Paranormal Activity 3

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Around this time I was a fan of this movie and had a job; my old writing partner and I had a WTF late night adventure trying to see this at midnight to no actual avail, but I digress. The teaser was chilling, and I’ll include it below. Many of the trailers were freaky as hell. Most of the cool shit never made it to this short ass movie.

Paranormal Activity 3 is a huge prequel, going back to when Katie and Kristy were little girls and we get to explore the very origin of the disturbances, the fire, the reason neither of them remembered anything as adult women. It begins when little Kristy finds a imaginary friend that no one thinks twice about; kids will be kids. But things begin to happen and before the family knows it they are on the run leading to perhaps my favorite WTF climaxes I’ve seen on film in a long time.

3 is the last of these movies I would call totally good. There are some crazy effects but I can say it’s a bit toned down from the previous movie. The acting again is solid but I have to say the kids nailed it; watching Kristy talking to nothing freaked me out a bit. By the third movie we find ourselves getting used to the formula, especially how frequently they were coming out, and with the exception of the WTF ending that kicks your ass, there isn’t much new ground covered. Something that bothers the shit out of me is a combination of the the pacing and how short the movie is. When you hit that WTF ending, the movie feels on the cusp of entering Act 3, not the tip toes of it which is jarring as hell. It adds to the scare but after the surprise wears off, you feel oddly let down. In the end, it’s a good found footage film that completes a solid trilogy. I’d end it here, save face, and call it a day. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Special Correspondents (2016)

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This movie is going to be a like it or hate it situation, I doubt anyone loves it sadly. Ricky Gervais (Albert) and Eric Bana(Frank) play a news tech and a news reporter respectively in New York. Eric is a local celeb that is boss sort of hates and Ricky is a man doing his best that his wife, well his wife is a bitch he just doesn’t know it. Yet.

One day they are chosen to go do a report in Ecuador, the issue? Albert and his wife have a small falling out and in his despair he accidentally tosses the passports,and the tickets and the money. So basically he messes up a lot. This however will be the least of their problems as Frank decides to fake the entire trip.

This starts out pretty well, small phone call, some general info and computer and sound tricks from Albert. Then they invent a leader that other news agencies run with. This sounds like it can not get worse doesn’t it? Until they fake being captured. Yup, this movie takes all kinds of weird turns from bad to even worse. It actually gets even worse from there, but I won’t go any further. I actually really enjoyed the movie and do not understand the hate from many people. The script was nice and it was just different enough to be interesting. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Paranormal Activity 2

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The craze for Paranormal Activity was on after the buzz and bucks the first movie got and oh how found footage found life in horror cinema again, The Last Exorcism being a prime example of the time. Well, of course there was a sequel and it was made and out in blinding speed…

Paranormal Activity 2 can strangely be called a prequel in that it takes place just before the events of the first one kick off. We follow Kristy, younger sister of Katie of the first movie, and her family as they are terrorized by an unseen force after her son Hunter is born. We begin to discover clues about the sisters past and we learn a dark family secret, leading to a pretty dick move that ultimately bites the family in the ass at the end…

Somehow I found myself thinking the second installment of this series is both better and worse than the first. Better because it is more eventful with some crazier shit going down in the second and third acts and the back story does become quite intriguing. The acting is still solid and performed by people I can see as regular normal people, in fact I cared about there well being throughout. Worse because while the effects are better and more entertaining to watch, the third act breaks the straw on the play at realism.  Granted it’s not unforgivable or damage the film at all really, but you know it’s a damn movie now. Another thing I have to say is I found the pacing in the first act slower than the first movie’s and pretty boring. In the end it’s a solid sequel and worth a watch late night. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Paranormal Activity

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In 2009, my last year in high school, my class was taken by storm by a little horror movie called Paranormal Activity. It’s a simple found footage film about a well off couple, Katie and Micah, who have weird shit going on in there house and get a camera to record it overnight. As days go on, the activity becomes more malevolent and it takes a toll on Katie and a mystery unfolds about Katie’s upbringing that can prove dangerous.

