Category: Horror

Wish Upon

wish upon

Savior had the misfortune of hearing me spaz out while watching this mutated cat turd of a movie. What happens when we strip the base plot of a Goosebumps book, add a shit load of trendy little ticks to be trendy for your PG-13 audience, and water down Final Destination? Cinematic Horror diarrhea.

Claire is a high school girl who stumbled upon her mother killing herself as a kid and lives a normal shitty high school existence getting bullied by the preppy popular girls and hides the shame of her dad dumpster diving for a living. Yep. Well, on a dive, her dad finds a fancy box covered in Chinese script and says “I bet my daughter would like this” and gives it to her. Well she learns that it’s a wishing box and her wishes come true, but with the price of someone’s life, and she can’t stop.

Ok, this is the second worst movie I’ve seen this year. The plot has so many logic gaps and tries being trendy so damn hard it stops being funny and will begin to piss you off. Like what American high school teaches Chinese; why the fuck is the dad so relentless about dumpster diving; how the hell can getting your hair caught in a disposal break your neck? The kills are either lame, funny, or watered down. The twist you will figure out 10 minutes in. I hated Claire after two wishes, seriously, you will root for the box after a while. The only way I’d actually recommend this is you want a movie to laugh at with friends, but don’t go past Redbox. Best wishes, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and friends don’t let friends watch Wish Upon.

The Christmas Project (2016)

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I really didn’t know what to expect with this movie, tho I did discover it is based off a couple of books by Matthew Buckley called “Bullies in the Headlights” and “Chicken in the Headlights”. So feel free to read those if you are of the books are always better than the movies opinion.

Anyway, the movie it self is a semi comedy semi feel good movie about a family that every December picks a local family to secretly give presents to. This year year however four brothers will end up with the worst job they can imagine. Their pregnant mother chooses the school bully. What follows is almost like a modern version of “A Christmas Story” in a way. ( tho not as good. don’t go watch this and expect an instant classic than come back here screaming at me) The story itself is almost a coming of age story for this family as new friends are made, love is found and a father and son relationship is built that will last a lifetime.

That is not to say it is all rainbows and blue birds. The movie has its ups and downs, its happy moments and its sad moments. But all in all if you are looking for a feel good Christmas movie to watch with your family, look no further. This one has everything you could want, including a life lesson from a war veteran bus driver. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Ref (1994)

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This movie is basically about the worst day a robber could have that didn’t involve the cops unloading 12 clips into your body. Dennis Leary as always plays himself playing a robber that trips and alarm. He then falls down a trap door and escapes as he gets bit by a huge dog.

He then holds up a woman, gets to her car to find that her and her husband are essentially always fighting about everything imaginable. Husband blows a stop sign and he lies about not seeing it just so he doesn’t have to say she was right, that is the level of fighting we talk about.

The movie is funny and hilariously well written. At no point in the movie was I not entertained, and while the story is very basic and you can see the ending coming a mile away most people won’t really mind. When the rest of the family shows up, the movie just gets better.

Christmas dinner being awkward has never been so much fun when it didn’t involve the Griswolds. Best wishes, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Sleeping With Other People (2015)

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The name of this movie makes this seem like it will be really weird. It is. First tho, probably don’t watch it around kids. Two college friends lose their virginity to each other, then lost touch for over a decade.

When they finally regain contact they discover that both of them basically can’t be faithful in a relationship.  They go on a date and decide to just be friends, and it is actually very beneficial to their lives. They of course eventually fall for each other. In the mean time some weird stuff happens, like them taking Ecstasy as going to a children’s birthday party. ( actually my favorite scene in the movie) I am actually a huge sucker for romantic comedies, and this one is no exception. If you like that style of movies this one is pretty solid and worth checking out, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

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The other half of Get Him to the Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is about a man trying to, you can guess, forget his now ex girlfriend Sarah Marshall. His plan of running away to Hawaii hits one tiny snag. Sarah and her new boyfriend Aldous Snow ( the same Aldous from Get Him to the Greek)

This actually gets even worse, see they actually share a hotel. Then they end up at the same restaurant. This is really just the last thing a guy wants. He can actually hear their sex life. To combat this he decides its time to take a yoga class. Which they are of course at. And they are both amazing at.

