Category: Horror

The Reunion (2011)

Every so often a friend says “Hey Savior, watch this movie” and we got a 50/50 ratio. Sometimes its a good movie, sometimes its them screwing with me and making me watch a crap movie.

Now first you are going to have to get over the fact that John Cena is in the movie. Waiting…waiting…Yea you either love him or hate him basically. Anyway the story here is a group of dysfunctional brothers and a sister meet up after their father dies to split up a boat load of cash. Around 3 million each.

But of course there is a catch. They have to work in a family business together for 2 years. But before they get started they will rescue a very rich business man with a very large reward for saving him.

The movie will have a few laughs and is pretty well done,and while not perfect isn’t as bad as one would think for having a wrestler as the star attraction. I can’t say its for everyone but most people will find something to like. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

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So to start off, yes this is the book that inspired the epic Arkham video games. If you’ve played the game as a fun fact, the Amadeus Arkham recordings from the game came from the book. Both are extremely good but the differences are pretty heavy, outside the fact one is a video game and one is a graphic novel.

So the graphic novel follows a night where Batman is called by Commissioner Gordon for a special problem: Joker is holding the orderlies of Arkham Asylum hostage and says the only person he will deliver demands to is the Batman. Against Gordon’s wishes, Batman ventures in, getting caught in Joker’s game. Game is simple, Batman has to survive a one night long game of hide and seek inside the asylum with the inmates loose, wanting a piece of the Caped Crusader that locked them away. As this story is being told, we recount the eerie, Poe like story of how the asylum’s founder Amadeus Arkham lost his mind and became twisted.

The game has a different touch to the plot. Batman captures Joker one night, taking him to the asylum, weary of how easy it was. Turns out Joker used Batman to get access to the asylum, where he has been having a new permutation of Bane’s serum Venom to be created, making goons into raging beasts. Alone it’s up to Batman to face the horde of crazed inmates, armed thugs, and villains and stop Joker from unleashing Titan on Gotham.

Either way you look at it, Arkham Asylum is an amazing story. The book is written extremely well by one of my favorite writers, Grant Morrison and the illustrations are freaky as hell and abstract. The book does well to draw tension. The game is one of the best games I’ve ever played with great graphics, addictive combat, and great returning voice performances by Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill, arguably the definitive Batman and Joker.There are very tense, eerie moments in the game and Scarecrow’s part scared the hell out of me first time I played it. Overall, I highly recommend giving either or a read or play through. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

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Home Sweet Hell

This freaking movie was in both the horror and comedy section. It is not a horror movie. It is a pretty good movie,but not a horror movie.

That being said a guy with the last name of a high class alcohol has a wife is way hotter than he could ever get cheats on her with a woman that may actually be even more hot. Now I can’t really blame him. This chick is INSANE. Like sex is scheduled in advanced and can in no way be changed. She controls pretty much every aspect of his life.

Of course this goes well for awhile until inevitably out of his league but slightly less crazy woman number 2 decides she wants money or she is telling his wife.

Now I am going to stop here, because believe it or not that is simply where the story gets started. The rest is full of drugs, murder, and intrigue. While not quite a horror movie and really isn’t truly funny the movie itself is pretty solid. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Haunting in Cawdor

Normally I watch a movie, tell you guys a bit about it and tell you what I think. This time I thought maybe the fault is with me. I must have missed something. So I looked up a short synopsis. Nope I understood the movie. But I figured I don’t want to lie or steer you guys wrong. Maybe I am just wrong here. You guys may be starting to trust me. So I looked up a few other reviews. Nope. Pretty universal. This movie sucks. Its shit. Don’t watch it. Here is a quick run down anyway.

Bunch of criminals score enough good faith points to get sent to a special camp rehabilitate. Mostly petty stuff mind you, DUI , drugs. Mostly kids that became adults. 1 however was a victim of abuse and killed someone. Enter Camp Cawdor. Part of the rehab is to put on a play, Shakespeare this time. 90 days of working at the camp 20 miles from anywhere, working on the play then performing for the nearest town.