This is kind of a tricky movie to talk about. When I first saw it in 2010, it actually scared the shit out of me at the end and I will give it this, while it is a slow burn, it does do well to build suspense and does have a good pay off at the end. You get a fair sense of the characters and how they change throughout. The lack of music and opening credits and the fact the actors are convincing enough to be normal people. It does drag, the pacing is slow and there is a huge unintentionally hilarious part in the middle, and I mean laugh your ass off funny when the ghost expert guy returns. In the years, following it and the bullshit sequels and corny effects, it has lost some luster but it is a Ok horror film that is worth checking out but turn off the lights and watch it in the dark. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Masked Saint (2016)

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So I am rummaging thru Netflix and I come across this movie. Now I am a sucker for a wrestling movie, I used to be one. Then I see it has Roddy Piper in. I was a huge fan. There is no way I’m not watching this movie. opening credits end with “Inspired by a true story”. I am hardly convinced. So I watch the movie. But we will get to that,but I want to share this.

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Yes for you book lovers, there is a book by Chris Whaley that the movie is based on, he also happens to be the Pastor/wrestler from the story. I have not read it, but it is something that is out there.

Now back to the movie. First, the acting is pretty good, better than I expected. I was honestly expecting some train wreck level acting like many of these style of “true story” movies have, but that isn’t the case.

The story itself is rather interesting, a retiring wrestler is injured after a shady promoter ( Piper) breaks his word and the new up and comer (The Reaper) intentionally breaks The Saints leg. When he takes over the new perish Chris discovers it is failing pretty hard as most of the people have abandoned it and it is mostly kept running due to one wealthy man and his donations that he will soon lose when he gets into a fight with him.

When Chris is invited to a wrestling event by a friend, coincidentally his former employees event, he prevents The Reaper from injuring his friend which gets him an invite back into the ring. Trust me, leaving the ring is not easy, and it never truly leaves your system. On the way home however he puts his mask on to stop a woman of the night from being mugged, and that is when things truly start to change.

I won’t get into too much more detail. The movie is however worth watching and unsurprisingly the wrestling segments are pretty well done. They don’t give away anything you honestly can’t google, but they don’t treat people like they are stupid either. We all know in 2018 the stuff is scripted and they don’t hide that and I appreciated that. So go give the saint a watch, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Spawn/ Spawn: origins

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So it was officially announced that Jaime Fox will be playing Al Simmons/ Spawn in the reboot, which I’m totally pumped for. Spawn was a groundbreaking character in the 90’s, ultra-violent, bloody, dark almost Grindhouse type anti hero which no one really saw before. In the 90’s, during the height of Spawn’s popularity we got a live action movie, sure to be full of blood, gore, mayhem and dark ass themes right? It’s pg-13. Enough said.

In the movie, Al Simmons is a former marine turned assassin for the government, turned to doing some maybe not nice shit for his boss named Jason Wynn. Al has a loving family, his wife Wanda and daughter  Cyan and best friend Terry always has his back. During a mission, Wynn betrays Simmons with his assassin, burning him alive. Al ends up in hell, given a deal by the devil: become the hell-spawn and lead the armies of hell and in return he can avenge his death. Al agrees, being sent back to Earth months after his death, deformed and registered dead. In pain, Al is haunted by the Clown, a demonic henchmen who taunts the newly knighted Spawn and makes sure he keeps his end up. As it turns out, Wynn plays a part of a plot to bring Armageddon to Earth. As the story plays out, Al understands he is being toyed with and decides to fight back against the devil and Clown and save the family he lost, but can he master his new abilities and defeat the hordes of hell?

So much like the comparison I made with Superman: Earth One and Man of Steel , I can for the Spawn movie and the Spawn origins, volume 1. You get the same basic premise but there are some key differences. The comic is much bloodier and much darker themed- there’s a issue where Spawn brutality kills a pedophile ice cream man. The writing is meh, but there is a better sense of pathos in Spawn and a more threatening presence to Clown/ Violator. While not my favorite, I recommend checking out the comic before the movie. The movie has alright acting from Spawn and Clown but Michael Sheen kinda sucks as Jason Wynn. The movie is royally destroyed by the pg-13 rating and really lame effects on top of a lukewarm script at best BUT the actors gave it there best with what they had. So to summarize, read Spawn origins collection vol 1 if you want a good intro to Spawn, watch the movie if you like B movies. I hope the reboot gives us something legendary to remember. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

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Dirty Girl (2010)

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This is one of those movies I have to admit upfront, I enjoyed it. I should not have enjoyed it, but I did.  The story revolves around what is essentially the class slut finding out her mom is getting married to a strict religious man who decides to adopt her, she doesn’t like this so she decides her new friend that happens to be gay is going to go with her to find her dad so she can move in with him. Since the gay sort of friend has an asshole abusive dad he goes with it. They take a stolen credit card and stolen car and head to California from Oklahoma.

