Eebee, the Evil Bong. Alistair is called by his old friends because they are suffering from bizarre symptoms from getting high like one dude who has constant munchies, another who won’t stop humping shit, and another who randomly keeps passing out. So randomly the dude who delivered the bong in the first one comes and some how we find ourselves going to a mysterious island to confront the ex boyfriend of Eebee the Evil Bong, King Bong and yeah…I laughed my ass off how fucking stupid this movie was but that’s the fun. As I said before in my previous review of the Evil Bong series, don’t watch this expecting a high brow comedy. If you enjoy dumb shit for the sake of dumb shit, you’ll have a blast. I know I did. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Hunger Games

hunger games book Something about the upcoming holiday made me think of the amazing book and the lame ass movie. Yes, I said it, the first movie sucked. Seriously, I almost got me and a friend kicked out of our local movie theater because I was that pissed. I’m going to predominately focus on the book, but oh I will get to the movie at the end.

Katniss Everdeen is a pissed off, quiet, depressed seventeen year old girl living in District 12 in the post-apocalypse of Panem. Each district provides a service to the tyrannical Capitol that reigns supreme and every year, to prove there might and superiority, they hold the Hunger Games. Two tributes, one boy and one girl from each district are placed in a game for all to see where the only victor is the child who manages to kill and outlive the others. Prim, Katniss’s little sister is chosen but Katniss takes her place alongside Peeta Mellark, a handsome, kind young man who showed her mercy years before in her darkest days. Katniss is a survivor though and skilled with a bow, but will that be enough to survive?

Ok, so I am a huge fan of the book trilogy. I seriously devoured the book page to page when I first read it and still held up after a few rereadings which is impressive. Here is two reasons why I hated how it was adapted: the book was in first person and almost nothing was as I imagined it. As I said above, Katniss is a quiet, introverted young woman so the first person perspective added depth and melancholy where needed; during the movie there were times she acted bizarrely. If you read the book, it may make sense but as a casual movie goer it may make you ask WTF? Next, a lot of this wasn’t how I imagined. Much like an experience with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the story in the first Hunger Games gave me hard, visceral images without really giving them to me, making me imagine them rather than washing the page in fictional blood and guts. The movie doesn’t show you jack shit but you get a nice assload of shaky-cam. Two huge gripes I have is that for a district riddled with poverty, coal dust, and starvation, our lead actors look pretty damn well fed and ugh- Peeta your damn family can barely afford food but you can gel your hair, bullshit ahoy! And the second thing, the final monsters got WAY bitched down from the book and on top of that, the CGI effects for them look like shit. I do enjoy the music in the movie and Woody Harrelson is awesome as Haymitch but that’s about all the good I got to say. Please read the book trilogy. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Scary Movie

Ok, so once upon a time, before I became Torsten V I had a stick up my ass about horror. I didn’t think horror and comedy could blend together, like Fettuccine Alfredo and Rocky Road ice cream; separately great but together you get the worst kind of diarrhea the devil couldn’t imagine. When Scary Movie debuted, I was high on the Scream trilogy and was pretty pissed about having a movie satirizing it. Well, in school I heard how hilarious I was and really had nothing to rent from Blockbuster that weekend so there I went- and I loved it.

Essentially the movie is mash up of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, with jabs at such 90’s hits like The Blair Witch Project and The Sixth Sense. Seventeen years later, some of the references as well the movies it is based on may feel dated but if you grew up around then, you’ll get a good laugh. The Comedy is crude but I don’t know what you were expecting walking into something like this. I had a lot of fun with it and it holds up well years later and multiple rewatches. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and WHATZ UP!

Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox

flashpoint paradox

Another great comic I wanted to read and one of Flash’s greatest stories that inspired much of season 3 of the show as well as rumor has it is looking up to being the focus of DCEU’s solo Flash movie.

We join Flash, Barry Allen, as he goes about his normal life as the Scarlet Speedster. Fastest man alive. Life is ok, but could be better. Barry’s driving force is the death of his mom Nora, the death that put his dad away for a murder he never committed. A conflict with Flash’s greatest nemesis, Eobard Thawne- Reverse Flash, brings Barry the oppertunity to have his dreams comes true: Thawne gives Barry the chance to travel back and save his mom. He takes the chance and saves her, causing one huge bitch of a paradox. Barry wakes up one day and discovers himself powerless but happy, but the world around him a dark mirror of itself on the brink of WW3 between Themyscira and Atlantis, where Bruce Wayne was shot dead in Crime Alley as a kid and Thomas Wayne became a malevolent, cruel Batman, and Superman was found by the US government instead of the Kents and experimented and locked away. Barry is powerless and alone, realizing his dream meant the suffering of millions.

I have to say this was my favorite DC animated movie so far. Batman was my favorite part, twisted and sad. If you love Flash or are one of those people who think comic books or superheroes can’t tell great stories, I urge you to check this animated movie out on Netflix. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes.

