Category: Movie Review

Friday the 13th part 5: The New Beginning

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So like every horror movie before and after it, The Final Chapter wasn’t the final chapter for very long. In this case, roughly a year before the title became obsolete. Part 5 is considered by many the Black Sheep of the franchise and all considering part 6 wipes it out pretty much. Still, if you need a laugh, this maybe the slasher film for you.

Part 5 picks up with a grown up, emotionally and psychologically damaged Tommy Jarvis as he is taken to a home where people with psychological issues can get back into society. Tommy is nearly mute and can be pron to violent outbursts when fucked with, while being haunted by images of Jason. Tommy is here to restart his life but it ain’t easy; there’s rednecks that hate them for being so close, one of the patients is murdered by a deranged handyman who I guess really hated chocolate bars, and there is a killer on the loose…did Jason return?

Ok, spoilers, no he didn’t. For horror, this movie sucks. The kills are either lame or flat out funny as hell like a Michael Jackson wannabe getting speared in a portapotty. A lot of the dialogue feels like came straight out of a porno and there’s a lot of…nudity in it. The twist ain’t great and though I appreciate where the story tried going, it felt too clumsy for it to feel really effective. In the end, part 5 is funny  and awkward but that’s about it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory because damn those enchiladas!

Anger of the Dead (2015)

If you are a complete movie snob that demands an original story with high tier sound, visuals and acting even from Indy films stop reading this review, assume you won’t enjoy this movie and move on to another review and movie. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, this movie simply isn’t for you.

That all being said while it is simply another average zombie flick in every way possible average is called average for a reason. Plenty of zombie movies are worse and it is still a good enough movie.

The movie essentially has 2 plots at once, one involving a pregnant woman and her boyfriend and their attempt to survive in a world gone crazy. Desperately looking for a place that is safe to give birth to a child and raise it safely is their force and they will lose friends along the way.

The other plot is much darker. A man trying to save his sick wife at a sort of sanctuary where all kinds of test are run by a sort of paramilitary group. Beatings and rape are also not uncommon.

There is a very heavy The Walking Dead feel to the movie and the ending leaves much to be desired, tho admittedly most Indy films seem to have twist endings for no other reason than to have them. The movie however is worth a quick watch if you have the time. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 4: the Final Chapter

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So I got two shout outs for this review today, one for fan and dear friend Hatter who let me borrow the collection so I can refresh myself on the series and the other to Savior, who watched this puppy with me as part of our traditional Halloween marathon. You all kick major ass.

So there’s a recap as usual and every movie I get bummed aren’t narrarated by the Dragonball Z narrator. Everyone is dead after part 3, and the bodies are carted off to the local hospital morgue. Like Halloween 2, Jason isn’t actually dead and kills his way out back to his home of Crystal Lake. A group of teens rent a nice house across from the happy Jarvis family, the youngest Tommy will be the focus of the net few films. And there’s a dude named Rob lurking around hunting Jason because he killed his sister. Well, Jason had fun with this I bet…

Final Chapter maybe my favorite of the series. In a lot of ways, it’s the most suspenseful of the series and may I say, one of the goriest. The kills are sweet. The teens next door are goofy 80’s teens you don’t mind getting to know but also don’t mind Jason knocking off. I actually felt a bit of sympathy for the Jarvis’s. Young Cory Feldman was really good as Tommy Jarvis and sad at the end when he loses it and murders the shit out of Jason. Jason is at one of his best in this, being a badass. If you never checked the series out and you wanted to check a Jason movie out, this is my pick where to start. In other words, this movie ain’t a dead fuck.  Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Bubba the Redneck Werewolf

First thing first, this movie is in no way shape or form to be taken seriously. If you couldn’t tell by the name the opening song will quickly prove that. This is a only a horror movie in the sense that there is a werewolf and the Devil. It is truly a comedy first.

Bubba is just a guy that lives at way out past the corner of the middle of nowhere and you got a purdy mouth. He works at a dog kennel, misses his girlfriend and is not man enough to keep her. He doesn’t even own proper scissors to maintain his cut off flannel shirt. Least that is what his ex woman’s new man tells him right before knocking him out.

Bubba knocks back a few drinks, and makes a deal with the devil. To be the strongest toughest guy in the city with a full head of hair. He is more than happy to wake up as a werewolf.

After some weird antics that nobody even finds odd like ripping out a robbers eyes or knocking another robbers head off with the first robbers arm. Tho the bar keep gets a bit pissed about the mess when he eats the robbers…Fine with the eating part. Pissed about the mess.

Mean while since hell is full the Devil is making deals all over town and collecting souls in Florida, which is apparently normal in Florida. Even in real life weird stuff happens in Florida.

Some of the highlights of weirdness is a random zombie apocalypse that isn’t quite what it seems that results in probably around 20 or so deaths, poor Todd Hu getting his head punched in due to an old Abbot and Costello skit and what can only be described as bestiality. Regardless if you like the horror comedy genre it is worth a watch. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Shaun of the Dead

When I first started watching this movie I thought this will be beyond stupid. About 8 minutes later I knew I was wrong. I imagine an actual zombie apocalypse would be similar to this movie.

Two idiots essentially wake up one morning, and don’t even realise it has started. Maybe on honest mistake. Maybe they were just to dimwitted and oblivious to notice. We may never know.

So after they finally realise whats going on and the 3rd roommate dies, becomes a zombie and dies again. A plan comes to fruition.

https://youtu.be/MeJzHSxRq40

And yes that is essentially the story of the movie. Everything between there and the end is simply a roller coaster ride of comedy entertainment intertwined with what is legitimately a very well done story of love and friendship. A classic horror comedy that should not be missed. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Pandemic (2016)

My daughter loves the zombie genre. She picked this movie figuring hey it looks and sounds like a zombie movie, must be a zombie movie. And they do pretty much act like zombies tho they are never actually called zombies that I noticed.