After finding a tape our main woman Vivian finds an old VHS tape. (I’ve provided an image for the young kids.)

The tape appears to show someone being murdered. What follows is a weird tale of betrayal, possibly inappropriate relationships, stolen drugs and broken hearts.

The movie sucked tho. The acting wasn’t bad, and the start of the movie was pretty enjoyable. But after over an hour of being extremely slow it finally starts to pick up but when it does you won’t care. The plot twist isn’t good the murder isn’t scary or even clever and worst of all the ending feels forced. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Freddy Vs Jason (Jason’s side)

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So, I know I’m skipping ahead a bit but me and Savior decided to join sides and debate who really hand the upper hand, Elm street’s #1 Christmas fan or Crystal Lake’s mascot. So Savior covered Freddy’s side, so I’m going to cover things through Jason’s perspective.

So sleeping peacefully, minding his own business, he gets woken up by his mom telling him to go to Elm Street because kids are off drinkin, smokin, and screwin like usaul. So Jason wakes up grouchy and walks all the way to Elm Street to go teach the kids of 1428 Elm about the dangers of alcohol and premarital sex…with his machete. He taught a couple of those pesky kids good but than the cops came, worried about some hoodlum named Fred Kruger. Jason, being a morally upstanding citizen, kept a chopping, finding his way to a rave the kids were throwing in a cornfield. And they didn’t invite him, which was rude. So he went to the rave anyway, because obviously the postal service lost his invitation in the mail, and oh what a ball he had with the youth of Springwood. Good times were had by all but the same group his mom wanted him to talk to ran away again, for some reason to the local psycheward. Jason met a few more of them there but one strange young man put him to sleep and there was his mom…but not quite. It was that dastardly villain Freddy the good people of Springwood were afraid. Jason couldn’t leave Springwood at the hands of this madman so he faced the rude burn victim and kicked his ass a bit. But Freddy’s dream magic sent him back to the crummy day he drowned. But those nice kids woke him up with Freddy in his old stomping grounds none the less. After a epic but bloody battle Jason triumphed, leaving the lake with Freddy’s head in hand…

Happy Halloween and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Freddie vs Jason, The Freddie side.

As kids there were plenty of arguments. Who would win? Freddie or Jason Voorhees? Obviously we would never know. Why would they even fight in the first place? One slaughters campers at Crystal lake mostly and the other, people over on Elm street. It didn’t even make sense. People just wanted it in the 80’s and 90’s. But then the 2000’s came.

Four years after his daughter kills him Freddie is in his own personal hell, both literally and figuratively. Meanwhile the town of Springwood has erased the memory of Freddie and all traces of his existence. The fear that fuels the nightmare machine is gone. Freddie is gone. Nothing can bring him back.

Freddie however has one last plan. If his children aren’t afraid of him he is powerless to do anything. But there is a sleeping man, a sleeping monster that can change it all. The plan is simple. That plan is Jason Voorhees.

Send the sleeping Jason to Springwood, make them afraid. Rise from the ashes and return to his former glory. There is just one small flaw that the master of dreams didn’t consider. Jason won’t kill just one or two of Freddie’s children. He will kill them all. And Freddie can’t allow that.

Join Torsten later for the Jason half of the review and our take on who won the fight if anyone. Best wishes and may the gaming gods being you a glorious Halloween.

Jason goes to Hell: the Final Friday

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Spoiler alert, this isn’t the last Jason movie either. Jason goes to hell is New Line’s first foray in the Jason franchise and arguably the strangest.

It begins with our typical Jason movie setup; hot naked chick undressing at Crystal Lake and of course Jason shows up We get the standard chase until we find out it’s really a set up; Jason gets mowed down by the most brutal gunning down I’ve seen since Predator, and Jason gets blown to pieces. End of story right? Well, no. Jason’s spirit starts possessing people and continues on his usual murder spree on this time hunting down the last Voorhees who can actually send him to hell and finish his ass.