Guess Who (2005)

I picked this movie on a whim honestly and I must say, I forgot how much I missed Bernie Mac. The man played the perfect combination of funny and serious. And this movie has two very powerful messages to me. 1. That even in today’s world interracial couples face adversity from all sides (and they should not) and 2. Even a serious topic can be covered in a manner that can entertain and inform, and Ashton and Bernie knock this out of the park.

For those that somehow don’t know Bernie Mac plays a very successful black man. Great job, big house, beautiful family. His daughter brings home a man she loves dearly to meet the family for the first time. He is also successful, great credit report which Bernie mentions many times. There is one small catch. As we all know Ashton is a white man. While the family is ok with this Bernie seems less than thrilled. While he is never cruel to him he is openly distrustful and even semi hostile towards him.

I won’t spoil to much but there is a very powerful scene where Bernie basically urges Ashton to tell racist jokes at family dinner which they actually find quite funny at first until he takes it one step to far.

Now this is a comedy and of course at one point both of the men end up on the same team when their respective ladies get pissed at them after an argument in the yard where pretty much everyone comes off as an asshole and Ashton makes the mistake of referring to the people in the yard as “you people” and then defends himself by saying he has a black girlfriend.

Absolutely check this movie out, it will go down as one of Ashton and Bernie Macs best movies. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Gotham by Gaslight trailer

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So it’s pretty safe to say DC’s first R rated animated film didn’t do so great despite Hamil and Conroy reprising there iconic voice roles as Joker and Batman. I’m seriously optimistic and pumped for Gotham by Gaslight. Gotham by Gaslight is a what if story about steampunk Batman tracking down the infamous Jack the Ripper. Already from the trailer we got, I love the scenery and art style. I always had a fondness and appreciation for Victorian era themes and scenery and to see Batman looking so down to earth and old fashioned is really cool. I’d love to read the graphic novel before the film comes. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes.

Wonder Woman

wonder woman

Ok, so I feel like I’m really repeating myself here, but I’m not really a Wonder Woman fan but I did love the movie. After the movie, I’m willing to jump into her comics, so if anyone has any ideas where to start drop them in the comment box. Seriously, Gal Gadot was fantastic as Diana Prince and badass as hell as Wonder Woman. In what short of screen time she had in BVS, she stole the show from the titular men for me there and I’m glad to say I’d call her movie the best the DCEU has to offer so far.

Diana is an amazonian princess on the island of Themyscira, a paradise island inhabited by amazon women. Diana is not a average amazon however, she was forged from clay and brought to life by Zeus. She grows up a skilled warrior, possessing speed, strength, reflexes, and durability unmatched by any of her fellow amazons. But there is nothing to fight…until Steven Trevor crashes into the sea near the island. Diana races out to save him, in astonishment he is a man. Trevor brings trouble as war follows him and amazons are killed in the fighting. Diana is convinced the war in Trevor’s land is the work of Ares, the god of war. Rescuing him from confinement, taking the things that would be her costume, her and Trevor set off to Europe to fight World War 1 and Diana is off to kill Ares o end this great war to end all war…

Wonder Woman is the most refreshing superhero movie I’ve seen in a long time. Instead of being overly dark, overly bloated with sequel bait and universe building, and needlessly complex, the movie went back to a simple story done right focusing on characters, setting, and story. This is a gorgeous film to behold. The tone is extremely well balanced, knowing how to be serious and tragic when need be, but humorous and light hearted when need be to. A huge problem I had with the first Captain America movie was that I wished it was a more grounded in reality; Wonder Woman does feel much more grounded in a hard gritty war. The trench scene and her taking back the village is one of the most badass debut scenes I’ve ever seen in a superhero movie. The characters are well flushed out but the villains are kinda weak, especially Ares but nowhere as bad as they could be. Overall, I highly recommend Wonder Woman to fans of the genre or people that just want to see a cool movie. I hope writers in the future take note from this film. May the gaming gods bring you glory and best wishes all.

The Overnight (2015)

Yea..look I don’t even know where to start on this one. Basically couple A moves from Seattle to California and they meet couple B when they meet at the park when they have their kids at the park. This is basically where the normalcy ends. Hold on people this shits about to get real damn weird.

So we get to couple B’s house for dinner and the kids go to bed. So now they are drinking and discussing work. Guy B sells water filters he invented and chick B is an actress. I thought it was going to be porn but it wasn’t. It was just a demonstration video on how breast pumps work. The logically thing obviously is to give this DVD away to your new friends as a gift…seriously that happens. Now they are smoking some pot, same scene by the way. Now there is some more drinking and dancing and grinding and a game if the floor is lava.

More weird stuff happens and the guys wonder off to see the art work guy B makes…its weird and colorful and its butt holes. No literally. Dude takes pictures of his friends literal assholes and paints colorful pictures of them. I can’t make this up.

Now we all know I hate giving you guys spoilers to the point i rarely give out names. Everything I have told you is in about the first 20 minutes of the movie and isn’t even plot points. Those get even weirder. I won’t discourage you from watching this movie, it isn’t even bad. Its just weird but in a fun way. I don’t regret watching it but it must be noted only certain people will enjoy it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.