Things aren’t all bad for the poor guy, he make some new friends, meets a girl, finishes his musical about Dracula. The movie is pretty fun. The movie could have been better, but there are worse movies out there. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Prey (day 1 preview)

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So after a bit of stupidity and some going around in circles, I scored my holiday Black Friday loot: Prey. A game I’ve been drooling over since I first watched the first gameplay trailers. I put maybe an hour into it and I have to say I got hooked, so since I’ve gotten hammered by the question how is it by people I know, I thought I’d just discuss my first impressions.

Essentially you are Morgan Yu (you can be male or female, I picked female for a Ripley vibe.) an employee taking part of a weird alien experiment on a space station, and the subjects escaped, multiplied, and have taken over. It’s about all I know so far.

First, visually this game is breathtaking to behold. Second, I get a heavy Dishonored feel for a lot of the game which is cool, beside some aesthetic similarities, the game is heavily about choices how you  approach obstacles. Moving feels as quick and fluid as in Doom. My favorite thing so far was fighting the Mimics so far. Tricky bastards move strangely, kinda like spiders but can sway like liquid or retreat and take another shape. Two at once can be a hassle to deal with without a gun. I really love the unknowing when it comes to these things, makes for a better immersion. I can’t really say anything bad yet but I’m damn excited to keep going. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Easy A

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Easy A is a movie about a high school girl that learns the hard way that not only do you have to be careful what you tell you friends, you also have to be careful where you tell them. In an attempt to get out of a weekend with her friend and her weird family she tells one small lie. That lie is that she spent the weekend with a guy she met through her brother. The problem is one, the guy doesn’t exist and two there happens to be a very devout christian that has some very strong opinions on virginity

Unlike most people her age tho our young Olive decides to embrace the rumors and have some fun with it. She makes up some stories, new cloths the whole 9 yards. This of course causes some problems, makes her some enemies, some rumors about an STD goes around may even end a marriage.

In the end it is a fun and entertaining movie, it is far from perfect of course but in the end do we really expect a movie about high school students to be perfect? Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Talladega Nights

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Oh Talladega Nights. I’m not even sure how to explain this movie except to say this is what happens if you let to idiots learn how to drive really well, give them really bad advice and then they earn millions of dollars. Seriously I don’t know how these two didn’t die.

Basically Ricky Bobby one day has his dad show up at school for some sort of bring dad to school night, after having not seen him in ten years. His dad is stoned as hell, causes small ruckus, tells the kids if you aren’t first you are last and gets tossed out never to be seen again. Well not until later in the movie.

The movie is admittedly hilarious, like all other Will Ferrell movies not for everyone. It is silly and nonsensical at times and really many of the jokes are just downright head shakingly silly. It is absolutely worth watching tho, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Fundamentals Of Caring (2016)

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The Fundamentals of Caring is the story of a young man named Trevor with a muscle disorder I won’t even try to spell that has a pretty demented sense of humor, and his personal care giver on his first ever job that is going through a divorce after a personal tragedy.

As the story progresses you will slowly realize this comedy is hiding a very serious story. What starts as a simple story of a man caring for a a disabled young man while his mom at works changes into a story about a road trip that would change the lives of everyone involved. On the trip they will pick up a young hitchhiker named Dot, and she will help change Trevor in ways he never thought possible. They will also pick up Peaches, a pregnant woman. Honestly I am not sure why she is here besides her small part in the ending and to even out the numbers.

The story has many twist and turns and bounces between hilarious and deeply thought provoking. From finding Trevors father, to practical jokes the movie will keep you guessing. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Let’s Be Cops

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We all have that one friend that just takes shit way to far. Mine growing up was named Mike, we called him Monkey. We used to do all kinds of stuff, some legal some not so much. But he would always take shit from being fun to dangerous or stupid.  Sadly he died a few years ago, and yes it was his habit of taking shit way to far that killed him.

This movie is basically that. One guy taking shit way to far.  One day when they mistakenly think they are attending a costume party they are mistaken for, well cops. This of course is fun. This of course leads to one buying an old cop car and making it look like a new cop car. And a police radio. And patrols. And answering calls.

This of course eventually goes horribly wrong. I mean how could being a fake cop go wrong? Yes there is also a woman involved, because what kind of story doesn’t have a love interest? The movie is both interesting and funny, by all means check this one out. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.