The Bards Tale ps4


So the other day I’m bouncing around the PlayStation store when suddenly I see a blast from my past. The Bards Tale. So I excitedly grab baby savior run as fast as a fat dude can (which is slightly slower than an average walking speed) and beg and plead with my girlfriend for $10, to which she grants my request. Ok so that is greatly exaggerated but still as a kid I loved this game. The visuals were never amazing but they were good enough and with the remaster they are still the same way. Not great, but good enough. The sound is great and the songs are in my opinion some of the best written and most catchy in video game history. The game itself is also the funniest I have ever played and its not even a close discussion for me. The story is exactly what the game says. Its the tale of a bard as he does various things. Sure maybe save the world but that’s actually optional. My first ever play through I didn’t. So i highly suggest you grab $10, and prepare for a fun story with clever music and some nice action rpg game play, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Star Trek: Into Darkness

into darkness

This one will be interesting ,my friends. I know a lot of nerds and this is one of those movies you end up talking about because either you love it or hate it. I personally love this movie as well as a huge fan of Star Trek’s “Kelvin Timeline”. Am I a uber-trekkie? No, but I grew up with the original 6 movies and casually have watched episodes here and there enough to call myself a fan. Into Darkness picks up not long after the first movie left off with Kirk and the Enterprise on a mission to save a species from annihilation. It’s successful but almost costs Spock’s life and has them interfere with a civilization’s development – which is a huge Starfleet no-no. Kirk is reprimanded and striped of his position as Captain, which couldn’t have come at a worse time; an unknown enemy has targeted Starfleet with a grudge and in one daring attack kills many of Starfleet’s highest ranking admirals, including Kirk’s mentor, Pike. A mystery unfolds as the moral limits of Kirk and the Enterprise crew will be tested as they are brought against their greatest foe (spoiler alert!) Khan and a dark conspiracy within Starfleet.

Many people were pissed at the reintroduction of Khan and how the story pays mage to Wrath Of Khan; others were pissed Benedict Cumberbatch was physically a drastic difference than Richardo Montalban. I love Cumberbatch’s take on the iconic villain; in a lot of ways he stole the show for me. All of our character’s do a pretty good job and the action scenes are more intense than the first movie. I like how Kirk died in this scenario instead of Spock, Quinto screams KHAN! way cooler than Shatner. For fans of the other movies, much like the first movie, you’ll find Easter Eggs to high five to. If I have to pick a negative, I’d say there is less character development in the minor characters like Sulu and Checov but they still have moments. Overall, I recommend it as a sweet, fun thrill ride and may all of you live long and prosper.

The eyes of my mother


This movie is evidence I love you guys. I watched this piece of cinema shit so you don’t have to. And you shouldn’t. Ever. For any reason other than money or sex. And the sex better be upper tier high quality sex. So lets get to the review of this flaming bag of garbage.

First and foremost while not a big deal for me the movie is in black and white. The story starts off with a little girl talking to a man outside when mom comes to see him. He asked to come inside to use the bathroom and  like an idiot mom says yes. As you would assume from a movie listed as horror psycho here kills mom and dad comes home knocks him out and locks him in the barn. Turns out they aren’t going to kill him since he is the little girls only friend. Fast forward a few years and dad dies of natural causes, dude is still locked in the barn and now little girl is young bat shit crazy woman. Nothing much ever materialises after this. Time passes some dumb stuff happens and the movie moves on to the end with psycho girl killing a few people and kidnapping a baby. The acting sucks the sound is worse and it fails in every way to be entertaining or overly artistic. Avoid this movie, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.



So when people look back to there earliest cinematic memories images of cartoons and Disney productions. I did too. I also had these acid blooded bastards lurking around my nightmares. Screw Sasquatch and the Boogeyman, they don’t lay penis monsters in your chest. Aliens is another masterpiece, this time directed by James Cameron fresh off of his smash hit Terminator. Ripley awakens 56 years later after being rescued by a salvage team in deep space. The Alien haunts her dreams; her baby girl has grown up and passed away while Ripley was in cryo sleep; the Company holds her responsible for the destruction of the Nostromo. Working a nothing dock job, Ripley gets a call from a Company liaison named Burke and a sergeant Gorman of the Colonial Marines that the colony of Hadley’s Hope has gone silent for almost a few months; Burke tells her the colony is on LV426, the same world her previous crew found the Alien and it’s believed they maybe involved. They ask Ripley to join there mission as a consultant on the creature, nothing more, and in return all of her licenses will be reinstated. At first she refuses but finally agrees with Burke’s promise they are going there to destroy the creature, not take it alive. Ripley and Burke join a crew of badass marines and venture down to the colony. There is signs of some kind of trouble, and no people. Motion trackers catch something; a terrified little girl named Newt. She seems to be the only survivor. Further they go, the man made walkways become resin lined corridors lined with bodies- all with holes in there chests. The trackers go off but nothing seems to be moving. They come from the walls, off of the ceilings, picking the marines off quickly, leaving a small handful left. The creature causes there drop ship to crash and explode, leaving the survivors stranded with a new problem besides the lack of ammo and roughly 200 aliens waiting to get them, not to mention the haunting question of what’s laying the eggs, but the atmosphere processor was damaged in the attack and the colony will blow like a nuke before help can arrive. After Ripley and Newt are attacked by two live specimen face-huggers the colonists kept, it’s revealed Burke was the person who persuaded the colonists to come, knowing all about the ship and the aliens- the Company wanted specimens. The creatures attack again, killing the rest of the marines but Hicks- the marine left in charge, wounding him with acid; Newt gets taken by an alien. Bishop, there android, secures a drop ship, and picks up Ripley and Hicks, but Ripley refuses to leave without Newt. Armed with the last of there working guns and ammo she plunges herself  back into the hive and discover the Queen Alien at the heart of it. They manage to escape just in time before the facility blows but not without  finding the Queen stowed away. Ripley climbs into a power-loader and they fight, ultimately sending the Queen out the airlock and well…happy ever after? Ok, nope, but for this movie sure.