The movie is.. Well the movie isn’t good. I like what they were trying to do but the bouncing between the weird point of view and typical movie view was at best annoying and at times was actually disorienting.

The story if a team attempting to rescue survivors quickly broke down into individuals attempting to achieve their own goals with one guy trying to find his wife from a different team, one woman pretending to be a doctor trying to save her daughter, another woman that was simply bad at her job and another guy that really served no purpose except to die semi heroically.

The sound while nice did set the mood pretty well but the weird camera work was so distracting and annoying it really took away from the overall look and feeling of the movie far to much for me to enjoy it. I would recommend skipping this one for one of the better movies Netflix and Hulu have to offer. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Survival of the Dead (2010)

Survival of the dead is one of Romero’s last movies, and hey maybe it is because I am old and stuck in my ways but I still prefer the good old fashioned slow moving shoot em in the head zombies. I mean I get it, times change. And I don’t hate the modern zombies. The classics just do it for me. I love that classic feeling of being over run by an ocean of the dead as opposed to watching people be chased down.

This time around the main part of the story revolves some Ex United States military members that went AWOL and stumbled upon another man also robbing people near an island by Delaware when he tricks them into thinking he would help them get to the island as a means to escape the zombie horde.

As it turns out they rob people, send them to the island and unknown to them when they send people to the island the people there kill them. Yes everyone in the zombie apocalypse is an asshole.

What follows is a tale of revenge and a game of one upmanship revolving around being a complete dick to other people. Who is willing to kill their own people when bit? Who is willing to rob people? Shoot strangers? Romero once again does an amazing job setting up his world to seem like real people acting like they may act in a real apocalypse type scenario.

The movie isn’t the best looking but it doesn’t need to be. It does an amazing job at setting a tone of both needing to survive and dread that it may not be possible. It is another worthy addition to the name Romero. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Burying The Ex

I won’t lie. I figured hot chicks and a dumb movie. What I got was hot chicks, a novel approach to a classic creature and an interesting story. I was quite pleased with this one.

It is really straight forward tho. Boy meets girl. They date. Boy no longer likes girl. Girl gets hit by a bus and dies. Bot meets new girl…ex comes back from the dead and moves back in..ok so not really straight forward completely but damn would that cock block you. And it did this guy so bad.

No surprise Yelchin played his role amazingly and I am still sad he passed away, as did out lovely ladies Green and Daddario, both talented and I wish we saw them in more movies.

As the movie goes on we see why living with a zombie would be a bit weird. Like how weird it would be when they make you breakfast or how awkward it would be if they wanted sex and worse when your half brother walks in and thinks you dug up the body before freaking out worse when he discovers you live with a zombie.

Honestly if you are looking for just a fun movie to kill some time with that isn’t your average movie this is a good choice. Maybe don’t watch it with young kids tho. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Signs (2002)

Ok now I know this is less a Horror movie and more a sci fi movie but I feel like it still counts.

Anyway an ex minister still struggling with the loss of his wife wakes up to find weird crop circles in the field outside his house. The locals and his family assume its a hoax and hey who wouldn’t? Even tho the dog goes a bit nuts and his kid accidentally kills it.

As time goes on and his daughter leaves more and more glasses of water laying around and we are reminded again and again..and again..and again that his brother is an ex minor league baseball player. More weird things happen all around the world until we discover actual aliens from space are attempting to harvest people.

The movie is solid enough and actually pretty fun if you ignore the blatant plot hole created by the ending that was shoehorned in. While attempting to be clever with the water itself is deadly sort of like acid to the aliens he neglected to think of the fact that the Earths air itself has water in it which would pretty much kill them. That aside its not bad. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

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Have you ever seen a movie that you never thought would get remade because the original was too iconic to touch? When Rob Zombie’s Halloween debuted, that feeling hit me. The slashers I grew up with I somehow thought were untouchable but alas I was wrong. 2007 Michael got his; 2009 Jason got his so in 2010 Freddy got his. Jackie Earle Haley replaced iconic Robert Englund as Freddy Kruger, a very fine actor but ugh…lets begin.

So we begin at a diner in Springwood on a dark and rainy night. Two teens are talking at a table, friends of there waitress Nancy. In fact everyone at the diner knows Nancy, but it seems everyone else has something else in common too. The dude at the table is skittish after not sleeping because of horrible dreams. For some reason he walks into the kitchen and we see the the first appearance of Freddy. We do get an interesting perspective of our main character holding a knife to his throat on the outside, while we get to see Freddy holding him hostage in front of everyone at the diner. So he dies and we set into what is mainly a retelling of the original with some key differences. The biggest change is Freddy was the elementary school’s groundskeeper who allegedly  molested the kids and the parents cornered him and fried him alive because they didn’t want to have there kids deal with the trauma of going to trail; a huge part of the movie is the audience asking whether Freddy was a innocent man killing kids that lied and killed him or if he’s a child molester that’s out for revenge.

Ok, watch the original. This is a damn over CGIed, glossy Hollywood retelling that doesn’t have the charm or the imagination. I enjoy Haley as an actor but I don’t like him as Freddy. His make up isn’t great, looking more like a rash than realistic burns which is what’s it’s going for and he is far too gruff. What kills his movie are a lot of the effect choices, which makes the original that much more special. I don’t buy the teens as real teens, just prettied up celebs. Instead of atmosphere and freaky imagery we get gore and flashy ass jump scares. It’s a forgettable remake of Wes Craven’s classic but just meh. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.