Yea the plot is pretty ridiculous. There is some nudity some language  , some violence and a whole lot of down time. The movie is pretty funny tho at times, however this mostly comes from the fact that pretty much every character is a stereotype. The acting while good comes with an at absolute best an average script. Visually and sound quality i what you would expect however. The movie isn’t a dumpster fire or even bad, it is just very cringe worthy in how stereotypical much of it is.

I will give them a quick shout out however for capturing what it is like for many young gay men in the world living in fear of an abusive father with a mother far to afraid and timid to help. They captured some very great and emotional scenes there and that was amazing. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Christopher Robin Trailer

 

Many beamed with excitement and felt the warmth of childhood nostalgia when the first trailer debuted. Winnie the Pooh and his friends are childhood icons and now we get to see them in live action…and they scare the shit out of me. Screw chainsaw wielding maniacs, acid blooded creatures from space, or a Darth Maul demon from a parallel dimension, Pooh scares the hell out of me in live action. Not to say the effects aren’t great, they are, but real Pooh just scares the hell out me with and his beady little eyes want to eat my soul. Still, that being said, it looks like it could be a good hearted adventure for the whole family- I’m just keeping away from Pooh so he doesn’t think my innards are  full of honey. May the gaming gods bring you glory, and yes Savior, I will know you’re the one who planted that Pooh bear in my house.

Halloween: Resurrection

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I briefly mentioned this less than popular sequel in my list of 5 fun horror sequels after talking about the “Thorn” trilogy which at least has cult status. I maybe one of the only son of a bitches on this planet that loves this movie for none of the right reasons.

After H20, which had a perfect end to the whole damn saga much like Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers , we find Laurie Strode catatonic in a asylum after accidentally killing the wrong Michael. But years later, he would find her and he finally succeeds after one of the stupidest scenes I’ve seen in a horror movie. So what does the legendary Michael Myers do when he has no more family to kill? Hangs out at his house and kills a bunch of people filming a bullshit reality show there. That is basically the movie in a nutshell…

Ok, Halloween is one of the best horror movies of all time and Michael Myers is an icon of horror. If you go into this movie as a purist, this movie is going to really, really piss you off. Busta Rhymes is my favorite WTF actor I’ve ever seen in a movie, and why the hell Tyra Banks was in this is beyond me but damn was this movie absolutely hilarious from Rhyme’s kung fu noises and one liners, the cast of reality show wannabes, and some crappy stock horror molded into the traditional score. As a Halloween movie and horror movie, it’s god awful but as a comedy its great. May the gaming gods bring you glory, and as Busta Rhymes once said, ” Trick or Treat motherfucka”

Halloween: the curse of Michael Myers

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So we come to the end of the “Thorn” trilogy that began with Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers and on a sad note, the final performance of Donald Pleasance. Unfortunately I didn’t see the director’s cut, which varies heavily from the original cut and I heard is a superior cut, much like the case with Alien 3 .

So years after the WTF ending of 5, Jamie was taken by the mysterious man in black, the same guy that busted Michael out of the pokey and held captive in secret. And impregnated with what I’m 99% sure was Michael’s man gravy. She gives birth to a baby boy in a satanic ritual. She takes the baby and flees, being chased down by Uncle/ Baby Daddy Michael who eventually kills her, but not without hiding her baby. Tommy Doyle, one of the kids from the classic Halloween movie, finds the baby; over the fifteen plus years Tommy became obsessed with Michael, wanting to know the Key to Michael’s seeming invincibility. Part of that key rests with his neighbor’s son who hears voices and lives in the Strode house of all places. Michael descends upon the Strodes as we get answers to none other than the “origin” of Michael Myers.

Well, I’ll give it this, it’s a better movie than Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers but that sadly ain’t saying much. Michael looks better and generally is good in this installment. The acting is meh except for Pleasance who does the best he could as always with a really freaking lackluster script. Paul Rudd, Ant-Man of all people, gives a ok performance but you can tell horror may not be his thing. Pretty much the movie is a bland 90’s slasher movie that is pretty forgettable. May the gaming gods bring you glory.