Honestly, this doesn’t feel like a Jason movie. There’s a lot of spirit talk in this one and I can’t really buy much of what comes out the story of this movie. Most Jason fans I know like this movie but it just wasn’t for me. The kills are fine but nothing special. I don’t like Jason’s design in this, for the very little we do see of him. My favorite part of it was the ending before credits where Freddy grabs Jason’s mask and pulls it under. Other than that, it’s just kinda there to me. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Abby Grace (2016)

Abby Grace. The name just kind of rolls off the tongue. Seriously just say it out loud a couple times. Did you try it? Yea it really doesn’t, just wanted to see if you would try it.

Anyway now that I had my fun the movie itself is about a psychiatrist that goes back home after her mom dies to help out her very OCD brother that has a phobia of the outside world. Don’t feel bad about the mom dying by the way, she was insane and is responsible for the state of the brother.

After the brother complains for a few days about putting fresh flowers on moms grave and his sister grudgingly doing it her dog brings home a little music box he digs up and leaves it on bros bed. This is where shit turns bad. He also has a very strange obsession with coconut water.

As always I try to give you guys some details while avoiding as many details as possible. Many times I don’t even include names, unfortunately this story very much requires a couple small ones. If you don’t want them please stop reading here. I will place a random picture at the beginning and end of the spoilers section. Skip to after the 2nd picture if you just want to know if I feel the movie is worth watching.

Back in 1919 the house used to be a boarding school until the headmistress killed herself and in the 1940’s a little girl killed her entire family. The house however is not in itself haunted, but an object that is in or near the house itself is that every so often allows a poltergeist to go on a killing spree.

And we are done with spoilers. Anyway while the story is a pretty standard ghost story it is fairly fun and well done with some nice twist and turns. If you are a fan of those types of movies its a pretty good movie to see. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 7: The New Blood.

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So, curious what became of Tommy Jarvis and the Sheriff’s daughter? Well,they don’t come back. Instead psychics got involved in this installment and well, it’s the first movie to have Kane Hodder play Jason.

So a little girl named Tina is being chased down by her abusive asshole dad at there lake house at of course, Crystal Lake. Tina, with her mind, collapses the dock her dad is on and kills him on accident. Years later Tina comes back with her mom and douchebag doctor to help Tina get past her past; her doctor secretly is recording her powers to gain fame quick. In another fit, Tina tries wishing for her father to return, instead bring Jason back instead. No one believes Tina when she tells them she has visions of Jason killing people, not her mom, or her doctor, or the house of teens down the way. Good grief.

New Blood is probably my least favorite of the series for one solid reason: it’s watered down as hell when it comes to the killing. I’ve heard stories how the MPAA cracked down pretty hard on Paramount because of all of the noise the series caused with it’s excessive gore and nudity, even going so far as to threaten a X rating for the film. Tina is a decent enough hero and some of the effects at the end fight are cool but other than that I really can’t say I like the other characters. Hodder brings a menacing, hulking stature to Jason which sets him apart in my mind. Jason unmasked at the end is the coolest of the series in my opinion. Otherwise, if you cut out the psychic crap, the movie ain’t too memorable but meh. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives

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So remember how part 5 ended with Jason becoming the new Jason at the end and that little note that Jason got cremated? Well guess what, part 6 didn’t.

Tommy Jarvis is back with a different actor and a new starting point to ensure Jason’s dead. Him and a friend go to Jason’s grave to make sure he’s really dead. Even though his corpse is rotted and decayed as hell, Tommy felt the need to desecrate his corpse further until a rogue bolt of lightening hit a metal rod left in Jason, reviving him from the dead. He comes back stronger and quickly starts another rampage through Forest Green (they renamed Crystal Lake). Tommy runs afoul with the Sheriff who fails to believe Jason is now a OP zombie shuffling about with his trusty hockey mask and machete. The Sheriff’s daughter takes a liking to Tommy and tries to help him finish Jason’s ass once and for all…again.

So again, Jason Lives is more funnier than scary but this time it’s trying to actually be funny. Jarvis is written to be more charismatic than before and pretty cool. There’s a lot of fun kills complemented with moments of meta humor and slapstick. Overall, I gotta say Jason Lives is probably the most enjoyable of the series and I will highly recommend it for a movie night with friends. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.