Plain and simple, Aliens is one of the greatest sequels of all time. Great characters played by great actors, great story, epic action scenes that don’t retract from the helplessness the first movie had. Stan Winston’s effects are mind-blowing and the Queen Alien is a sight to behold. The score is even badass as hell. Seriously watch Alien and Aliens if you never have, I highly recommend it. Also, comment below which you liked more, Alien or Aliens, that’s always a fun topic. Thank you, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Multiplayer gaming


Playing some battlefield 1 with Torsten the last few days just for fun. We aren’t all that great at the game, probably average on a good day and one round we won best squad. We thought it was pretty cool but it made me wonder how many professional gamers started off exactly like that. Whether its an Overwatch or Call of duty style game there are always a mix of people playing seriously and others just slamming planes into shit, for example I slam them into buildings and Torsten hits trees.

This raises a question for me, should more games have dedicated ranked matches that people like me simply aren’t allowed into? Most sports games have them and honestly I never use them, hell I get stomped half the time playing random games.

This weird phenomenon happens in other games as well. Fighting, call of duty black ops, battlefield 4 the list goes on and one where me and friends play and while we aren’t exactly screwing other players over with our shenanigans we aren’t really trying to win either. Just some random thoughts. Thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.



Before 1979, if you said the word alien people immediately thought of little green men in rubber masks or face paint with toy laser guns and tinfoil spacesuits, gliding through a construction paper cosmos in a plastic ship held up on string. This is how my dad, Duke explained it when I was a kid. Once Ridley Scott’s science-fiction horror masterpiece debuted, people never thought of extraterrestrials the same way again. Suddenly they were monsters that looked and acted in horrific ways we couldn’t imagine, and we couldn’t run or fight. Truly, in space no one could hear you scream. Alien is the story of the Nostromo, a blue class freighter on it’s way back to Earth that is lead astray by a foreign distress call on a unknown world. The crew are awoken early from hyper-sleep by the company’s order. Dallas, Ripley, Lambert, Brett, Parker, Kane, and Ash are the only crew. After a group discussion about the benefits promised to them by the Company and a private consultation Captain Dallas has with the ship’s computer, Mother, the crew decides to fatefully investigate. Dallas, Lambert, and Kane venture out into the dark wastelands, soon coming across the iconic Derelict. Inside through vascular tunnels, the only inhabitant is a large body seated at what could be a pilot’s seat; it doesn’t take long to realize it’s cause of death. A large gaping hole in it’s chest, with the bones broken outward. Near the body they discover a hole leading down into another part of the ship. Kane repels down to a peculiar sight; the ground is coated in thin blue haze that reacts when broken and large ovular mounds standing still like bulbs. Kane trips. He stares at the bulb, coming to see it’s a egg. It opens. Something slides inside. A long bony spider-like creature lashes out, breaking through Kane’s helmet, wrapping itself around his face. Dallas and Ripley argue over the health hazard Kane possesses but Ash ultimately lets them bring Kane on board. The creature will not come off without killing him and it’s blood is highly acidic, a single drop burning through almost six layers of the hull. The creature dies on it’s own and falls off; Kane awakens seemingly ok. At dinner he begins to cough, than choke and hold his chest like he’s having a heart attack, until blood splatters from the center of his chest a new creature breaks free, a long, phallic snake like creature that rushes off whilst everyone gazes in utter terror. They go looking for it with a cattle prod, thinking it’s small. Brett discovers this is not the case; the creature has grown tremendously in the span of a few hours and is violently lethal. One by one the crew is killed by the alien except for Ripley, while the truth comes out, they are expendable as long as the Company gets the creature as a weapon… the perfect organism.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s a true masterpiece. The characters feel like regular working folks we can relate to so we feel for them; the set designs and Giger designs are gorgeous and unsettling; and the Alien is both fascinating and terrifying with a look that is truly unforgettable. The movie feels truly claustrophobic, added the fact they ain’t got shit to put up any sort of fight with and the hidden threat of the Company covertly trying to make sure the alien survives. I absolutely recommend this movie to anyone who wants a good story and deep suspenseful horror. As always, thank you for checking us out, may the gaming gods bring you glory, and please stay away from large leathery eggs. Bad things happen…by the way on a final note, seriously one the greatest “you’re fucked” speeches in all of horror. Love this movie, yahl.

Star trek (reboot)


So here we are. The Star Trek reboot. I can’t lie as a huge trek fan the very idea of a reboot pissed me off. These assholes aren’t Kirk and the crew. This was blasphemy of the highest order for most fans.

So I sat down and watched what I KNEW was going to be an abomination. Few minutes in all i’m thinking is oh great another Romulan this time named Nero. This already sucks. Oh yay birth of Kirk. Who gives a damn.

Then Sabotage by the beastie boys hits. This is ok. Few minutes later we are in a bar and Kirk utters one of my favorite lines in the movie. “Well,not only” in reference to being told she thought he only had sex with farm animals.

This is one of those times I will admit I was wrong. The movie is great. Simple as that. The story is great, the explanation behind the reboot is theoretically sound as far as a movie explanation goes. Visually it is beautiful and the acting is great. While I don’t suggest going into this movie expecting the usual Star Trek movie it absolutely does the series justice. As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.