Category: Horror

So we come to the end of the “Thorn” trilogy that began with Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers and on a sad note, the final performance of Donald Pleasance. Unfortunately I didn’t see the director’s cut, which varies heavily from the original cut and I heard is a superior cut, much like the case with Alien 3 .

So years after the WTF ending of 5, Jamie was taken by the mysterious man in black, the same guy that busted Michael out of the pokey and held captive in secret. And impregnated with what I’m 99% sure was Michael’s man gravy. She gives birth to a baby boy in a satanic ritual. She takes the baby and flees, being chased down by Uncle/ Baby Daddy Michael who eventually kills her, but not without hiding her baby. Tommy Doyle, one of the kids from the classic Halloween movie, finds the baby; over the fifteen plus years Tommy became obsessed with Michael, wanting to know the Key to Michael’s seeming invincibility. Part of that key rests with his neighbor’s son who hears voices and lives in the Strode house of all places. Michael descends upon the Strodes as we get answers to none other than the “origin” of Michael Myers.

Well, I’ll give it this, it’s a better movie than Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers but that sadly ain’t saying much. Michael looks better and generally is good in this installment. The acting is meh except for Pleasance who does the best he could as always with a really freaking lackluster script. Paul Rudd, Ant-Man of all people, gives a ok performance but you can tell horror may not be his thing. Pretty much the movie is a bland 90’s slasher movie that is pretty forgettable. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

I’m going to say this now, do not judge this movie on it’s poster; it is lying its ass off to you. Michael’s mask looks nothing like this, Jamie doesn’t wear the clown costume in this movie, the movie title card is just “Halloween 5”, and no, no one was really that ready for Michael Myers though by this point the teachers of Haddonfield should be running Michael safety drills in schools because by now you would think they’d expect his crazy ass.

Picking up exactly where 4 ends, Michael found a REALLY convoluted way of escaping the fuzz, just to fall into Odin-sleep with a old drifter guy for a year. Why the hell this nice old guy kept the dead body of a burned guy in a white mask on his floor for a year and didn’t notify the police or bury the bastard-reasons. Jamie is now mute in a asylum, having a psychic episode that wakes Mikey up on Halloween; oh, by the way, Jamie has a psychic connection with Michael and him to her, I guess. Bye dark, cathartic ending of Halloween 4. So Michael is killing people again, hunting Jamie again, leading to a standoff at Myers childhood home with Loomis and Jamie. Oh and there’s a spooky guy in black lurking around.

Why this movie exists, I don’t really know. Michael looks ridiculous with his over-sized  mask that makes him look like a human bobble-head, most of the characters you can’t wait for Michael to kill off, and what the hell is up with the stupid opening credits. Pleasance and Harris give it there all, and bless them for trying but sadly it doesn’t save them this crapfest a bit. You can skip this sequel and you ain’t missing a damn thing. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

So, let’s get this out of the way first: no I haven’t reviewed Halloween 1-3 yet. I decided to start with the “Thorn” trilogy as well as Resurrection (just because it’s such a wonderful comedy). Don’t worry, in October we’ll get the rest, but for now let’s jump into the adventures of that lovable scamp Michael Myers.

Halloween 4 begins a decade after the events of the first two. Michael, covered in burns, has been in a coma and is getting transferred to a new hospital. That is until he discovers he has a young niece in Haddonfield and busts out. Dr Loomis, seriously deformed and traumatized from his last encounter, is on the hunt for Michael again. Michael’s niece, Jamie Lloyd, has nightmares about the murderous uncle she never met and the kids at her school taunt her for it; her best friend is her big foster sister, Rachael. As Michael comes home, piling the bodies on a new rampage, it becomes evident Jamie might be closer to her uncle then she believes because evil never dies after all…

Halloween 4 is not a terrible movie, nor is it the worst in the franchise. There are some unintentionally funny as hell moments scattered throughout and quite frankly, Michael’s mask looks kind of dopey. The Ted Hollister part is one of my favorite funny parts in a horror movie. As for the story, it’s fair for a sequel with above average characters and acting as well as a cathartic ending that I feel would have been a good ending for the series but yanno, money. Like much of the series, Donald Pleasance shines as Loomis with a damn good first appearance by Danielle Harris as Jamie. In the end, it’s a fair horror sequel worth checking out if you loved the classic. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

There is a few times in my years as a horror fan that I’ve been rendered speechless by a movie. I’d say there is maybe 5 times in my life a movie made me speechless, Maniac is the 5th. Be warned, this is not a pleasant movie.

Frank Zito is a serial killer, slaying random women at night and scalping them to attach to mannequins, which he talks to out lonely psychosis. Through the movie we gather pieces of information about Frank’s troubled upbringing as well as the bitter loneliness and isolation he feels. He eventually meets a lady photographer he genuinely falls in love with, and for once, she seems to feel affection for him but he is haunted by the urge to stop her beauty from aging, so she would always be his…

See, I told you, this is not a pleasant movie but damn if it isn’t a good movie. Whereas 99% of horror movies have a heroine or perhaps a police plot or investigator plot, this movie focuses 100% on the killer and his day to day life. The late Joe Spinell is frankly fucking chilling as Zito who somehow is disturbingly terrifying but sympathetic despite the horrible things he does. The movie does well to not glamorize the murder scenes and feels like a legitimate story about a serial killer instead of a common Jason movie. If you can take the blood and graphic nature, it is a great acted, gritty movie I’d recommend to check out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

I’ve been watching some horror movies as of late, the first in the set was the unofficial third part of Lucio Fulci’s “Gates of Hell” trilogy ( City of the Living Dead and The Beyond being the first two parts.) Over a decade ago I watched The Beyond and a couple years later I saw Fulci’s Zombie, both films impacted me a lot so I was glad to see another.

The Freudstein house has had a long a sordid history of gruesome activity and murder. A young family takes the house over, the father working on research to jump start his budding career. His wife and young son are predominately left alone in this murky old house where the mom hears noises and her son keeps meeting a mysterious little girl that tells him to get out of the house, but something is lurking below them and it’s not friendly. Could it be the old Dr never left his home?

This review is rather tough. House by the Cemetery is a very eerie movie with terrific atmosphere, a great score, and some haunting practical gore effects BUT the dubbing is goofy at times, Freudstein looks likes he walked off the set of Goosebumps and there are some unintentionally hilarious things, especially with the damn son. It’s really freaking hard to say which side of the spectrum the movie falls on and in the end, that’s it’s biggest flaw. If you want something different in horror, it is a respectably freaky movie that deserves a watch, though you will laugh a few times you probably shouldn’t. May the gaming gods bring you glory.